


Dean Winchester Doesn't Date

by tricia_16



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Dean Winchester's First Time With a Man, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Matchmaker Mary Winchester, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Rimming, Rutting, adorable boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-16 17:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 122,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricia_16/pseuds/tricia_16
Summary: Or at least he didn't until he met Cas. Until Cas came along, Dean was happy sleeping around with anybody who was willing. But now, things have changed, and changed quickly.Castiel has never felt an attraction to anybody like he feels for Dean. But Dean's never been with a man before and Castiel's stuck in a constant loop of wanting him and trying to remember to take things slowly.They both decide to just give into the feelings they have for one another and see what happens... and that's when Dean's promiscuous past catches up with them both.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire story has now been proofread again (by me). Please let me know if you find any mistakes while reading through :)

It’s days like these that Castiel doesn’t necessarily enjoy his job. It isn’t busy at this time of year at the accounting firm where he works, and as the administrative assistant he can’t create work for himself. He’s caught up with his filing, the billing, the banking, and unless the phone rings, there’s really nothing else for him to do. It’s nearing the end of the day at the end of the week and Castiel is _bored_.

He sits at his desk, slumped over and restless, scrolling through his social media pages for the umpteenth time when the bell at the bottom of the door dings, letting him know a client is about to make his or her way up the stairs. He sits up straighter in his seat and minimizes the windows he has open on his computer, and pastes what he thinks of as his customer service smile on his face to greet the client.

The first thing he sees is sandy brown hair artfully spiked to the side, and then a pair of the greenest eyes he’s ever seen, followed by high cheek bones, a dazzling smile and a perfectly straight set of commercial white teeth. Without thinking about it, Castiel lowers his eyes to take in what more of this man’s body he can see, and he isn’t disappointed by his broad shoulders and strong arms. This man is without a doubt the most gorgeous human specimen he has ever laid eyes on. “Hi,” Castiel manages to get out, swallowing immediately after he hears how off his voice sounds.

“Hey,” the man answers, in a gruff voice, smiling even wider.

Castiel feels his mouth go dry and his cheeks heat up. Because he’s familiar with almost all the clients after years at the same firm, his typical greeting to his customers is either, “What can I do for you?” or, “What can I help you with?” Today, either because his brain has short circuited just from laying eyes on this man, or because the universe sensed an opportunity to fuck with him, what comes out is, “What can I do with you?”

The man’s eyebrows shoot up and his face cracks on a wide grin. When Castiel hears what just came out of his mouth he feels his face go even more red, but before he can begin to explain himself, the man leans on the counter and says, “Not that I’m not interested, but that’s a little forward for an accounting firm, don’t you think?”

Castiel manages to turn what began as a small choking sound in his throat into what he believes to be a passable clearing of his throat and says, “I-I apologize. I meant to say ‘What can I do for you?’ or “What can I help you with?” and for some reason I got my wires crossed or something.” The words tumble out of his mouth all in a rush and he has to take a breath to try to calm himself. He knows he looks and sounds unprofessional and he needs to get his brain to start working properly again.

It doesn’t help when the man keeps grinning at him, and he certainly isn’t subtle in the way he rakes his eyes up and down Castiel’s body. The man leans in a little closer over his desk and replies, “I have that effect on people.”

 _I bet_ , Castiel says in his head. He’s at work though, and even though the professional ship has already sailed, he puts that customer service smile back on and says, “So, what can I do for you?”

The man quirks a brow like it’s an inappropriate question, then lets out a low chuckle that causes a lick of desire to spread through Castiel’s veins. The man licks his lips slowly once his laugh trails off and Castiel can’t help but track the movement of his tongue with his eyes. “I’m here to see Cameron Smith,” the man says eventually.

Castiel’s eyes snap back up to his and he feels a strong connection unlike anything he’s felt from a stranger before. “I’ll let him know you’re here. What’s your name?” Castiel asks, pushing his chair back and getting to his feet. He notices the man is just a little bit taller than him when he waits for his response.

“Dean Winchester, from Winchester Auto,” he says.

Castiel gives him a little nod, “I’ll be right back.”

As he walks around his desk and past Dean to Cameron’s office, he swear he hears a little hum come from Dean. He glances back at him quickly to see if he needs anything and sees Dean’s eyes glued to his ass. Dean flicks his eyes up to Castiel’s quickly and makes a face of obvious approval at what he sees. Castiel’s so caught off guard by his blatant attitude towards him, his shoe somehow catches on the carpet under his feet and he stumbles on his next step before he catches himself on the wall, just barely keeping himself upright. Judging by the snicker coming from behind him, Dean didn’t miss his moment of clumsiness, and by the time he's gotten Cameron’s office door open he’s fantasizing about climbing out the window so he doesn’t have to face Dean again.

“Dean Winchester is here to see you,” he mumbles to his boss.

“I’m ready for him, send him in,” Cameron says.

Castiel turns back around to collect Dean and straightens his shoulders purposely, not willing to show how embarrassed he’s been since Dean walked up the stairs. Dean has a business card out and is placing a pen back in the cup on Castiel’s desk when Castiel says, “He’s ready for you. You can go right in.”

Dean spins towards him, putting the card in his back pocket as he does. “Think I can make it past that tricky piece of floor there by myself?” Dean teases him.

“I guess I’ll follow your example and keep a close eye on you just in case,” Castiel answers, surprising himself.

Dean’s wolfish grin is a big enough reward for him. That is, until he responds, “Feisty, are ya? Lucky for you, I like that in men.” Dean wiggles his eyebrows at him and then turns to walk into Cameron’s office. Castiel does keep his eyes on him as promised, and when Dean looks over his shoulder to check, Castiel can’t help but smile back at him. Dean closes the door behind him and Castiel sinks into his chair dramatically.

His day just got a whole lot more interesting.

He’s half glad and half pissed that there’s nobody else in the office to talk about this with. He’s friendly with most of his co-workers, but because it’s so slow right now, the rest of his office has left for the weekend early. At least there’s nobody there to tease him for tripping over his own feet and fumbling his greeting, he decides. The minutes seem to tick by slowly, and it’s just over an hour later when Cameron’s door opens and the two men come out to the front desk.

“Is it always this quiet in here on a Friday afternoon?” Dean asks Cameron, but looking at Castiel to make sure to draw him into the conversation as well.

“We’ve had a pretty rainy summer so the staff is taking advantage of the nice day,” Cameron explains.

“What about you? Not an outdoorsy kinda guy?” Dean asks Castiel.

Castiel shrugs. “Sometimes it’s okay. But somebody has to be here to greet the clients when they come in,” he explains.

Just then Cameron’s cell phone starts ringing in his pocket. He pulls it out to glance at the screen and rolls his eyes. He looks at Dean and says, “It’s the wife. Gotta take this. We’ll let you know if we need anything else, okay?” He shakes Dean’s hand quickly and turns back to his office, closing the door behind him again.

“Gotta say, that was pretty great timing. I had no idea how I was gonna ask you out in front of your boss,” Dean says, leaning on Castiel's desk again.

“You... you want to ask me out?” Castiel says, not quite believing what he’s hearing.

“Unless I’m reading this all wrong and you’re not into dudes, then, yeah,” Dean answers.

Shit. Is he even allowed to date clients? This kind of situation hasn’t come up before. “Um,” Castiel begins.

“Nothin’ fancy. How about some beers and some burgers?”

“That sounds nice,” Castiel says.

Dean’s hand dips into his pocket and pulls out his phone, then slides it across Castiel’s desk to him. “Text yourself from my phone and we’ll make plans,” he says. Castiel does as he asks, and when his phone makes the Yoshi sound from Super Mario Dean chuckles. “Gamer, huh?” He asks.

Castiel shrugs. “Who doesn’t like Mario?”

“Sounded more like Yoshi to me,” Dean answers, grinning. Castiel finds himself smiling back in response. “I’ll talk to you later... Wait, I forgot to get your name?”

“Castiel,” he answers.

“That’s a mouthful,” Dean says, “but I like it. I’ll talk to you later, Castiel,” he promises. Then with a small wink that may actually make Castiel’s heart skip a beat, he turns and runs down the stairs.

 

* * *

   
With the boring day Castiel had at the office, he wishes he had something more fun planned to do tonight. Instead, he changes into his lounge pants and a comfortable t-shirt almost as soon as he walks through the door, cooks himself dinner, and curls up on the couch with his cat and the newest Stephen King novel by 7:00. He’s surprised when he hears his phone ring, and even more surprised when the caller ID tells him it’s Dean. He didn’t expect to hear from him so soon.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Castiel?” Dean checks.

“Yes, that's me,” he says lamely, instantly hating himself.

“Wow, man. I gotta say, I didn’t expect to get you on a Friday night. You’re not out on a hot date?”

“Unless you count my cat, then no,” Castiel answers honestly.

“I only count the cat if it’s gonna fight me for your attention,” Dean teases.

Castiel looks down at Albus purring in his lap and laughs, “You should probably count him then, he’s pretty snuggly.”

“Dammit,” Dean says sarcastically and Castiel laughs. “Listen, I know I mentioned burgers and beer, and it’s kinda late for dinner, but since we’re both home alone... do you wanna skip the burger and go get a drink?”

Castiel just about swallows his own tongue. “Now?”

“If you want. No big deal if you’re not in the mood or whatever,” Dean says, giving him an easy out.

“It’s unexpected, but I was sitting here wishing for company besides Albus.”

“The cat?” Dean checks.

Castiel smiles, “Yes, Albus is my cat.”

“Cool. You uh, know the Roadhouse?”

Castiel nods, then remembers Dean can’t see him, so says, “Yes, I’ve been there a time or two.”

“Meet me there in an hour?”

“Sure. I’d like that,” Castiel says, realizing how easy it’s been to talk to him now that his brain isn’t distracted by his looks.

“Don't dress all fancy on me, okay? I’m in my oldest most comfortable pair of jeans and I don’t wanna change,” he admits.

Castiel can appreciate that. “Okay, sounds good. I’ll see you soon, Dean.”

An hour later, Castiel walks into the Roadhouse in a pair of light jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with Mario and Luigi on it. He hopes Dean sees the humour in it like he wants him to. He sees Dean at the bar, beer in hand, talking with a blonde waitress behind the bar. She’s leaning on the bar and closer into Dean’s personal space than he would expect from a waitress, but then, he supposes Dean gets a lot of attention from both men and women with the way he looks.

He walks over to him and slides into the stool beside him. Dean turns his attention to him and gives him a warm smile. “Hey man, glad you could make it!” His eyes dart down to his shirt and he pats him on the shoulder a few times laughing, “Love the shirt!”

Castiel smiles brightly. “I thought it was appropriate after our short conversation earlier.”

Dean nods his agreement. “What’re you drinkin’? Jo here’ll get you all set up,” he says, nodding to the waitress.

“Do you have anything local?”

“We do. Frisky Pete’s or 100 Meridian. First one’s light, second one’s a little more dark,” she tells him.

“A pint of Frisky Pete’s please,” Castiel tells her.

“Hear that, Winchester? Those are manners,” she says. “He might be out of your league,” she adds as she turns away from him.

Dean rolls his eyes in her direction but shoots Castiel a smile. “Sorry ‘bout her.”

“Old girlfriend?” Castiel asks.

Dean’s eyes go wide and he starts chuckling. “No way, man. Jo’s family. Not by blood or anything, but we’ve known each other so long she’s basically my sister.”

Castiel nods. “She seems... nice?” he tries, and that makes Dean laugh again.

“She’s not, but it’s cute that you’re tryin’ to be nice to my friends,” he says, giving Castiel another little wink.

Castiel sees Jo making her way back over to them and he asks, “So is this where you bring all your dates?”

Jo slides Castiel his beer with a coaster and her eyes are pinned on Dean like he just grew another head. “This is a date?” she asks loudly.

“Shut up,” Dean says, obviously embarrassed.

Castiel feels bad. Maybe Dean isn’t out? “Oh God, I’m so sorry -” he starts.

“Relax,” Dean says, placing his hand on Castiel’s knee. “She’s just being a pain in the ass as usual.”

“Dean Winchester doesn’t date,” she explains to Castiel.

Dean moves his hand and brings it back to his bottle of beer. “Do you really think you're helping?” he asks her with his jaw clenched.

“Do you really think I care?” Jo asks, with an obviously fake smile on her face.

Just then a customer walks up to the bar. “Oh look, you’ve got a customer to help,” Dean says, gesturing to the older man standing there. She flips him the bird before she walks away. “Shit, I’m sorry, Cas.”

Castiel takes a long drink from his pint. “That’s alright. I don’t exactly know what’s going on, but it was at least... entertaining.”

“Guess I gotta explain myself now, huh?” Dean says.

Castiel smiles, “It would be nice, but we just met. You don’t need to spill all of your secrets just yet if you don’t want to.”

“Shit,” Dean says again, taking another drink of his beer. “You’re like... a nice guy, aren’t you?”

Castiel feels his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Um. Yes? I suppose I would consider myself to be a nice guy.”

“I don’t wanna screw you over, okay?” Dean starts. “Jo’s right. I don’t really date. I'm crap at the whole dating thing. Always screw it up somehow, so I just kinda quit dating altogether.”

Castiel frowns. “That must be lonely,” he offers.

Dean lets out a huff of air, grimacing. “Well... I’m not really alone a lot of the time. Just because I don’t date doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the company of others, if you know what I mean,” he says.

“One night stands?” Castiel asks, putting the pieces together.

Dean laughs hollowly. “I woulda said hook ups, but yeah, basically.”

Castiel nods, the understanding sinking into his stomach like a stone. “That’s what this is, then? That’s why you invited me out for a drink? So you could talk yourself into my bed later?”

“No! It’s not like that. I was already planning to come here when I called you, and I honestly thought I’d get your voicemail. Guys who look like you don’t just sit at home on the weekend with their cats,” Dean says.

“Obviously they do,” Castiel argues. “Sorry to be a disappointment.”

“Just wait. That’s not what I meant. I meant... you’re fucking hot, okay? And funny, and obviously smart, and successful. And I thought it was kinda adorable when you tripped over your own feet and went all red when I winked at you. And for the first time in a long freaking time I thought it’d be kinda cool to actually get to know you. You’re the first person I’ve given my number to in years.” Castiel relaxes a little bit, and it must show. “I knew if I came here without you I’d probably end up goin’ home with somebody else, and I didn’t wanna fuck it up before I even got a chance to know you. So I called you, and when you answered the phone, I thought I’d just see if you wanted to join me. I didn’t call you here thinking we’d go fuck in a bathroom stall or somethin’, okay?”

He doesn’t know why, but Castiel believes him. He nods. “Okay,” he says easily.

“Okay?” Dean echoes.

“Okay. I believe you,” Castiel elaborates.

“And you’re not bailing?” Dean asks.

“Why would I bail?”

“I dunno. ‘Cause I just told you I’m a freaking manwhore?” Dean asks.

“I don’t judge you for having an active sex life. You’ve proven yourself to be straightforward with me, which leads me to believe you haven’t been leading on the people you sleep with, and if that’s the case, then there’s no harm in the lifestyle you lead. If that’s what makes you happy.” Castiel takes another drink of his beer, but holds up a finger to let Dean know he’s not done. “For the record though, that isn’t something I’m usually interested in.”

“Hooking up?” Dean clarifies.

Castiel nods. “I don’t want to sleep with you once and never hear from you again. I think there might be more to you than meets the eye.”

Dean smirks. “You don’t like what meets the eye, then?”

Castiel rolls his eyes in response. “It’s no secret I find you attractive. I would have thought getting tongue tied and tripping over nothing earlier today made that obvious enough already.”

Dean grins broadly. “Like I said, adorable. You seem a lot more sure of yourself now, though.”

Castiel shrugs a shoulder. “I don’t have to try to be professional here. And you’ve just admitted your attraction to me, so there isn’t much to be nervous about anymore. Now I just be myself and see if you like me. If you do, that’s great, because you really are very attractive,” he smiles. “But if not, that’s okay, too. I could always use another friend.”

Dean’s smile is softer than Castiel has seen so far. “Believe me, I like you,” he says, and Castiel thinks he sounds sincere.

In response, Castiel scoots his stool a little closer to Dean so that their legs press together. “I believe I like you, too,” he says.

Dean holds up his beer bottle and says, “To first dates.”

Castiel grins at him and taps his bottle with his glass. “I’ll drink to that,” he answers.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Castiel says, eager to learn more about Dean.

Dean shrugs. “I dunno, man. What do you wanna know?”

 _Doesn't like talking about himself,_  Castiel realizes. “How long have you owned Winchester Auto?” Castiel asks.

“I’m actually just in the process of buying it right now. That's why I came in to see Cam today. I was pretty much running it for the last few years when it was under a different name, but my Uncle Bobby retired and insisted I name it after myself once I took over. Seems kinda douchey,” he finishes.

“What was it called before?”

“Singer's Salvage,” Dean answers.

“Was it named after Bobby?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, and Castiel snorts. “And yeah, I get it. It wasn’t douchey when Bobby did it but it still feels weird that I'm doing it. I don’t wanna take all the credit, I guess.”

Castiel smiles. That’s nice, actually. “Do you enjoy working there?”

Dean nods his head. “Yeah, I do. Not a big fan of the paper work but fixin’ cars is something I’ve always been good at. Cars are easy, ya know?”

“I really don’t,” Castiel admits. “I can’t even change my own oil.”

“Stop,” Dean laughs, and Castiel laughs with him.

“It’s true! I mean, I could likely figure it out if I really tried, but I just don’t see the appeal. I’ll let the professionals handle it, happily.”

“Well next time you need your oil changed make sure you come see me, okay?” Dean says.

“Is that some kind of euphemism or something?” Castiel asks, his eyes narrowed.

That’s when Castiel gets the distinct pleasure of seeing Dean throw his head back and laugh. This man is truly gorgeous, Castiel notices - not for the first time. “I’ll admit I’ve used it like that before, but that wasn’t what I meant this time,” he says, shaking his head with amusement. He turns in his stool a little bit to face Castiel more and quirks a brow at him. “It can be, if you’re up for it though.”

Castiel chuckles. “There’s the Dean Winchester I thought I was going out with tonight,” he teases.

“You want me to come on to you more? Because I can probably do that,” Dean promises.

“No,” Castiel says automatically, then realizes a part of him actually does, but he still shakes his head. “I just meant that you were flirtier at the office than you are right now,” Castiel explains.

“Told ya, I don’t really know what I’m doing here. Don’t wanna come on too strong and have you think I’m some kinda creeper or somethin’.”

“If it means anything, I think you’re doing just fine,” Castiel tells him, smiling.

“Yeah? What was your last date like?” Dean asks.

“Not terrible. My sister set me up with him. He was a nice enough man,” Castiel shrugs.

“He was a dog wasn’t he?” Dean asks, smirking.

“No!” Castiel says, and he knows the minute it comes out of his mouth just a little bit too forcefully and Dean’s smile spreads extra wide that he’s been found out. “Okay, fine. I wasn’t attracted to his type.”

Dean laughs. “The ugly type?”

“That’s just mean,” Castiel says, shaking his head. “He was a very large, burly man, with one of those long beards that are somehow in style right now. While I definitely appreciate a muscular man, he was just a little too large for my tastes.”

“I always wondered how they keep those beards clean,” Dean muses.

Castiel’s eyes widen. “Right? There’s no way that’s sanitary.”

A quiet laugh rumbles out of Dean. “Note to self, Cas doesn’t like dirty.” He frowns. “Doesn’t seem like you should be dating a mechanic, come to think of it.”

Castiel shakes his head. “I already get the impression you wash your hands a lot more than my last date washed his beard,” he assures him, and Dean smiles. “I actually find it quite attractive knowing that you’re good with your hands.”

Dean smirks, “You have no idea.”

Castiel feels his cheeks heat up again and looks away before he takes another drink of his beer, draining the pint. It’s as if Jo appears from nowhere when she suddenly says, “Can I fill ya up?”

Castiel’s eyes dart back to Dean, who has an amused smile on his face. “Are we staying for a second drink?” Castiel checks.

“I am,” Dean says. “I, uh, wouldn’t mind if you did, too. If you want.”

Jo huffs out a small laugh. “Smooth, Winchester,” she says dryly.

“Blow me,” Dean answers, then glances at Castiel sheepishly, as if he wishes he didn't use that particular retort in front of him.

Castiel returns his smile. “Yes, I’ll have another, thank you.”

“Pool table just opened up,” Dean comments. “Wanna play a game?”

“I haven’t played pool in years, but it could be fun. Why not?” Castiel decides with a shrug. He gets to his feet and then stops. “We still need our beer.”

“Jo’ll bring them over, c’mon,” Dean says. Castiel begins to walk towards the pool table and he isn’t able to completely suppress the quick intake of breath when he feels Dean’s hand come to rest on his lower back.

“Oh. Uh, sorry, man,” Dean says, withdrawing his hand quickly.

Castiel shakes his head and places his hand on Dean’s arm. “Don’t apologize. I wasn't prepared for my own physical reaction. I haven’t experienced this kind of instant chemistry before,” Castiel tries to explain.

“Chemistry, huh?” Dean smirks, approaching the pool table and beginning to rack the pool balls. Castiel makes a sound of agreement in his throat and Dean tries to hide the fact that his smile is growing wider.

Castiel's intrigued by him. Dean told him that he picks up women easily and often, and he came on to him strongly when he was at work, but he seems almost shy with him at times. He wonders if it has to do with how he doesn’t like talking about himself and doesn’t like to take full credit for his accomplishments. It isn’t possible that a man who looks like he does and has found so much success in life would be unsure of himself, is it?

Castiel wants to find out.

“Like I said, it’s been a while for me, so go ahead and break so I don’t embarrass myself,” Castiel says, grabbing two pool cues from the wall and handing one to Dean.

Jo comes over with their drinks and stage whispers to Castiel, “Don’t let him hussle you. He’s weirdly good at pool,” she warns.

Castiel smiles warmly at her. He likes her. “Thanks for the tip,” he says.

“Don’t forget I’ll bring the spray bottle over if you get too carried away like you did last weekend,” she says to Dean as she hands him his beer. He scowls at her as she walks away.

Castiel’s eyebrows are high on his forehead now. “Oh. The whole pool thing is part of your Winchester charm, then?”

Dean rubs the back of his neck in what seems like a nervous gesture. “I dunno, sometimes I guess.”

“I’m flattered,” Castiel teases.

“Shut up,” Dean laughs, taking a drink of beer, and Castiel is surprised to see a slight pink tinge to his cheeks. How adorable.

“K, I’m gonna break,” Dean says putting his bottle down, and he does. A few balls make their way into the pockets and Dean says, “Looks like I’m stripes and you’re solids.” He leans over the pool table to line up a shot, and Castiel is unable to ignore the perfect curve of Dean’s ass as he does. No wonder those jeans are his favourite. They’re practically moulded to his backside in the best way possible.

Dean turns his head slightly and his smile spreads wide when he sees Castiel checking him out. “Works every time,” Dean says, and he adds a saucy little wink that makes Castiel’s stomach flutter. Dean must be more flustered than he seems, though, because he misses his next shot.

“Your turn,” Dean says, standing straight again, and moving back to take a drink from his bottle. “Show me what you got, Cas.”

Castiel smiles. “I like Cas,” he admits.

“Told ya Castiel was a mouthful,” Dean says in response.

Castiel smirks as the line comes to him. “You have no idea,” he says, echoing Dean's earlier comment. Dean’s jaw drops slightly and then he laughs and shakes his head. Castiel can see that his face is even more pink now then it was before. “You’re beautiful when you blush,” Castiel tells him quietly, then turns to assess the pool table.

He’s setting up his shot when Dean says, “You’re pretty funny, Cas. Not exactly the kind of humour I was expecting coming from a guy who couldn't form a proper sentence this afternoon.”

Castiel leans over the table to take his shot, fully aware of Dean’s eyes on his ass as he sinks a ball sitting close to a corner pocket. “My sister always says my jokes are only funny because of how unexpected they are,” he says smiling. He walks past Dean to the other side of the table, purposely letting their bodies brush as he does.

“That sounds about right,” Dean agrees. “Older sister or younger sister?”

“Younger,” Castiel answers. He misses his next shot and frowns. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Younger brother,” Dean says. “Dude’s my best friend. Smart as shit.”

“Must run in the family,” Castiel says, curious to gage his reaction to a compliment not based on his looks. He sips his own beer while he watches Dean go back to the table.

“No way. Sammy definitely got the brains of the family. He’s in law school,” he explains, sinking two balls in one shot.

“Your parents must be proud of you both,” Castiel replies. Dean only nods in response, then changes the subject as he lines up his next shot.

“How long have you been working for Cam?” Dean asks, sinking another ball.

“Six years last month,” Castiel tells him.

“You like it there?”

Castiel shrugs. “Most of the time. I like the people I work with, and I like the environment. Tax season is intense, and it leaves the rest of the year pretty boring in comparison. But overall I’m quite happy there, yes.”

Dean’s next shot misses, and Castiel approaches the table again. There’s a small silence as he prepares to take his next shot, which he fumbles and misses completely. He laughs quietly, embarrassed. “That was embarrassing,” Castiel quips, smiling shyly at Dean.

Dean smiles back. “This is probably the most cliched move in the book. But I can show you how to shoot better, if you want?”

“I could use all the help I can get,” Castiel says. Dean leans his cue against the pool table and closes the distance between them.

“Tell me to back off if I’m too handsy,” Dean says quietly.

“I trust you,” Castiel tells him honestly.

Dean runs a hand from between Castiel’s shoulders down to his lower back. Castiel feels a trail of fire where Dean’s fingers were seconds before and swallows around his suddenly dry mouth. Dean applies pressure at the small of Castiel’s back and Castiel bends automatically. Dean folds his body over Castiel’s and Castiel wants to groan at the feeling of Dean's strong body against his, but he manages not to.

“Show me how you’d line up the next shot,” Dean says, his breath hot on Castiel’s ear. Castiel places his hands on the pool cue as he would normally and Dean makes a quiet clicking sound in his mouth. “Try it like this,” he says, and he covers Castiel’s hand with his and moves it down the cue a little further. Dean brings his other arm around him to reposition the arm closest to his body as well, and Castiel feels like he’s surrounded by a wall of muscle. He can feel his heartbeat picking up, and his breathing get shallower, and he is acutely aware that he's no longer completely soft between his legs.

He has never had a physical reaction to somebody this strong this fast before.

“Take your shot,” Dean urges quietly, and Castiel takes a deep breath before he does, and he sinks the shot. Dean’s hands drag up Castiel’s arms and down his back as he moves to stand up straight, and they brush his hips before they fall completely. Castiel turns to face him and finds their bodies closer together than they have been so far.

“You’re a very good teacher,” Castiel tells him, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth as he looks at Dean.

Dean’s eyes drop to his lips obviously before he responds, “That’s not my first time.”

Castiel remembers what Jo said about Dean getting carried away at the pool table last weekend and suddenly understands exactly how that could happen. He’d very much like to press himself against Dean the way Dean was pressed against him a minute ago. To fit himself up against the swell of Dean’s ass from behind would be a dream come true right now.

“Tell me I’m not the only one feeling this between us,” Castiel says, desperately needing confirmation before he makes his move.

Dean licks his lips. “Definitely not alone, Cas.”

“Can I kiss you?” Castiel asks quietly.

In the next breath, Dean’s hands are on Castiel’s hips and he’s pulling him in. Castiel leans forward, tipping his head up just a little bit, and kisses Dean’s plump lower lip softly. Dean makes a sound of approval in his throat, and Castiel lingers, pulling away and pressing in a second time, then opening his mouth just enough to suck on Dean’s lip gently before completely breaking away.

He searches Dean’s eyes for his reaction and finds his pupils wide with desire.

“Hell of a first kiss,” Dean breathes, and Castiel smiles. “Still your shot, hot stuff.”

Castiel can't hide his smile when he turns to line up his next shot. He couldn’t agree more. “Tell me about  _your_  last date,” Castiel asks, realizing he never asked. He smiles when the ball makes its way into a hole.

“Hm,” Dean thinks. “We’re going back a few years here, but I think it was probably when I took my last girlfriend out for ice cream.”

“Are you bisexual?” Castiel asks, curious.

Dean shrugs. “I dunno. I guess.”

“I’m sorry if that was too personal,” Castiel says quickly, sensing how uncomfortable Dean is.

“Nah. Don't go running or anything, k? It’s just... this is kinda my first time dating a dude.”

Castiel is surprised and he’s sure it shows on his face. “I am so sorry. I had no idea. I wouldn’t have asked to kiss you so quickly had I known,” Castiel says honestly, their game of pool completely forgotten for the moment.

Dean shrugs. “Got the confirmation I needed to know for sure that I’m into you. That’s for damn sure,” he smiles.

“Jo didn’t seem surprised that you were on a date with a man. Just that you were on a date in general,” he realizes. He leaves the question unasked, not wanting to push Dean too far.

“Everybody knows I’ve had a thing for a few guys on tv or whatever through the years. I just never met any guys in real life I was attracted to.” Castiel hears the  _before you_  even though he didn’t say it. “My family and friends all know, so it’s no big deal.”

“I’m impressed,” Castiel says honestly. “The first time I went out with a man I was so nervous I could barely form words. You’re handling yourself extremely well.”

“I might be slightly more nervous than I’m letting on,” Dean whispers, cheeks going a little pink again.

Castiel smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way. “You make me quite nervous as well,” he admits. “But I’m having a really good time.”

Dean smiles back at him and says, “Me, too, man.” Castiel turns back to the pool table with butterflies in his stomach and a promise to himself to treat Dean right and take this as slowly as he needs to in order to make Dean as comfortable as possible. He has a feeling he'll be worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

Several beers later, Dean and Castiel are cozied up in the corner of a booth in the Roadhouse, both flushed from the combination of alcohol and sexual attraction.

They began exchanging useless information about each other like they were back in grade school a while ago, and Castiel can’t stop smiling at the ridiculousness of it.

“Favourite colour?” Dean asks.

“Blue,” Castiel answers.

“Me, too,” Dean says.

“Birthday?” Castiel asks.

“January 24th.”

“September 18th.”

“How old are you?” Dean asks.

Castiel laughs, “How old do you think I am?”

Dean considers him. “Less than thirty.”

Castiel chuckles. “Barely, I’m 28.” He raises his eyebrows to let Dean know he’s waiting on his answer.

“I’m 26,” Dean supplies.

“Aw, you’re a baby,” Castiel teases.

“Shut up, you’re barely even older than me,” Dean laughs.

“I’ll be 29 soon,” Castiel reminds him.

Dean widens his eyes dramatically. “Well, shit. I guess this is doomed then,” Dean says, gesturing between them.

“It’s too bad,” Castiel says, playing along, scooting closer to him. “You’re extremely attractive.”

Dean takes a fistful of Castiel’s shirt and pulls him even closer. “Maybe I can change your mind,” Dean says, and tugs again until Castiel can’t help but lean the rest of the way in and press their lips together. Either the alcohol or the attraction that's been building between them throughout the evening is likely to blame, but either way, Dean’s the one to take the next step and opens his mouth to Castiel.

Castiel makes a small noise but refrains from licking into Dean’s mouth the way he wants to. He opens his mouth in response and changes the angle of the kiss, letting Dean know he wants this, too, and when Dean pushes his tongue into his mouth he swears he feels fire burning through his veins. Dean’s fist releases his shirt and both hands slide up his shoulders and wind around his neck. Castiel feels a hand in his hair, pulling him impossibly closer, and he wants nothing more than to climb into Dean’s lap and feel him harden beneath him. He lets out a moan and Dean pulls away, gasping, as he bumps their noses together.

“Fuck,” he breathes.

“Mhmm,” Castiel agrees, trying to let his mind back on track.

“Is it always like this? With another guy?” Dean asks.

“Definitely not,” Castiel admits. “This is…” his words trail off. “I’ve never had this kind of reaction to somebody before. It could be more arousing for you since you’ve never been with a man before, though.”

“What do you say I go pay our tab and then we get outta here?” Dean suggests, leaning in for another lingering kiss to make his meaning clear.

“Hmmm. That depends,” Castiel says.

“On what?”

“On if you’re never going to call me again if I go home with you tonight,” Castiel answers honestly.

“I haven’t had this much fun with somebody in years. If you’re into it, I’m pretty sure I’d like to see you again,” Dean tells him.

“Then I say we get out of here, but we go dutch on the tab,” Castiel offers.

“No way, man. I asked you out. I pay,” Dean insists.

“I pay next time, then,” Castiel barters, and Dean nods.

Dean slides out of the booth and waits for Castiel to do the same. Dean bumps into him gently a few times on the way to the bar to pay, and Castiel can tell by the shy smile on Dean’s face that he’s doing it on purpose. It makes him smile, too.

They only have to wait a minute at the bar before Jo comes over with the bill and the debit card machine. “I assume you’re buying?” She says to Dean.

Dean nods.

“You know him well,” Castiel comments.

“The only person I know more stubborn than him is me,” Jo explains with a smile. Dean punches numbers into the machine and Jo continues, “Seems like you guys hit it off okay,” she comments.

Castiel nods, smiling. “I had a really good time,” he confirms.

Dean turns the machine back to Jo. “There ya go. Thanks, Jo.”

She smiles. “Have a good night, boys. Be safe. And Dean, I want all the dirty details tomorrow,” she says with a big smile. “Hope to see you around again,” she says to Castiel.

“You will,” Dean answers for him, and Castiel blushes in spite of himself as they turn away. “So. Your place or mine?” He asks.

“I only live a few blocks away. I walked here. You’re welcome to come to my place, just remember I have Albus waiting for me,” Castiel reminds him.

“That works. Better to see if your cat hates me right off the bat anyway,” Dean replies. Castiel is surprised when he feels Dean take him by the hand and slots their fingers together. “This okay?” He checks, belatedly.

“It’s more than okay,” Castiel answers. “I’m pleasantly surprised by how easy you are with gestures of affection. I’ve never been with anybody who was willing to touch in public.”

“Oh. Am I not supposed to?” Dean asks, seeming nervous all of the sudden.

“It doesn’t bother me in the least. I quite like it, to be honest,” he smiles. “Fair warning though, there’s a good chance at some point, a homophobic ass will say something rude.”

Dean shrugs. “I haven’t hit anybody in a while but I’m pretty sure I could still throw a decent punch.”

Castiel feels a curl of desire in his stomach and pushes it down. “Good to know,” he says easily.

“You live alone?” Dean asks. “Well, you and Albus?”

Castiel nods. “Yes. I rent a two bedroom apartment in the Angel building.”

“That’s that new complex, huh?”

“It’s quite nice. I like it. Been there since it opened last year. If it’s not weird to ask, where do you live?” Castiel ventures.

“Not weird. There’s a one bedroom attached to the back of the shop. It’s not much, but it’s home.”

“The convenience alone would make me want to live there,” Castiel realizes.

“Doesn’t suck to have no commute,” Dean agrees. “Bad side is I can never take anybody home if I don’t want them to know where I work,” he jokes.

“I guess you don’t have to worry about that with me,” Castiel smiles.

“Nope. Pretty sure you can know a lot more about me than I’d want you to with a few clicks in your computer system at work.”

“I have access to your financial information, yes, but Dean, it’s important to me that you know that I would never look at it without your permission,” Castiel says honestly.

Dean smiles and squeezes his hand gently. “Thanks, but I was mostly joking. Nothing I’m ashamed about, anyway. I do okay. You, uh, ever date a client before me?”

“Never,” Castiel answers. “Though to be honest, our core clientele have about thirty years on us,” he smiles.

“So not a whole lot of selection then. I was wondering how you’re single.”

“Well, if you ask Anna, she’ll tell you it’s because I’m too picky,” Castiel supplies.

“Are you?”

Castiel shrugs. “Maybe. I prefer to think of myself as unwilling to settle.”

They’re approaching his building now, and he uses his key to open the door to the building. “What’s on your list?” Dean asks.

Castiel thinks the question over. “My list?”

“Ya know, on your ‘perfect guy’ list or whatever. Everybody has one, so don’t bullshit me,” he says, cracking a grin.

“Gay is important,” Castiel starts and Dean laughs like Castiel wanted him to. He leads the way to the elevator and tries not to think about the way his body is humming from being in an enclosed space with Dean. “Likes cats. Good sense of humour. Gets along with my friends and family. Has a full-time job, preferably no previous jail time or children from another relationship, and somebody willing to have a monogamous relationship with me.”

Dean snorts. “You don’t like to share?”

Castiel meets his eyes. “No, I don’t,” he answers honestly, and his voice is pitched just a tad lower than usual. “In all honesty Dean, I’ve been known to have a bit of a jealous streak.”

Dean’s looking at Castiel’s lips again, and Castiel has the impression that’s something Dean likes hearing, even if he isn’t going to admit it. “I get it,” Dean responds. “I haven’t been with anybody in a while, but Sam - that's my brother - always says I’m overprotective so I can see how I might get jealous, too.”

The elevator comes to a stop and Castiel steps out, tugging Dean towards his apartment. “This is me,” he says, opening the door and allowing Dean to walk in first.

Castiel watches as Dean’s eyes sweep his home. He hears a tiny meow and the jingle of the bell on Albus’ collar as he comes prancing to the door to greet them.

“Hey, buddy,” Castiel says, bending over to scoop him up into his arms and scratch behind his ears. “This is Dean,” he explains, turning towards him.

Dean sticks out a hand and Albus gives him a curious sniff. A second later, Albus pushes his face against Dean’s hand with his eyes closed, and Dean laughs. “So this is my competition, huh?”

“I’m afraid so. The only man who’s managed to keep my heart so far,” Castiel answers.

“I dunno if I can compete with a guy as cute as this, but I’m up to the challenge,” Dean tells him, meeting Castiel’s eyes and smiling shyly.

“I think it might be easier for you than you think,” Castiel confesses, smiling back at him and placing Albus back on the floor gently. “I don’t have any beer at home, but I have cider. Would you like one?”

"Is there alcohol in it?" Dean asks.

"Yes," Castiel laughs.

“Then I’ll give it a shot,” Dean answers.

“Take a seat on the couch and I’ll bring it right out,” Castiel offers. “Feel free to poke around if you want.”

A few minutes later when Castiel walks into the living room, Dean’s sitting on the couch with the television on some house hunting show. Castiel has a fleeting thought that he looks good there, but he pushes it away as quickly as it came. “Here you go,” Castiel says, holding out a cider for him.

“Thanks,” Dean says, taking it from him. Castiel sits on the couch beside him, leaving space between them. Dean scoots closer and Castiel can barely control his big smile. “I don’t know how you manage to be fucking hot and adorable at the same time, but you do.”

Castiel feels a blush crawl across his cheeks but ignores it. “Thank you,” he replies, not knowing what else to say. He takes a drink of his cider, enjoying the cold beverage making its way to his stomach.

Dean takes a drink as well and then nods his head. “Better than I thought it’d be,” Dean says.

They fall into an easy conversation about what’s happening on the house hunting show, discussing the things they like and dislike about the houses that are showcased. Dean expresses his desire for a big backyard and a double garage, and Castiel talks about how he’s always dreamed about a loft bedroom. Soon, their ciders are empty and they’re pressed together from shoulder to knee.

They keep catching each other’s eye and then turning away, and Castiel has to remind himself of his promise to take it slow with Dean instead of pressing him down into the couch cushions like he’s fantasizing about. When the current episode ends, Dean slaps a hand on Castiel’s knee and says, “It’s getting pretty late. I guess I should probably take off.”

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Castiel offers.

“No, man, don’t get up on my account. You look pretty comfy.”

“I can’t kiss you goodnight at the door if I stay on my couch,” Castiel complains.

“You can kiss me goodnight on the couch, though,” Dean smiles, and again, he’s the one who leans in to capture Castiel’s mouth. It’s only seconds before Castiel feels Dean’s tongue trace along the seam of his lips, and he opens his mouth for him eagerly. Dean groans into his mouth, and he does something absolutely sinful with a curl of his tongue that would have Castiel’s eyes rolling back in his head if they were open.

They kiss for a long time, anxiously learning the things that drive each other crazy. Castiel keeps his hands glued to Dean’s hips, not trusting himself to move even an inch, while Dean’s hands wander his upper body and finally rest in his hair, tugging him closer and closer. Gravity eventually becomes a problem when Castiel realizes he’s about to be pulled on top of Dean if Dean keeps tugging.

“Dean,” he says, breaking their kiss for the first time. His voice is breathy and deep, and he knows he sounds as turned on as he feels.

Dean kisses his way back to Castiel’s ear, and traces the shell of it with his tongue. “Yeah?” Dean says, breath hot in his ear.

“If you keep pulling me like that, I’m going to end up on top of you.”

“Is that a problem for you?” Dean asks, catching his earlobe between his teeth. Castiel can almost feel the blood heading south.

“I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable,” Castiel tells him.

“You won’t.” Dean tugs harder and shimmies so that he’s laying on his back on the couch, pulling Castiel down on top of him. Dean opens his legs wide, giving Castiel room to be between them, and there is no hiding how both of them are hard when Castiel presses against him. Castiel watches Dean’s face intently, looking for any hint of doubt on it.

“Jesus fuck that’s hot,” Dean pants, leaning up to nip at Castiel’s bottom lip.

“Is this okay?” Castiel asks, pulling away to double check.

“It will be as long as you let me keep kissing you,” Dean whines, and Castiel chuckles before he leans back in to kiss him again. Dean’s hands find Castiel’s waist, and then quickly move up to push under his t-shirt. Dean’s hands on Castiel’s bare skin is a shock to his system, and Castiel instinctively pushes down into Dean. Dean breaks their kiss, throwing his head back with a gasp.

“Shit, sorry,” Castiel curses, beginning to back away to put some space between them.

“Do that again,” Dean demands, pulling him back down and pushing his hands further up his back when their lips meet again. Castiel groans when Dean does that thing with his tongue again, and he gives in to Dean’s request, grinding his erection against Dean. Dean pushes back up against him tentatively, and Castiel has to break their kiss to catch his breath.

“Okay?” He checks.

“So good, Cas,” Dean promises.

Castiel rearranges himself a little bit so their erections press together, and he smiles wickedly when Dean closes his eyes and tosses his head to the side in ecstasy. He lowers his mouth to the exposed skin of his throat, and leaves a trail of wet kisses to the curve of his shoulder. Dean rocks his hips up into Castiel again, and they begin to find a rhythm, rutting against one another. The friction against the soft cotton of his boxers and the hard denim of his jeans is agonizing in the best possible way, and Castiel is quickly approaching his orgasm, pushed closer and closer with every delicious sound that falls from Dean’s lips.

Dean’s hands slowly make their way back down Castiel’s back, and when he moves them to Castiel’s ass and grabs on, pulling him towards him even harder, Castiel’s the one who moans.

“Dean, fuck,” he gasps, lifting his head to nibble on his lips again.

“Cas, I’m, uh, _fuck_. I’m close,” Dean warns him. "I swear, I usually have more staying power," Dean explains.

Castiel feels a shiver of pleasure run through his body. He shushes him with a kiss, then teases him a little by lowering his voice. “You’re going to come for me, Dean?” He asks, voice raspy, leaning in to suck on his bottom lip.

“Aw shit, I’m gonna come so hard,” he groans and pulls Castiel in harder and faster.

It’s only another few thrusts of his hips when he feels Dean begin to tense beneath him. Dean’s fingers dig into the curve of his ass, and when Castiel hears his breath hitch, and a low whine come from his throat, he himself feels his orgasm crash into him fast and hard. He drops his head to Dean’s shoulder and latches onto his throat, biting down hard as he thrusts lazily through his orgasm.

When Dean stops moving, he follows his lead and slows his own movements, letting Dean take his weight as he collapses on top of him. Just as Castiel’s brain begins working again, wondering if this was too fast for Dean or a huge mistake on his part to go so far with a man who admittedly only has one night stands, Dean’s arms come around him and he nuzzles into the side of Castiel’s head, planting a soft kiss there and letting out a sound of contentment.

Castiel soaks in the feeling of Dean’s strong body underneath him, enjoying being held for the first time in a long time. Too soon for Castiel’s liking, Dean grunts, “You’re kinda crushing me, Cas.”

“Umph,” Castiel responds, not wanting to move.

Dean chuckles, his body shaking gently with laughter. “Get up,” he says lightly, giving him a soft push. Castiel rolls his eyes even knowing that Dean can’t see him, and reluctantly pushes himself up to sitting on the couch again. Dean sits up as well, and ruffles his hair.

“That was, uh…” Dean says.

Castiel nods. “I was not expecting that to happen tonight,” Castiel says, voice low and rough with exhaustion.

“It was awesome though,” Dean says, and it sounds like there’s a question hiding in there somewhere.

“Extremely awesome,” Castiel confirms, leaning over to kiss him softly.

“You mind if I use your bathroom to, ya know, clean up a little bit?” Dean says, gesturing to his pants.

“Not at all. First door on the left,” he says, pointing him down the hallway. Dean surprises him by kissing him on the cheek before he gets up, and ruffling his hair on his way by. Castiel smiles to himself and pushes his hands through his hair, trying to put it into some kind of order. That was extremely satisfying. He hasn’t lost himself in the moment like that and actually came in his pants in a very long time. It’s completely disgusting and he needs to change as soon as he can, but there’s no denying he enjoyed it. He just hopes he hasn’t frightened Dean or pushed him too far too fast.

Castiel hears Dean come out of the bathroom, so he gets to his feet. He was about to ask if everything is okay but the soft smile Dean gives him answers his question for him.

“Better?” He asks instead, amused.

“Not by much, but yeah,” Dean says. He pulls Castiel into his arms like he belongs there, and Castiel sighs happily as he presses his face into the curve of Dean’s neck.

“This was a lot of fun, but…” Dean begins.

“You have to leave,” Castiel finishes for him.

“I don't want to, but I have to work a shift tomorrow. I didn’t expect to be out so late,” he admits.

“I understand. Since I’m up now, I can walk you to the door properly,” he says, pulling away and smiling at Dean. Dean takes his hand again for the twenty steps to the doorway, and Castiel opens it reluctantly. “Should I call you a cab?” He offers.

“Nah, I already got an Uber,” Dean tells him. He takes a step closer to Castiel, and his voice is softer somehow when he says, “I had a really, really good time tonight.”

“Me, too,” Castiel says earnestly.

“I wanna see you again.”

“I’d call the IRS on you if you didn’t,” Castiel jokes, and Dean laughs.

“I’ll call you, okay?” He promises, eyes sparkling.

“Okay,” Castiel nods.

Dean brings his hands up to cup Castiel’s face, and kisses him firmly before he pulls away and brushes his thumb over his lips. “Go change before you’re stuck in those pants for life,” Dean jokes, giving him a little shove and smiling wickedly at him.

“Excellent advice,” Castiel answers. “Have a good night, Dean.”

“See ya later, Cas,” he says, and Castiel watches him until he gets in the elevator with a final wave.

He closes and locks the door behind him, then indulges himself and leans against it with a happy sigh, not quite believing he just had the best first date of his entire life with the hottest man he’s ever seen.

 

* * *

 

 

But Dean doesn’t call.

He doesn’t call Saturday, and Castiel tells himself it’s because he’s working, and maybe he doesn’t want to seem too eager by calling the very next day.

He doesn’t call Sunday, and Castiel clings to a vague recollection he has of seeing some kind of three day rule on television at some point in his life. By Monday night when Castiel climbs into bed and Dean still hasn’t called, he accepts that he’s not going to.

He considers calling Dean himself, or even texting him just to see if he’ll respond, but he isn’t sure he’s willing to risk a second rejection. He’s typed out dozens of text messages and then refused to send them. He just can’t do it.

He hasn’t told a soul about his date, which he's thankful for now. He also hasn't told anybody that deep down inside, in a place he doesn’t want to acknowledge the existence of anymore, a part of him thought Dean might be  _it_. Realistically, he tells himself it was only one date and there’s no way people really  _know_ after one date. But emotionally, it was easily the best first date - no, he corrects himself - the best date _period_ he has been on in his whole life.

Dean was so affectionate with him. He was funny, and smart, and successful. Castiel had fun with Dean. And all of that’s without thinking about the insane sexual chemistry between them, which he’s been trying not to do since he stepped into the shower Friday night and his dick made a valiant attempt at coming back to life for a round two while remembering the noises Dean made underneath him.

No. Not thinking about that, he reminds himself.

He’ll be fine.  
  
He  _is_ fine.

Castiel is a grown man. This isn’t the first time he’s been played, after all. He had a few beers, and a really great orgasm. It's no big deal. These are the thoughts he repeats in his head every time he catches himself feeling down about Dean not calling, and every time he finds himself checking his phone to see if there’s a new message or missed call. So Monday night in bed, he resolves to get over this. He isn’t going to brood over it any longer. He’s going to let it go.

Of course, Tuesday morning, Cam comes to his desk with the Winchester Auto file. “I need you to give Dean at Winchester Auto a call. He’s missing the second page of his articles of incorporation, and we need them to start the file.”

Castiel grimaces. “Is there an e-mail address I can use instead?”

Cam frowns down at the file. “I don’t have one written down,” he says, flipping through the few pages he has. He looks back up at Castiel and sees the look on his face. “Problem?” he asks.

Castiel shakes his head hurriedly. “No, no problem. It’s fine. I’ll give him a call.”

“Thank you,” Cam says, giving him a smile before he turns to walk back into his office.

Castiel knows if he hesitates he’ll only make it worse for himself, so he quickly dials the number on the front of the file.

“Singer - I mean, Winchester Auto,” a voice answers.

“Hi, this is Castiel calling from Smith & Associates. Can I speak with Dean Winchester, please?”

“Just a sec,” the voice responds.

There’s a slight delay, and then Dean’s voice comes through the phone. “Hello?”

Castiel’s heart is beating a mile a minute, but he answers, “Hi... this is Castiel calling from Smith & Associates.” He pauses, and when Dean doesn’t say anything he just keeps talking. “I’m calling because Cam realized you’re missing the second page of the articles of incorporation you dropped of on Friday.” He thinks of Dean coming in last time and his face heats up quickly.

“Oh,” Dean answers quietly.

“We require them in order to complete the file.”

“Can I fax or scan it over to you or somethin’?” Dean asks, and Castiel pretends his heart doesn’t drop into his stomach after getting confirmation that Dean doesn’t want to see him.

“Unfortunately not. We need the original.”

“‘Kay,” Dean says. “I’ll uh, have somebody drop it off.”

“Sounds great. Thank you,” Castiel says.

“Yeah. Okay. Bye,” Dean replies, and the line goes dead.

Castiel indulges his hurt feelings for a second and runs his hands through his hair in frustration. He was right. The second rejection was even harder than the first. Now he knows for sure that it isn’t that Dean was planning on calling him and just hadn’t gotten around to it. No, Dean has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want anything more to do with Castiel. And the confirmation  _hurts_. But that’s that. Castiel tells himself again that he’s got to get over this so he can deal with Dean the way he would any other client at work, because he knows he’s going to see a lot of him over the next few weeks since he’s just starting his business.

It’s later that afternoon when the door downstairs opens with the familiar beep, and Castiel hears somebody running up the stairs. For the second time in three shifts, it’s somebody he doesn’t know. This man is tall, and he towers over Castiel’s desk with long-ish hair that the man tucks behind his ears as soon as he stops moving.  
  
“Hello,” Castiel says politely. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m Sam Winchester. My brother asked me to drop these off for Cam or Cas?” he says, sounding like he's unsure he has the correct name.

“I’m Castiel. I can take them for you,” Castiel offers, bristling a little at Dean still using the short form of his name after he made him come in his pants and didn’t bother to call him the next day.

Sam’s eyes almost bug out of his head. “ _Yo_ _u’re_ Cas?”

Castiel’s shoulders square defensively. “Castiel, yes. Is there a problem?”

Sam laughs nervously and looks around the office. “No, sorry. It’s just that Dean told me he went on a date with you and that’s why he didn’t want to drop this off. But he didn't say... I just assumed that Cas was short for Cassie.” Sam laughs again, quieter this time. “This helps to explain the last few days.”

What is  _that_  supposed to mean?

“I thought you were in law school,” is what ultimately comes out of Castiel’s mouth.

Sam smiles, and Castiel has a moment to think that the Winchesters have incredible genes. “I am. It’s August,” he says, raising his eyebrows in a way that somehow reminds Castiel of Dean.

He’s an idiot. “Of course. My apologies. I can take the document from you.”

Sam hesitates for a second. “I forgot to take a copy before I left the shop. Just in case, you know. For our files.”

“I can take a copy for you,” Castiel says, standing and reaching out for the paper in Sam’s hand. He really  _is_ incredibly tall, he realizes.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Castiel gives him his customer service smile and takes the few steps towards the photocopier. “So what’s up with you and Dean?” Sam asks.

Castiel freezes for a split second and then feeds the paper through the top of the machine. “Nothing,” he answers honestly.

“Well, I heard you guys had a pretty good time when you went out,” he prods. “Jo said she’s never seen Dean like that before.”

Something twists in Castiel’s stomach and he forces it away with a tight smile. “I enjoyed myself,” he answers flatly.

Sam sighs. “Here’s the thing," he begins, his voice quieter. "Dean would kill me if he knew I was telling you this, but I’ve never seen him so bummed about somebody not calling him back before.”

Castiel’s head snaps up. “ _What?”_

“I don’t know what he told you, but he hasn’t dated anybody in years. He said he had a really good time with you, and then you didn’t call when you said you would. Honestly, I gave him the ‘Well, screw Cas then!' speech, and told him he deserved better. Which he does! But I just want to know why didn’t you call him in case he doesn't snap out of this soon.”

Castiel’s completely forgotten about the photocopier at this point. “Dean said  _he_ would call  _me_. He’s the one who never called.”

Sam has a look of confusion on his face like he doesn’t quite believe him. “I don’t know, man. Seems kinda weird that he’d be acting like a dick for days and lashing out at everybody if he was the one who was supposed to call you.”

“I’m telling you. He said he’d call me,” Castiel insists. “But he didn’t call.”

Sam’s lips form a tight line. “Why didn’t you call or text him when he didn’t?”

Castiel wants to explain about Dean having his first gay sexual experience with him and Castiel not wanting to push him, but he also doesn’t want to talk about sex with Dean’s brother. “Well, why didn’t he call or text me when he thought it was my fault?"

“Because he’s a stubborn ass who thinks he isn’t good enough for anybody, and you not calling him just made him believe that even more!” Sam says in frustration.

Castiel waits, trying not to let his heart hurt from hearing that, then, with his voice noticeably softer, he says, “He really thought I was supposed to call him?”

“Yes, really. He’s going to kick my ass if you tell him this, but he was really upset that you didn’t. Really.”  
  
Sam has such an open and honest expression on his face that Castiel can’t help but believe him. A smile spreads on his face, and he says, “I’ll call him tonight.”

Sam nods his head and moves his hair out of his face again. “You know if you don’t that I know where you work now,” he says, but he’s smiling, and Castiel laughs gently.

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Castiel promises.

“Like I said, he’s really stubborn. So if he gives you a hard time, don’t believe him. Trust me. He likes you. A lot,” Sam warns him, smiling even bigger now.

“The feeling is mutual, believe me.”

"I figured it probably was based on the hickey on Dean's neck," Sam says, clearly amused.  
  
Castiel suddenly remembers he’s at work for the first time in a long time when he realizes how embarrassed he is again. “Sorry, I forgot about your paper. Here you go,” he says, going to hand it to Sam.

Sam laughs. “I didn’t really need a copy. Just wanted to talk to you some more,” he admits.

Castiel laughs with him. “You Winchesters are trouble.”

“We have our moments,” Sam agrees. He turns towards the stairs, “I hope I see you again soon, Castiel.”

“Cas is fine,” he relents. “Thanks Sam. Really.”  
  
"Cas? Don't hurt him, okay?" Castiel nods, taken aback by how vulnerable Sam sounded asking him that.

Sam gives him a little nod to go with the new, wide smile on his face, and runs down the stairs just as fast as he ran up them.

 

Castiel has to actively work at not giving in and calling Dean before he gets home from work. He knows they can't have the conversation they need to have while he’s at work. He manages to choke down a chicken Caesar salad for dinner, and waits until 7:00 to finally cave and press the call button on Dean’s contact.

“Hello?” Dean answers.

“Hi Dean, it's Cas.”

There's a pause. “Hi.”

“How are you?”

“Fine. Whatever,” Dean scoffs. “What do you want?”

“I met your brother today,” Castiel begins.

“Yeah? Did you bone him and never call him back, too?” Dean asks aggressively.

“No!” Castiel exclaims. “No, Dean. Sam told me you and I had a miscommunication about who was supposed to call.”

There's another short pause. “Huh?”

“I was under the impression you were going to call me.” Dean doesn't say anything. “I've been disappointed since Saturday thinking you didn't want to see me again,” he confesses.

“You thought I was supposed to call you?” Dean asks.

“Yes. I've been checking my phone every five minutes for the last four days,” he says, and he hopes Dean can hear the small smile in his voice.

“Really?” Dean asks again, and Castiel thinks he sounds hopeful.

“Truly,” Castiel answers.

“I, uh, I thought you said you’d call me. I kinda thought you, ya know, got what you wanted from me and that was it. Figured it was karma or somethin’,” Dean admits.

Castiel laughs humorlessly. “I had similar thoughts. I told myself you had warned me about your past sexual relations and I went through with... what happened between us anyway, and I deserved what I got.”

“Well, shit,” Dean curses. “So now what?”

“Well, I would like to pretend the last few days never happened. I’d like to pretend it’s the day after our date, and I’m still on the ‘best first date ever’ high, and I called you to see when you’re free next because I can’t wait to see you again,” Castiel offers.

“Was it really the best first date you’ve ever had?” Dean asks, and Castiel thinks he sounds more like the version of Dean he got to know on Friday than he has so far.

“I think it’s a contender for my best date so far,” he clarifies.

Castiel hears Dean exhale before he answers, “Good. Me too. I was so pissed when I thought you ditched me,” he confesses.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner. I wanted to. I had to talk myself out of it a hundred times.”

“I wish you didn’t,” Dean says quietly.

“If we didn’t already complicate this beyond repair, I really would like to see you again if you’re still up for it,” Castiel offers.

“Yeah,” Dean says quickly. “I’m still up for it.”

“Does Friday work again?”

“I can be free on Friday,” Dean replies. “Should we go get that burger I mentioned before?”

“I’d like that,” Castiel answers.

“I’ll come pick you up. I wanna show off my car,” Dean says excitedly.

Castiel laughs a little, giddy by what's happening right now. “That sounds great!”

“And uh, you can text me between now and then if you want. Or call again. If you want. No big deal if you don’t,” Dean stammers.

Castiel is smiling like an idiot and he’s really glad Dean can’t see how ridiculously happy he makes him already. “I would have anyway, but it takes some of the pressure off knowing you want me to. I’ll see you in a few days, Dean.”

“Yeah, okay. Talk you later, Cas.”

“Bye,” Castiel says, ending the call, with a big smile still on his face.

 

* * *

 

Dean hangs up the phone and flops back onto the couch with a big sigh of relief. He feels okay for the first time in days. He has no idea how Cas managed to worm his way into his life so quickly, but there’s no use pretending he hasn’t. He tries not to think of the fact that if he’d had the balls to even text him four days ago he wouldn’t have had to go through the last few days punching shit and losing his temper with Sammy and all the rest of his friends.

He knows he should apologize, but he’d rather chew his arm off.

He feels better about his decision not to apologize a few minutes later when Sam walks in and presses something cold to his forehead.

“Hey!” Dean exclaims, trying to smack whatever it is away and Sam laughs obnoxiously.

“You spill it and it’s gone,” Sam warns. He holds it up again where Dean can see it. “Iced coffee.”

Dean sits up to make room for his brother. “Thanks,” he says begrudgingly.

Sam makes an exaggerated look of shock. “Wow, you’re not biting my head off for the first time in days. Did your  _girlfriend_  finally call you back?”

Dean winces at the emphasis Sam put on the word girlfriend.

“Did you really think you could send me there and I wouldn’t figure out your big gay secret?” Sam asks, smiling to soften his words.

“We’re not talking about this,” Dean insists, taking a drink from his cup.

“You’re welcome!” Sam says, again, in an obnoxious sing-song tone of voice.

Dean turns to face him, narrowing his eyes. “What did you do?”

“Got him to call you back, jerk,” Sam answers quickly.

“How?”

“I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but there’s this thing when two people talk to one another called  _communication_ ,” Sam explains to Dean like he's a five year old, and Dean pushes him further away on the couch in response. Sam laughs, though. “I asked him. I realized you two emotionally constipated children had your wires crossed, and I fixed it. It took about three minutes after I asked a single question. Are you hearing me, Dean?”

“Yeah, yeah. Communication. I hear you, Samantha.” He takes another drink before he adds, “Thanks for being a nosy bitch.”

“You’re welcome,” Sam smiles. “And as a thank you, you’re buying me dinner tonight.”

“You’re already staying on my couch, you frickin' mooch!”

“You know you love me,” Sam teases.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says again. “Let’s go if we’re going. Roadhouse.”

“How original,” Sam quips.

They make their way to the Roadhouse, and Dean’s mentally counting down how many minutes he has until Sam starts in on him about Cas again. Miraculously, Sam manages to wait until after they order their meals, and then he begins.

“Soooo, why didn’t you tell me Cas was a guy?”

Dean shrugs, resolutely denying the fact that his face is turning red already. “Figured Jo would've told you. What difference does it make?”

Sam frowns. "Huh. Wonder why  _she_  didn't mention it. But you're right, it makes no difference to me. You know that. But you must have went to a lot of trouble not to use any masculine pronouns when you were telling me about your date.”

“Cas’s the first guy I liked in person. Took me 25 years to find him. I figured I might not find another guy I liked, and if Cas was never gonna call me again anyway then why bother mentioning it,” Dean says gruffly. He hates talking about stuff like this.

“He is pretty hot,” Sam agrees, "He's got that sex hair and the blue eyes..." but he trails off, raising his hands quickly in surrender when he sees the anger flash in Dean’s eyes. “Relax! I just meant that I can see why you’d be attracted to him.”

“Whatever,” Dean replies, embarrassed that he reacted like that. No fucking way is Sam just gonna let that go. But he does. For now, anyway.

“When are you seeing him next?” Sam asks.

Dean meets his gaze with an irritated look on his face. “Why are you so interested in my love life all of the sudden?”

“Gee, Dean, I don’t know,” Sam says sarcastically. “Maybe it’s because you actually have something to talk about instead of which faceless chick you slept with this weekend. Or maybe it’s because you actually told me about a date for the first time in more than five years. Or _maybe_  it’s because you went from bitchy Dean to smiley Dean all because of a phone call from one guy. Actually, it’s probably all of that.”

Dean huffs, embarrassed again. “Sorry I asked.” Sam just sits there, and Dean knows he’s not going to say anything until he tells him when his next date is. “We’re going out again on Friday, okay? Can we be done with this now?”

“Fine. I'll drop it,” Sam promises. Their food’s delivered and Dean’s just popped a couple of french fries into his mouth when Sam says, “You’re taking him someplace nice, right?”

Dean groans and bangs his head on the table in exasperation, causing Sam to burst out laughing.

 

Dean’s laying in bed later that night when he gives into the urge to text Cas.

 **DEAN:** Hey Cas.

Dean’s surprised but pleased when Cas’s reply comes almost instantly.

 **CAS:** Hello, Dean.

 **DEAN:** Whats up?

He groans after he sends the message. He’s an idiot. He sounds like a teenager. Cas’s going to think he’s dumb as shit.

 **CAS:**  Nothing very exciting. I’m watching television with Albus.

 **DEAN:** Yeah? What are u watching?

 **CAS:** I just started the tv series Suits. Have you seen it?

 **DEAN:** Dude yes! I love that show! Started watching it hoping I’d have some kind of clue what the hell Sam’s talking about all the time. But now I’m hooked. What season are u on?

 **CAS:** Season One. I’m on the second episode. I’m happy to hear you think it’s a good show though :)

Dean snickers at the emoji. What a nerd.

 **CAS:** I find the opening song particularly bouncy :D

Dean shakes his head in amusement. Definitely a nerd. But a cute nerd.

 **DEAN:** Have I mentioned that you're adorable?

 **CAS:** I believe it came up once before, yes. Thank you.

 **DEAN:** Just making sure u didn’t forget. I'm really glad you called me tonight btw

 **CAS** : I'm really glad, too :)

Dean's officially blushing because of a text message. This is a new low for him. Kinda.

 **DEAN:**  Well I’ll leave u to ur show. Maybe we’ll talk tomorrow?

 **CAS:** No “maybe” about it :P Have a good night, Dean.

 **DEAN:** Night Cas.  
  
  
Both Dean and Castiel sleep well that night for the time since Friday.


	3. Chapter 3

**WEDNESDAY:**

 

 **DEAN:** Hey Cas how’s work going so far?

 **CASTIEL:** Hello, Dean. Fairly slow today, as it is on most days in August. Maybe it will pick up after lunch though.

 **DEAN:** Whys August a slow month for accountants?

 **CASTIEL:** It’s a very long and boring explanation. Are you sure you care that much?

 **DEAN:** Remember how I said I watched Suits to understand Sam’s work? I want to understand yours too. So yes. I want to know. Shoot.

 **CASTIEL:** Corporations have three months after their year end to file their corporate tax returns before they begin owing interest to the government, and six months before they get a penalty on top of the interest. A lot of people choose December 31 year ends so that it’s the same as the calendar year, which means March and June are busy. Turns out either not a lot of people choose February or June as year ends, or we just don't have many clients who did, which means we’re not that busy in August.

 **DEAN:** Ok wow, that was basically an email. You’re right, boring as shit but now I know stuff I didn’t before. So still kinda cool.

 **CASTIEL:** I did warn you. I promise I’m not as boring as my job :)

 **DEAN:** After our date last weekend, boring is definitely not a word I associate with u

 **CASTIEL:** I can see why :P

 **DEAN:** u can tell me to screw off if you want, but do you do that kind of thing often?

 **CASTIEL:** Bring a man back to my house to rut on my couch after the first date?

 **DEAN:** Well, yah. But other stuff like that too. I know u said u don’t do the hook up thing?

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t. Almost never anyway, and certainly not in a very, very long time.

 **DEAN:** Ok. u know that was my first time doing stuff with a dude. I was just curious about what’s the norm I guess.

 **DEAN:** We don’t have to keep talking about it if you don’t want.

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t mind :) I don’t think there’s “a norm” for gay people anymore than there is for straight people. Like I said, it isn’t the kind of thing I do often, but you were making it very hard for me to resist.

 **DEAN:** I made it hard, huh? Heh heh

 **CASTIEL:** I had no idea you were into immature punny humour :P

 **DEAN:** Sorry to break it to u, but immature and punny are two words that can be used to describe pretty much anything about me, Cas.

 **CASTIEL:** My lunch break is over so I have to go now, but I look forward to hearing more of your terrible jokes later ;)

 **DEAN:** Shut up, I’m funny! Talk to you later.

  
  
“Cas?”

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says shyly. “How are you?”

“Good,” Dean replies. “Didn’t expect you to call tonight.”

“You… you said that I could though, right? I’m not overstepping, am I?” Castiel checks, suddenly feeling very self-conscious for calling him after they already texted this afternoon.

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s good. Just unexpected,” Dean explains.

“We can just talk tomorrow if you want?” Castiel offers.

“I like talkin’ to you,” Dean says kindly. “What’re you doin’ tonight?”

“I’m baking, actually.”

“Well _now_ you have my attention,” Dean quips, and Castiel smiles. “What are you baking, Cas?”

“Cookies. I have you on speaker and I’m just finishing putting them on the pan as we speak,” Castiel tells him.

“What kind of cookies?”

“I call them Everything Cookies. They have oats, and chocolate chips, and toffee pieces, and M&Ms, and sometimes I throw in some nuts, but I don’t have any right now,” Castiel tells him. “If I bake them correctly, which I almost always do, they come out chewy. They’re delicious.”

“You’ve got my mouth watering over here,” Dean answers. “Save me some for Friday?”

“I’m not sure I can promise that. I have very little willpower when it comes to cookies, Dean,” Castiel warns him.

“Aw, come on! Don’t be a tease! Shut up, Sam,” Dean grumbles. Castiel hears a door shut and then he says, “Sorry, Cas. Forgot how nice it was living alone until my jerk of a brother came to stay again.”

“He seemed nice enough to me,” Castiel disagrees. “We wouldn’t be talking right now if it weren’t for him, remember?”

Dean barks out a laugh. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who has to look at the stupid face he was making at me when I called you a tease because he thinks I’m fucking flirting with you.”

“Aw, you’re not flirting with me?” Castiel teases.

A laugh escapes Dean. “Even if I’m not, you can always assume I wanna be.”

“Smooth,” Castiel answers.

“I didn’t get to be a manwhore because I’m awkward,” Dean tells him.

“It’s probably the bowlegs,” Castiel jokes. Except Dean doesn’t laugh. Instead, he's met with silence. “I’m sorry,” Castiel says quickly. “I was trying to be funny.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s just... I’m kinda sensitive about them, I guess.”

“Dean, I’m sorry, really. I had no idea,” Castiel says again.

“How would you?” Dean asks. “I don’t usually talk about this kinda thing. But the thing is, when I was little, kids used to make fun of me for them sometimes.”

Castiel makes a sad sound. “I’m sorry. Kids are awful. God.” His words come out all in a rush when he keeps talking, “I’m sorry kids were so mean to you, and you’re understandably sensitive about them after that, and all I could do is make jokes about picturing your legs wrapped around my waist, when you -.”

“Wait, what?” Dean asks, trying to hide his laughter.

“I said, I’m sorry. I’m an -”

“No, no, no. You mentioned making a joke about my legs wrapped around you? I think I musta missed that?” Dean reminds him.

“I - Can we forget that just happened?” Castiel asks, sounding desperate.

“Hell no we can’t! I wanna know!” Dean exclaims.

“Well… fuck. I never actually said it, did I? I was thinking… that... when I mentioned your legs earlier, but I never actually said the joke out loud. Until I did say it out loud by accident. I’m so embarrassed.”

“You know, for the first time in my life, I might actually like my legs, Cas. Especially if they make you think about me like that,” Dean teases.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Castiel says again quietly.

“I’m not complaining, am I?”

“No, but still. It was inappropriate and I do apologize,” Castiel insists.

“Hm. I might be willing to forgive you. For cookies.”

Castiel laughs. “If I hadn’t put my own foot in my mouth, I would have thought you planned the whole conversation to go this way.”

“Sometimes you just gotta let the cards fall where they may,” Dean answers with a big smile on his face.

“I’ll bring you some cookies,” Castiel promises.

“Yeah?” Dean asks, clearly excited. “I don’t have to wait until Friday?”

“Not if you don’t want to. I can swing by on my lunch tomorrow. If you want?”

“I’ll never say no to cookies, Cas. Unless there’s coconut in them,” he adds. “You know I’ll probably be covered in grease and sweat though, right?”

“I did have a sneaking suspicion that may happen from time to time considering you’re a mechanic.”

“Ha ha. I’m just sayin’, I’m not gonna be all sexy like I was on Friday,” Dean says, clearly joking.

“I think I get to be the judge of that.”

“That means you’ll have to let me know if I’m right or not,” Dean tells him.

“This is just a way to fish for compliments, isn’t it?” Castiel asks, finally catching on.

“I might like knowing that the guy I’m dating thinks I’m hot. So sue me.”

“I think you’re hot,” Castiel says easily.

“I think _you’re_ hot,” Dean echoes, and Castiel can’t help the butterflies he feels in his stomach.

“You’re ridiculous,” is all he can manage to say, but he knows Dean can tell there’s no heat behind it.

“Aw, you’re being cute. You’re embarrassed, aren’t you?”

“Not all of us look like underwear models, Dean. I’m not used to getting compliments about my physical appearance,” Castiel admits.

Dean scoffs. “You know I don’t believe you, right?”

“That’s okay. It works well for me if you are misguided in thinking I’m as heavily pursued as you probably are,” Castiel says.

“ _Please_. If you were out at the bars every weekend like I am, you’d get hit on just as much as I do,” Dean disagrees.

“I guess we’ll never know,” Castiel answers cryptically, and Dean laughs.

“Hey Cas? Can I ask you something?”

Castiel feels nervous, but agrees. “Of course.”

“Do you ever make pie?” Dean asks, and Castiel chuckles a little bit.  
  
“Occasionally. You a big fan of pie?”

“Nobody's a bigger fan of pie than me,” he admits.

“Yeah? What’s your favourite kind of pie?” Castiel asks.

“All of them,” Dean deadpans.

Castiel laughs again. “I’ll remember that. Maybe I’ll cook you dinner one night and make pie for dessert,” Castiel offers.

“Oh my God, you cook, too?” Dean asks, obviously impressed.

“I can, yes. I don’t often cook big meals for myself, but I enjoy spending time in the kitchen. You don’t cook?”

“I do, but only because even I get tired of take out eventually. If I could get away with never cooking, I would,” Dean explains. “I grill like a boss though.”  
  
“Of course you do,” Castiel says, smiling.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing bad, I assure you. You come across as very masculine. Grilling is very manly, so I’m not surprised you excel at it.”

“When you have lips and cheekbones like mine growing up, if you don’t act masculine, you get the shit beat outta ya,” Dean admits.

Castiel’s heart wrenches again for the younger version of Dean. “I’m sorry, Dean. I promise I won’t beat you up if you act less than manly around me,” Castiel jokes, trying to make him feel better.

“You mean like holding your hand and kissing you on the cheek?”

Castiel smiles at the memory. “That’s not feminine behaviour, Dean. It’s just sweet.”

“Pfft. Think this is probably the first time anybody’s ever accused me of being sweet,” Dean says.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody if you don’t want me to,” Castiel promises.

“Nobody’d believe you anyway,” Dean insists, and Castiel laughs. “This is nice,” Dean offers.

“I think so, too,” Castiel responds.

“I haven’t talked to anybody on the phone like this since high school,” Dean explains.

“I usually hate talking on the phone because I do it all day at work,” Castiel confesses.

“But you called me!”

“I want to get to know you better,” Castiel says easily. Just then the oven beeps. “Oh, the cookies are ready!” Castiel explains.

“I’ll let you go deal with those, then,” Dean says. “I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch, though?”

“I’ll be there,” Castiel promises.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”  
  
“Bye, Dean.”

 

**THURSDAY:**

 

 **DEAN:** Hey do u eat PB &J?

 **CASTIEL:** Just the PB for me. Why?

 **DEAN:** I know it’s nothing fancy but I was thinking I could make sandwiches for lunch since you’re bringing me cookies. If u want.

 **CASTIEL:** That would be great! Thank you, Dean.

 **DEAN:** Come around the back btw. Otherwise I’ll never get any of those cookies lol

 **CASTIEL:** Will do! See you soon :)

 

It’s ten after twelve when Castiel pulls into the parking lot of what will be Winchester Auto. He drives around to the back of the garage slowly, and parks outside of the only door he sees. He gets out of the car, grabs the Tupperware container of cookies he brought, and takes a deep breath before he knocks on the door.

It’s only a moment before Dean’s there, opening the door for him. Dean’s dressed in a ratty pair of jeans, smeared with dirt and/or grease, and an equally ratty t-shirt. Dean’s smile is big but soft, and Castiel can’t help but smile back at him. “Hey Cas, c’mon in, man.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says nervously, stepping through the door.

He takes a look around the small apartment. He’s entered right into the tiny eat-in kitchen with a little two-person table. The appliances look old but clean. He can see through to what he assumes is the living room, with a very worn but comfortable looking couch inside. There’s pictures in frames on the walls and more pictures stuck to the fridge.

“Sorry,” Dean begins. “My place is a little dingy compared to yours.”

Castiel frowns. “I wouldn’t say dingy. It’s homey and comfortable.”

Dean smiles shyly. “So how much time do ya have? You want a tour?”

“I’ve got about a half hour before I have to head back. I’d love a tour. I feel bad now realizing I didn’t offer you the same when we were at my place,” Castiel says.

“There’s always next time,” Dean smiles at him.

Castiel feels warm all over knowing that Dean’s thinking in terms of a next time.

“So, obviously, this is the kitchen slash dining room,” Dean begins. He takes a few steps through the entryway of the living room. “This is the living room. Don’t usually have blankets and shit on the coffee table, but my brother’s a bit of a slob,” he explains. He walks through the room and down the hall. “Here we got the bathroom, the next door’s the laundry room - which I am so not opening the door to right now - and this is my room, where the magic happens,” Dean says with a cheeky smile over his shoulder as he walks in.

Castiel hates himself for blushing, but follows him in anyway. Most of the small room is dominated by what must be a king sized bed with a mossy green bedspread and a mountain of pillows covered by creamy ivory pillow cases. Everything in this room is surprisingly decadent compared to the rest of the house.

“All of this is gorgeous, Dean,” Castiel gushes.

Dean lights up at the compliment. “Bed’s memory foam, too. Other than my car, I think my bed’s probably my most prized possession. I may have splurged in here a little,” he admits.  
  
“It was worth it. It feels very soothing in here,” Castiel tells him.

“Yeah? I gotta disagree. Not a lot about seeing you in my bedroom is exactly soothing for me,” Dean says with a wink.  
  
Castiel blushes again but laughs. “Then maybe you should let me put these cookies down somewhere that's not in your bedroom?”

Dean sniggers. “Yeah. I did promise sandwiches too. So c’mon,” he says, walking back out to the kitchen. He opens the fridge and takes out a plate of wrapped sandwiches and a carton of milk, placing them on the table. “Gotta have milk with peanut butter, right?”

“Absolutely,” Castiel agrees.

“Take a seat, man. The cookies can wait on the table ‘til we’re done our sandwiches,” Dean says, reaching into a cupboard for a couple of glasses. He sets them on the table and sits across from Castiel. “The PB&J are for me, the plain ones are for you.”

Castiel gapes at the plate. There’s eight sandwiches on it for the two of them. “How hungry did you think I'd be?” Castiel teases.

Dean laughs and grabs one of the ones he made for himself. He takes a bite that's much too big to be socially acceptable, and then proceeds to speak with the food chipmunked in his cheeks. “Sammy’ll eat whatever we don't.”

Castiel chokes out a laugh. “I'm sorry, I don't think I caught that through the giant wad of chewed up food in your mouth,” he says, teasing.

Dean somehow manages to smile with his mouth as full as it is, and chews before he responds. “Sam says I have terrible table manners,” he says, but he doesn't look particularly apologetic.

“I'm going to have to agree with him on this one,” Castiel answers, taking a much smaller bite of his own sandwich.

Dean shrugs. “Been eating like this my whole life. Not about to change now.”

Castiel shakes his head, amused despite himself. “If you spit food on me I swear to God we’re never eating together again,” he warns Dean, getting a loud laugh from him in response.

“You know I'm adorable,” he counters.

“I've never been less attracted to you as I am in this moment,” he teases Dean. Dean’s face falls slightly and Castiel reaches over to place his hand on top of Dean’s on the table. “That's okay, though. It will be good for me to have a clear head around you every once in awhile.”

Dean smiles. “Well, with how fast I eat I guess it’ll only be a few minutes a day anyway,” he answers, and Castiel laughs, taking his hand back to take a drink of milk.

“How's work going?” Castiel asks.

Dean shrugs, and chews a little bit at least before answering this time. “Spent most of the morning in the damn office trying to figure out the bookkeeping. But I ended up under a car before lunch so that made it okay.”

“You do your own bookkeeping?” Castiel asks.

“Not well,” Dean admits. “I'm just trying to copy the way Bobby was doing it. But I hate the stupid program. I swear it makes it harder than it has to be.”

“What program are you using?”

“Quickbooks,” Dean sneers.

Castiel nods knowingly. “That's the worst program. People use it because it's cheaper than Simply Accounting, but Simply is _so much_ better. People at our office bribe each other so we don't have to take a Quickbooks file,” Castiel says, laughing.

“I knew it wasn't me! Can you help me switch to Simply Accounting?” Dean asks. “I’ll pay you. Or Cam or whatever.”

Castiel nods. “I can help you. You don’t have to pay me, though. I can get you set up in a few hours, and then all you’ll have to do is the weekly entries. I’m sure you can do that part on your own as it’s very simple.”

“I’m not so good with computers,” Dean warns him.

“Trust me, it’s fool proof. While helping you though, I’m going to have access to all of your financial information. Your assets, paychecks, revenue, losses. All of it. Are you okay with that? It’s a lot.”

Dean shrugs. “You can’t see what’s in my bank account, and you can’t tell anybody what you know, right?”

“Not only would I _never_ do that, but yes, it’s confidential.”

“Then I’m okay with it. But if you help me, then I pay for dinner as thanks,” Dean says.

“You said I could buy dinner since you bought drinks!” Castiel reminds him.

“That was before you offered to do hours of bookkeeping for nothing,” Dean argues.

“I’d do the same thing for any of my friends. It’s really not a big deal.”

“We’re not friends though, are we?” Dean asks.

“I don’t know. If things don’t work out between us, I think I could see myself being your friend quite easily,” Castiel answers. “You’re easy to talk to.”

“I’ve literally never stayed friends with an ex afterwards,” Dean confesses.

Castiel laughs. “Me neither. But I’d try with you.”

Dean’s smiling at him so softly he takes another drink just to have something to do.

When Dean says, “God, how do you make me want to snuggle you and fuck you at the same time?” Castiel just about spits out his drink, and Dean roars with laughter.

Once Castiel has his coughing fit under control, he scowls at Dean. “You did that on purpose, you ass!”

Dean laughs some more. “Yeah, I did. I’m a bit of a dick.”

“I noticed,” Castiel answers dryly.

“I meant it though. You’re adorable and sexy at the same time and it’s kinda driving me crazy,” Dean admits.

“In a good way though?” Castiel checks.

“In a good way. Scarily good, actually,” Dean says quietly.

Castiel chews another bite before he asks, “Scary because I’m a guy?”

Dean shakes his head. “Scary because I haven’t liked somebody like this in a really long time. Reminds me of being in high school. Talkin’ to you on the phone. Hiding in my room so Sam doesn’t hear what I’m saying. Making out on the couch. Fuck, even having PB&J on our lunch breaks is pretty high school.”

“Don’t forget the cookies and milk,” Castiel reminds him, and Dean points at him.

“Yes! See? You know what I mean.”

“Is high school the last time you were in a relationship?” Castiel asks.

Dean sighs. “Yeah. But we were together for a year of college, too.”

“Tell me about her,” Castiel asks.

“That isn’t weird?”

“It’s not weird for me, no. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it though,” Castiel says kindly.

Dean finishes off his second sandwich with a big bite, then holds up a finger as he chews. “Lisa. Captain of the cheerleading squad,” Dean begins.

“Naturally,” Castiel quips and Dean grins.

“She was hot as fuck, and really sweet, too, but kinda tough at the same time. She was never clingy like other girls, and if I didn’t talk to her for a few days she didn’t care, as long as I always came back eventually and went to school functions or whatever with her. When we finished high school, we both went to the same college. We didn’t room together or anything, but we might as well have. I spent more nights in her apartment then I ever did at the dorm.”

“So what happened to end it?” Castiel asks, finishing his sandwich and reaching for half of another one.

“It was kind of mutual. She mentioned how she didn’t think we were the same as her other friends who were in relationships, and when we started talking about it we both came to the realization that we loved each other as friends and found each other attractive, but weren’t actually in love with one another. I woulda been fine with that, I think, but she wanted more. So we broke up.”

“And even though you were mature about it and had a strong foundation for a friendship you didn’t remain friends?” Castiel checks.

“We did for a bit, and even did the friends with benefits thing for a while because we always had really great sex.” Castiel pretends he doesn’t feel a tinge of jealousy hearing that. “But once she started dating somebody else and she mentioned him being jealous because of me, I backed off and gave her some space. I’ve seen her around during the holidays a few times, but we’ve never really spoken or hung out since then.”

“And that was, what, five years ago?”

Dean looks up at the sky as if he’s trying to work it out. “Something like that, yeah.”

“And you haven’t been in a relationship since?”

“I went on a few dates, and a couple of times I even lasted a month or two with the same girl, but I always managed to screw it up somehow, so I just gave up.”

“I know you said no at the bar already, but I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t get lonely from time to time without somebody to share your life with. That’s my favourite part about having a boyfriend,” Castiel tells him.

“I woulda thought it’d be regular sex,” Dean smiles.

“That’s nice, too,” Castiel agrees, smiling back at him. “I guess I’m kind of a sap. I enjoy knowing that if I’ve had a bad day I can count on somebody else to try and cheer me up, or the other way around. I like having somebody to listen to stories about my day, bring me medicine when I’m sick, or even just share my baking with,” he says. He notices Dean looks sad. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”

“No. You didn’t. It’s just… you seem like such a nice guy, Cas. And I’m such a fuck up at this kinda thing. I dunno if I can be all those things for you like you deserve.”

“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I know you’re not my boyfriend, but you’ve been doing everything right so far,” Castiel assures him. “You’re helping me eat my baking,” Castiel reminds him, smiling.

“That's the easy part,” Dean answers.

Castiel shrugs. “I don't want to be too forward, but in my experience, being in a relationship isn't hard when you find the right person. It's when you're with the wrong one that it seems like work instead of being easy like it's supposed to be.”

“How come you're not already with somebody else, then? If you know how easy it can be that’d mean you already found the right person, right?”

Castiel nods. “Sometimes what’s right at one point isn't what ends up being right. My last serious boyfriend and I were very happy together, and it was very easy. Too good to be true. But when he got offered a job out of state, I wasn't ready to go with him. So it ended. No hard feelings, we just didn't want the same thing long-term.”

“You don't wanna move from here?” Dean asks.

Castiel shakes his head. “I don't think so. I didn't for him. I like it here.”

“Me, too,” Dean agrees. “Only reason I could ever see myself moving is if Sam doesn't come back here when he’s done school.”

“You’d follow him?”

“I might. I dunno. He says he wants to come back or live close by anyway, so we’ll see what happens I guess. I got a business now though, not so easy to just pick up and go.”

Castiel nods, “That's true.”

“Kinda deep conversation to have with sandwiches and milk,” Dean says, smiling.

“A little, I guess. But I feel like I know you better, and that's a good thing.”

“Yeah? Not ready to run away knowing I might suck as a potential boyfriend?” Dean asks. Castiel can tell he means it to come across lightheartedly, but somehow Castiel can see how vulnerable he really is.

“Not even close. You’ll have to try harder than that to scare me away.”

Dean ducks his head and when he looks back up his eyes go wide. “Shit man, you’re gonna be late for work if you don't go. It's been a half hour already!”

Castiel gapes at the clock Dean is gesturing to on the wall. “Wow, time flies!” He says, draining his glass of milk and standing up. “I guess I better get going. Sorry I don't have time to help with the dishes.”

“Don't worry about it. I'll let you know how the cookies are,” Dean promises, also standing.

“Thanks for lunch,” Castiel says, making his way to the door. He turns towards Dean once he’s opened the door. “I had a good time.”

“Me too,” Dean smiles. “Can I kiss you?”

Castiel’s heart skips a beat. “Yes, Dean,” he smiles. “You don't have to ask anymore.”

Dean smiles back before taking a step towards him and cupping his face with both hands. Dean brushes his nose against Castiel’s before he presses their lips together softly but firmly, and Castiel barely registers the feeling of Dean’s thumb gently pulling his chin down and his mouth open before he feels his tongue push into his mouth. He returns the kiss eagerly, rubbing his hands up Dean’s strong back before he holds him close. He lets the kiss stay soft and sweet, and completely loses all sense of time while he enjoys one of the best kisses of his life, until Dean pulls away and breaks the kiss as softly and easily as it began.

Castiel knows he's standing there looking like an idiot, but his brain is gone to mush and his knees are as shaky as his breath. The pad of Dean’s thumb brushes across his cheekbone once before Dean pulls his hands away from his face.

“How do you _do that_ to me?” Dean whispers. Castiel’s eyes focus on Dean’s face and he notices when Dean’s expression turns from a look of awe into an amused small smile before he says, “Have a good afternoon at work, Cas.”

Castiel nods. “Yeah,” he breathes and Dean chuckles.

“Let me know you didn't crash and die on your way, k?”

Castiel nods again, “K.”

Dean leans in and kisses him once more quickly with a smile still on his lips. “Get outta here before I get you fired,” he warns, bouncing his eyebrows.  
  
Castiel hears himself make a sound that is dangerously close to a giggle, and he gives a small wave before he turns and flees to his car.

He climbs inside and rests his forehead on the steering wheel for a moment to compose himself. He is so, so screwed.

 

After spending his lunch with Dean, Castiel isn’t expecting to hear from him that night. He’s in bed for the night reading when his phone indicates he has a new text message.

 **DEAN:** u forgot to tell me if I’m sexy or not in my dirty clothes

 **CASTIEL:** I thought the fact that you managed to kiss me brainless was enough of an answer for you.

 **DEAN:** Nope lol I need words

 **CASTIEL:** You’re very sexy, Dean. I’m insanely attracted to you.

 **DEAN:** u don’t know how close I was to dragging u back inside my house this afternoon. ur pleated dress pants were really doing it for me

 **CASTIEL:** I’m rolling my eyes at you right now

 **DEAN:** u think I’m joking?

 **CASTIEL:** Yes? How are dress pants hot?

 **DEAN:** Can’t explain it. Seeing u all proper for work just made me want to mess u up somehow I guess lol

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t know why I had this idea in my head that you’d be cautious and shy because this is your first time dating a man. You're definitely not! :)

 **DEAN:** hahaha I dunno man. I think about u a lot but I don’t know what I’m really ready for

 **DEAN:** Hope u don’t think I’m a cock tease :(

Castiel laughs at the one and only emoji Dean has ever sent him. He’s so cute! He chooses his words carefully.

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t think that at all. I understand how some of this might be confusing for you, but I like you. There’s no rush to do anything at all, I promise :)

 **DEAN:** You’re too nice man

 **CASTIEL:** No, I just respect you, and am interested in you for more than just your body. Even if you can kiss me silly :P

 **DEAN:** I’ll try to keep my silly kisses to a minimum tomorrow night then. Btw ur cookies were freaking awesome! A+

 **CASTIEL:** I’m glad you think so :) I look forward to you grading my pie some day.

 **DEAN:** Any time man, and I mean that! lol I’ll let u go now, though

 **CASTIEL:** I was about to turn in for the night anyway! I’ll see you tomorrow :D

 **DEAN:** Ya, I can’t wait. Night Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too "all over the place" for you with texting, phone calls, and then a mini date. I want Dean and Cas to get to know each other, and I want you guys to see how their relationship develops step by step without having to add a lot of the filler in between conversations.
> 
> Also, this goes for all chapters: I don't have (or want) a beta, but that being said, if you see any errors please let me know and I'll fix them :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for homophobic slur! (Literally the last sentence in the chapter.)

**DEAN:** Still no fancy clothes right?

 **CAS:** That’s fine by me :)

 **DEAN:** Just checking. I’ll be there in 20 mins

 **CAS:** Sounds good :)

 

Fuck. Dean’s freaking out. He’s changed his shirt ten damn times already and he still doesn't know which one he should wear. He feels like a pussy texting Cas to make sure he didn’t dress up, but he knows he’ll be a thousand times more nervous if he’s uncomfortable in his clothes. But he doesn’t want to look like a slob, either. He finally finds a v-neck t-shirt hanging in his closet that he hasn’t worn before. Must be a gift from somebody, he realizes. It’s a dark forest green, and when he pulls it over his head and looks in the mirror, he thinks it makes his eyes look even greener than usual. He changes his light jeans for a pair of dark ones, but goes for his worn sneakers so he doesn’t look like he tried too hard to look good. He messes up his hair once more, pushing it to the side the way he likes the most, and makes a quick trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth and apply an extra coat of deodorant just in case.

He didn’t shave this morning so he has a little bit of stubble, and when he takes in the sight of himself, he thinks he looks damn good. But not _too_ good. Not like he went out of his way to look good, anyway. Just naturally good.

When he walks through the living room to get to the back door, he tries to ignore the stupid look on Sam’s face. Sam breaks out in a big grin and Dean feels his nerves slip into anger. “Shut up, Sam,” he grumbles as he walks past him.

“I didn't say anything!” Sam whines like the little bitch that he is.

“You might as well have, lookin’ at me like that,” Dean tells him.

“Fine. I wasn't going to say anything, but since you're being a jackass anyway, I will say that if you _ever_ give me crap for taking too long to get ready again I will remind you of this.”

“Yeah well not all of us get 12 hours of beauty sleep on our brother’s couch. It takes work to look this good,” Dean says.

“Obviously. Where are you taking him in jeans and a t-shirt?” Sam asks, obviously displeased with his appearance.

“For burgers. Now shut up and leave me alone.”

“ _Burgers_? Really?” Sam sighs dramatically. “At least tell me you’re stopping to get him flowers on the way there.”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, flowers and tampons, Sam.”

“Dean! If you’re going to pick him up you have to bring something! It’s like, Dating 101. He’s going to think you’re not into him if you don’t!”

Dean shakes his head, not believing him and says, “Fuck off, he will not.”

“Whatever, man. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Good luck,” Sam answers.

Dean curses his brother as he walks out the door and gets in the car. He doesn’t want to get flowers for a dude; it’s weird! He doesn’t have to bring him anything really, right? Sam was just being a bitch. Then he remembers Cas bringing him the cookies and then thinks maybe he really _is_ supposed to bring something and he just never knew because he hasn’t dated in so long.

Fuck.

He pulls into the first place he sees with a little sign that says “Flowers” on it and gets out of the car, pissed beyond belief he’s doing this. On his way inside he sees a little dog tied by his leash close to the front door and stops to give him a little pat. Then inspiration strikes.

He’s still smiling at the stroke of brilliance when he buzzes Cas’s apartment number at the door of the building.

“Dean?” He hears Cas ask.

“No, it’s the tooth fairy,” Dean jokes and Cas laughs.

“I’ll be right down,” Cas replies.

“No, uh, I have something for you. Can I come up?” Dean asks. Shit. That’s awkward.

“Oh, alright. Come on up,” Cas answers, and the door buzzes to let him know he can go in.

Dean knocks on Cas’s door and it opens almost immediately.

Cas looks _amazing_. He’s wearing a short sleeve button up, but it’s well-worn and doesn’t look too fancy. It’s a light blue color with blue and grey checkers through it, and he’s paired it with light blue jeans. A few buttons are undone at the collar of his shirt and Dean tries not to drool over the few inches of exposed skin at his neck.

That’s when he realizes he’s been standing there checking Cas out for way longer than is normal.

He clears his throat. “Hi, sorry. You distracted me,” he says, shooting Cas one of his most charming smiles.

Cas blushes, and Dean wants to kiss him already. “I was enjoying the view, myself,” Cas admits, and Dean smiles more sincerely now.

“You look really good, man,” Dean tells him.

“Thank you. As do you,” Castiel replies.

“Okay, so I have something for you but it’s kinda lame so let me explain first,” Dean starts. “Sam told me I had to bring you flowers.” Cas frowns and looks at Dean’s empty hands. “But I thought that was a little much and I kinda felt weird about bringing a dude flowers, so I didn’t.”

Cas smiles warmly. “That’s more than okay, Dean. I honestly wasn’t expecting flowers or anything else.”

Dean snaps his fingers. “Ha! Thank you! I told Sammy you weren’t like that but he made me feel like an ass for not getting you anything. So I stopped at this place that had a sign up for flowers, but when I got there I saw something I thought you might like better.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small bag of cat treats. “For Albus,” he explains, suddenly feeling like the biggest loser in the history of the world.

Cas’s eyes go wide and then soften into an expression he’s never seen on Cas’s face before. “You bought my cat treats instead of buying me flowers?” he asks.

Dean swallows. “Yeah, I know it’s kinda dumb, and maybe it’ve been nicer if I got you the flowers, but when I saw this dog outside I thought about Albus, even though that's dumb, and I know how much you love that cat so…”

“Dean,” Cas interrupts, taking a step towards him and taking the treats from his hand. He surprises Dean by leaning forwards and kissing him quickly but firmly. He stays close to Dean when he says, “I love them a million times more than flowers. This is the sweetest thing anybody’s ever done for me on a date.” He kisses him once more and then says, “Thank you.” Dean sees crinkles beside Cas’s eyes when he smiles at him like that and he really wants to see that kind of smile again.

Dean’s grinning like an idiot in return. He knows he is, but he can’t help it. “No big deal,” he says, uncomfortable with the praise. “Never would’ve thought of it if Sam didn’t tell me I was supposed to get you something.”

“But you _did_ think of it, and they’re perfect. I’ll just put them away for now and I’ll be right back so we can go,” Cas says, turning to walk towards the kitchen.

“You’re not gonna give him one?” Dean asks, trying to hide his disappointment.

Cas’s eyes are sparkling with mischief when he looks over his shoulder to say, “I thought I’d let you do it when we come back here later.”

Dean feels a flash of arousal run through him and knows he doesn’t hide the surprised look on his face fast enough, but answers, “Sounds like a plan to me,” as steadily as he can anyway. Cas is smiling to himself, clearly pleased, and Dean can’t stop smiling back.

“Alright, I’m ready if you’re ready,” Cas says.

They make small talk easily enough until they reach Dean’s car. Cas is in the middle of saying something so he stops in his tracks and waits for him to finish. When he does, Dean smiles and says, “Cas, meet my Baby.”

Cas’s eyebrows shoot up. “Your Baby?”

Dean nods, gesturing to the gleaming black ‘67 Impala behind him. He turns to face it and says, “Baby, this is Cas. We like him,” he whispers conspiratorially. Cas is smiling and Dean counts that as a win. “What do you think, Cas?”

“You know I know nothing about cars,” Cas begins, but when he sees the expectant look on Dean’s face he quickly adds, “but this one is gorgeous.”

Dean smiles, appeased. “Yeah she is,” Dean agrees, walking around to his side to climb in.

Once Cas is in the passenger seat beside him, Cas says, “Hey Dean? If I asked you what you like more, me or this car, what would you say?”

Dean gives Cas a fake look of sheer panic and answers, “I’d beg you not to make me answer that question,” as seriously as he can.

When Cas bursts out laughing, Dean smiles and starts the short drive to the restaurant. Less than ten minutes later, Dean’s pulling into the parking lot. He looks at the restaurant nestled in between a travel agency and a gym in a strip mall, and looks over at Cas, who’s doing his best to keep a guarded expression.

“I know it looks a little rough from the outside, but I swear, it has some of the best burgers I’ve ever had. I know the guy who runs the grill and he’s amazing. I swear it’s nicer than it looks,” he tells Cas. “Trust me?”

Cas nods right away. “I do,” he promises.

“K, let’s go then,” Dean says, opening the door and waiting for Cas to join him around in front of the car. He feels nervous about it, but he takes Cas by the hand anyway, and tries not to blush while he walks inside.

“Well, well, well,” he hears, and he lifts his head to find Meg behind the counter, smirking at him as usual. “Look what the cat dragged in.”

He rolls his eyes and looks at Cas. “This is an order at the counter kinda place. Are you gonna have a burger?”

Cas shrugs, “If they’re some of the best, I don’t think I have much of a choice.”

Dean steps up to the counter, “Hi Meg,” he says. “We’ll have -”

“Not so fast, handsome. Who’s this delectable morsel you have with you tonight?” Meg interrupts, leaning across the counter and putting her ample cleavage on display while she does it.

“This is Castiel, my _date_.” Dean says, emphasis on the word date. “So you can put your tits away.”

Cas sounds like he’s trying to cover up a laugh, and Dean squeezes his hand in a gesture of support.

“You weren't complaining when you were fucking them last month,” Meg says, batting her eyelashes. She stands reluctantly. “You know, if I knew you swung that way we could’ve added a third a long time ago,” she says, winking at him and then shooting a pointed look at Cas. “But then again, there's no time like the present.”

“I think I’ll keep this one to myself, thanks,” Dean answers, gritting his teeth.

Meg’s eyes widen and she turns to Cas to say, “My, my! He’s sexy when he’s jealous, isn’t he, Clarence?”

“Castiel,” Cas corrects. “And he has no reason to be jealous. I don’t swing _your_ way,” he replies.

“Well that’s a shame,” she says, pouting. “Now that I know it's all work and no play, what can I get for you two?”

“Two bacon cheeseburgers with fries. I’ll have everything on mine, with a Coke. Cas?”

“The same is fine,” he replies.

Dean goes to pull out his wallet while Meg punches in their order and Cas elbows him. “Dean. We agreed I would pay tonight.”

“No we didn’t. I said I was buying since you’re gonna help me with my books,” Dean argues.

“And I told you I’d do that for anybody. I’m buying,” Castiel insists.

“C’mon, Cas,” Dean tries.

“No. Absolutely not. I insist,” Cas says again.

Dean throws Meg a helpless look and she laughs. “Don’t look at me Deano, I’m just trying not to soak through my panties watching you two decide who’s the alpha.”

“Has anybody ever told you how absolutely charming you are?” Cas asks sarcastically, surprising a loud laugh out of Dean and a grin out of Meg. He pulls out a few bills and slides them to her across the counter.

She leans over rather obviously again and says, “Thanks, Clarence.”

Dean is watching Cas shaking his head at Meg when he hears, “I thought I heard your laugh!”

Dean’s smile is genuine when he sees Gabriel come in from the kitchen. “Hey, man! Didn’t think you’d be stuck here on a Friday night. Thought you were the boss now?”

“I’m just finishing my shift. Some jackass called in sick on a Friday night. Kids these days,” he says, smiling in amusement. “Who’s your blue eyed friend here?”

“Uh, this is my date, actually. Castiel,” he explains.

Gabe’s eyes go wide. “Well slap my ass and call me Sally! If I knew you played for both teams I would’ve hit on you ages ago!”

Castiel and Dean both laugh softly. “Can’t say I blame you,” Cas says, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure’s all yours,” he jokes lamely. “Hey, Dean? Any chance the bi thing got carried on to your little brother?”

Dean frowns. “Uh, no. You stay away from my brother,” he warns.

Gabriel has a far off look on his face when he says, “Too bad. I’d climb that like a tree.”

Dean makes a face of utter disgust. “What the fuck, man?” He notices Cas is shaking with silent laughter beside him and elbows him. “Let’s go sit down before I leave and never come back,” he says, pulling Cas towards a corner booth and sliding in.

“Are all of your friends like that?” Cas asks as they settle in.

Dean smirks, “I never really thought about it, but yeah, pretty much. I’m not close with Meg and Gabe though, I just know them from coming here.”

“You didn’t have to tell them we were on a date,” Cas says. “They obviously didn’t know about your sexuality.”

Dean shrugs, “I knew when I grabbed your hand outside they were gonna figure it out. It’s not a big deal. I’m not ashamed or whatever.”

“You continue to surprise me, Dean. All in good ways. I'm very glad we’re getting to know each other better,” Cas says, giving him a soft smile Dean has come to think of as his favourite.

“Me too,” he answers. “The restaurant isn't as bad as it looks, right?” He checks.

“No, not nearly as bad. It's actually kind of charming with the old diner decor and the juke box,” Castiel comments. “Plus, there’s the display the waitress made for you with her breasts,” he adds.

“Oh God, I almost forgot about that. You have a bit of a mouth on ya, huh?” Dean smirks, remembering how he put Meg in her place.

“It's incredibly distasteful to be trying to seduce somebody while they're on a date with somebody else. She would have deserved it if I was even less polite,” Cas says, slightly defensively.

“I'm not complaining!” Dean assures him.

“And I may have been a little jealous,” Cas admits. “Especially after she made sure to let me know right away that you had already slept with her before.”

Dean feels embarrassment creep in. Usually he'd crack a joke and try to deflect, but he _likes_ Cas and he doesn't seem to judge him for sleeping around. “It was just sex, Cas. I can barely stand her otherwise. Believe me, there's nothing to be jealous of.”

“I believe you,” Cas answers.

“Good, because here she comes with our drinks,” Dean says quietly.

“Here you go, boys,” Meg drawls as she places their sodas on the table.

“Thanks, Meg,” Dean says, obviously dismissing her.

“Hey now, no need to be rude. I was just thinking about you two and I'm dying to know something,” she says, her eyes gleaming.

“Whatever it is the answer is no. Now excuse us,” Dean tries.

Meg pops her hip and sets a hand on it. “It wasn't a yes or no question, cupcake.”

“If we answer your question will you let us get back to our date in peace?” Cas asks.

“Absolutely,” she answers, beaming.

“Fine, do your worst,” Cas permits.

“I was picturing you two, you know, moving furniture around. But I couldn't decide: who’s the top and who’s the bottom?”

Dean knows his face looks more like a tomato than it should, but he forces his voice to come out calmly when he says, “Come on, Meg. You know me. I’ll take whatever I can get.”

Meg smiles slow and sexy and glances at Cas again. “He's totally a bottom, right?”

“Not that it's anywhere _close_ to your business, but you heard what he said. You got your answer. Now if you don't mind, we’re on a date,” Cas growls.

Meg pouts. “Fine.” She makes eye contact with Dean and says, “You know my number if the ice man leaves you feeling _blue_ at the end of your date, cutie.” Then she sashays away.

“Wow,” Cas says dryly.

“I regret my choice of restaurant,” Dean admits. “Sorry, Cas. I've never seen her so…”

“Desperate?” Cas supplies.

“I was gonna say forward, but desperate fits.”

Cas doesn't say anything and as the silence stretches into the first uncomfortable silence between them, he notices Cas is suddenly much more interested in the decor and glancing around the restaurant than looking at him.

“What's up, Cas?” Dean asks, knowing there's something.

“It's not of import, don't worry about it,” Cas answers quickly.

 _Yeah, not of import my ass_ , Dean thinks.

“Listen, I don't know a whole lot about the dating thing, but if you're pissed at me I’d rather you just come out and tell me I’m a dick than give me the cold shoulder or whatever,” Dean admits. He should get a fucking medal for this.

Cas rubs at the line between his eyebrows. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, Dean.”

“But you’re mad,” Dean picks up on.

“I’m irritated, but I know I have no reason to be, and I’m trying to let it go,” Cas confesses.

“My mom always tells me that you don’t need a reason to feel something. You just feel it, and it’s never wrong no matter what,” Dean says. “It’s only wrong depending on how you deal with it.”

Castiel nods. “I like that.”

Dean gives himself a mental push and says, “I like _you_. I might be way out in left field here, but are you irritated about what Meg said? About me calling her after our date?”

“I shouldn’t be. We never said we couldn’t see other people.”

Dean realizes he never even thought about seeing anybody else while he’s dating Cas, and when he thinks of Cas going out for dinner with somebody else it makes him want to punch something. “You did say you didn’t like to share, though,” Dean says. “Again, I don’t know how this usually works, but for me, if I’m going on dates with you I’m not going out with anybody else.”

“Of course not. You said you don’t date,” Cas answers, dropping his eyes and looking at the table.

 _Oh._ “You think I’m making you sandwiches one day, buying you burgers the next, and then fucking somebody else in between?” Dean asks.

“No. I hadn’t thought of that at all until she said that,” Cas replies. “That’s why I overreacted. It caught me off guard.”

“Well, I’m not. And as long as we’re doing this, I’m not going to.”

Dean wants to be insulted by the look of surprise in Cas’s face, but he guesses with everything he’s told him he really shouldn't be. “Really?” Cas asks.

“‘Course,” he answers easily. “I know I sleep around a lot, but I never met anybody who I just clicked with like this, you know? I know I’m gonna screw this up somehow eventually, but it ain't gonna be because I’m sleeping around on you. Okay?”

“I wish I could kiss you right now,” Cas says, smiling, reaching across the table for Dean’s hand. Dean reaches across and meets his in the middle, feeling like he’s in high school again but happy about it anyway. “I’m very happy.”

Dean smiles back, then says, “You’re not gonna either right?”

“Date or sleep with somebody else?” Cas finishes for him, and Dean nods. “Of course not.”

“Good,” Dean says on a heavy breath out. “Thinkin’ about it was making me want to punch something.”

They both turn their heads towards a small scuffle they hear coming from behind the counter, and see Gabriel stumble out holding two plates in his hands. As he approaches their table, Dean notices it’s their dinner.

“I like this waiter much better than the other one,” Cas says quietly enough so only Dean can hear him. Dean gives him a little wink and Cas ducks his head a little.

Dean just raises his eyebrows in question at Gabe.

“Heard your boyfriend was going to rip Meg’s head off if she came back over here,” Gabe says to Dean, as he places their meals in front of them.

“If you want to prevent that in the future, you should really talk to her about not offering sexual favours to your customers,” Cas advises.

Gabe snorts. “Yeah right! That’s how we get most of our customers to come back for seconds,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows at Cas. “Dean knows all about that!” He adds, slapping him on the back companionably.

“Dude. You want me to go find Kali and tell her about all the people you’ve fucked?” Dean asks.

“Not unless you want her to start a killing spree,” Gabe answers.

“Then shut the fuck up in front of Cas,” he says.

“Aw, you like him, don’t you? This is so cute! Cas you have no idea how many women -”

“That’s it! We’re leaving!” Dean says, acting like he’s about to get up and go.

“Okay, okay, okay!” Gabe says quickly. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, and please let me know if you need anything else,” he adds in a very fake voice, and he gives a grand bow as he backs away from the table.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean breathes. “This has gotta be one of the worst dates in history.”

“Ohhh no,” Cas disagrees quickly. “Try finding something to eat at a vegan restaurant.” Dean lets a look of horror cross his face. “Exactly. I’ve had much, much worse.”

“Gee, I feel so warm and fuzzy inside now,” Dean replies.

“You might after you dig in to the burger. Here’s hoping it tastes as good as it smells,” Cas says, picking it up and taking a bite. He moans around the first bite and Dean watches with a smile on his face, ignoring his body’s reaction to Cas’ little moan the best he can.

“Told you,” he says, before he picks up his own burger and dives in.

Cas swallows before he says, “This is the best burger I’ve ever had! The flavour is unbelievable!”

“I know, right?” Dean says around a mouthful of food. Cas gives him a look that Dean knows is for talking with his mouth open, and he grins at him with the food in his mouth.

“Where have you had better burgers than this?” Cas asks.

Dean chews and swallows, seeing Cas smile at his use of manners, and says, “My place.”

“You’re saying your burgers are better than these?”

“Way better,” Dean answers with confidence.

“I look forward to testing that theory,” Cas says, looking impressed before he goes back in for more burger.

They talk about their work days a little bit, Cas tells Dean a story about a client at work who’s obsessed with his hair, and Dean tells him about the little old lady who brings her car in every two weeks just to flirt with him. Dean asks more about Albus, and finds out Cas got him a week after moving into his new apartment and how he feels a lot less lonely ever since he had him. Dean feels his appreciation for the cat grow after hearing Cas talk about him, and he even gets excited at the idea of getting  him to chase a light around if it’s gonna be anything as entertaining as Cas makes it seem.

Even though their plates were taken away a long time ago, they stay and talk, and their hands make their way back across the table to one another without either of them thinking about it. Dean's having a great time, and he's pretty sure Cas is, too. He's never been able to just open up and talk to somebody he just met this way before. He's seen Cas three times in his whole life and already he knows more about Dean's life than a big chunk of his friends. He's just as easy to talk to as he is to look at, Dean thinks with a smile.

“Do you work tomorrow?” Cas asks, as they get to their feet to leave the restaurant.

“Nope, only one Saturday a month,” Dean explains.

“Would you like to come back to my place for a bit?”

“What a stupid question,” Dean teases. He lowers his voice purposely, and gives Cas his best bedroom eyes. “You know I’ve been thinking about that all night.” Cas smiles shyly and his face goes a little red. That's when Dean adds, “I really wanna see what Albus thinks about those treats.”

Cas’ laugh escapes him in a bubble and Dean hears him mutter something about being an asshole, and Dean’s feeling awfully proud of himself as he follows Cas out to the car.

Right up until he goes to open the car door and sees the word FAG written on his Baby’s windshield in bright red lipstick.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to earn the E rating in this chapter, enjoy... :)

Dean stares at the letters on the windshield and can’t take his eyes off of them. Fag. Is that what he is now? That’s probably how it looked to whoever saw him and Cas and wrote his on his car. His Baby.

There’s a hand on his elbow, and he pushes whoever it is away instinctively, and his hand is already in a fist ready to throw a punch when Cas says his name.

“Dean!”

“Cas?” He asks, starting to come back to himself.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas asks.

 _No._ “Yeah, ‘course I’m okay.”

“I’ll go get something to clean this off so we can go, okay?” Cas asks. Dean realizes he’s talking to him slowly, like he thinks he’s about to freak out on him or something.

He forces a smile. “I got some towels in the back. I’ll hit the windshield washer fluid and I should be able to get it off okay.”

He does just that, and it comes off easier than he expected. That doesn't make the job any easier though. Every time he sees those three letters he feels a new wave of shame and disgust wash over himself. This is what people think of guys like him and Cas. That they're fags. Dirty. Wrong. Weak. Feminine. He hates himself a little bit more every time he scrubs, but keeps his face as blank as he can, not wanting to freak out Cas, who has been standing to the side, watching him this whole time with a broken look on his face. _I caused that,_ Dean thinks. _Being with me put that look on his face._  The realization makes the self hate burrow in even deeper.

Less than ten minutes later, he climbs back in the car and Cas joins him in the passenger seat.

“Are you okay to drive?” Cas asks him.

Dean’s actually confused about the question. Has he not been hiding his emotions very well? “Uh, yah? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Cas’s eyebrows draw together. “You’re understandably upset, Dean. I’m just offering to drive in case you’re feeling a little off.”

“I’m not,” Dean insists.

Cas’s face is soft when he says, ”I wouldn’t think less of you if you were.”

Dean gives him half a smile as he feels the first crack in the walls he put up, and starts the drive back to Cas’s place. It’s quiet, but he thinks Cas is probably as lost in his head as Dean is in his own.

“I understand if you don’t want to come up anymore,” Cas says gently when they pull into the parking lot.

Dean whips his head to meet Cas’s eyes. “Do - do you not want me to?”

Cas reaches over to put his hand on his shoulder. “No, I do want you to. But I understand if you've changed your mind. I won't be upset or angry,” he promises.

“I want to,” Dean assures him, and they get out of the car together after exchanging small smiles.

When they make it inside Cas’s apartment, Cas asks him if he wants a cider.

“Got anything harder?” Dean asks, not meeting Cas’s eyes.

“Johnnie Walker?” Cas asks.

“Fuck yes,” Dean nods. He watches Cas grab a couple of glasses and a bottle from a cupboard, and he leads them to the couch.

 _The couch where I dry humped Cas until I blew my load in my boxers,_  Dean remembers as he sits down. Cas’s cheeks are a little pink, and he wonders if he’s thinking the same thing.

He pours them each a couple of fingers of whisky and Dean doesn’t hesitate to knock half of his back in one shot. Cas eyes him for a moment, and then does the same. Another few seconds pass before they both drain their glasses, and Cas fills them again.

Cas leans back on the couch, sipping his drink.

“The first time somebody called me a fag I was fifteen,” Cas says, completely catching Dean off guard. Dean only has a second to think about how much harder that must have been to hear as a kid before Cas keeps talking. “I asked a boy I liked if he wanted to go to the school dance with me, and he pushed me onto the ground and then called me a fag. I knew I was gay, but I still cried the whole way home. That word is just so ugly." He takes another sip of his drink. "When I got to school the next morning, my locker had a dozen letters inside all with the same hurtful words scribbled inside of them.” Cas takes another drink from his glass. “I started crying again.”

Dean feels his heart ache for a young Cas, alone and crying at his locker. He sits back and curls his arm around him, pulling him towards his body. “I’m sorry, Cas. Kids are jerks.”

“Not just kids,” Cas corrects. “The last time somebody said something to my face was about a year ago, and it was an elderly lady at a friend’s wedding. I had actually helped her carry in her gift earlier, and she was very sweet at the time. Then my date arrived, and we hugged, and I guess something in our embrace was more intimate than what’s considered normal, and she called me a homo.” Cas huffs out a short breath of air. “Not the most insulting thing she could have said of course, but it was the hatred behind it that left a lasting impression. I got really drunk that night.” He looks pointedly at Dean, takes another sip of his drink and says, “Didn’t really help anything.”

“But you’re gonna sit here and drink with me anyway?” Dean asks.

“If that’s what you need,” Cas offers quietly.

Before Dean can stop it, he feels tears gathering behind his eyes, and one quickly spills over, dripping on to his cheek. He feels his nose beginning to run, and sniffles, which gets Cas’s attention. Cas turns his head to face him, and he takes Dean’s drink without a word and sets both glasses on the table before he pulls Dean into one of the tightest and warmest hugs he’s ever had.

“Cas -” Dean says, trying to stop him. Trying to stop what he’s feeling.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas says quietly. “It’s okay to be upset about it. I’m upset about it, too.”

Dean still tries to deny it. “It’s just a word. I know it doesn’t change anything. It’s stupid for it to make me feel like this,” Dean tries to say, but his throat is thick with unshed tears.

“It’s not stupid. It’s a mean, hateful word,” Cas comforts him.

“I’m not ashamed of being with you, so it’s dumb to be upset about a stupid word,” he tries to tell himself.

“What would your mom say, Dean?” Cas whispers.

_It’s okay to feel however you feel. It doesn’t matter why. It only matters how you deal with it._

That’s what makes Dean finally break. The fact that Castiel, this unbelievably kind man, already knows exactly the right thing to say to comfort him. Cas already told Dean it was okay to cry, and for the first time in a really long time, he lets go. And he cries. He doesn’t sob, and he doesn’t shake, but he lets the tears fall silently as Cas holds him to his chest, rubbing his back and running his hands through the back of his hair. Soothing him. Putting his broken pieces back together. Reminding him that being with a man isn't dirty or wrong or shameful. How can anything as good as Cas be wrong?

He doesn’t know how long Cas holds him, but he knows he’s exhausted by the time the tears stop falling, and he’s also extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable with letting himself go like that.

“Cas?” He says, almost sounding like himself again.

“Yes, Dean?”

“I think I’m, uh, feelin' better now,” he answers, beginning to pull away. Cas lets him go, and reaches for the box of tissues on the coffee table. He passes one to Dean, and uses one to wipe his own nose and tears. “Why’re you crying?” Dean asks, concerned.

“Because you were. You’re such a good man, Dean, and you don’t deserve the sadness or the ugliness you were exposed to tonight,” Cas replies.

“I dunno about that,” Dean argues, “but I’m sorry I made you cry, too. Not exactly great second date material, huh?”

“ _You_ didn't make me cry," Cas corrects him. "Honestly, I’m just glad I could be here with you and that you didn’t have to go through that alone,” Cas answers, and Dean feels something warm spread through him. They both hear a jingle and Albus comes trotting into the room. “Hey, look who’s finally come to say hello!” Cas says, visibly perking up at just the sight of his cat.

Cas bends over to scoop him up, and Albus plants his front paws on Cas’s chest, purring loudly. Cas pets him, and Albus bumps his head against Cas’s chin, making him laugh softly.

“Could you two be any cuter?” Dean asks, smiling at the pair of them.

Albus turns towards Dean and crawls over to him slowly, sniffing the air before crawling up Dean’s chest almost exactly the way he crawled up Cas’s, and staring at him like he’s waiting for something.

“Pet him,” Cas urges, softly. So Dean does. He runs his hands down his back, and Albus arches under his hands. Then he scratches between his ears, and Albus closes his eyes. But he doesn’t purr.

“No purring for me, huh? I know I’m not as cute as Cas, but I did bring you treats, you know,” Dean says to him seriously.  

“I see what you mean. This is extremely adorable,” Cas says, and when Dean turns to him, he sees he has those eye crinkles again and Dean feels butterflies in his stomach.

“How come he won’t purr for me?” Dean pouts.

Cas chuckles. “He’s a tough sell at first. You’ll have to work harder for it than that.”

Dean nods. “I’ve known chicks like you, you know. They can never resist me, either,” Dean warns Albus, with a cheeky smile in Cas’s direction. Cas rolls his eyes but laughs softly and Dean knows he thinks he’s funny. “Can I get him one of those treats?”

“I can get them,” Cas offers.

“No way! Then he’ll think they’re from you. I’m getting full credit for this,” he says seriously, and Cas laughs at him, crinkly-eye smiling at him again.

 _Note to self: The way to Cas’s heart is through his cat,_ Dean thinks as he gets up to grab the treats. Albus is laying in his spot on the couch almost instantly and Dean laughs when he sees Cas reach over to pet him. “How quickly I’m replaced,” Dean quips.

“Believe me. Albus and I have spent a lot of time on this couch together, but I have much nicer memories with you on it,” Cas says, and Dean grins wide at the reminder.

Dean can’t see him from the kitchen, so he raises his voice to answer. “I’ve been trying not to think about that since I walked in here, ya know. You're not helping,” Dean says, grabbing the treats from the cupboard. He tears the package open, leaving the top of it on the counter, and starts walking back into the living room and standing behind the couch.

“Try living here. I was half hard every time I sat down all week. I was starting to wonder if I developed a couch kink,” Cas says, and Dean laughs at the unexpected confession, taking a good look down at Cas.

Shiny eyes, flushed cheeks. Dopey smile. “Are you drunk?” he asks, amused.

Castiel chuckles. “I’m not _drunk_. But I’m not entirely sober.”

“You get flirty when you’re drunk, Cas?” Dean asks, smirking.

“I’m not drunk!” Cas insists and Dean laughs. “But I might have a little less of a filter. Tell me if I -”

“I know,” Dean says easily. He knows Cas won't come on too hard. He digs his hand in the treat bag. “How many can he have?”

“Only a few, they’re very high in calories.”

Dean scoffs. “Cats don’t count calories.”

“Responsible owners do,” Cas says sternly.

“Oh yeah, you're just screaming responsibility right now,” Dean mutters to himself, wondering why Cas is such a lightweight. He’s had, what? Three shots? Dean holds out a treat in his palm and approaches Albus. Albus sniffs and looks around with interest but doesn't seem like he sees the treat. Dean points. “It's right here, buddy,” Dean tells him. Albus is starting to go nuts, smelling the treat but not seeing it. He gets on his back legs, putting his weight on Dean’s outstretched hand unexpectedly, and Dean drops the treat. Albus must hear it fall because he drops to the ground and finally finds it. Dean’s amused. “He may be cute, but he's not all that bright.”

“Why don't you throw the other two down there and see how long it takes him to find them?” Cas suggests.

Dean snorts. “Why? That seems mean.”

“I forgot to give you the tour again! I wanna show you where _my_ magic happens,” Cas says, barely holding back laughing at his own joke.

“Very smooth,” Dean tells him and Cas laughs again. Cas gets to his feet and approaches Dean. Dean notices both glasses on the table are empty. “You finished my drink!” Dean exclaims. He must have knocked them back when Dean went in the kitchen. _Okay, more like five shots,_ he corrects mentally. And now it makes a little bit more sense.

“I can get you another one,” Cas says, laughing. “I really wanna show you my room though,” he says again, coming closer.

Dean can't help but grin at him. He's obviously a little drunk, and more than a little horny. And he's not the only one.

When Cas finally gets in front of him he slides his hands around Dean’s waist, bringing their hips together. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” Cas asks, only inches away from his lips.

“Thought we decided we don't need to ask?” Dean says, voice sounding a little huskier than normal.

“I know. But after the slur on your car, I didn’t know how you were feeling. I just want to make sure you still want me.” Cas shakes his head. “Want _this_ , I mean. We don't have to do anything. I just want kiss you.”

Dean feels a sigh escape his lips. Maybe a stronger man could deny those bright blue eyes shining up at him and want written all over his face, but Dean sure as hell isn’t him. “Yeah, Cas. I want you to kiss me. And I wanna see where the magic happens, too,” Dean says with a wink.

Cas lets out a soft whimper. “Do you know how sexy you are when you do that?”

Dean laughs, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Yeah, I do.” When Dean tries to deepen the kiss, Cas backs away and walks down the hallway where Dean assumes his bedroom is. Dean follows him eagerly, loving it every time Cas looks over his shoulder shyly to see if he's still there. He also loves the view he's getting of his ass as he walks in front of him. Cas can fill in a pair of jeans better than a lot of women he’s fucked, he realizes, arousal curling in his stomach. Maybe the thoughts he's having _does_ make him what Baby's windshield said, but he’ll be damned if he can find it in him to care as he follows Cas through the doorway and into his bedroom.

Cas waits for him to walk in, and then closes the door behind him. Dean raises his eyebrows at him and Cas explains, “I don’t want Albus to come in.” Dean nods, feeling a little nervous all of the sudden.

Cas walks around him, trailing his hand down his back and just grazing over his ass before he flops back onto his bed with a sigh.

“You’re not gonna pass out on me, are ya?” Dean checks, walking closer to the side of the bed.

Cas just smiles at him and grabs his hand and pulls him forwards. Dean’s stronger than him, but he allows himself to be pulled onto the bed, and crawls over top of Cas, holding his body away from his.

“Was this your plan all along?” Dean teases, and Cas nods.

“Kiss me, Dean. Please,” Cas asks him, and Dean couldn’t resist him if he wanted to.

Dean lays his body down beside Cas, bracing his upper body with one hand, as he leans in and presses his lips against Cas’s. He’s met with the now familiar but still incredible electricity he always feels when he kisses Cas, and it isn’t long before Cas’s mouth opens for him and they slide their tongues together. Cas makes a needy little sound into Dean’s mouth and pushes against his lips harder, causing heat to flare through Dean’s body.

Dean’s free hand comes up to hold Cas’s jaw, loving it when he feels the stubble under his fingers, and moves Cas into the best position for him to dive as deeply as he can into his mouth. Dean sucks on his tongue and Cas moans, making Dean’s dick thicken in his pants. Dean pulls away to kiss a trail to Cas’s neck, finally tasting the inches of exposed skin where his collar's been opened all night.

“Dean,” Cas sighs in a low voice.

Dean realizes Cas’s hands are fisted in the blankets of his bed. He pulls mouth away from Cas’s skin reluctantly and says, “You don’t wanna touch me?”

“I do,” Cas gasps. “So badly. But I don’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Dean leans in and kisses him again, soft and sweet. “You can touch me, Cas. I want you to. Maybe just keep it above the belt for now though, okay?”

Cas nods eagerly, and his hands fly up to pull Dean so that’s he’s straddling one of Cas’s legs. Dean laughs against Cas’s lips at how fast he moved, until he feels Cas’s erection against his hip. Suddenly it’s not so funny anymore. Then Cas’s strong hands are pressing on Dean’s back, and he’s incredibly turned on by how different - _good_ different - his big hands feel on him.

Without meaning to, he gently rocks himself against Cas’s leg, instinctively seeking friction, and letting his mouth fall open with a whine when he finds it and feels Cas’s hard length pressing into him at the same time. He loves knowing that Cas wants this as much as he does, that he’s hard for him just like he is for Cas.

Cas’s hands push their way up Dean’s shirt, running his palms over Dean’s bare skin. “Is this okay?” Cas asks.

Dean kisses him passionately in response, and arches into his touch. Cas’s hands feel _amazing_ on him, and he wants more. He wants to feel Cas, too. He kisses his way back down to Cas’s neck, and flicks the first button of his shirt open with his fingers. He looks up to meet Cas’s eyes and Cas nods his head with permission. Dean continues to flick open his buttons, one at a time, feasting on every inch of newly exposed skin, loving the hard muscle under his lips and the breathy sounds he’s hearing from Cas.

Finally his shirt is completely unbuttoned, and Dean slides it off of Cas’s shoulders when Cas pushes himself up enough to help him out. Dean lets his eyes roam freely down the golden skin of Cas chest and stomach, lowering his mouth to kiss the freckles he sees around Cas’s belly button and hearing Cas try to stifle a laugh when he does. He shares an amused smile with him before he pulls a little bit of skin between his teeth, nipping at him gently, and Cas gasps instead of laughs. His mouth follows the light trail of hair that disappears down the front of Cas’s pants and Cas arches his hips up in offering. Dean’s heart starts beating frantically in his chest when he thinks about what Cas wants, but instead of indulging him, he moves his mouth over to taste his prominent hip bones.

Cas is squirming beneath him now, seemingly unable to stay still, so Dean puts his hands low on his hips and holds him down while he bites and sucks a deep mark into his skin.

“Dean,” Cas gasps, sinking his hands into Dean’s hair. When Dean’s tongue licks across the newly sensitive mark on Cas’s skin, Cas’s fingers tighten in his hair, pulling it a little, and a groan slips from Dean’s mouth. Then Cas is sitting up, pulling Dean’s mouth back to his roughly, and lifting the hem of Dean’s shirt slowly, so that Dean has a chance to stop him. He doesn’t. Dean grips the back of his shirt and pulls it up over his head instead.

In one smooth movement, Cas has him around the waist, and flipped over onto his back, his dick pressing firmly against Dean’s beneath him. Dean’s never been manhandled in bed like that in his life, and his dick throbs with unprecedented want. “Son of a bitch, that's hot,” Dean gasps, his voice low and scratchy.

Cas’s mouth is on his neck, quickly but thoroughly making its way to his chest, Cas's hips lifting away as his lips make his way down Dean's body. Dean misses the weight of him holding him down, and thrusts into nothing in frustration.

“Still okay?” Cas asks, looking at him with spit-slicked lips and hooded eyes.

“Fuck yes,” Dean says enthusiastically.

Cas grins, and his mouth goes back to work. Dean watches as Cas licks his way over to his nipple, and flicks his tongue over it. It buds beneath his tongue, and Cas closes his teeth around it, pulling just hard enough to make Dean gasp.

“You’re beautiful like this,” Cas tells him, and Dean feels a blush spread on his cheeks. Cas’s hands spread wide on his stomach, pushing up to his chest. “Your body is unbelievable.” Cas moves his hands back down, following them with his mouth, right down to the edge of the waistband of Dean’s jeans. He dips his tongue under the fabric, and nips his way across his stomach, leaving his hands on the bed on either side of Dean’s body. He lifts his head enough to make it obvious that he’s taking in the sight of the bulge in Dean’s pants. Dean squirms at the attention.

“Take ‘em off, Cas,” Dean tells him, gruffly.

Cas’s eyes flick to Dean’s quickly. “We don’t have to.”

“I know we don’t have to. I want to. So fucking bad,” Dean admits. “Just… leave my boxers on.”

Cas is still hesitating, so Dean reaches down and flips the button of his jeans open for him, and pulls down the fly. Dean can hear Cas panting with want, and when Dean lifts his hips for him, Cas gives in and pulls them down his hips for him. “Yours too,” Dean insists. “Wanna see you,” he whispers, and Cas bites down hard on his bottom lip as he undoes his jeans and pulls them off.

Dean feels hot everywhere when he takes in the sight of Cas tenting his boxers, the front obviously damp in places. Dean realizes Cas is looking at his boxers probably the exact same way Dean’s looking at him. Hungry. Horny. Wanting. But he doesn't close the distance between them. He's waiting for Dean’s okay, Dean knows.

“I wanna touch you,” Dean admits.

“Can’t,” Cas breathes. “I haven’t been tested recently.”

“Fuck,” Dean curses. Him neither. “How are you even thinking that clearly?”

“I have no fucking idea,” Cas admits and Dean laughs darkly. “On top of your boxers?” Dean's eyes widen. “Can I touch you over your boxers? Is that okay, Dean?”

Dean groans at the idea of Cas’s hands on him. “ _Yes_ , yes, please, Cas.”

Dean can't find it in himself to be embarrassed at the needy sound that comes from his lips when Cas runs a palm over his cock for the first time. He's pulsing with desire in a way he never has before. He pushes into Cas’s hand greedily, desperate with how much he needs this.

“You're so hard for me,” Cas says, and it comes out almost like a growl that only makes Dean impossibly harder.

“I want you so fucking bad, Cas,” Dean breathes. “I'm so hard it hurts.”

“I can kiss it better for you,” Cas whispers. Dean’s jaw drops and he nods eagerly, feeling his boxers dampen at his words.

Cas lowers his mouth to the bulge in Dean’s boxers, mouthing over his erection with the cotton of his boxers between them. “Mmmm,” Cas breathes, and Dean thinks he might have a heart attack right here on the bed just from Cas's mouth. Cas’s eyes flick up to Dean’s and maintains eye contact as he opens his mouth wider, dragging his teeth along the length of him, and sucking hard on the tip.

“Holy fuck,” Dean whines, completely overwhelmed by that piercing stare and wanting nothing more than Cas to suck him down for real. “Please,” he begs, not even knowing what he’s asking for.

Cas pulls away, laying his body flush against Dean’s. Dean opens his legs, making room for Cas to line up their hard cocks. “Do you know how badly I want you in my mouth, Dean?” Cas sucks Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth to prove his point, and Dean’s hips roll forwards on their own, dragging another moan from him. Cas thrusts against him, and Dean whispers encouragement.

“Yeah, Cas. Like that,” he says, dropping his hands to Cas’s ass and pulling him in harder against him.

“Unngh!” Cas gasps. “ _Dean!”_

Hearing Cas’s gravelly voice calling out his name like that pushes him closer to the edge. “Oh fuck, don't stop, Cas. Feels so good.” Dean barely holds back the _babe_ that almost slipped out, and captures Cas’s lips to make sure it doesn't happen again. Cas dives in, kissing him hard and filthy, continuing to roll his hips against him sinfully.

All Dean can think about is wanting him closer, and he follows his instincts and hitches his legs up, wrapping them around Cas’s hips and pulling him in impossibly closer. He can feel Cas’s cock slipping a little lower to rub between his ass cheeks and and he calls out, “Oh, _Cas_! Fuck!” He has a mental flash of Cas buried between his legs with nothing inbetween them, and with a final thrust and that picture in his mind, he throws his head back and comes hard between them, his fingers digging into the fabric of Cas’s boxers.

“Ugh, Dean. _God_ , so fucking hot, Dean,” Cas breathes, and it's only seconds later when Cas sinks his teeth into Dean’s neck and Cas comes on top of him with a choked out sob.

Dean runs his hands up and down Cas’s body, caressing his heaving back as they both try to catch their breath. Dean feels completely boneless, and shifts so that Cas is laying beside him with his head on his chest, Dean’s arms wrapped around him loosely.

Cas kisses his chest chastely, and says, ”You okay?”

Dean sighs happily and squeezes Cas a little tighter. “More than okay,” Dean promises. Cas tips his head up and Dean places his thumb on Cas's bottom lip, slowly dragging it down to the small cleft in his chin as he nips at his neck softly. Cas whines before his lips find Dean's, and they kiss slow and sloppy, eliciting a soft sound of pleasure from Dean's throat. He pulls away only long enough to say, “That was amazing,” and then kisses him again and again.

Cas is smiling when he eventually pulls away, and nuzzles into the space under Dean’s chin, kissing him there and sending a shiver through Dean. “You’re incredibly comfortable,” Cas tells him.

Dean can’t wipe the smile off of his face. “You’re incredibly cute.”

“You’re on my side of the bed,” Cas says, and Dean chuckles. “Can you open the drawer in the nightstand and pass me the wet wipes?”

Dean snorts but opens the drawer and starts rifling through it. “That’s convenient,” he murmurs, and Cas just smiles.

“Are you trying to tell me you could get up and walk to the bathroom for a cloth right now?” Cas asks. “Because if you can, then I didn’t do as good of a job as you did.”

Dean glances back to Cas to give him a knowing smile, and his hand falls on something long and smooth. He turns his head back and sees he’s touching a dildo.

“Jesus!” he squeaks, pulling his hand away quickly.

“What!?” Cas asks, alarmed, and then he starts laughing when he figures it out. “Relax. It’s clean,” he says, obviously knowing what the problem is.

“Shut up,” Dean says, embarrassed by his reaction. He finally sees the wipes and passes them to Cas. “Here,” he grumbles.

“I don’t mean to laugh at you, it’s just an amusing reaction considering the circumstances,” Cas explains.

“Yeah, I get it. Laying in bed covered in my own jizz after getting off with my boyfriend, but freaking out over a fake dick. Very funny.”

Cas kisses him on the lips with a big smile on his face, and grabs the wipes before he pushes himself up and sits on the edge of the bed, facing away from Dean. He’s obviously cleaning himself up, and Dean sits to do the same. “I’m just going to throw on a pair of pajama pants. Do you want to borrow a pair of boxers?” Cas asks.

Dean hesitates for a minute before he asks, “What if I asked for a pair of pajamas, too?”

Cas turns to face him with an eye-crinkly smile and says, “Then I’d say you were reading my mind.”

“You don’t mind if…?”

“If you stay?” Cas asks, and Dean turns away again before he nods, suddenly feeling shy. “Depends if you’re going to let me have my side of the bed back or not.”

Dean chuckles. “As long as I get to be the big spoon,” he jokes.

“Works for me,” Cas agrees, standing to get them pants. He tosses a pair at Dean, and doesn’t even blink before he turns around and pulls his boxers off. Dean gets a quick glimpse of his damn near _perfect_ ass before Cas pulls his pants back on. Cas turns back around and says, “Quit staring, perv.”

An embarrassed laugh bubbles out of Dean, and as Cas walks towards the bed and gathers both of their dirty wipes without hesitation and then turns to put them in the trash can by the bed, Dean shimmies into his pair of pajamas quickly.

Cas leans over to kiss him gently and Dean’s body buzzes with happiness. “I’m just going to lock up, and then I’ll be right back. I’ll put a toothbrush in the bathroom for you, and feel free to use whatever else you need in there, okay?”

“Are we goin’ to sleep?” Dean asks. It’s only about 9:00, he figures.

“We can watch tv in here for a bit, if you want?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Dean answers.

“K, I’ll be back in a minute,” Cas promises.

Dean takes the opportunity to stretch out on the bed, relaxing for a minute with his thoughts. That was really, really good, he realizes. Some of the best sex he’s ever had, and it wasn’t even actual sex. Thinking about sex reminds him of the dildo, and he sits up quickly to take a closer look now that Cas isn’t here to laugh at him. It’s black, and long, but not as thick as he would have expected. His dick’s definitely thicker than that, he thinks. If Cas has this, then he must be a bottom. Dean remembers thinking about Cas inside of him when they were fooling around and feels a stab of disappointment. He wouldn’t mind fucking Cas, but he definitely wants to be fucked, too.

He must have been staring longer than he realized, because he hears the door open and flops back down on the bed quickly.

“Curious?” Cas asks, and Dean groans. He clearly wasn't quick enough.

“Kinda,” Dean says, face flaming red.

“Wanna talk about it?” Cas checks.

Dean would really rather not, but he’s also burning with curiosity. “Are you a bottom?” he blurts.

Cas’s eyebrows shoot up, clearly surprised by the question. “I could be, if that’s what you want,” Cas answers seriously.

Dean looks away before he quietly says, “And if I don’t want you to be?”

Cas slides onto the bed, pulling Dean so that they’re facing each other. Cas kisses him on the forehead. “Does it have to be only one way or the other?” Cas asks gently.

Dean doesn't know why he didn't think of that when that's the way he feels, too. “I guess not. Not for me, anyway,” he elaborates, cheeks still red.

“Me neither. I’m happy with either. I enjoy both.”

“Did anybody else use that toy?” Dean asks, needing to know.

“No,” Cas assures him.

Dean nods, strangely relieved. “This is super awkward,” Dean says, and Cas laughs.

“We don’t have to talk about this stuff right now. I never would’ve brought it up if you weren’t so obviously curious,” Cas says.

“We should go get tested though,” Dean suggests.

Cas nods his agreement. “Yes. We definitely should if we're going to keep seeing each other.”

“And we are, right?” Dean checks.

Cas’s smile is shy when he says, “Well, you're the one who called me your boyfriend.”

Dean laughs nervously. “I think you’re dreamin’, pal.”

Cas shoves him playfully. “You did!” he insists. “You said you ‘got off with your boyfriend’.”

Dean’s eyes go wide because he does remember saying that now that Cas has mentioned it. “Well that’s embarrassing.” Dean says quietly.

Cas frowns. “Is it?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I just meant it’s embarrassing that it slipped out like that,” he tries to explain.

Cas shrugs. “If we’re not seeing other people, and we’re going to continue seeing each other, we’re basically together anyway, right? I wasn’t going to put a label on it until you mentioned it, though,” Cas admits. "And you don't have to call me that if you don't want to. I don't mind continuing to say that we're dating."

“You’re still pretty nervous I’m gonna freak out over somethin' dumb and bail on you, aren’t ya?” Dean asks.

“It’s not uncommon for somebody to react badly after beginning a sexual relationship with a member of the same sex for the first time,” Cas tells him.

“You think I’m gonna have a big gay freak out or somethin’ if you call me your boyfriend?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. I would even understand. I just don’t want to get hurt in the aftermath. I want to be certain I don't do anything you aren’t ready for physically as well,” Cas says quietly.

“Have you had a bad experience with that before?” Dean asks.

“Only once, but it was terrible. I still have guilt over it and it was years ago.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk too much about it, but basically I was friends with a man who identified as straight, who then proceeded to kiss me one night. Things got carried away in the heat of the moment, and as soon as he came, he started lashing out about how he wasn’t gay and he didn’t want me like that, and that I forced him into it. I lost him as a friend, as well as a few other people I was just getting to know through him. I’m sure he still thinks I’m a monster today,” Cas says darkly.

“That’s why you ask me before you touch me?” Dean realizes.

“That, and the fact that I respect you as a person. Just because it was okay to be with you sexually last week doesn’t automatically give me permission again today,” Cas explains. “And I like you. A lot. If you ever reacted the way the other guy did, I just… I can’t imagine how badly that would hurt me. I don’t want to push you at all.”

“You haven’t,” Dean promises. “Not one time. And I know you, Cas. There’s no way you would ever force anything on anybody. That guy’s full of shit, and sounds like an asshole, anyway. I don’t believe it for a second, and anybody who did obviously didn’t know jack shit about you,” Dean says seriously.

Cas kisses him. “Thank you,” he says simply.

“And listen. We gotta keep taking it slow while we wait for our test results anyway, right? I’m not gonna freak out if we keep doing the same kinda thing we’ve been doing so far. I uh, feel safe with you, ya know? I trust you.”

Cas sighs happily, shaking his head a little. “Thank you. I’m a little surprised how easy it is to talk to you about this kind of thing,” Cas says sheepishly.

Dean barks out a laugh. “ _You_? I’ve literally never talked about my feelings like this in my life,” Dean admits. “My mom and Sammy will never believe me if I tell them.”

“I can back you up,” Cas promises, still smiling. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

And just like that, they snuggle together on Cas’s bed, watching terrible Friday night television, falling into easy conversation, laughing and kissing, and enjoying their time together. Albus joins them at some point and lays down between them, but Cas kicks him out after they brush their teeth, and he closes the bedroom door so he doesn’t come back in. Dean sends a quick text to Sam to let him know he's not coming home, and turns his phone off.

Dean curls around Cas’s body when they climb into bed together in the dark for the first time. He kisses the back of Cas’s neck and they exchange whispered goodnights. Dean realizes how much he likes the feel of Cas’s strong back pressed against him, and it suddenly hits him why dating never felt quite right before. He’s a lot more into dudes than he thought he was. Or at least he’s _really_ into the one he’s got his arms around, anyway, he smirks. He falls asleep easily after that, feeling better than he has in forever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws fluff at you at like glitter*

Warmth. Happiness. Comfort. Dean.

These were the things running through Castiel’s mind before he even opened his eyes Saturday morning. He had a moment of panic before he was able to fall asleep last night, irrationally worried about Dean not being there when he woke up this morning. But he’s obviously here, and it seems he’s the big spoon even in his sleep, because Dean’s wrapped around him so completely Castiel doesn’t know how his body parts aren’t numb.

Dean’s got one leg hooked over both of Cas’s, an arm around his waist with his hand clamped onto Castiel’s arm, and his face pressed against his back. All of that is doing absolutely nothing to hide the fact that Dean’s hard as a rock in his sleep. Castiel thinks back to last night, at the overwhelming _want_ he felt for Dean, and instantly feels it run through him again.

Castiel isn’t a morning person, though. At all. As much as he likes Dean, and he _really_ likes Dean, he needs to use the bathroom, and he doesn’t have the patience to unwind himself from Dean gently. So instead, he pushes back against him, shoving Dean off of his body with a shake of his shoulder, and he’s pleasantly surprised that Dean rolls away easily with a grumble.

He gets up and uses the bathroom, then stumbles to the kitchen to get the coffee started. Albus greets him when he enters the kitchen, and once the coffee is brewing, he gives him a scoop of cat food to get him out from under his feet. He decides to make omelettes for breakfast, so he gets out what he needs, and once he adds a healthy dose of both cream and sugar to his coffee and feels the first hit of caffeine give him some much needed clarity, he starts chopping up some ham, bacon, peppers, and then grates some cheese.

He doesn’t know how long Dean will sleep, so he just leaves everything ready to cook for when he does wake up, and sits at the breakfast nook with his coffee and his smart phone while he waits for him to wake up.

He’s just about finished his second cup, and is snacking on some chopped fruit when he hears Dean shuffle down the hallway towards him. His eyes are squinted, and he has adorable bedhead, and something about him looks so _soft_ Castiel has to smother the impulse to snuggle him.

“Morning,” Dean says, voice rough with sleep.

“Good morning,” Castiel answers. “Coffee?”

“God yes,” Dean answers, and Castiel smiles, understanding the sentiment. Castiel gets him a large mug and fills it, then points out the sugar and tells him the cream is in the fridge.

Dean shakes his head, and drinks it black, closing his eyes as he enjoys the first sip. He brings the mug around the nook to sit beside Castiel, and Castiel leans over to kiss him softly.

“Did you sleep okay?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, I slept really good,” Dean answers.

“I must make a very comfortable pillow for how tightly you were wrapped around me when I woke up,” Castiel teases.

“So I like to cuddle in my sleep. Sue me,” Dean says, but his face is a little pink, and Castiel thinks it’s sweet.

“I didn’t wake up until this morning, so I must have slept well, too. So no complaints here,” he smiles. “I prepped everything for omelettes, but wanted to wait to cook them until you woke up. Are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry,” Dean says, eyes lit up at the mention of food.

“I was going to have ham, bacon, cheese and peppers in mine. Is that okay for yours?”

“Yeah, that works. Need me to do anything to help?”

“No, I’ve got it, but thanks,” Castiel smiles, getting to his feet and heating up the pan.

“You didn’t have to cook for me. I coulda had cereal or somethin’,” Dean tells him.

“I like cooking. As long as I have coffee first,” he adds.

“Not a morning person?”

“Not even close. If I can help it, I refuse to even speak until I have my first cup,” Castiel confesses.

“Good to know. Also explains why I woke up on my side of the bed all alone,” Dean says with a very fake (but still very adorable) pout.

“That’s probably something you’ll experience often if we share a bed again,” Castiel says, smiling over his shoulder.

“Aw, you mean I’m never gonna get a morning romp outta ya?” Dean says, eyes sparkling.

Castiel remembers the arousal coursing through him when he woke up to Dean hard in his bed. “I wouldn't go so far to say never. But it’s really not my thing. Morning breath is atrocious,” he says, and Dean laughs.

“Can’t argue with that,” Dean says in response.

After checking the temperature of the pan, Castiel pours the first omelette in and waits for it to cook.

“The last time somebody made me breakfast it was my mom,” Dean says conversationally.

“Yeah? Are you close? You’ve mentioned her a few times now.”

“Yeah, man. She’s great. Tough as nails when she needs to be, but still sweet like a mom’s supposed to be, ya know? And she makes the world’s _best_ pie,” he adds.

“What about your dad?”

“He’s not around. Hasn’t been for a while,” Dean says.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What happened?”

Dean shrugs. “I dunno, really. From what I remember, he was almost never around. Used to travel for work a lot. I think he started drinking when he was outta town all the time, and never really stopped. Whenever he was around, he was drunk and miserable. I figure mom told him to get his shit together one day and he never did, and she kicked him out. But I never actually asked.”

“That’s terrible. How old were you when he left?”

“Ten, maybe? It’s hard to remember because like I said, he was never really there anyway, so I prob’ly didn’t even notice at first,” Dean shrugs.

“Your mom must be a very strong woman to take care of two children on her own,” Castiel realizes.

“She’s amazing, but she didn’t do it all on her own. I helped out with Sam a lot. Way more than normal siblings do, anyway. And we don’t have a big family or anything, but we ended up with this like, chosen family I guess, and they helped out _a lot_. There’s Bobby, who's actually a friend of my dad’s -”

“I thought he was your uncle?” Castiel interrupts.

“That’s the thing,” Dean says, “we call him Uncle Bobby, but we’re not actually related. Same thing with Ellen and Jo -”

“Jo from the Roadhouse?” Castiel interrupts again.

“Yeah! And there’s Jody and Donna, too. They all helped raise us so mom could work and still be a mom, and somewhere along the way we all became our own messed up version of a family.”

“That sounds really nice,” Castiel says honestly, thinking it over. He slips the first completed omelette onto a plate and passes it to Dean, then starts his own. “Does your mom live close by?”

“Yeah, just down the street from the shop,” Dean says. Castiel was assuming he’d answer him with his mouth full, and when he doesn’t, he turns to see him just looking at his food instead of eating it.

“Is there something wrong with your breakfast?” Castiel checks.

“Nah, just waiting to eat with you,” Dean tells him.

“It’ll get cold,” Castiel complains. “Go ahead, I don’t mind.”

“Nope. I’m waiting,” Dean says stubbornly, and Castiel rolls his eyes. “What about your parents?”

“Both still alive, and together, but only out of duty to the church,” Castiel scoffs. “We don’t have a relationship anymore.”

“Church people? Gay son,” Dean says, obviously working it out.

“Exactly. They still believe if I pray hard enough the gay will go away,” Castiel says with a wry smile on his face.

“Guess I won’t be meetin’ them anytime soon,” Dean quips.

“No. You definitely get off the hook for meeting the parents,” Castiel agrees.

“Now just tell me you’re rich and like pineapple on your pizza and you’ll be absolutely perfect,” Dean jokes.

“One out of two isn’t bad, right?” Castiel answers, laughing at the absurdity of the statement.

“I guess we’ll have to see how good your omelettes are,” Dean teases.

“I see how it is. You only want me for my cooking.”

Dean grins. “You ever watch Friends?”

“Of course,” Castiel answers, wondering what that has to do with anything.

“Remember that one episode where there’s a fake plot about Fat Monica marrying Joey and he’s just freakin’ huge because she cooks him all his favourite stuff?”

Castiel laughs, remembering it, “Yeah?”

“That’s gonna be us,” Dean laughs, and Castiel laughs, too.

“I’ll have to cook you more healthy food than just ‘fried stuff with cheese’,” Castiel answers, remembering the episode.

“You already are. I’m gonna text Sam a picture of the vegetables in my breakfast because he’ll never believe that I ate it like that,” Dean tells him. “Shit, I need to check my phone. I’ll be right back,” he says, jogging into the bedroom and then walking back out with his phone in his hand. “Sorry, I always try to keep it on because of the shop, but I turned it off last night so Sam wouldn’t bug me and I forgot until right now. Everything’s fine though.”

Castiel was just putting his own omelette on a plate, and takes his seat back beside Dean. “Dig in,” he offers.

“Gotta take the picture first,” Dean remembers, snapping it with a big smile on his face. Then he cuts a piece off and takes a bite, making a humming sound in his throat while he chews. “This is good shit,” he says.

“Such high praise,” Castiel responds, shaking his head.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, eating in silence, when Dean seems to choke on a bite with laughter out of nowhere.

“What?” Castiel asks, confused but also amused.

“I was just thinkin’ about the Joey thing and realized I basically said we were gonna get married and you were going to cook for me all the time,” he says, red faced but laughing.

“It’s not a big deal. I knew what you meant. It wasn’t like you proposed or anything,” Castiel says with a quirk of his lips.

“I gotta be more careful about what I say around you or I’m gonna send ya runnin’ for the hills!”

“Unless you _actually_ propose before the third date, I think we’re okay,” Castiel reassures him.

“Third date, huh? You sound awfully sure of yourself there, Cas.” Castiel just shrugs and takes another bite of his breakfast. “And hey, does lunch not count as a date? Because I think it should.”

Castiel laughs softly. “Sure, if you really want.”

“So that means we’ve already _had_ three dates,” Dean points out.

“You still can’t propose,” Castiel deadpans and Dean laughs hard.

“Sam had something like that happen to him before, actually,” Dean says, remembering with a big smile on his face.

“A man proposed to him after three dates?”

“Ha ha,” Dean says, shaking his head at the poor attempt at a joke. “A chick. Becky. They went out twice, and then she showed him a picture of the ring she wanted.”

“You’re joking,” Castiel says in disbelief.

“She was dead serious, too. Thought they were in love and were ready to take the plunge. I thought it was hilarious, but Sam was freaked out.”

“Understandably so,” Castiel adds. “I can see the appeal, though. The Winchesters have excellent genes.”

Dean makes a face of disgust. “Dude, you can’t say that about my brother!”

“I didn’t say anything inappropriate! I’m just saying you're both attractive men, and I can see how a woman would fall quickly for Sam. For either of you, actually.”

Dean’s still scowling. “How would you feel if I told you your sister was hot?”

“I didn't _say_ hot, Dean, and it wouldn't surprise me if you had that reaction to my sister. You wouldn't be the first man I dated who did. She's beautiful inside and out,” Castiel says honestly. “But they’ll never find your body if you hit on her while we’re dating.”

“There! See! I knew you’d get it,” Dean smiles happily.

“You misunderstand. She'd kill you way before I got the chance,” Castiel explains. “She’s tiny, but she's a redhead, and she definitely has the temper to go with the hair.”

“Redhead, huh?” Dean says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Castiel is less than impressed and glares at Dean, only half serious.

“Good thing I already kinda have a thing for a brunette sex God,” Dean says easily, grinning.

“I hardly think I've earned that title,” Castiel laughs, pleased by it all the same. “I haven't even touched you for real.”

“Yet,” Dean smiles. “Which reminds me, we should see if there's any appointments for us to get tested somewhere today.”

“I made an appointment for this afternoon,” Castiel explains. “After lunch on Thursday.”

“Oh really?” Dean asks. “You were confident you’d need it by then, huh?”

“I know you're only joking, but it's important to me that you know I'm not only interested in you for _that_. If you only wanted to hold hands for the next month I'd still be here. I was just trying to be responsible.”

“I know, Cas. I was just buggin’ ya,” Dean smiles easily, scraping his plate. “Listen, I hate to eat and run, but Sam’s going back to school tomorrow, so I kinda want to spend some time with him before he goes.”

“I completely understand. I'm sorry for keeping you when you had other plans,” Castiel says, suddenly feeling silly for assuming Dean wanted to hang around for breakfast.

“Don't apologize. I wanna be here. I'd stay longer if I didn't have to go, I swear,” Dean promises, reaching over to cover Cas’s hand.

“Okay,” Cas nods. “Feel free to borrow a pair of boxers to get home if you need to.”

Dean shrugs, “Won't be the first time I've left here commando.” Cas’s jaw has dropped and Dean laughs before he gets up and walks to the bedroom.

Castiel scowls to himself when he sees Dean left his plate and mug on the counter, and remembers the garbage from the cat treat bag he left on the counter from last night. He sighs, resigned, when he realizes he's likely dating a slob. He's putting the dishes in the dishwasher when Dean comes out and wraps his arms around Castiel from behind, and kisses the side of his neck.

“Best third date ever,” he says softly, making Castiel melt even more.

Castiel turns to wind his arms around his neck, and pulls him in for their first real kiss of today. Dean tastes like toothpaste and coffee, and there's something happily domestic about that for Castiel. Dean pushes Castiel backwards until he's pressed against the kitchen counter, and Dean leans his body against his heavily, causing Castiel to stir with desire. They kiss each other, nipping and teasing, and Castiel has to keep reminding himself that Dean is about to leave and not to get too worked up.

“Wish I could stay,” Dean says against his mouth before he pulls away, putting some space between them.

“Another time,” Castiel promises.

“I’ll talk to you later?” Dean asks.

Castiel nods. “I won't bother you today since I know you want to spend time with Sam, but whenever you want to talk just call or text.”

“K, probably tomorrow then,” Dean nods, and leans in to kiss him once more. “Thanks for breakfast, and dinner, and everything in between,” Dean smiles. Castiel can only kiss him in response, not sure what to say. “Talk to you soon, Cas,” Dean says, walking towards the door and stepping into his shoes.

Castiel nods. “Have a good day with Sam. Thank him again for me for making me call you,” Castiel requests.

Dean smiles and gives a little wave before he closes the door behind him and leaves Castiel standing in the kitchen, suddenly feeling like his apartment is much too quiet.

 

* * *

 

When Dean walks into his apartment, Sam leans back on the couch to look at him through the doorway. “Walk of shame. Dean Winchester classic,” he says seriously.

“Are you ashamed? Because I’m not ashamed,” Dean says, throwing his keys on the table and getting himself another mug of coffee. He takes a sip before walking in to join his brother.

“Where do you go to get tested for STDs?” He asks.

“Good morning to you, too,” Sam laughs.

“Seriously. Who even does that?”

Sam frowns. “Anybody starting a new relationship? Especially two guys, since you don’t have to worry about condoms for birth control. Castiel is making you get tested?”

“He’s not _making_ me,” Dean scoffs, insulted by the insinuation.

“But you have to keep the mouse in the house until you show him your results?” Sam checks.

“Somethin’ like that,” Dean concedes.

“I like him,” Sam declares.

“You would,” Dean says under his breath.

“You obviously do, too.”

“Just… don’t make it a big thing, okay?” Dean says seriously.

Sam nods. “I get it. I’m happy for you, so I’ll lay off. For the test, pretty sure you can go to Planned Parenthood. That’s probably your best bet for getting in this week.”

“Guess I’ll call. This is fucking embarrassing,” Dean grumbles.

“You could always go back to random hook ups?” Sam reminds him.

“Shut up,” Dean replies.

“Got a text from Jo today already wanting to know if we’re still on for tonight?”

“Damn right. Not missin’ it for anything. Gotta give ya a proper send off, right?” Dean insists.

Sam smiles. “It’ll be nice to see everyone before I leave again. I miss you guys when I’m at school.”

“You’ll be back soon enough,” Dean reminds him.

“Did you invite Cas?” Sam asks.

“No, I told him I wanted to spend time with you before you left. He gets it.”

Sam shrugs. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind getting to know him better before I take off. If you’re serious enough to let somebody swab your junk, I have a feeling he’s gonna be hanging around for a while.”

“I dunno, Sammy. I already saw him a few times this week. Don’t wanna scare the guy away,” Dean admits.

“Do you not want him to come?” Sam asks.

“No, I don’t care. Wouldn’t bother me. But the guy’s got a life outside’a me. He might already have plans or somethin’,” Dean says, trying to play it cool.

“You could just ask? For me?” Sam says, giving him the damn puppy dog eyes Dean’s never been able to refuse a day in his life.

“Fine, whatever. I’ll text him after I call Planned Parenthood. But I gotta take a shower, I feel disgusting,” Dean says, getting up. “Is somebody really gonna swab my dick?”

Sam laughs. “I don’t know, Dean, I’ve never been. It’s a doctor though, don’t worry about it. Totally professional.”

“Yeah, fucking great,” Dean grumbles, walking to his bedroom.

Dean lucks out by scooping up a cancelled appointment in an hour, so he hops in the shower quickly and is on his way across town before he even has time to freak out about. An hour later he's on his way back home, still sweating and embarrassed about talking about his sexual history and the fact that he was about to have gay sex for the first time. He did walk away with a helpful little pamphlet, free Astroglide samples and a box of condoms though, so at least there’s that. Now to just wait the 7-10 days for the results.

Dean gets back home to Sam making macaroni and cheese for lunch, which is a fuckin’ treat when Sam’s cooking. They spend the afternoon watching tv and just shooting the shit while Sam packs his stuff back up. Dean pretends it isn’t hard while he does, the same way he pretends every time Sam leaves. He’s proud of Sam, and he doesn’t want him to feel like he needs to stay here just because of him. He knows Sam’s got big things in his future, and Dean’s not gonna be the thing that holds him back. No way.

It’s almost dinner when Sam says, “Did you call Cas yet?”

“Shit! I totally forgot,” Dean realizes. “I’ll just text him.”

 

 **DEAN:** Hey are u doing anything tonight?

It’s almost twenty minutes later when Cas responds.

 **CAS:** No, I thought I’d stay in since I was out last night. Why?

 **DEAN:** A bunch of us are getting together at the Roadhouse to give Sam a proper send off for school. He said I should invite u

 **CAS:** Really? I don’t want to intrude on your time with him.

 **DEAN:** It was his idea. But I get it if u don't want to see me again already.

 **DEAN:** I don’t want to be another Becky lol

There’s a longer pause than he’s used to when texting with Cas.

 **CAS:** Would you mind? You’ve mentioned twice now that it was Sam’s idea to invite me and I don’t want to come if you don’t want me there...

Dean doesn’t know how to respond without seeming too eager and without making it sound like only Sam wants him there. So he decides to just be honest and see what happens.

 **DEAN:** I want you there. Just don’t want to seem needy

 **CAS:** You don’t seem needy :) What time should I walk over?

 **DEAN:** Meeting at 8

 **CAS:** See you later then :)

 

“I’m guessing the smile on your face means he’s coming?” Sam asks.

“I can’t smile now?” Dean asks, annoyed.

“You can’t _stop_ smiling now,” Sam points out.

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Yep!” Sam says happily.

“Can you not be a bitch when we’re out tonight? I know you think it’s funny or whatever to embarrass me -”

“Because you _always_ embarrass me!” Sam interrupts.

“But Cas is gonna meet a shitload of people tonight and I don’t want to fuck it up. So… just be cool, okay?”

“Okay, Dean,” Sam promises.

If only Dean could get everybody else to agree so easily.

 

It’s after eight, and everybody’s at the Roadhouse but Cas. There’s Sam, of course, and their mom, Bobby, Ellen and Jo. Sam’s friends Kevin, Garth and Ash are here too, but mingling instead of sitting with everybody else at the big table at the back.

Dean pulls his mom aside, telling her he wants to buy her a beer at the bar, but secretly feeling like he’s about to shit himself.

“What is it, Dean?” Mary asks softly, stopping him in his tracks.

“Huh?” Dean asks.

“You look like you’re about to have a heart attack. What’s going on?” She checks.

“Nothing’s going on, I just gotta tell you somethin.”

“Did you get somebody pregnant?” She asks immediately.

Dean can’t help the grin that splits his face. “No, mom.”

“Oh thank God,” she breathes.

“You been waitin’ for that or somethin’?” Dean teases.

“You don’t think I know what you get up to here at the bar every weekend?” She asks, clearly teasing him.

“Jeez mom, I don’t wanna talk about that with you, c’mon,” he groans.

She laughs lightly. “What did you want to talk to me about, honey?”

“I’m dating somebody,” Dean starts.

Mary’s eyes light up. “Really? That’s great, Dean! What’s she like? Do I know her?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” he says.

“Oh God, who is it?” She asks, suspicious now.

“It’s a guy,” he blurts.

There’s only a split second where Mary seems surprised. “Okay, so who is it? Do I know him?”

Dean laughs. “That’s it?”

“It’s not exactly a surprise,” she laughs. “What did you think I was going to do? Come at you with a bible?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t think you’d be mad, but I didn’t think you’d just not care.”

She pats him on the cheek. “It’s 2017, hon. I wouldn’t care if you were dating a man who crossdresses like a woman, as long as he makes you happy.”

“Good, because he’s coming tonight, and I don’t want it to be a big deal,” Dean warns her.

Her eyes light up again. “Ooooh this is so exciting!”

“Stop,” Dean says, trying to keep a straight face.

“How long have you been dating him?”

Dean hears that as, _“How long have you been keeping this from me?”_ and leans in to kiss her on the top of her head. Man, he loves her. “We’ve only known each other a week, but we’ve gone out three times.”

“I’m assuming he’s the one who gave you that hickey on your neck?” She says, eyeing it. Dean flushes. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you getting him pregnant, huh?” She says giving him a playful shove, and he laughs. “You’re still buying me that beer, by the way.”

He wraps his arm around her and says, “You got it mom,” he says, making his way to the bar for real now. “And uh, I love you, you know.”

“I know, baby,” she tells him, leaning against him.

They’re still at the bar, waiting for that beer when Dean hears, “Hello, Dean.”

He turns to see Cas, in a black short-sleeve button-down, completely open, with a bright blue Superman t-shirt on underneath. The blue makes his eyes light up, even in the dim lighting of the bar.

He smiles at him warmly. “Hey, Cas,” he answers. He realizes he still has his arm draped around his mom, who must have turned around when he did. “Um, this is my mom, Mary. Mom, this is Castiel.”

Mary’s staring at Cas with a huge smile on her face, when she says, “Well, this is obviously the boy you were just telling me about. It’s nice to meet you, Castiel.”

Castiel holds out his hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Mrs. Winchester.”

She laughs. “Mary, please. Mrs. Winchester makes me feel older than I am.”

Dean laughs. “I was just getting us a beer. You want one?”

“Sure,” Cas says.

“Excuse me?” Dean calls out until the waitress looks over. “Can I get a pint of Frisky Pete’s with that too?” Mary elbows him. "Please?" He adds. 

She nods and Dean turns back to Cas, only to see his mom still smiling up at Cas.

“Mom, cut it out,” he grumbles, and both her and Cas laugh.

“Sorry, sweetie. So, Castiel. Named after the angel?” Mary asks.

Cas nods his head, “Yes, actually, though not many people know that.”

“You’re named after an angel?” Dean repeats. “You never told me that!”

Cas shrugs. “You never asked.”

“What do you do for work, Castiel?” Mary asks.

“ _Mom,_ ” Dean groans again she turns to face him.

“You shush, Dean Michael, or I’m just going to pull him aside and leave you here to get our drinks,” she warns, and Dean tilts his head back in annoyance.

Cas looks like he’s trying not to laugh at Dean and he says, “I work at an accounting firm as the administrative assistant.”

“Huh. Are the accountants as boring as they’re made out to be?” She asks.

“Not the ones I work with,” Cas answers easily. “I actually like the people I work with a lot. I’m very happy there.”

“How did you two meet?” She asks.

“You’re the one who sent me there,” Dean tells her. “Cas works for Cam.”

Her jaw drops. “Your boss is Cammy Smith?”

“One of them, yes,” Cas answers.

“Oh, now I know you’re a good match for my Dean! Cammy and I go way back,” Mary laughs.

“Mom, jeez,” Dean groans again, embarrassed.

“Dean, it’s fine, really,” Cas reassures him. Cas looks like he was about to reach out and touch him but he stops himself. “How do you know Cam?”

“We play darts together,” she explains.

“Thursday nights?” Cas asks.

“Yep, that’s me!”

“I’ve heard a lot about you in passing, then. From my understanding, dart night can get pretty rowdy,” Cas laughs.

“I see my reputation precedes me,” she says, clearly delighted.

“Aw, look at you, sweet talkin’ my mom,” Dean jokes.

“Here’s your beer, Dean,” a blond waitress says from behind him.

“Thanks, Jess. Here ya go mom, Cas,” Dean says, passing them out.

“Thank you,” Cas says, smiling at him.

“I’ll just let you boys say your proper hellos now that my favourite son bought me my beer,” she says with a wink to Dean.

Dean laughs, "She's gonna walk right over there and tell Sam he's her favourite son."

“It was nice meeting you, Mary,” Cas offers sincerely.

“You too, Castiel,” she says, and Dean doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry when she reaches across and pats Cas on the cheek the same way she did to Dean not ten minutes earlier before she walks away.

Dean drops his head in embarrassment. “That was the worst,” Dean groans.

Cas must have taken a step towards him, because his hand is on his elbow now. “She’s beautiful, Dean. And kind and funny. You’re very lucky,” Cas says sincerely.

Now Dean knows he wants to cry.

“I told her I was dating somebody, and she started grilling me about who the girl was and if she knew her. I told her it was a guy, and she just repeated the same questions but changed the pronouns. Said she’s relieved knowing I won’t get some random girl pregnant,” Dean repeats, amazed at how cool his mom is.

Cas’s smile is wide and genuine when he says, “That’s great. I’m glad.”

“Sorry to spring this on ya like this, but uh, the rest of my family is here too,” Dean confesses.

“I figured that out once you introduced your mom. I probably would have dressed differently if I knew I would be meeting your family,” Cas says, grinning down at his shirt. "Should I button up my shirt?"

“You should definitely be embarrassed. Batman’s a thousand times cooler than Superman,” Dean says seriously, taking his hand and dragging him back to the table with him, smiling at him over his shoulder.

“Hey! Castiel, right? I knew you’d be by again,” Jo says loudly, smiling up at him from the table.

“Good to see you again, Jo,” Cas says.

Dean wonders if Cas can feel everybody’s eyes on their hands the way Dean can. Dean clears his throat and says, “Bobby, Ellen, this is my… this is Castiel,” he finally says, not knowing if they decided on boyfriend or date or what the fuck they are.

Bobby looks at him seriously. “Finally run out of women to bang, son?”

The table is absolutely silent for a single second, but still probably the only time in Dean’s life. It’s Cas who cracks up laughing first, joined in by everybody else after that. Dean turns to glance at him and Cas shrugs.

“That was funny,” he explains, and Dean can’t not grin back at him. Then Cas looks over at Bobby, “I’ve survived eight days so far, sir.”

“That’s gotta be some kinda record, huh, Ellen?” Bobby asks, glancing at her beside him.

“You leave these kids alone, ya old coot. Nice to meet you, boy,” she says with a nod to Cas.

“Hey, Cas, you want a seat?” Sam asks, gesturing to a chair beside him.

“Hi Sam, thank you,” Cas says, sliding in at the table like this is no big deal. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“I had to get a chance to grill you before I left tomorrow morning,” Sam tells him, grinning.

“I don’t know why, but I feel like there might be a lot of that going around tonight,” Cas says quietly, and Dean grins again.

“You gonna sit down with your boy toy or stand there all night smiling like a dummy?” Bobby says.

Dean jolts, realizing he’s just standing there staring at the back of Cas’s head. “Yeah, yeah,” he says lamely, getting into the chair beside Cas, trying to ignore the bright-eyed, sappy smile his mom is giving him.

 _This is going to be a hell of a night_ , he realizes.

The conversation flows easily, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he has his hand on Cas’s knee under the table, he’d barely even know he was there with them. He fits in so easily, remaining quiet for the most part, but laughing with the rest of them and inserting witty comments just often enough to keep himself part of the group. When Kevin, Garth, and Ash join them at the table, Sam makes the introductions and simply says that Cas is Dean’s friend.

Dean hates the sound of it and corrects him immediately. “He’s not my friend, Sam. We’re together. Dating,” he tells them.

Garth just smiles, because Garth is always smiling.

Ash says, “Hey, how cool is that! Welcome to the club, man,” to Dean, and Cas smiles politely.

“Welcome to the club?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, man. The sexuality is fluid club,” he explains.

Dean glances at Cas then turns back to Ash. “I don’t even know what that means,” Dean says.

“It means that sexuality changes back and forth over time,” Ash says. “Like water to ice when the seasons change.”

Dean frowns. “Um, okay,” is the best he can answer.

“Don’t worry about it,” Cas whispers, and Dean squeezes his thigh gently under the table.

“Sorry, guys, I didn’t know what I was supposed to say when I introduced Cas,” Sam tells him.

“Not a big deal,” Dean answers.

“It’s not like it’s a secret,” Jo says from across the table. “I got front row seats to the two of them making out last weekend.”

“Really?” Kevin inserts, laughing a little. “I’d kinda like to see that.”

“Me, too,” Sam agrees.

“What the hell?” Dean asks, surprised and confused.

“I’ve got pictures,” Jo announces, holding up her phone.

Dean turns to her. “I will kill you,” he threatens.

“Hey man, you wanna be a playboy in my bar, these are the consequences,” she tells him.

“ _My_ bar,” Ellen corrects, but Jo just keeps talking.

“You can see first if that’ll make you feel better,” she smiles. “Don’t bother deleting them, either. I already have it in my email.”

She hands him her phone and Dean and Cas both look down at the picture of what must be their first kiss, since they’re standing by the pool table. Dean’s hands are on Cas’s hips, and Cas’s head is tilted up, his hands fisted in Dean’s shirt. The next picture has them both positioned in exactly the same way, but broken apart, staring at each other. Dean’s _never_ seen himself look like that in his life. He feels something weird looking at it, so he just scrolls to the next picture. It’s of the two of them in a booth, not kissing but sitting incredibly close together, flushed and looking at each other like they want to fuck right there on the table. Dean thinks that’s worse than the kiss. She must’ve missed when they were kissing there, because the next picture is the two of them walking out of the bar, pressed shoulder to shoulder.

“Could’ve been worse,” Cas says, his voice low. “She could’ve gotten a picture of you showing me how to shoot,” he reminds Dean.

Dean sends the pictures to himself before he reluctantly hands the phone over to Kevin. “Here you go, you dirty perv. Take notes,” he quips.

He’s expecting a chorus of laughter when they start scrolling through, but there isn’t any. He hears a tiny, “Aw!” from Kevin, and Sam says, “I know, right!?” Then, “Mom, you gotta see this.”

“Seriously?” Dean groans, and Cas laughs.

“Not the kiss,” Sam promises.

“I don’t need to see, Sam,” Mary says, laughing.

“No, you do,” Sam insists.

“Trust me, Sam, I don’t,” Mary says, raising her eyebrows. Dean feels like he's missing something, but he lets it go.

“Well, I wanna see,” Bobby says, and that gets laughter from the whole table.

“Fuck my life,” Dean grumbles.

“Language,” Mary corrects automatically and Dean feels Cas lower his hand onto Dean’s.

“I love your family,” Cas whispers quietly.

Dean turns to face him. “Really? They’re actin’ like a bunch of assholes.”

Cas shrugs. “They love you.”

Dean forgets that his entire family is at the table, or forgets to care, and leans over to kiss Cas. It’s just a peck, but he pulls away when he hears a mixture of whistles, “Aw’s”, laughter, and he’s pretty sure it’s Bobby making kissy noises in the corner.

He drains his bottle of beer and declares, “I hate you all.”

But honestly, there isn’t a single part of him that isn’t absolutely bursting with happiness right now.

  



	7. Chapter 7

Dean’s put back four or five beers now, but he notices Cas is still nursing his second glass. Probably didn’t wanna get drunk around his family, he thinks. That’s cute. _Cas_ is cute.

His mom, Bobby, and Ellen took off about an hour ago, and Dean will probably never forget the way he melted when he saw his mom pull Cas in for a big hug, and Cas just wrapped his arms around her like it was the most normal thing in the world. His mom’s eyes were watery when she hugged him next, and Dean didn’t get it, but he hugged her extra tight and heard her mutter something about how fast he grew up. Moms.

Garth and Ash just left, too, so now it’s just Dean, Sam, Cas, Kevin, and Jo.

“Do you want another drink, Cas? You’ve been nursing that one for a while,” Dean mentions.

“I don’t want another repeat of my behaviour from last night,” Cas says quietly enough for just him to hear.

“What was wrong with last night?” Dean asks.

“I was… forward,” Cas settles on.

“I think you mean horny,” Dean laughs, and Cas just smiles. “Did I seem like I was complainin’?”

“No, but I would still like to spend time with you without trying to get in your pants,” Cas explains.

“This counts then, ‘cause I’m definitely not gettin’ handsy in front of my baby brother,” Dean tells him. He has his arm around the back of Cas’s chair though, and lowers his mouth to nuzzle at his skin right below his ear. “Kissing’s okay though,” he suggests quietly.

Cas shivers slightly and Dean grins. “Are you sure? Because the last time you kissed me it ended with commentary from the crowd.”

“You’re probably right,” Dean admits.

“Get a room,” Jo says from across the table.

Cas gives Dean a look that says, “See?”

“I was just tryin’ to convince him we could kiss in peace, ya know. So thanks for that,” he grumbles to Jo. Dean looks over at Sam, who’s sitting next to Jo with a goofy smile on his face. “You havin’ a good time, Sammy?”

Sam nods, but does it with a yawn. “Can’t stay much longer, though. I wanna leave early tomorrow and beat most of the traffic.”

“How far away is school?” Cas asks.

“About a six hour drive, give or take,” Sam replies.

“That’s a long day,” Cas comments.

“Yeah, it is. That’s why I only make it a few times a year,” Sam answers.

“I can always come to you. I’ve told ya that a thousand times,” Dean says.

“You’ve got a business to run now, Dean. You can’t just take off for a week whenever I feel homesick. You know I like seeing everybody else, too. It’s easier for me to come here when you’re all already here.”

“I’m just sayin’. I’d come,” Dean repeats.

“I know you would,’” Sam answers, and yawns again.

Dean drains his remaining beer, and elbows Cas, who takes the hint and does the same. “You ready to take off then, Sammy?”

“Aw, come on, don’t go yet,” Jo whines.

“I’m surprised he lasted this long,” Kevin says.

“Screw you,” Sam says lightly.

“Sam’s almost always in bed at 10:00, no matter what,” Kevin explains to Cas.

Cas shrugs. “Seems like a reasonable time to go to bed,” he muses. “I’m usually in bed reading by then, too.”

“See! I’m not the only one!” Sam says happily.

“Oh great. I’m stuck with two old men,” Dean says dryly.

“It’s after ten now,” Sam points out.

“And you can barely stay awake,” Jo teases.

“Cas is holding up okay, though,” Kevin notices.

“All of you make excellent company,” Cas tells them.

“I vote we keep him,” Kevin says to Jo, nodding at Cas.

“Same,” Jo answers.

“Yep, me too,” Sam nods.

Cas beams at Dean. “Guess you’re stuck with me now!”

“Oh no, poor me,” Dean replies, smiling. He’s happy everybody seems to like Cas. He can’t remember his friends ever liking anybody he was with. Not that there was a big selection, he muses. “I’ll go settle up our tabs,” Dean says, getting to his feet.

“I’ll go with you,” Cas offers, standing with him and following him to the bar. “You’re not buying my beer again,” he insists.

“I’m buyin’ for the whole table, Cas. Relax.”

“Do you always throw your money around like this?” Cas asks.

Dean eyes him. “Jo’s a waitress and is in school. Kevin works retail. Sam doesn’t have a job. I have money in the bank. Of course I’m gonna pay,” he says easily.

“I have money in the bank as well, Dean. And a job,” Cas points out.

“Fine. If you wanna be pigheaded, you can pay for yours and I’ll pay for the rest,” Dean relents. “I was just tryin’ to make it easier for the waitress by payin’ for the table.”

“Oh,” Cas says. “Alright, but next time -”

“Yeah, yeah. Next time you buy. Have I mentioned you’re a pain in the ass?” Dean asks.

“I get that a lot,” Cas replies happily, and Dean laughs.

Dean pays their bill, and then waves Sam over. “Figure we can walk Cas back to his place, it’s just down the street, and then we can catch an Uber from there,” Dean says to Sam. “That work?”

Sam makes a face. “I figured he’d be staying with us tonight.”

Dean considers. “You can, if you want,” Dean says to Cas.

“I don’t want to interfere. I know Sam’s leaving in the morning,” Cas explains. “And I really only live a few blocks away. It’s no trouble.”

“As long as I don’t hear you two going at it, I really don’t mind,” Sam says, looking amused when Dean sticks out his tongue at him. “Dean won’t even be awake when I take off.”

“The hell I won’t,” Dean argues.

“I was planning on taking off at six,” Sam says.

Dean makes a face. “Yeah, no. Six on a Sunday is disgusting,” he agrees.

“See? You won’t interfere,” Sam insists. “Unless you don’t want to stay, then obviously I get it. Dean always hogs the entire bed anyway.”

Cas looks at Dean with confusion, probably remembering the way he crowded him all night last night. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Cas says carefully.

“Cas, are we doing the ‘I don’t want to be needy’ thing again?” Dean checks.

“Maybe,” Cas smiles.

“I want you stay,” Dean says softly.

“Awww,” Sam says, getting a glare from Dean.

“Alright, I'll stay," Cas says, smiling. They say their goodbyes to Kevin and Jo, and then walk out to the parking lot. “You drove here?” Cas asks, spotting Dean’s car.

“Yeah,” Dean answers.

“We don’t need to take an Uber then, I can drive us back to your place,” Cas offers.

Sam snorts. Dean glares at him.

“Oh. You know. That’s okay. I already requested one anyway,” Dean says awkwardly.

“I only had two beer in the last three hours. I’m really fine to drive,” Cas tells him.

“Dean doesn’t let anybody drive his car, Cas. It's not about what you drank,” Sam explains.

“That’s ridiculous. You’ll just have to get somebody to bring you back here tomorrow, and I’ll have no way home in the morning,” Cas says to Dean.

It’s the last part that makes Dean give in reluctantly. He doesn't want to make Cas pay to get home tomorrow. He cancels the Uber on his phone, and hands his keys to Cas. “Fine. One scratch on her though and we’re done,” he says, only half(ish) joking.

Cas just laughs. “Oh no, I don’t know if I can handle the pressure. Ass,” he mumbles under his breath.

“Yep, I definitely like him,” Sam says.

“Shut up and get in the back seat,” Dean says, pushing him towards his Baby.

Cas unlocks the car, gets in the driver’s seat, and begins to rearrange the mirrors and seat. Dean makes a sound of horrified protest - everything was perfect the way it was! - and Cas gives him an irritated look. “Do you want me to be able to see, or leave your precious car the way it was and drive blind?”

“Don’t you talk about my Baby like that,” Dean growls and Cas shakes his head.

“You’re being silly. You can fix your mirrors tomorrow,” Cas tells him, expertly backing out of the parking spot.

Sam is chuckling in the back seat. “Man, I wish I could stay longer and see more of this. I love seeing somebody else not taking your stupid macho shit for once."

“Kiss my ass, Sam,” Dean says, happier to take out his frustration on his brother before his boyfriend. Sam's right though. Dean kinda likes that Cas puts him in his place. Any lingering frustration quickly fades away when he sees Cas behind the wheel of his car. He looks _good_ in his Baby, he realizes. Really, really good. He gives off a confident and relaxed vibe while he drives, but he’s paying close attention to the road and his mirrors, too.

It’s really fucking hot.

Dean takes his phone out of his pocket and doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s taking Cas’s picture.

Cas frowns. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Why are you taking my picture?” Cas asks, sounding annoyed.

“Because you’re hot,” Dean says easily. Cas groans and Sam laughs in the back seat again.

“Well stop it,” Cas tells him, but Dean can see he’s fighting a smile.

“Doesn’t he look hot driving my car, Sam?” Dean says, shooting his brother a smirk.

“You might have to fight me for him,” Sam says easily, and Cas blushes from ear to ear.

“You’re both ridiculous,” he scoffs, but he reaches for Dean’s hand and Dean takes it gladly, unable to stop smiling himself.

“Where do you park her?” Cas asks as he pulls into the parking lot of Dean’s shop.

“Shop garage,” Dean answers. He hops out of the car when they get there, and opens up the garage for Cas to pull in before he locks up again. The three of them take turns using the bathroom and brushing their teeth, and Cas and Sam say goodbye to each other. Dean tries not to look too pleased when they exchange phone numbers, and rolls his eyes when Sam says for Cas to let him know if Dean doesn’t treat him right.

He himself gives Sammy a big hug, and tells him to wake him up in the morning, which Sam just shakes his head at. They both know Sam won't. Sam calls him a jerk, and Dean calls Sam a bitch, and Cas looks confused since he doesn’t know that’s Winchester for _I love you_. Dean will have to explain later. One more hug for his little brother and one more comment about keeping it down from Sam, and then Cas is following Dean into his bedroom.

“I guess I get to borrow your pajamas for tonight,” Cas says, looking happy.

“Got some bad news for ya, Cas. I don’t actually sleep in pajamas,” Dean says, taking his shirt off. “Just boxers.”

Cas sighs, pulling his own shirt off. “I suppose I can live with that.”

They’re both grinning like idiots when they take off their pants, and they climb into Dean’s bed together. Dean pulls Cas into his arms, and runs his hands up and down his bare skin, kissing the top of his head.

“I’m glad Sam got me to ask you to come tonight,” Dean admits softly, not wanting Sam to overhear him.

“Me, too. I feel like I know you so much better after getting to meet your family,” Cas explains.

“Wasn’t too much?” Dean checks.

“Not at all. They all seem like wonderful people. They were so kind to me, and accepting of us. I don’t know if you realize just how lucky you are to have them.” There’s a short pause before he adds very quietly, “I would do almost anything to have what you have.”

Dean has to swallow down the lump in his throat. He does know how lucky he is, but hearing it is something else, and knowing that Cas doesn't have the same kind of support makes his heart hurt. Cas deserves better than that.

His voice is rough when he says, “I’m glad you got to meet them.” He thinks again about how Cas looked hugging his mom, about the way she patted Cas’s cheek the same way she pats his, about how easily Sam joined in to tease him on the way home. He fits, Dean realizes with a jolt. He fits easily. “Next time I introduce you I’m not gonna choke on my words, okay? You’re my boyfriend, Cas,” he whispers.

“Okay,” Cas says simply, and Dean can hear the smile in his voice.

“I can’t believe I got you in my bed in our underwear for the first time and I can’t touch you,” Dean complains quietly.

Cas makes a humming sound in his throat. “You’re touching me right now. It’s nice,” he comments.

“If Sam wasn’t right outside…” Dean explains, letting his sentence trail off.

“I know. It’s okay, though. It really is nice just laying here with you,” Cas says.

“Gonna kiss me goodnight, though, right?”

“As long as you can stay quiet,” Cas teases, pushing up to his elbows and kissing away Dean’s smile.

Dean means to let it be soft and sweet, he really does, but they’re in their underwear in his bed for crying out loud, and he hasn’t kissed him the way he wants to since this morning. So he licks his way into Cas’s mouth, and barely stifles a moan when Cas kisses him back passionately. His hands are low on Cas’s back, and he doesn’t realize he’s trying to pull him closer until Cas resists and breaks their kiss.

“You drive me crazy,” Cas says, voice low.

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Dean promises, kissing him again gently.

“Believe me, I understand,” Cas assures him. “I can’t stay long tomorrow morning. I need to get home and feed Albus.”

“Okay. We’ll get some sleep, then. Wake me up this time if you wake up before me,” Dean tells him.

“I will. Goodnight, Dean. Thank you for sharing tonight with me,” Cas says sincerely, turning over so Dean can put his arms around him.

Dean kisses the back of his neck like he did last night and says, “Night Cas.”

 

* * *

 

 

Dean doesn’t stir all night. When he wakes up in the morning, he can tell it’s later than he wants it to be - meaning Sam is already gone - just by the sun shining through the window. He feels a pang of sadness, knowing he won’t see him again probably until Thanksgiving, but he consoles himself by remembering he's not alone this time. Not right now at least, holding Cas in his arms. His face is pressed against his back, one leg is between both of Cas’s, and his arm is slung around his waist.

Like yesterday morning when he woke up, his dick is standing at full attention. This time though, he doesn’t wake up alone. He knows Cas told him he’s not a morning sex kinda guy, and he knows Cas keeps talking about not wanting to fool around every time they’re together, but Dean’s used to having sex a few times a week, and he wants Cas. Seems like he _always_ wants Cas.

He decides to go for it, even knowing there’s a good chance of getting turned away.

He starts by placing soft kisses on Cas’s muscular back. He kisses his way up over his shoulder, and leaves open-mouthed kisses across to his neck. He shifts so that his dick is pressed against the swell of Cas’s ass, and rocks gently. He can feel Cas’s breathing pick up, and if he isn’t already awake, he knows he will be soon. He moves his lips up to Cas’s ear, and pulls his lobe between his teeth gently.

Cas shifts, and his hand closes over Dean’s on the mattress. He doesn’t say anything, so Dean pushes his luck and whispers as seductively as he can, “Good morning, sunshine.” He moves his lips further down the slope of his neck, scraping his teeth over any spot that gets Cas’s breath to hitch. Cas releases his hand and moves it up to cup the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him closer, and if that’s not a green light, then Dean doesn’t know what is.

“Dean,” Cas says roughly.

“I couldn’t resist you,” Dean whispers again, moving his hand up and down Cas’s broad chest, and rocking his hips more deliberately. Cas pushes his ass back against him, and Dean gasps at the extra friction.

Dean lets his hand slowly move down to the waistband of Cas’s boxers. He knows he can’t dip his hand inside the way he wants to, but he hovers there anyway, wanting to touch him, dying to know if Cas is as hard as he is. He trails his hand down Cas’s hip and inside his thigh, hesitating again, not knowing if he has permission to touch Cas over his boxers like Cas did to him.

As if reading his mind, Cas says, “You can touch me if you want to.”

Dean doesn’t wait, and slides his hand over to finally feel Cas’s hardness in his hand. They groan in unison when Dean cups him, feeling the outline of Cas’s huge cock for the first time. It feels like he's fucking hung, and Dean groans again, thrusting harder against Cas when he realizes it.

“You’re big,” Dean blurts, and Cas chuckles. “I dunno why I think it’s so hot, but fuck,” Dean admits, nibbling the back of his neck.

“You feel so good,” Cas tells him, as Dean’s hand explores what he can of Cas’s cock.

“I want to touch you for real,” Dean complains.

“Do you have condoms?” Cas asks.

“Yeah,” Dean answers, lightbulb going off. “Can I touch you if we put on condoms?” He asks excitedly, wondering why he didn’t think of it sooner.

“Mmmhmmm,” Cas replies, and Dean pulls away quickly to rifle through his drawer for the lubricated condoms he just got yesterday. That’s good fucking timing, he smiles. Cas has rolled on to his back when Dean turns back over, two condoms in hand, and Dean can barely handle the sight of what he now knows is a huge cock tenting Cas's boxers.

“Shit,” Dean curses. This is the first time he's going to see somebody's dick hard and he's suddenly really nervous about it.

“Are you nervous? We don’t -”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts. “I’m nervous, but in a good way. I really wanna see you.”

Cas’s hands find the waistband of his own boxers, and he lifts his hips, sliding them down and releasing his cock. It’s big. Definitely bigger than Dean, and Dean’s already six inches himself. Cas is probably pushing seven, and Dean cannot stop staring at it, laying thick and heavy on his stomach. Cas seems completely at ease with himself, and tears open a condom package with his teeth, and rolls it onto himself quickly. Dean gets his boxers off, breathing hard, and when he grabs his condom, he realizes his fingers are shaking.

“Let me help,” Cas offers quietly, placing a kiss on his shaking hands, and Dean nods, unable to say anything. Cas gets the second condom open, and reaches over to roll it down Dean’s hard length expertly. Dean’s had dozens of women pull the same move, but none of them even _compare_ to the feeling of Cas’s hands on him for the first time. Cas lowers his head to Dean’s thighs, kissing the sensitive skin, and nuzzling into the thick hair between Dean’s legs. Cas’s hand closes around Dean’s erection, and Dean can’t hold in the loud moan that escapes him when he feels Cas's hand gliding up and down his shaft slowly. Finally, _finally_ Cas has his hands on him, and his head is by his cock, and Dean can see Cas’s cock hard on the mattress, and it’s almost too much all at once.

“Fuck,” Dean gasps, pulling away. “Feels like I’m gonna go off any second,” he breathes.

“It’s okay,” Cas soothes him.

Dean shoves his shoulder so that Cas is flat on his back again. “Not okay until I get to touch you, too,” Dean explains, his heart beating rapidly. Dean knows Cas talked about morning breath, but he can’t help but bend down and kiss him chastely, at least once. But he has to see himself touch Cas. He wants to see his hand wrapped around him. Dean lets his hand trail down Cas’s muscular body. He flicks his finger over a nipple and hears the sharp intake of Cas’s breath, and drags his hand lower and lower, until finally, he grasps Cas’s cock at the base, getting a low moan of approval from Cas.

He keeps his fist loose as he slides his hand to the head of his cock, and then tightens it again as he pulls it back down, loving every tiny sound he hears from Cas as he starts up a rhythm of jacking him off. He’s mesmerized by the sight of Cas’s cockhead poking out through the ring of his fingers, and can’t tear his eyes away.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas whimpers.

“How’m I doin’, Cas?” Dean asks, finally curious enough to look up at Cas’s face.

Cas's eyes are soft when he answers, “So good. Every time you touch me. Always so good.”

“You want me to keep going, or do something else?” Dean asks.

“Roll over onto your side,” Cas suggests, and Dean drags his hand up and down Cas’s length once more before he complies, wondering what he’s going to do to him but completely down for whatever it might be.

“If I do something you don't like, just tell me, and we’ll switch,” Cas promises, pressing himself against Dean’s back a lot like the way Dean was when he woke up. Dean feels Cas’s cock slide down the cleft of his ass, aided by the lubrication of the condom, and he jolts, not used to feeling anything there. Cas shushes him gently before he kisses the slope of his shoulder tenderly, wrapping his arm around his waist, and taking Dean’s dick into his hand.

 _That_ certainly relaxes him, and Cas must be able to tell, because he starts thrusting along his ass crack, and Dean feels heat spread through his body quickly. It’s almost like he’s being fucked, but not quite, and as much as Dean’s self conscious about how hot he finds this, he can’t deny that he can feel his stomach clenching with desire at the way Cas is moving against him. The combination of feeling Cas pressed against his back, his hand working his cock expertly, and the pressure on his ass is sending him to the point of no return, and quickly.

“Cas,” he gasps.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" Cas asks, slowing his hips and his hand to a stop preemptively. 

“It’s a lot, but it’s all so fucking good,” Dean admits. “I'm gonna lose it.”

“Mmm, you feel so good against me, Dean,” Cas murmurs, starting to thrust again, and stroking Dean slowly. “Can you hold your legs tight together for me, baby?” Cas asks, and Dean smiles at the warmth that blossoms in his chest. He does what Cas asks, and feels a new wave of desire when Cas groans low and broken. “Fuck, Dean,” he gasps. “That feels so good.”

Cas pushes in a little deeper and his cockhead nudges right behind Dean’s balls, which elicits an indistinguishable sound of pleasure from Dean.

“You like that?” Cas checks and Dean nods, unable to form words from the pleasure coursing through his body.

“Close,” Dean chokes out, and Cas’s thrusts speed up even more, and Dean knows he’s chasing his orgasm, trying to catch up to Dean. Dean squeezes his eyes closed tight, tries to think unsexy thoughts, tries to wait for Cas, but he can hear the slick thrusting between his legs, and he hears Cas's hand working his cock, and he hears Cas's breath catching in his ear, and he can’t. “Cas, _fuck_ , Cas. I can’t - ungh - hold on. Feels so good, fuck. You’re so hot.”

“I’m gonna come with you, Dean. Come right against your tight ass,” Cas says, voice lower than Dean’s ever heard it, the sound shooting straight to his already desperate cock. Dean whimpers, feeling his balls drawing up. Cas talks him through it, with his impossibly sexy voice against his ear. "I’m so close. Gonna feel so good, Dean. Oh my God,” he pants.

Cas’s hand circles the sensitive tip of Dean’s cock with his palm, and Dean pushes forward, fucking himself in Cas’s fist, feeling Cas match his rhythm after only a few thrusts, and that's it. He's done. He comes with a shout, barely registering Cas’s final brutal thrust before his hips still behind him, and Dean's vision whites while he empties himself into the condom. He's vaguely aware of Cas’s lips on his neck, on his back, and Cas’s lubed up hand finding his and slotting their fingers together as they both work to catch their breath.

Other than the pure ecstasy of losing his virginity in the back seat of his car, this was undoubtedly the best sexual experience of his life. He feels like he just ran a marathon or pulled an all-nighter, and he has absolutely zero energy left.

He’s nodding off again when Cas jostles him trying to climb out of bed. “No, don't go yet,” Dean whines.

Cas kisses the side of his head. “I have to go feed Albus. He's used to eating hours ago, he’ll be hungry.”

“Want you to stay,” Dean admits, too open with his feelings in his blissed-out state.

“Next time,” Cas promises. His voice is quiet and serious when he says, “Dean, the last week with you has been… the best week I’ve had in a very long time.” He kisses his forehead and adds, “If I could stay I would.”

Dean nods and sits up. “I’ll drive you home, kay? Just let me brush my teeth and take a piss and we’ll go.”

Cas laughs. “Always so charming.”

Ten minutes later, they're holding hands as Dean pulls into the parking lot of the Angel building. Dean doesn't know what to say once he parks. Thank you seems weird. I really like you seems weird. He feels like he needs to say something to describe how much it sucks that Cas has to go and how fucking scary it is to not want him to leave after spending most of the weekend with him, but he doesn't know how to say it, or even if he should.

“I don't know what to say,” Dean admits. “I know there’s words, but I don't know what they are. Sayin' bye or thank you or I had a good time don't feel like… enough.”

Cas smiles softly. “I feel the same way.”

“We’ll talk soon?” Dean feels the need to say.

“Whenever you want,” Cas promises. “I really have to go.” Cas leans in for one lingering kiss, before resting his forehead against Dean’s for a couple of seconds with his eyes closed, then he squeezes Dean’s hand once and slips out of the car wordlessly.

Dean watches him until he gets inside the building, again not able to find the words to describe the ache he suddenly has inside his chest.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for something completely out of canon... Have some Dean Winchester talking about his feelings.

Tuesday after work, Dean drives right over to his mom’s house. He called her on his lunch, not able to hold it all in anymore, so she knows he’s coming. He’s hoping for lasagna, and when he walks through the front door and feels all the comforts of being home _plus_ the smell of lasagna in the oven, he knows his mom knows him well.

“Hey honey,” she says, coming over to wrap him in a hug.

“Hi mom, smells great in here,” he says honestly. “I was hoping for lasagna,” he admits.

“Baked a pie after you called me, too,” she tells him with a smile.

“Best mom ever!” He exclaims. “Can I help with anything?”

“Grate some cheese for the garlic bread?” She asks, so he does. They talk about work, and they talk about Sam, but what he actually needs to talk about doesn’t come up until they’re finished eating dinner, and they sit down again with pie and ice cream.

“How are things going with you and Castiel?” Mary asks.

“Good,” Dean answers sincerely.

“I wouldn’t have been upset if you brought him with you tonight, you know,” Mary says.

“I know. I just wanted you to myself,” Dean says.

“What’s going on, baby? I know there’s something.”

He shakes his head fondly. “How do you always know?”

“I’ve been learning your tells for 26 years, Dean. Nobody knows you like I do. Now spill. Is it Castiel?”

“I don’t know how to explain it,” he says honestly.

“Try me. Just talk. You know it doesn’t have to go from A to Z with me. You can skip around all you want and we’ll piece it together at the end,” she prompts him.

“We went out two Fridays ago. Was the best first date I ever had. Best date I ever had,” he corrects himself. “We met up for lunch at my place on Thursday, just sandwiches, because he baked cookies and wanted to share them with me.”

“I _know_ that means you bugged him until he offered to bring some over, but keep going,” Mary interjects, smiling.

“Then we went out again last Friday.” He looks away from her when he says, “Spent the night together. Then we hung out again at Sam’s party, and he spent the night again Saturday night.”

“Dean, I know I teased about you not being able to get him pregnant, but there’s still a real risk between two men. You still need to be careful and practice safe sex,” she says sternly.

“Jeez. We’re not having sex. Not like that, anyway. He kinda suggested I go get, ya know, tested or whatever, so I went on the weekend. Waiting for a call with results. He went, too. We’re being careful,” he promises.

“I’m glad to hear that. He sounds like a responsible young man,” she comments. “Okay, so you spent the weekend together. And now you’re here two days later. What happened? Did something happen that you weren’t comfortable with?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I’m pretty sure I could take Cas if I had to,” he says, amused at the thought. “I meant it when I said things are good.”

“So what’s the problem? Is it because he’s a man?”

“It’s… it's almost like it’s _too_ good.”

Mary looks at him with confusion. “What’s too good?”

 _Cas._ “You know. Too good. Too easy. Too much.” Mary watches him, but doesn’t say anything. “I spent two nights with him, and when I dropped him off Sunday morning there was like, this _thing_ in my chest as soon as he left, and it hasn’t gone away yet. Keeps getting worse.” _And it’s scaring the shit out of me._

Mary covers Dean’s hand with hers. “Sweetie, it just sounds like you miss him.”

“But I shouldn’t _miss him_ after I spent the weekend with him. I shouldn’t miss him the minute he left my car. That’s stupid. That's rom-com movie bullshit. Nobody actually feels like that. Especially not me.”

“Excuse me, why especially not you?” Mary demands.

Dean shakes his head. “I don’t feel things like that. I never have. Not wired that way. I could go weeks without seeing or talking to Lisa and I didn’t care. It’s stupid to think I’d be like that now when I never have been before.”

“You were never with Castiel before,” Mary says simply.

“Yeah, and?”

“That’s the point, baby. Most people go through life never feeling this kind of thing... _until they do_. You only need to feel it once, after all,” she says, smiling.

Dean feels uncomfortable with what he's hearing, so he goes on the defensive. “You’re making it sound like I’m in love with him or something. I barely know him.” _Lie._

“Dean, I couldn’t possibly begin to tell you how you feel about somebody else,” Mary says softly. “But I can tell you what I saw when I looked at you Saturday night when you’re ready to hear it.”

“Why do ya think I’m not ready to hear it?” Dean asks. _I'm not._

“Because you’re not nearly as unintelligent as you’re making yourself out to be right now. You know full-well that you’re missing that boy, and that you feel more for him already than you ever felt with Lisa. But for whatever reason, you’re not ready to feel that way yet, so you’re dismissing it and pretending that it isn’t there.”

 _Exactly right._ “Mom,” Dean groans, sounding a lot like the ten year old version of himself.

She laughs gently. “Oh, honey. It can be scary when you find something special. But just because you found it doesn’t mean you have to jump off the cliff head first. You can still take it as slow as you need to. If missing him and wanting to spend more time with him scares you, tell him. Slow down. Wait until it doesn’t scare you to move forward.”

 _No._ “I don’t want to spend less time with him. I want to spend more time with him, and it’s freaking me the fu- the hell out,” he corrects mid-word when he sees his mom’s eyebrows shoot up. “What if he thinks I’m clingy or crazy like Becky?”

Mary buries her face in her hands for a second, surprising Dean. “Sometimes you’re as thick-headed as your father,” she says with kindness in her eyes. “You would have to be blind to not see the way Castiel looks at you.”

 _I see it._ “I know he thinks I’m sexy,” Dean deflects, only half-seriously.

“Dean Michael,” she scolds him.

“Is this the part you don’t think I’m ready to hear?”

“Are you ready to hear it?” Mary asks.

 _Fuck no!_ Dean puts his forehead flat onto the top of the kitchen table. “I feel like if I say yes I’m gonna be able to look back at this exact moment in 20 years and know this is the moment everything in my whole damn life changed.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Mary says, laughing gently at him now. “Not everything’s going to change. I’ll still be here, Sam will still be at school, you’ll still be starting your own business and I’ll still be more proud of you than I could ever tell you. You’ll still be you. Making your jokes, listening to the same Led Zeppelin cassette, driving your Baby, eating too much take out, loving pie, and thinking less of yourself than anybody who’s ever had a single conversation with you. The only difference will be that you won’t have to do all of that alone if you don’t want to.”

Dean lifts his head. “You’re only sayin’ the nice shit because you’re my mom,” he whines, and Mary laughs at him again.

“You’re stronger than you think you are. You always have been,” Mary tells him.

 _Fine._ “Okay, tell me.”

“You already know,” she says, tipping her head to the side and smiling at him.

“Cas likes me as much as I like him,” Dean supplies, finally telling the whole truth for the first time since he's been here.

“I only had to look at you looking at each other the first time to know that,” she says easily. “He's the first person I’ve ever seen look at you the way you deserve to be looked at, and it filled my heart and broke it both at the same time.”

“Mom,” Dean says softly. “Why’d it break your heart?”

“That’s the look that’s going to take you away from me,” she says, her eyes watering. “It might not be him, but he’s the first one it could be. And I’m so happy for you, and so sad for me,” she tells him, sniffling.

“Nobody’s ever gonna take you away from me, Ma. That's crazy,” Dean promises her.

“I hope you’re wrong,” she answers. “That’s what’s supposed to happen, after all. Somebody will come along who will sweep you off your feet and eventually become your new family. That’s what every parent dreams about, honey. But it doesn’t mean it’s not a little sad all the same.”

Dean tries not to think about having a family with Cas. “Well, look at the bright side. If it’s Cas for me,” Dean ignores the way she smiles at him, like she _knows_ he knows and won’t admit it, “you’ll always be my number one girl.”

Her responding laugh is watery but genuine. “You always were too charming for your own good, Dean.” He gives her his biggest cheesiest smile, only wanting her to smile back, and he gets his wish. “I really lucked out with you boys, you know.”

“Stop it,” he says, embarrassed, but pleased.

“What are you going to do about Castiel?”

“Am I gonna fuck it all up and bail on him, you mean?” Dean asks wryly.

“Classic Winchester M.O.”

“I can’t,” he admits out loud for the first time. “I can’t stay away from him, mom. I... need him,” he says quietly.

“I know, honey,” she says, smiling again. “I’m so happy for you. That’s all I ever really wanted for you, you know. To be happy. And I’ve never seen you smiling or laughing as much as you did with Castiel on Saturday.”

“He’s so great, mom. You have no idea. He’s so smart. He’s gonna get me set up with a better accounting program just because I mentioned how much I hate QuickBooks, and he reads and shit. And he has this stupidly dry sense of humour. I never know when he’s going to say something that’s going to make me spit out my drink. He calls me out on my shit when I’m being a dick, and I don’t even always want to punch him when he does it,” he says, and Mary laughs. “He basically told me I was a pig the first time we ate together, but held my hand when he did it. He’s stubborn as hell, but he’s stupid in love with his fluffy little cat. He looked at me like I gave him a million dollars when I brought Albus cat treats,” he chuckles, remembering the softness in his eyes.

“You bought his cat treats?” Mary echoes.

“Yeah. Sam said I was supposed to bring him flowers so I stopped to get them but I felt like an ass about it. So when I saw the cat treats, I went with them instead, and it was like he melted when I when I gave them to him. It was the cutest thing I ever saw,” he says, the grin splitting his face. “He’s really careful with me, too. Really sweet. Not pushing me. Asked me if it was okay before he kissed me the first ten times,” he exaggerates. “For the first time in my life I feel like I'm more than just a piece of meat, ya know? It’s like he really respects me or somethin’. Even though he has no real reason to. He just makes me feel… I dunno, better, I guess? Like I’m… enough exactly the way I am, even if he doesn’t like every part of me. Does that make sense?”

When Dean makes eye contact with her again, her eyes are wet _again_. “Ma,” he whines.

“What are you still doing here with me? Go get him,” she says.

“What?” He laughs.

“You came here because you were running,” she says seriously. “But you can’t possibly say all of that and then still want to run. Not even you are that stubborn,” she teases.

“No, you’re right. I’m not gonna run anymore.”

“Anymore?” She asks.

“Well, I haven’t been talkin’ to him much the last few days. Still talkin’, but kinda avoiding him a little.”

“Oh, Dean,” she says exasperated. “It’s only eight. You should go over there. Go tell him what you told me. Explain that you were scared, and tell him why. If he’s everything you say he is, he doesn’t deserve to be treated badly, and he’ll understand when you tell him.”

Dean’s knee starts jiggling nervously. “You think I should?”

“Have I led you wrong yet?”

He grins at her. “Never.” He stands up and she stands with him, and he pulls her in for a long, tight hug. “I love you so much, mom. You always know exactly the right thing to say.”

“I love you, too, sweetie, so much. Go get him, okay?” She says, giving his bottom a swat.

He cracks up, and he’s still laughing as he jogs to the car to go get Cas.

* * *

 

Castiel is sitting at home in his pajamas, reading his book with Albus on his lap when his doorbell buzzes. He isn’t expecting anybody, so he’s surprised by the interruption.

“Hello?” He asks once he gets to the door.

“Hey Cas, it’s me,” Dean’s voice answers, and Cas is _definitely_ surprised now. “Can I come up?”

Castiel considers saying no, but there’s no denying that he does want to see Dean. Even if he’s been a dick. “Yes, okay,” he answers, pressing the button to unlock the door.

Once again, after Castiel left Dean’s house on Sunday morning, Dean has at least partially dropped off the map. He's ignored Castiel both times he’s called him, and while he does answer his text messages, he’s been decidedly cooler towards him than he was all weekend. He also avoided answering when Castiel asked when they could get together again.

Castiel hasn’t been pushing, though it’s been difficult. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he knows it’s all Dean, whatever it is. He doesn’t know if this is the Big Gay Panic moment he’s been waiting for, or if he came on too strong, or if Dean’s just busy. He doesn’t know, because Dean won’t talk to him.

He has a feeling he’s about to figure it out though, so there’s not much sense stressing about it now.

Castiel waits by the door, and when Dean knocks, he answers and gestures that he should come inside without actually greeting him. It’s strange to not embrace or kiss him hello or touch him in some way, but he resists anyway. “Nice pajamas,” Dean says, and Castiel looks down and notices he’s wearing Yoda pajama bottoms.

He cracks a small smile and thanks him. “What are you doing here?” Castiel asks, getting to the point.

“I wanted to see you,” Dean answers.

“That’s not how it seemed earlier today,” Castiel says coldly.

Dean’s face falls, and Castiel steels himself against the way he feels seeing him unhappy. “I know. That’s why I needed to come to talk to you.”

“Should we sit?” Castiel asks, and Dean nods. Castiel wonders if it feels as strange to Dean as it does to him for them not to be touching right now. But he doesn’t know if his touch is welcome, and he’s not willing to put himself out there to only get shot down. They sit on the couch, Castiel leaving a careful space between them when he never has before, and he can see Dean getting more and more upset as every second passes. “Dean, please, relax.”

“You’re scarin’ the shit out of me,” he says hoarsely. “You won't even touch me.”

Castiel’s heart clenches. “I didn’t know that you wanted me to. I don’t know what’s going on - what has been going on the last few days - and then you just show up unannounced and say you need to talk to me. Forgive me for being cautious.”

“Shit,” Dean breathes. “It’s harder to do this knowing that you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you, I’m just confused. I thought… I thought we had something.”

“We do,” Dean answers quickly, his hand coming across the space between them, but stopping midway there. “Can I touch you? Please?”

Castiel doesn’t know what he means by it, but he nods anyway, and Dean instantly closes the distance between them, hugging him tight for several seconds, his hand buried in Castiel’s hair at the back of his head, before he backs away and holds Castiel’s hand between both of his. He smells like the perfume of a woman, and Castiel tries not to jump to conclusions about that. Dean has visibly relaxed at least a little bit, and Castiel hates to acknowledge how much his anger has already ebbed just because he hugged him.

“I’m sorry,” Dean starts. “I know I was a dick the last few days, and I’m sorry.”

“You were doing it on purpose?” Castiel confirms, and Dean looks away. “Why? What did I do?”

“Nothing! You didn’t do anything. It was me.”

Castiel feels anger boiling beneath the surface now. “It’s not you, it’s me? Really, Dean? Could you be any less original?” Castiel scoffs, attempting to pull his hand away, but finding it locked in Dean’s grip.

“Just wait, okay? You got it all wrong. It _was_ me but this isn’t the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech. I was freaking out.”

“About?”

“You. Well, me. Us,” Dean finally says, and Castiel resigns himself to a lot of this not making sense at first due to Dean’s nerves.

“Dean, I’m willing to listen to you explain, but if you could just take a deep breath and relax, I think it might go a little bit better.”

Dean takes his advice and breathes for a moment. “I’m afraid I’m gonna spill my heart out here and you’re gonna dump me after. I didn’t think you’d be this mad,” Dean says quietly.

“I’m not breaking up with you, unless you’re about to tell me I have a reason to,” Castiel finishes, wondering if he’s about to be told that Dean cheated on him.

“I just got back from my mom’s,” he says, and Castiel smiles wide at that, feeling a sense of relief now that he knows why Dean smells like perfume. “Why are you so happy about that?” Dean asks.

“You smell like perfume,” Castiel answers simply.

Dean’s jaw drops. “I’m surprised you didn’t punch me.”

“You may have been cold the last few days, but you still haven’t given me a reason not to trust you,” Castiel says.

“Still, probably didn’t look good,” Dean acknowledges. “K, so I went to see my mom. Mostly because ever since I dropped you off here on Sunday morning, I’ve had this ache right here,” Dean says, placing Castiel’s hand flat on his chest. “It kept gettin’ worse every day, and it was starting to freak me out.”

“Are you… not well?” Castiel checks.

Dean smiles. “I’m fine now.” There’s a small silence before Dean finally seems to get out, “It was because I missed you.”

Castiel didn’t expect that. “You missed me?”

“The minute you left, I missed you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I keep having the sappiest, most embarrassing thoughts about how well you fit in with my family, and how easy it is to be with you, and how I just wanna be with you more. And it freaked me out, so I tried to, ya know, put some distance between us so I wasn’t so scared.”

“I see,” Castiel says calmly, though his head is whirling.

“Really?”

“No,” Castiel answers immediately, frustration and hurt leaking through the calm exterior he’s trying to keep. “Why wouldn't you just tell me that you felt like we were moving too fast? Why push me away and make me think that you weren’t interested anymore?”

“Fuck, Cas. I’m sorry if I made you think that. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to admit what I was feeling. I haven’t dated anybody in for fucking ever, and then the first time I do it’s with you, and it’s so good it’s scary! I’ve been shoving it all down since I dropped you off, but it was killing me, and that’s why I finally went to go see my mom. She’s always been the only one I could talk to about my feelings with or whatever, even with Sam constantly bitching at me about it,” he adds, smiling in his charming way at Castiel and thawing him further.

“So what did your mom tell you, then?” Castiel asks, wondering how Mary got Dean here.

“Well, at first she told me to slow down. That just because I like you as much as I do, it still doesn’t mean that we have to spend a few days a week together if it's scaring me so much. We could just take it slower until I’m ready for more.”

Castiel nods. “I can do that. I really like you, Dean. I told you before, we can go as slow as you want, and I meant that.”

“You want to slow down?” Dean asks, looking uncertain.

“I want what you want. I was very happy spending the weekend with you, but I can understand how that might be a bit too much for a new relationship.”

“I, uh, I told my mom that I didn’t want to slow down. That I want to keep seein’ you as much as you’ll let me, and keep sleeping with you at night whenever I can, and waking up pressed up against you, and kissin’ you, and letting you blow my mind in bed -” Castiel chokes out a small laugh at the thought of Dean telling his mom all of that. “Okay, I didn’t actually tell her anything past the ‘I want to keep seeing you’ part, but I kinda feel like I have some sucking up to do so I elaborated a bit,” Dean grins. “But it’s all true. I’m fucking crazy about you, Cas, and I know it’s been fast. That you met my family, and spent the weekend with me after only knowing me a week, but it’s been perfect, and I wouldn’t change any of it. I know you might be freaking out as much as I was, or maybe you are now after I admitted how much I like you, but… I don’t wanna change it if you don’t,” Dean finally stops to take a breath. “So then she told me that you don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treating you, and to come over here and tell you why I've been such a dick.”

Castiel surges forward and captures Dean’s lips. He pushes his way into Dean’s mouth, placing his hands on his face and holding him still while he kisses him until they’re both completely breathless.

“I love your mom,” Castiel says when he can talk again.

Laughter bubbles out of Dean, and Castiel joins him. “You’re not freakin’ out?” Dean checks.

“No. I'm very glad you explained all of this to me. I've been trying to give you space thinking that's what you wanted, but honestly, I was heartbroken. What I feel for you…” Castiel trails off, finding to find the right words. “I’ve dated plenty of men, and I even thought I found the right one a time or two. But nothing I've felt before has been _anything_ like this. I don't know what it is yet, or what to call it, but I think it could be something really great. I'm just as crazy about you as you say you are about me,” Castiel assures him.

“That's what my mom said,” Dean smiles.

“I knew she could see it. She kept looking at me when I was looking at you. I even saw her wiping her eyes a few times,” he confesses.

“She prob’ly cried five times when we were talking tonight. But mostly because she's happy for me. For us.”

Castiel breathes a sigh of relief. “I can't believe I thought you were coming here to end things.”

“I'm so sorry, Cas. I never shoulda made you feel like that. I was a chicken shit,” Dean repeats.

“I understand. I do. Do you think from now on you’ll be able to talk to me about this kind of thing, or should I expect you to put distance between us whenever you're scared?” Castiel asks seriously.

Dean looks uncomfortable with the question. “I'm gonna try. But honestly? I'm a runner. Winchester thing, according to my mom. But I'll never really leave like that, okay? I swear. I might need some time once in awhile, but unless I come right out and say that we’re done, I’ll always come back.” Dean looks extremely vulnerable when he adds, “Just… please don't… give up on me when I fuck shit up. I swear I'm gonna try.”

Castiel would do anything to wipe that look off of his face. “We’ll figure it out as we go,” Castiel promises.

“Man. I feel like I'm a thousand pounds lighter,” Dean breathes, relaxing back into the couch.

“How's that thing doing in your chest?” Castiel asks, smiling.

“Gone now,” Dean answers, smiling back almost shyly.

“I missed you, too, you know,” Castiel says quietly.

“Yeah?”

Castiel nods. “Very much.”

“It’s kinda weird how we just, I dunno, became a part of each other's lives so fast, isn’t it? It already feels _off_ not seein’ you for just two days,” Dean comments.

“It’s strange, yes. It’s never been like this for me before,” Castiel says, the warmth he associates with Dean feeling like it’s radiating off of him in waves.

“Can I stay a little while longer? Just until 10 when you go to bed,” Dean asks.

“Of course you can,” Castiel says.

“And Cas? Can we go out again tomorrow? On another date?”

“I would like that a lot,” Castiel replies, feeling right again for the first time in days.

Dean sighs again. “I feel _so much_ better.”

“Me, too. I feel like I should send your mom a fruit basket or something,” he adds, and Dean laughs.

“And you didn't even get lasagna and apple pie like I did,” Dean quips.

“You are such a mama’s boy,” Castiel accuses him.

“Are we good, Cas?” Dean checks.

“We’re good, ba-” Castiel catches himself and stops, but not able to completely fight the blush on his cheeks.

Dean lights up. “You were gonna call me baby again weren't you?”

“I believe it was going to be babe, but yes. I don't know why. I don't think I've ever used that term in my life,” he says, laughing. “It's embarrassing.”

“I can tell you something embarrassing to make you feel better if you want?”

“I already know you like it,” Castiel says, knowing he’s hit the nail on the head when Dean flushes adorably.

“Okay, _another_ embarrassing thing then.”

Castiel chuckles. “What?”

“Ever since my mom said you're named after an angel, that's what I've been thinkin’ in my head when I think of you,” Dean says, red right to the tips of his ears now.

“You’ve been thinking of calling me angel?”

“I know it's super lame, but it keeps popping in there,” Dean laughs.

“Oh my God. We’re going to be absolutely disgusting together, aren't we?” Castiel says in mock horror, secretly pleased.

“‘Fraid so,” Dean says, nodding knowingly.

“There goes your reputation,” Castiel teases him.

“Jo will literally never let me live this down if she hears us,” Dean realizes. He leans over to kiss Castiel again. “Worth it though.”

“You sap,” Castiel jokes, smiling so big his cheeks are starting to hurt.

“Only for you, angel,” Dean says, laughing before he can even finish the sentence.

“I actually like it,” Castiel admits and that just makes Dean laugh harder and kiss him on the cheek.

“Wanna watch an episode of Suits before I take off?” Dean suggests.

So they do. And it goes back to being easy between them, and once again, Castiel is filled with hope when Dean Winchester leaves his apartment that night.

There’s only a teeny tiny part of him thinks he's might be feeling too optimistic about this, but he shoves it down and he whistles happily on his way to bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

**WEDNESDAY MORNING:**

 

 **DEAN:** New sign is going up today

 **CASTIEL:** At the shop? That’s so exciting! I want to see a picture as soon as it’s up!

When the picture comes through a few hours later Castiel feels a stronger sense of pride for Dean than he’s ever felt for himself.

 **CASTIEL:** You have no idea how proud I am of you! Do you want to skip the movie tonight and celebrate instead?

 **DEAN:** Thanks Cas. Movies still good with me. Picking u up at 6:30 right?

 **CASTIEL:** You got it :) See you then!

 

**WEDNESDAY NIGHT:**

 

 **CASTIEL:** I’ve never made out in a movie theatre like that before in my life. You’re a terrible influence on me ;)

 **DEAN:** I’m sorry I didn’t come up. Knew I’d never leave if I did.

 **DEAN:** REALLY wanted to tho

 **CASTIEL:** That much was fairly obvious :P

 **DEAN:** Going to take care of that in the shower lol

 **CASTIEL:** Think of me?

 **DEAN:** lol I always do

 **CASTIEL:** Goodnight, Dean

 **DEAN:** Wish u were here angel

 

**THURSDAY MORNING:**

 

 **DEAN:** Wish I was having PB&J with u like last week

 **CASTIEL:** I could do lunch :)

 **DEAN:** I wish. I have a lunch thing with a tire supplier. Sorry :(

 **CASTIEL:** Can’t blame a guy for trying :)

 

**THURSDAY NIGHT:**

 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel answers, already smiling before he even hears his voice.

“Did you seriously send my mom a fruit basket?”

Castiel hesitates for only a moment. “It was just a small one,” he tries.

Dean’s chuckle comes through the phone loud and clear. “Shit man, you should've heard her when she called me. She mentioned two or three times that she can’t even remember the last time somebody sent her something. You totally made her day.”

“I’m glad,” Castiel says sincerely. “But it sounds like you really need to send your mom flowers more often.”

“Yeah,” Dean laughs, “I got that loud and clear. Already told Sammy, too. She’s uh, insisting on us coming over for dinner one day soon now, and I gotta tell ya, if anybody’s more stubborn than me, it’s my mom.”

“So you’re telling me we have no choice, then?” Castiel checks.

“Pretty much,” Dean confirms.

“Well, I have good news for you then. I’d love to have dinner with your mom,” Castiel tells him.

“Really? It’s not weird?”

“Is it weird for you?” Castiel asks, interested.

“I dunno, kinda, I guess. I don’t wanna keep comparing you to Lisa -”

“She was your only other real relationship, Dean, I understand.”

“Okay, so whenever I asked Lisa to come for dinner with mom she just said for me to go without her. So I didn’t think you’d want to.”

“Lucky for you, I’m not Lisa,” Castiel says kindly.

“Yeah, she definitely never gave me that thing in my chest,” Dean says softly.

“Dean,” Castiel sighs, extremely happy with the sappy compliment.

“Hang on, I’m tryin’ to think of something manly to say so I don’t grow a vagina,” Dean quips and Castiel laughs hard.

“One day I will get you to believe that you can be sweet without being feminine,” Castiel assures him.

“That could take a while. Old habits are hard to break and all that,” Dean says offhandedly.

“Good thing I’m not going anywhere then, huh?”

“For more reasons than that,” Dean answers quickly. “How was your day today by the way?”

“Busier than usual since it’s nearly the end of the month, but still manageable.”

“Any new hot guys come in and hit on you?” Dean jokes.

“No, you still remain the only one. Though I will admit there was a running joke in the office about one other client. They even call him my ‘work boyfriend’,” Castiel chuckles, remembering. “He only comes in twice a year though.”

“Could I take him?” Dean asks.

“Undoubtedly,” Castiel answers. “You’re actually the most in shape man I’ve ever been attracted to.”

“You’re sayin’ I’m not your type?”

“I don’t think there’s anybody else who fits in the same category as you, so I don’t know that I can classify you as a type. But you are certainly more muscular than the other men I’ve dated,” Castiel explains.

“Yeah, you’re more muscular than the people I’m usually with, too,” Dean quips, and Castiel laughs. “Turns out I kinda got a thing for that.”

“I’m not particularly cut, Dean,” Castiel reminds him.

“But you’re strong. That time we were fooling around on your bed, you flipped me over like I weighed nothin’. Was really fuckin’ hot.”

Castiel’s mouth has suddenly gone a little dry. He remembers how pliant Dean was when he wanted to flip him, and how quickly he listened when he asked him to turn over. He must wait a beat too long to answer while lost in his thoughts because Dean talks again.

“Was that TMI or something?” He asks, and he sounds nervous.

“No, sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to say that and I… got distracted.”

“Hah! I’m getting you all worked up, is that it?” Dean says, and Castiel can tell he’s delighted by the prospect.

Two can play at that game.

“Yes, Dean. I was remembering how mouth wateringly attractive you were laying on my bed, hard and begging for me. How easy it was for me to flip you over, and how you let out this breathy little sound when I did it and told me how hot it was once I had you pressed into my mattress,” Castiel let his voice deepen as he talked, and he clears his throat loudly. “I might have forgotten that if you didn’t mention it again, so thank you for the reminder.”

“Keep talkin’ in that sex voice, Cas, and you’re gonna hear some more breathy little sounds real soon,” Dean promises.

Castiel laughs quietly. “I only meant to tease you back,” he explains.

“Well all systems are a go over here, so you mighta done too good of a job.”

Castiel feels his own cock harden thinking of Dean getting hard because of him.

“This conversation has taken a very wrong turn somewhere,” Castiel says, trying to get things back on track.

“Not feelin’ too wrong to me,” Dean disagrees. “You could keep talking. That would help, ya know.”

“Dean!” Castiel says, outwardly mildly scandalized by the suggestion, but inwardly fighting the reaction his dick is having to the idea. “I’m almost 30 years old. I’m not going to have phone sex with you.”

“You don’t have to do anything, just keep talking,” Dean jokes, but Castiel knows he’s at least a little bit serious. “Man, I can’t wait to get those test results back. I’m hoping they’ll call this weekend.”

Castiel hesitates only a second before he says, “How come? What do you want to do to me?”

Dean’s breath catches loud enough that Castiel can hear it. “Are we doin’ this?” Dean asks.

“You started it,” Castiel says defensively. “We either do it now together or in the shower once we hang up,” he adds.

“Fuck yes,” Dean says enthusiastically. “I’m getting in my bed, by the way.”

Castiel walks to his bedroom and closes the door. “Me, too.”

“You don’t know how bad I wanna touch you. Touch you for real. And fuck, I know this is the gayest thing I’ve ever said, but I wanna see you come so fucking much.”

Castiel has him on speaker now, and is out of his pants and stroking himself listening to Dean’s words. “I like when you say gay things,” he reminds him, and Dean laughs nervously. “I got so hard hearing you say that.”

“Are you…?” Dean trails off.

“Yes,” Castiel answers. “I’m stroking myself. Thinking about you. Listening to your voice. Do you know what your voice does to me?”

“What does it do?” Dean asks, already breathy, and that makes Castiel’s mind run wild picturing everything he could be doing right now.

“You make me so hard. Everything about you. Your jaw, your eyes, your beautiful mouth. Your shoulders,” he says with a groan.

Dean’s voice is even breathier when he answers than it was before. “You know when you had your mouth on me? You looked so hot between my legs. And I just fucking know you’re gonna suck me so good.”

“I am. I think about you fucking my mouth every time I touch myself. I love cock, and I’m going to love swallowing yours, Dean.”

“Jesus Christ,” Dean gasps. “Do you think you can take all of me?”

“Right down my throat,” Castiel confirms.

“Oh shit, I’m gonna come down your throat so hard,” Dean promises.

Castiel has a mental image of Dean coming so hard he can’t swallow it all down, and thinks about Dean’s hot tongue and pink lips licking his own mess off of his face, and moans low and dirty, his fist flying over his cock. He doesn’t know how Dean feels about that kind of thing, though, so he doesn’t say it.

“I’m going to lap up every drop. I want to taste your come so bad,” Castiel admits.

“How’m I gonna get you off, Cas? I won’t know what to do,” Dean says, and though Castiel can hear a little bit of true vulnerability there, he also knows Dean’s asking him what he wants him to do.

“I’m going to show you, baby. Show you exactly how I like it. I’m going to hold your head gently, and show you how to take me into your mouth nice and deep. Maybe I’ll suck you while you suck me,” Castiel suggests, and Dean moans in response. “I’ll make it feel so good that you forget to be nervous, and I’ll just fuck into your hot, wet mouth.”

“Keep talking, angel, please,” Dean whines, and Castiel knows he’s getting close.

“I’ll tease your head with my tongue, flicking over it quickly, and when you open your mouth to moan for me I’m gonna hit the back of your throat,” Castiel imagines, “you’re going to make the hottest little choking sounds…”

“Choking on your huge fucking cock,” Dean growls, and Castiel can feel the heat gathering in his stomach after hearing Dean’s response to that.

“You like that?” Castiel checks.

“Fuck, yes,” Dean answers.

“Are you going to let me come in your mouth? Or do I pull out and you stroke me until I come all over your hand?” Dean’s voice hitches again and Castiel presses further, “On your beautiful ass, Dean?”

“Yes,” Dean gasps.

“Mmmm, that’ll look so hot, babe. You’ll look so fucking sexy with my come all over you.”

“Cas,” Dean gasps. “Cas, please.”

Hearing Dean beg for him sends him crashing into his orgasm. He lets out every little sound he can make, and tries to tell Dean, “Oh fuck. Oh, shit. I’m coming, Dean. Nnng, I’m coming all over my stomach for you.” He hears Dean choke out his name, and he knows Dean is coming, too. “You sound so good. I wish I could see you. See your hard cock coming so hard for me.”

Castiel focuses on the harsh breathing over the phone as he strokes himself to completion, milking out every last drop. He doesn’t think too hard about it when he snaps a picture of his stomach and hand covered in his come and sends it to Dean.

The sharp intake of his breath a moment later is confirmation that he received it.

“Holy fuck. That’s a hundred times hotter than I thought it’d be,” Dean admits. “You have no idea how sexy you are, Cas.”

Castiel stays silent, his mind buzzing, and still trying to catch his breath.

Once he hears Dean’s breath also evening out on the other end of the phone he says, “I can’t believe we just did that.”

“I can’t believe I just fucking came thinking about you coming all over my ass,” Dean says, but he sounds amused.

“I can, it’s a very arousing thought,” Castiel answers him, and Dean laughs.

“I know I kinda initiated this. Is it weird now?” Dean asks.

“The weirdest part for me was that we were doing that and I don’t even really know what you like since we haven’t experienced anything we talked about together yet. I was afraid I’d say something that would completely turn you off and ruin the moment,” Castiel tells him honestly.

“I’m pretty sure you could’ve been reading the phone book and it still would’ve turned me on. Your voice was made for phone sex, dude.”

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that,” Castiel tells him honestly.

“But I’m the first one who got to experience it,” Dean says, sounding proud of himself. “I’m glad I got one of your firsts.”

Castiel smiles. “I’ve never sent a picture like that either,” Castiel admits.

“Good. I don’t want anybody else lookin’ at you like that. You’re all mine now.”

“Hmmm. I do like the sounds of that,” Castiel answers sleepily.

“We’re both gonna fall asleep,” Dean laughs.

“You tired me out!”

“I can say the same,” Dean replies. “I’m still comin’ over right after work tomorrow, right?”

“As long as you don't mind. I'm sorry we can't stay at your place,” Castiel says again.

“I'd rather stay there and not leave Albus alone all day and all night. Told ya that once already. I just wanna be with you. Wake up with you again,” Dean says.

“Me, too,” Castiel confesses.

“I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?”

“I'll be waiting. Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel says. If he doesn't get to fall asleep with him every night, saying goodnight is the next best thing.

“Night, Cas.”

 

**FRIDAY NIGHT:**

 

“You don't have to eat three servings just to prove you like it, you know,” Castiel tells Dean, but he’s unable to hold back his smile.

“Please,” Dean scoffs. “I _get_ to eat three servings because my boyfriend's a frickin’ genius in the kitchen.”

“You're exaggerating. It's just spaghetti,” Castiel insists.

Dean’s eyebrows shoot up while he works on chewing another giant mouthful of food. He starts talking around his bite, as Castiel now expects. “I’ll call you a dirty liar if you ever tell her, but this could give my mom’s spaghetti a run for it's money. And the meatballs?” Dean rolls his eyes up in his head.

“Well, I will say it's nice to have somebody appreciating my cooking again. It's just not the same when I compliment myself,” he says seriously, and Dean laughs. “But your secret is safe with me.”

“I'm not much of a wine guy, but this shit’s good, too. And the bread? Who actually _makes_ bread anymore? You're pretty much every wet dream I've ever had all rolled into one,” Dean grins.

“Be careful. Soon I'm going to think you only want me for my cooking and the sex,” Castiel tells him.

“Excuse me for thinking my boyfriend is pretty damn perfect,” Dean says sarcastically.

Castiel smiles. “You're certainly embracing the boyfriend title.”

Dean smiles shyly. “I think it even more than I say it,” he admits. “I really like the sound of it.”

“I'm not complaining,” Castiel assures him.

Castiel is pleasantly surprised when Dean insists on loading the dishwasher a little while later, saying it's only fair that if Castiel cooks, Dean does clean up duty. Castiel offers to help, but Dean just refills his wine glass and sits him down again, then kisses him so sweetly, so _perfectly_ that he doubts his knees could support him if he attempted to stand anyway. Which was likely the plan all along, he realizes belatedly.

Dean keeps groaning about being too full, so Castiel insists on a walk through the park to help him digest, which Dean complains about initially, but ultimately seems pretty pleased when he lifts his face to the sun a little while later. Castiel’s lost track of how many times he’s stopped and stared in complete awe of how beautiful Dean is, and this is another one of those times.

“You’re staring again,” Dean tells him, though how he can tell with his eyes closed, Castiel doesn’t know.

“Sorry,” Castiel says, embarrassed at being caught.

“Don’t really mind,” Dean replies, opening his eyes and grinning at him. “Used to be strangers staring all the time. Now at least it’s you.”

“You’re very obviously attractive, Dean, and you know that. But I’m not always thinking that when I’m looking at you. Often, I’m thinking about _you_. Who you are. How you make me feel. What you’re doing with me,” he adds, trying to lighten the heavy words that just spilled out of him.

Dean ignores the final comment and lets go of Castiel’s hand to wrap his arm around his waist instead, pulling him so that they continue to walk while pressed together hip to hip. “Yeah? How do I make you feel?”

“Warm,” Castiel answers immediately. “Safe. Horny,” he admits, and Dean laughs the way he wanted him to. “Happy. Hopeful.”

“That’s a lot of H words,” Dean comments, and Castiel doesn’t respond, just soaking in the moment. “Hopeful, huh? What’re you hopeful for?”

Castiel doesn’t want to scare him, but he answers as honestly as he can. “This to last.”

Dean drops his head, looking at the ground as they walk, but he nods and quietly responds, “Yeah, me, too.”

Castiel is hardly able to wipe the smile off his face the rest of the evening, and the warmth inside of him only increases when he brushes his teeth with Dean beside him late that night. It almost swallows him whole after he has Dean pressed underneath him in his bed, and when Castiel’s hand wrapped around both of them causes them to come within seconds of one another. He presses dozens of kisses against Dean’s skin afterwards, letting his actions say the words that are in his mind - too soon, too fast, but there - and they ultimately drift to sleep still naked, wrapped around each other, and basking in the afterglow.

 

* * *

 

  
Dean’s woken up the next morning by two things happening at the same time. A phone is ringing, and it sounds like somebody’s knocking at Cas’s front door.

“Dean,” Cas grumbles. “Can you go get the door?” he asks, as he reaches for his phone.

“Whaa?” Dean asks, mind still fuzzy from sleep.

“The door,” he insists, pressing answer on his cell phone. “Hello? Yes, this is Castiel Novak,” he says.

Dean gets out of bed and hops into his jeans quickly, not bothering with a shirt. Albus greets him with a loud meow when he opens the bedroom door, and Dean talks to him as he walks to the front door, Albus trotting beside him hopefully. “Heyya little buddy. I’ll get you your food as soon as I make whoever’s at the door go away,” he promises. Albus answers with another meow and Dean’s grinning when he opens the door.

He’s met with a familiar face that he can’t quite place. Shock and confusion is all over the face of the redheaded woman standing in front of him. She’s holding a paper bag and a tray with two coffee cups. “Can I help you?” he says.

Her eyes take in his rumpled appearance, flick down to his bare chest (which causes Dean to cross his arms in front of his chest self consciously) and back up to his face. When their eyes meet Dean’s memory flashes to pale skin almost glowing from the moonlight and fogged up windows in the back seat of his Baby. His eyes widen and she finally answers, “Glad I left some kind of impression after all.”

Well, shit. This can’t be good. He’s automatically thinking worst case scenario: pregnant, but he distinctly remembers suiting up for the occasion. So, not that. Probably. But what is she doing here? “How did you find me?” he asks.

She makes a sound of disbelief. “You think an awful lot of yourself, don’t you? I’m not here to see you. I’m here to see Castiel.”

Obviously. That makes sense. “Oh. Right. Well, come in then, I guess. He was just on the phone a second ago. How do you two know each other?” Dean asks, curious.

She’s about to answer when Dean turns towards the sound of Cas’s feet shuffling towards the kitchen. “Why would you come here before ten o’clock on a Saturday morning, Anna?” Castiel grumbles, and Dean feels like his stomach just hit the floor.

 _No_. No, no, no, no, no.

“I’m not completely stupid. I brought coffee and muffins,” she says, walking past Dean to pass a cup of coffee to her brother. “I would have brought another one if I knew you were trying out the town bicycle,” she jokes, and Dean thinks he might actually throw up. He hasn’t moved a muscle since Cas said her name. The door is still open, for God’s sake. With that thought, he closes it, harder than he meant to, and leans his back against it. “How did you get him to sleep here anyway? I heard even if he makes it to a bed he _never_ spends the night.”

If looks could kill, Anna would be dead on the floor right now. Dean has _never_ seen Cas look at anybody like that before, and if he wasn’t trying to figure out how to get out of this, he might have thought it was hot. “You will not speak about him like that again, Anna.”

She laughs, obviously surprised at his reaction. Before she can say anything else Dean finally forces a word out. “Cas. I need to talk to you.” Anna looks at Dean again, differently this time, and then she looks back to her brother, and he can see the moment she figures it out. “Please, Cas,” Dean says more insistently.

Cas’s is looking at him like he has three heads, but he nods. “Can you excuse us a moment?” he says to Anna.

She gives him a tight smile. “You know what? I’m going to take off. You and Dean can have the coffee and muffins. Just… call me later, okay?” She walks back towards the door, and Dean moves away to give her more space than she would actually need to pass him. She stops and levels him with one look. “If you hurt him, I _will_ find you,” she says quietly enough that only Dean can hear her.

Dean closes the door behind her, and runs a hand over his face.

“It’s too early for this,” Cas grunts, taking the second coffee from the tray and placing it on the counter for Dean. “That was strange, even for Anna.” Dean just stays at the door, not having any idea how the fuck to do this. Cas takes another few sips from his coffee before he says, “I’m sorry she was rude to you. I’ll talk to her about it. She won’t talk to you like that again.” Dean still doesn’t say anything and Cas adds, “I’m assuming that’s why you wanted to speak with me?”

“No, not exactly,” Dean answers quietly. He approaches Cas slowly, and stops when he’s on the other side of the breakfast bar, across from him. He entertains the idea of sitting, but can’t bring himself to do it.

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale,” Cas comments, as if he just noticed Dean acting strangely for the first time.

“I’ve felt better,” Dean admits. “Listen, I need to tell you something, and I’m pretty sure you’re gonna hate me afterwards,” Dean says, feeling bile rising in his throat, knowing that this is the moment he loses everything.

“I sincerely doubt that,” Cas says, calmly, digging in the bag to pull out the muffins. “Do you want one?”

“Cas,” Dean says. He says it in such a way that Cas stops what he’s doing and looks at Dean curiously. Dean can tell by the look on his face that he’s finally noticed that something is very wrong.

“Dean, what is it? Are you alright?”

Dean shakes his head. Because he’s not alright. “Cas… I… _fuck_ ,” he swears. He’s basically drowning in the hatred he feels towards himself in this moment, knowing that being easy and reckless the last five years is going to lead him to lose the best thing in his life. “I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I swear to God I would.”

“Dean?” Cas says, worry and fear all over his face.

“A while ago, I don’t even remember exactly when, but way before I ever met you. I… I…” he swallows down the persistent bile and says, “I slept with your sister.”

Cas’s face goes completely blank. Dean waits a few seconds, wanting to know what Cas is going to say, but when he doesn't say anything, Dean has to try to explain.

“I - I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t know.”

“I told you her name,” Cas responds quickly, and Dean flinches at the tone of his voice. He’s never heard Cas sound like this before. “I told you that she had red hair and was beautiful.”

“I know, but I didn’t -”

“How many redheaded Anna’s do you think there are in this city?” Cas asks, suspicion and disbelief coming through loud and clear.

“I didn’t know her name,” Dean explains, hating himself further for having to admit that. Castiel laughs coldly, shaking his head in disbelief. He’s looking at Dean like… like he’s disgusted by him, Dean realizes. It’s such a complete contrast to the way Cas has looked at him every other time that Dean feels tears gathering behind his eyes, and shoves them down as hard as he can. “I know, okay?” he says hoarsely. “I know how fucked up that sounds.”

“I think you should go,” Cas says, and the words hit Dean like a shot to his chest.

“Cas,” Dean begins, begging and knowing it, and still not feeling ashamed. “It didn’t mean anything.”

“Do you think that _helps_? Do you think _it helps_ knowing you fucked my little sister and that she meant so little to you that you didn’t even bother to get her name?” Cas says, raising his voice, making Dean shrink into himself at the sound.

“That’s not what I meant,” Dean says quietly. “I meant that she doesn’t mean anything to me _now_. I know it’s awkward and believe me, I feel like absolute shit about it, okay? But it doesn’t change anything for me and you.”

“The hell it doesn’t!” Castiel argues.

“I _told you_ who I was. I told you! I warned you, and you said you didn’t care as long as I didn’t hurt anybody. And I didn’t hurt your sister,” Dean reminds him.

“But it’s hurting me!” Castiel shouts. Dean watches him take a deep breath. He isn't yelling when he keeps talking, but Dean almost wishes he was. “You had sex with my sister, Dean! How am I supposed to ever have the two of you in the same room together knowing that? How am I supposed to not see that in my head when I see you?” Cas asks rhetorically. “To think I was dreaming about…” Cas’s voice trails off and he holds his head in his hands. He doesn't even look up when he says, “Please get dressed and leave.”

“Cas, _please_ -” Dean begs again.

“I can’t look at you right now. Please don’t make me ask you to go again,” Cas says, and he sounds so broken, so _done_ with him that Dean can’t fight the tears anymore. They fall as he goes back to the bedroom, chest clenching painfully when he sees the bed sheets still tangled from the night before, the condoms tossed carelessly on the floor. His phone’s still charging on the nightstand with the extra cord he brought to leave at Cas’s house so he wouldn’t need to remember it for the next time. _The next time that’s never going to come_ , he thinks bitterly as he throws it in his duffel bag.

He doesn’t bother brushing his teeth or taking a leak like he needs to. All he can think about is getting the hell out of here before Cas can break his heart any more. Before he can see him completely fall apart like the fucking loser that he is.

He tortures himself by taking one last look around the room, and then walks back out through Cas’s apartment and stuffs his feet into his shoes without looking up. When he finally does, he wishes he hadn’t. Wishes Cas didn’t have this look on his face the last time he’s going to see him.

“I guess this is it, huh?” Dean asks, barely able to get the words out, but needing the confirmation.

“I don’t know,” Cas says, but he says it completely without feeling. “I need some time. I don’t know if I can get past this.”

“Yeah,” Dean says roughly, fresh tears falling down his face. “I’ll wait,” he promises, the idea coming to him as he stares into Cas’s eyes, wishing he could sear the truth of his words into his brain. “I’ll wait as long as you need. I’m not goin’ anywhere, and I don’t wanna be with anybody else.”

Cas’s face doesn’t show an ounce of emotion, and his voice is still as hard as it was a minute ago. “I can’t ask you to do that when I don’t know if I can ever be with you again.”

And Dean thought his heart couldn’t break any further.

“You don’t have to ask. There’s not gonna be anybody else. You were gonna be it, and I didn’t even know it until it was too late,” Dean says with his voice rough as sandpaper, finally acknowledging out loud what even his mom knew after seeing him and Cas together the first time. What Dean saw in that picture Jo took from their first date and Dean didn't want to put into words. “I’ll be here if you change your mind,” he says, hopelessly. He can barely see through the cloud of tears in his eyes when he opens the door. “Bye, angel,” he whispers, hating himself a little bit more with every step he takes that brings him further away from the man he realizes he's in love with only minutes after he’s lost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I'm sorry.
> 
> *hides*


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: a text message that has a line through it was typed out but erased and not sent

So this is what it feels like to have a broken heart. How it feels to have the rug pulled out from under you. Castiel had heard the expression before of course, but he’s never experienced it quite like this.

And to think he was once naive enough to believe it didn’t matter who Dean slept with in the past.

That certainly came back and bit him in the ass, he thinks bitterly.

It’s been a few hours since Dean left. Since Castiel made him leave.

He showered, since he was feeling dirty from a mixture of the memories of what happened between them last night and the thoughts he’s been trying to force out of his brain all morning.

Dean with Anna.

Dean with _his sister_.

His sister underneath his boyfriend - his _ex_ -boyfriend, he corrects mentally - being intimately familiar with the look on his face and the sounds he makes when he comes way before Castiel even knew he existed, and in a way he never got to experience.

He’s ashamed to admit that jealousy is an emotion he’s feeling on top of everything else, but he won’t deny that it’s there. It’s nothing compared to the hurt and the confusion and the sense of betrayal he _knows_ is misplaced. But it’s there.

He doesn’t miss the irony of the timing of the phone call he received from the clinic telling him his test results all came back negative while Dean was opening the front door to his sister standing there. To a woman he had exchanged kisses and caresses with but hadn’t bothered to get the name of.

How many more times would this kind of thing happen if they stayed together? He knows it’s going to keep happening even now, even after he told Dean he didn’t think he could move past this. He’s going to be looking at the faces of every beautiful woman on the street wondering if she had sex with his boyfriend.

 _Ex_ -boyfriend, he reminds himself again, shaking the thought from his head and pouring himself another shot to numb the pain.

This is the earliest in the day he’s ever started drinking hard liquor, but that doesn’t stop him from knocking the shot back, resenting the fact that the taste of the only thing he has reminds him of the very person he’s trying to drink away.

He ignores it when there’s a knock on his door, just like he’s ignored his phone buzzing consistently for the last two hours. Just like he wants to continue to ignore it when he hears his sister’s voice on the other side of the door.

“I know you’re in there, Castiel. Your car’s in the parking lot,” she shouts, and Castiel grumbles to himself, knocking back another shot. He’s going to need it if he’s going to face her. Logically, he knows it isn’t Anna’s fault any more than it’s Dean’s, but that doesn’t stop the anger he feels towards her. “I _will_ break this door down,” she threatens, and he knows that she will. So he gets up, only slightly unsteady on his feet considering the amount of alcohol he’s consumed, and unlocks it for her, and then turns back around to go right back to the couch where he was a moment ago.

He hears her open the door and then close it again behind her, and he hears her heels click on his floor as she walks over and sits on the recliner beside his couch.

“You really weren’t going to let me in over _him_?” is the first thing she says.

“Don’t,” he warns, still instinctively protective over Dean, and hating himself for it the moment he realizes it.

“I didn’t even know he was into guys,” she says conversationally. Like she thinks he’s going to just talk about that.

“When did you sleep with him?” Castiel asks, for some reason needing to know.

“It was a while ago. Probably less than a year ago? Maybe more? I don’t remember the exact date, no matter how good he is in bed,” she shrugs.

Castiel feels his eyes water.

“Stop,” he says as calmly as he can, fighting away the image of the two of them together. Again.

“Why are you acting like this?” she finally asks. “What is he to you, anyway?”

“He _was_ my boyfriend until you stopped by,” he answers, unable to keep all of the venom out of his voice when he says it.

“Cassie, sweetie, Dean Winchester doesn’t date,” she says nicely. “You can ask anybody. Are you sure he wasn’t just, you know…?”

“I’m sure,” Castiel answers, steady with the truth of his statement regardless of what happened this morning. He forgets the shot glass and takes a sip right from the bottle.

“How did you even meet him? It’s not like you to be trolling the bars,” she muses.

“But it’s like you, apparently,” he says coldly.

“Aw, c’mon, Castiel. What’s the big deal? Did you really think I was still a virgin or something?” Anna asks, sounding amused and pissing Castiel off.

“No, but I did think you had enough self respect to introduce yourself before you fucked my boyfriend.”

“Excuse me,” she says, and Castiel knows just by those two words that he’s flipped the switch on her temper. Good. He could use a fight to distract him from the hurt. “He wasn’t your boyfriend when we had sex, and just because I enjoyed an anonymous sexual encounter does not mean that I don’t respect myself. It’s my body and if I want to get fucked in the back seat of a muscle car that’s my own choice to make.”

Castiel’s going to vomit.

Dean’s car.

His Baby.

His sister in the back seat of Dean’s Baby.

He lets out a staggered breath and says, “Anna, fuck. _Please_ don’t tell me anything else about the two of you together. I… I just can’t,” he explains, and he hates the way he sounds so pathetic and broken but that’s how he _feels_. Like’s his heart has shattered into a thousand pieces and they’re all trying to shove their way up his throat at the same time.

Anna’s voice is remarkably softer when she says, “How close were you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Castiel answers quickly.

“I’ve never seen you like this over a man before. I don’t understand how this happened with _Dean_ of all people,” Anna wonders.

“I realize you’ve had sex with him, but you obviously don’t know a thing about him if you have such a low opinion of him.”

Anna hesitates before she says, “I know you don’t want to hear anything bad about him, but are you aware he’s slept with half the town?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do you even care? He just goes from girl to girl every weekend. Never leaves his phone number, never asks for a name, never even bothers to know who he’s having sex with. He didn’t even recognize me at the door at first,” she tells him.

“I’m sorry, but I fail to see the difference between him having casual sex with whoever he wants and _you_ having casual sex with whoever _you_ want. Why is he such a terrible person if he did the same thing you have admittedly done without thinking any less of yourself?” Castiel asks, again defending Dean without thinking about it.

“Because he does it every weekend!” she exclaims.

“Oh, I understand now,” he says sarcastically. “I didn’t realize there was a specific number of people he could sleep with before it makes him a worthless human being. What is the exact number by the way? Just in case I decide to run through a couple of people in the next few weeks.” Anna huffs impatiently. “Did Dean tell any of these women that he was going to leave his number? Did he make them think he was interested in more than a quick fuck?” he asks.

“Not from what I’ve heard, but -”  
“Then he hasn’t lied to me once. I knew who he was and I was fine with it,” he says evenly.

“Then why are you sitting here drinking yourself away? Where is Dean?” she asks.

“I broke up with him,” Castiel explains, teeth clenched against the new wave of pain.

“Because of… what happened between us?” she says, and Castiel acknowledges the fact that she’s making an effort not talk about having sex with him now.

“Yes.”

“But why?” she asks, sounding surprised.

“What?” he asks back, equally surprised. “Would you date a man who had sex with me?”

She shrugs. “Probably not if I knew about it right off the bat, which you obviously didn't. And, I mean… it’s not like anybody would be going comparing notes, right?” she says lightly. “Having sex with me isn’t going to be anything like having sex with you.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Castiel says, wondering silently if it does.

“It was just sex,” she explains. “He didn’t even remember what I looked like at first. I’m sure he can’t tell the difference between me and any other girl.”

“I don’t care. I can’t stop thinking about it. Knowing that you’ve seen him, touched him, felt him… it makes me feel like I’m going to be sick.”

“Well, stop being disgusting and thinking about your little sister having sex,” she says, laughing a little bit.

“Why do you think I’m trying to drown myself in alcohol?” he answers dryly.

“Listen. You obviously like him. A lot, by the looks of things.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he tells her again.

“I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that, Cassie. Didn’t you see the look on his face?”

Castiel laughs bitterly before he takes another drink from the bottle. Did he see the look on his face? The look that’s going to haunt him for the rest of his life? _Yes, I saw it_ , he thinks darkly. He saw the fear, and he saw the way Dean’s body shrunk into itself when he lost his temper and yelled at him. And he saw the way his eyes were shining when he walked out of the door.

He’s been trying not to think about it, because despite how mad and how hurt he is, the overwhelming urge to comfort him is still there, and he knows it isn’t fair to either of them for Castiel to hold Dean in his arms and let him cry when he can’t tell him it’s going to be okay. How could it be okay when he can’t stop thinking about this?

“He obviously told you what happened. He wasn’t trying to hide it. He insisted he speak with you alone so that he could try to explain before I said something to tip you off. It sounds like he was honest with you about his past, and you must have been okay with it if you’re together the way you say you were. And then the first time something like this comes up you just give up on him?”

Castiel feels shame spread through him for the first time, but it’s quickly replaced with anger. “I think it’s probably a lot easier for you to say that since you’re not the one feeling what I’m feeling right now,” Castiel argues.

“Okay, fine. Let’s talk about that, then. What’re you feeling?” she asks.

“Everything!” Castiel exclaims loudly. “I’m hurt, and I’m betrayed, and I’m heartbroken. I’m pissed off that something he did a year ago can affect me like this right now. I feel like I’ve been cheated on even though I wasn’t. I feel like he lied to me even though I know he didn’t. And I feel like it doesn’t even matter what I feel because I know I will never be able to look at him or get in his car and not think about how _I love him_ and you _still_ had him first!”

That’s what finally releases his tears. They fill his eyes and spill over quickly, drop after drop trailing down the sides of his face. Anna takes the bottle from his hand and pulls him up so she can wrap her arms around him. He’s still so mad at her, but he feels like if somebody doesn’t hold on to him then all the pieces of him might actually break apart for good.

“Oh honey,” she says, rocking him gently. “I didn’t know you were in love with him.”

He can only sniffle in response. He didn’t know either. Or at least he wasn’t ready to admit it. He definitely wasn’t ready to say it out loud.

“It doesn’t matter,” he finally says, tears still falling.

“Are you really going to let what happened between me and Dean one night all those months ago ruin whatever it is you two have found together?”

“I don’t know how not to,” Castiel answers honestly.

“I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure getting day drunk isn’t the way, Cassie.”

Castiel sniffles again. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

She laughs gently. “Do you really love him?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel says, refusing to admit it again. “I could have. It’s still so new. But I felt… Right from our very first date, I felt like he might’ve been the one,” he confesses, fresh tears falling again.

“And you’re going to throw that all away? That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I’m scared,” he admits. “What if… what if I can’t stop thinking about this?”

Anna finally lets him go a little bit, pushing him back so that they’re eye to eye. “What if you can?” she asks quietly, and Castiel dissolves into fresh tears, nodding and knowing that she’s right.

If there’s even the tiniest chance that he can fix it, he needs to try. People like Dean don’t come along every day, and nobody’s ever made him feel like this before. Like Anna said, the big picture is that he doesn’t _want_ to lose him. It only hurts this badly because it’s the last thing he wants. He just has to try to figure out how to make it happen.

Several hours later, after Anna makes him eat some soup and some bread, “To soak up some of the liquor,” she told him, he’s feeling significantly better, but still very confused. Anna kept telling him to call Dean to check in on him, but he’s scared. She finally left after making him promise that he’d answer her text messages this time or she would be coming right back to his place. Now he’s sitting on the couch with Albus on his lap, wondering if Dean even wants to talk to him.

He can hear the echo of his broken voice saying, “I’ll be here if you change your mind,” and decides to go for it.

He takes the coward’s way and sends a text.

 

 **CASTIEL:** Are you okay?

That’s what he really wants to know. That’s all he’s been able to think about since the alcohol has cleared from his brain and the shock has left his system. He can’t believe he let Dean leave like that. He _never_ should have been driving the way he was. What if he didn’t even make it home okay? He didn’t even check. He wouldn’t blame Dean if he didn’t want anything more to do with him after the way he reacted.

His heart jumps when he gets a reply.

 **DEAN:** Not really

 **DEAN:** Are u?

 **CASTIEL:** Not really :(

 **DEAN:** I’m sorry

 **CASTIEL:** It isn’t your fault.

 **DEAN:** Do u still hate me?

 **CASTIEL:** No, ~~baby~~ , Dean. I don’t hate you.

 **DEAN:** Ya right

 **CASTIEL:** I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. You obviously caught me off guard, and I overreacted. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave. I should have had you stay so we could talk about it.

 **DEAN:** Not much to talk about

Castiel feels his heart fill with fear. He types out several messages and deletes them before he can send them.

~~**CASTIEL:** You don’t want to talk to me?~~

~~**CASTIEL:** I understand if you don’t want to talk it out~~

~~**CASTIEL:** Are you mad at me?~~

**CASTIEL:** I don’t know what to say

 **DEAN:** See

 **CASTIEL:** Did you mean what you said? About waiting?

 **DEAN:** Yes

 **CASTIEL:** …Do you still mean it?

 **DEAN:** Yes!

 **CASTIEL:** I still don’t know how to stop thinking about it. And I don’t want to promise you anything in case I can’t do this... but I don’t want to lose you.

 **DEAN:** what does that mean

 **CASTIEL:** If you can just give me some time… I want to at least try to work it out.

 **DEAN:** You still want to be with me

 **CASTIEL:** I WANT to be, but I don’t know if I can. Can we try?

 **DEAN:** What do u want me to do?

 **CASTIEL:** I still want to check in on you and make sure you’re doing okay, and if you really need me I want to be there for you. But other than that, I just need some space.

 **DEAN:** Be more specific

 **CASTIEL:** I can’t see you right now. But I still want to talk to you if you want to talk to me.

 **DEAN:** You can’t see me like date me or see me in person

Castiel’s heart clenches again.

 **CASTIEL:** Both :(

 **DEAN:** :(

The tears start falling again, and Castiel has to wait several minutes in order to be able to see enough to keep typing.

 **DEAN:** So you’re still breaking up with me

Castiel brushes the tears from his face.

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t want to confuse you, but I don’t want to say that :( I don’t know how else to say it though.

 **DEAN:** Are we ross and rachel?

Castiel has to choke back a watery laugh.

 **CASTIEL:** On a break?

 **DEAN:** Ya

 **CASTIEL:** How do you feel about that?

 **DEAN:** Better than saying u broke up with me

 **DEAN:** As long as u don’t sleep with somebody else lol

 **CASTIEL:** I only want to be with you. That hasn’t changed.

 **DEAN:** Me too. Id do just about anything for a hug right now

 **CASTIEL:** *sends virtual hugs*

 **CASTIEL:** Seriously, though. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you right now. A hug from you would be really nice.

 **DEAN:** *sends virtual hugs*

 **DEAN:** This is so gay

Castiel laughs again, and he recognizes that a tiny piece of his heart has mended back together just from talking to Dean like this.

 **CASTIEL:** I already feel a teeny tiny bit better

 **DEAN:** Me too

 **DEAN:** Is there anything I can do to help u more

Castiel can hardly believe he has a small smile on his face after the morning he had.

 **CASTIEL:** You’re already doing it just by being you :) I’ll check in again before bed, okay?

 **DEAN:** Whenever u want. I’ll be here

 

Castiel forces himself to go along with the rest of his day. He picks up the paper copy of his test results, makes himself a sandwich for dinner, goes for an evening run to try and clear his head some more, and he talks to Anna when she calls him. He even begrudgingly thanks her for taking care of him earlier.

He tries to watch a few episodes of Suits before bed, but all he can think about is the way Dean danced in his seat when the theme song came on last time, making fun of him for how he told him he thought it was bouncy, and he ends up turning it off and staring at the blank television screen instead.

He waits until 10:00 when he climbs into his bed, feeling safer in the dark of his bedroom, when he texts Dean again.

 **CASTIEL:** How are you doing?

 **DEAN:** Better than this morning

 **CASTIEL:** I’m glad :)

 **DEAN:** This still sucks. I was secretly hoping id get to sleep with u again tonight

 **CASTIEL:** I was secretly hoping you would ask

 **DEAN:** I wish this morning never happened and I was still there

 **CASTIEL:** Me, too. My bed smells like us…

 **DEAN:** Is that good or bad

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t know why, but it’s good. Makes me feel safe.

 **DEAN:** I wish my bed smelled like u then

 **CASTIEL:** Are you going to be able to get any sleep tonight?

 **DEAN:** Probably not

 **CASTIEL:** :( Will you try? I’ll worry about you.

 **DEAN:** Ill try don’t worry

 **CASTIEL:** I’ll talk to you again tomorrow

 **DEAN:** Promise?

 **CASTIEL:** I promise :)

 **DEAN:** K. Sweet dreams

 **CASTIEL:** Good night, Dean.

 

* * *

 

Dean was right. He hardly gets any sleep. It takes him for fucking ever to fall asleep. He can’t stop thinking about that blank look on Cas’s face, and the fear of losing him still hasn’t gone away completely. When he does eventually drift off, he wakes up not long afterwards with a nightmare of Cas shooting him in the heart and just watching him as he bleeds out.

Not hard to figure out the meaning behind that one.

He knows Jo’s gonna kill him for texting her at 8 on a Sunday, but he does it anyway, and they make plans to meet at the Roadhouse for breakfast.

He’s there by 8:10 waiting for her, drinking cup after cup of coffee that Jess keeps refilling with a sad look in her eye.

When Jo walks in she zeros in on him and slides in across from him.

“You look like shit, Winchester,” she says unceremoniously.

“Feel even worse,” he admits.

“Are you dying? Did somebody else die? Why the hell else would you be up at 8 on a Sunday?” she asks, only half serious.

He takes a deep breath and says, “Me and Cas…”

Her eyes fill with understanding and she says, “Shit, Dean. What the hell happened? You guys were like lovesick puppies last weekend.”

It's several seconds before he finds his voice. “Do you know that redhead that comes in here every now and then on the weekend to pick up? Tall, pale skin, big eyes.”

“Anna?” she asks.

Dean wants to die a little when he realizes Jo knows her name and he doesn’t even though he slept with her.

“Yeah, her.”

Jo’s eyes go wide. “You didn’t!” she exclaims. “So help me God, Dean, if you slept with her again when you’re supposed to be with Cas I’m going to kick your ass myself.”

Dean glares at her. “Thanks a fucking lot. Nice to know what you really think of me, Jo.”

“What the hell? What was I supposed to think after you set me up like that? Don’t be a dick!”

Dean runs a hand down his face and says, “Okay! Sorry. I’m in a bit of a fucking mood because I couldn’t fucking sleep last night, okay?”

“Okay,” she says evenly. “So you didn’t sleep with her again. What about her, then? Is she pregnant!?”

“No, fuck,” he says, then the enormity of how fucked up his life would be if she was pregnant hits him and he feels like he might throw up again. To bring his mind back to the present he answers the initial question. “She’s Cas’s sister.”

Jo’s jaw drops dramatically and she covers her mouth with her hand. “Ohhhh shit,” she says quietly.

“Exactly.”

“How did you find out?” Jo asks, recovering quickly to get the details.

“I went to go answer the fucking door, half naked of course, and there she was. Came to see Cas. I recognized her but didn’t know who she was until Cas said her name, and then all the pieces fell into place and I just about hurled.”

“What happened? Did you tell him or did she?”

Dean scoffs. “Bitch made a comment about me being the town bicycle -”

“One _she_ didn’t mind taking for a ride,” Jo says snidely and Dean’s lips quirk.

“And I knew she was gonna say somethin’ else, so I told Cas I needed to talk to him. Alone.”

Jo smiles, “I’m so proud of you for being such a big boy.”

“Bite me,” he says automatically and she grins. “Anna just looked at me like she knew the shit was about to hit the fan, and then she said she was gonna leave. Then I told Cas what was goin’ on and he kicked me out.”

“He _what_?” Jo asks.

“He said he couldn’t look at me without seeing me and Anna doin’ it in his head or somethin’. Asked me how we were ever all gonna be in the same room together knowing I fucked his sister, and said he didn’t know if he could be with me anymore,” Dean says, embarrassed of how his voice is cracking going over it again. He takes a breath to steady himself and says, “He broke my fucking heart, Jo, and all I wanna do is get him back and I don’t know what to do.”

“When did this happen?”

“Yesterday morning. Great way to wake up,” he says sarcastically. Jess comes by then and takes their orders. Dean’s eyes are still rimmed-red and Jo takes pity on him and orders for him. Dean wants to crawl under the table when he sees the way Jess keeps looking at him.

“And he hasn’t talked to you at all since then?” Jo picks up their conversation.

“Well, no. He texted me.”

“ _And_?” she asks loudly.

“I dunno. He asked me if I was okay,” Dean supplies.

“What a dick,” Jo says.

“Jo, don't,” he warns her. “I was just happy he was talking to me. I didn’t think he’d ever talk to me again,” Dean confesses. “I thought we were done.”

“You’re not done?” Jo asks.

“We talked. He said he doesn’t want to lose me, and if I’ll give him time, he wants to try to figure it out.”

Jo blows out a long stream of air. “That’s heavy, man. How do you work through something like that?”

“Fuck if I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” Dean admits.

“What the hell do I know about this?”

“I dunno! More than me!”

“How do you figure? You’re the closest thing I have to a sibling, and I don’t have to worry about us sleeping with the same people. Well - I guess I do now that you’re dating dudes,” she quips.

“I’m not dating _dudes_. I’m dating _Cas_. Kinda, I think,” he adds belatedly. Fuck if he knows.

Jo rolls her eyes. “How you could ever be expected to navigate a relationship I will never know,” she says fondly. “I don't know how to fix this for you. Only thing I can suggest is try to put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you found out this morning Cas slept with Sam?”

Dean instantly makes a face of disgust at the thought, feeling his stomach twist, and he suddenly gets why Cas might’ve had a hard time looking at him.

“Thinkin’ about it makes me wanna punch both of them, and kinda like I might ralph,” he admits.

“I think that's probably pretty close to how Cas feels, just worse because it actually happened. So, how do you think Cas could make it better if the tables were turned?”

Dean lets his eyes go wide. “Shit. I have no idea.”

They sit there together thinking about it separately even after their food is brought over. Eventually, he gives. “Ya know, I'm totally coming up blank. I don't know if there's anything I _can_ do to help him get over it.”

“I think you're right. I know you're the kinda guy who needs to act when something’s wrong, but I think time is probably the best thing you can give him, like you said. You can't help him not think about it,” Jo agrees.

Dean nods. “Okay. So I can't help him get over it, but do you think I could help in other ways?”

“What’re you thinkin’?” she asks, knowing him well enough to see his wheels turning.

“I dunno. Maybe like… doin’ stuff to make sure he knows I'm here for the long haul, ya know? I still hate the idea of flowers, but maybe I can send him something else? Get food delivered so I know he's eating and taking care of himself? Maybe leave some coffee at his door before he goes to work? Wait. Is that creepy?”

“I don't think it's creepy. I think it's sweet. _Way_ sweeter than I thought you could be,” she says honestly.

“Jo, you have no idea. I'm so fucking gay for him. I was sending virtual hugs yesterday,” he admits.

She barks out a laugh. “Jesus. Does his dick taste like pie or something?”

Dean laughs for the first time in almost 24 hours. “I’ll let you know,” he says, still smiling.

“You think you can work it out?” She asks.

“I really fucking hope so. I figure if he wasn't that into me he would’ve taken the opportunity to bolt when he was given the chance. Just knowin’ he wants to try to fight through this gives me a lotta hope.”

Jo sighs. “I just really don't want to see you get crushed all over again. You look like shit even when you're hopeful, if this is what hopeful looks like on you. I'd hate to see you if you give up.”

Dean nods, acknowledging the truth of what she's saying. “I hear ya. But I can't not try. I think he's the one, Jo.”

Jo’s grin is quick and sincere when she says, “I could’ve told you that. I took the pictures, remember?”

“Don't make fun of me -”

“You know I can't promise that,” she interrupts.

“But lookin’ at those pictures last night… lookin’ at the way he was looking at me in them, it just helped. A lot.”

“Good. I'm glad. You could've called me yesterday you know,” she offers.

“Yeah. Thought about it. But I needed to get a grip first. This,” he gestures to his puffy eyes and tired-looking face, “is a huge improvement from yesterday.”

“You know I literally don't care what you look like, right?”

“The only woman completely oblivious to my good looks,” he teases her.

“Somebody had to be. You were getting some kind of God complex,” she teases him. “Thought your head was gonna lift you off the ground for a while there. You're different with Castiel, though. I thought he'd be good for you.”

“He is,” Dean insists.

“I hope you're right,” she answers. And Dean can tell by the smile on her face that she really does.

“Thanks. Ya know. For coming or whatever,” he grunts.

“Anytime,” she winks at him, and for the first time, Dean thinks he might be able to get through this after all.

 

Dean has barely walked back into his apartment when his phone buzzes.

 

 **CAS:** Did you sleep at all?

 **DEAN:** Not much. u?

 **CAS:** I had a hard time falling asleep, but once I passed out I was out.

 **DEAN:** Good

 **CAS:** I keep thinking about how upset you were leaving my place and how I acted like I didn’t care. I hope you know that isn’t true. I care about you a lot.

 **DEAN:** I can’t really blame u. I probably would have reacted the same way

 **CAS:** That doesn’t make it okay, and I still apologize. You mean more to me than that.

 **DEAN:** I forgive u

 **DEAN:** Do u need anything

 **CAS:** Like what?

 **DEAN:** I dunno. Anything. I know I can’t see u, but if I can help u feel better I want to

 **CAS:** That’s sweet. I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll let you know if I do. Do you need anything?

 **DEAN:** Just u Cas

 **DEAN:** I miss u

 **CAS:** I miss you, too. I feel better when I talk to you. Reminds me why I want to work through this so badly.

 **DEAN:** Maybe u would feel even better seeing me

 **CAS:** Nice try :) But not yet. I’m sorry.

 **DEAN:** It’s ok. Knew u were gonna say that

 **CAS:** Can I ask you something?

 **DEAN:** Anything

 **CAS:** I knew when we got together that you had an active sex life before me, and I said I was okay with it. And I was. But now that this happened I’m starting to overthink it, and I want to know if there’s a possibility of me ever getting blindsided like this again.

 **DEAN:** Well do u have any other sisters? Is ur mom hot? Aunts? What about ur friends?

 **CAS:** Seriously, my mom?

 **DEAN:** I dunno man. Trying to cover all my bases here

 **CAS:** I sincerely doubt you’ve had sex with my mother, but thanks for making me need brain bleach :P I only have one female friend and she’s gay, so I think she’s probably safe. I keep thinking of people I know and wondering if you’ve slept with them and I hate it.

 **DEAN:** Like who

 **CAS:** Jo?

 **DEAN:** Dude no

 **CAS:** What about that other blonde waitress?

 **DEAN:** Jess? Tried but she shot me down

 **CAS:** Does it make you angry that I’m asking?

 **DEAN:** Nope. Is it gonna make u angry when I say yes? Coz there’s gonna be a yes eventually u know

 **CAS:** I don’t know. I want to say no, but I have doubts now. I wasn’t mad about Meg then, but when I think about it now I feel… anger. Maybe a bit of jealousy.

 **DEAN:** If I could go back I wouldn’t sleep with any of them. None of them mean anything to me. It was stupid to think this would never catch up with me

 **CAS:** You wouldn’t be who you are - who I’m still crazy about - if you didn’t have the experiences who made you YOU. I’m trying to remember that. I’m working on it, I promise.

 **DEAN:** Does talking about it help?

 **CAS:** This has helped, yes.

 **DEAN:** Good. Whenever u feel jealous just remember I don’t want anybody but u. Nobody’s ever made me feel like u

 **CAS:** I believe you. It helps to hear it. Thank you for letting me talk about this :)

 **DEAN:** Anytime. What should I tell my mom?

 **CAS:** About us?

 **DEAN:** Ya. She’s going to ask about dinner remember

 **CAS:** I suppose you can tell her whatever you feel comfortable telling her. I’m sure she won’t think much of me anymore once she finds out the way I treated you :(

 **DEAN:** I’ll make sure she still likes u. U did send that fruit basket remember

 **CAS:** Hopefully that counts in my favour. Will you let me know?

 **DEAN:** I will

 **CAS:** Alright. I’ll talk to you later then.

 

That could’ve gone worse. Cas had questions, and Dean answered them without pissing him off. Cas said he’s still crazy about him, and he knows he’ll be remembering _that_ when he needs to. He asked him about his mom, and Cas was okay with Dean telling her what happened, which is good, because his mom’s like a frickin’ bloodhound and he has no idea how he would have held her off anyway.

It’s also kinda cute that Cas is worried about his mom not liking him anymore. He wonders if it has anything to do with Cas not having a relationship with his own mom. He should maybe mention that to his mom when they talk, soften her up a little.

He figures Cas was right and she’ll go into Mama Bear Mode when she hears that Cas yelled at him and kicked him out, especially after the way he opened up to her about him just last week. Shit. How embarrassing is that? She’s gonna think the two of them are a mess.

Which they kinda are, Dean realizes with a sigh. Maybe he can wait a couple days to tell her.

With a shrug, Dean decides to take another shower, and forces himself to get on with the rest of his day.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel is kicking himself for not going to the grocery store last night when he had more energy. Today he's feeling sluggish, morose, and downright lazy. But he hates doing groceries after work, and there’s no way he’ll make it through the week with the little bit of food he has left in his apartment.

He doesn't even bother to shower, and he has a few days of stubble on his face now, too. He puts a ball cap on his head to cover up most of his unruly hair, and slips on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie on top of an old t-shirt and heads to the grocery store. He doesn't hit his usual store today, because the one on the other end of town is having a big sale. He tells himself it will kill a little bit more of his day, as well as save him some money. He doesn't really worry about money all that much (people who have always had enough usually don't, he knows) but even he refuses to pay more for something if it he can help it.

If it was any other day, he probably would have noticed the 67 Impala parked across from his car when he got out of his car. But he doesn’t.

He's just finished making his way through the produce, picking out the fruits and vegetables he thinks he’ll need for lunches and dinners this week, when he steps into the dairy section and he sees Dean. Dean is stopped in the middle of the aisle seemingly looking at the cheese that Castiel happens to know is on sale.

Even from a distance Castiel can see he doesn't look good. He's not sure if it’s the way he’s standing there, holding his basket like it carries the weight of the world, or if maybe it’s the way his hair is completely flat on his head without his usual spike. Castiel knows without getting closer that he’s going to be pale and have bags under his eyes. His heart hurts just thinking about it.

Castiel’s feet are stuck in place. He doesn't know if he should keep walking and pretend to be surprised to see him, if he should just say his name now, or if he should turn around and leave. He knows by the turmoil of emotions inside of him that he isn't ready to see him, and yet, here he is.

“Excuse me,” somebody says from behind him, and he realizes he's basically blocking off the entire entrance to the aisle.

“My apologies,” he says, quickly moving to the side, and he can feel more than see Dean’s eyes when they land on him.

“Cas?” Dean says, as if he's never seen him before and it's completely out of the realm of possibility to run into him on a grocery store on a Sunday afternoon.

Castiel’s heart is beating erratically as Dean approaches him. He notices how nervous Dean looks, like Castiel might tell him to leave again, and Castiel’s heartbroken to see that he was right about the bags around his eyes. If Castiel didn't know that Dean slept well wrapped around him only two nights ago, he would think he hasn't slept in a week.

Dean’s standing at the end of Castiel’s shopping cart, his eyes wide and glassy, and Castiel realizes he still hasn't spoken.

“Hello, Dean,” he says as evenly as he can.

“I didn't expect to see you here,” Dean says, like he's explaining himself. Like Castiel would be upset to see him. “Is this where you usually shop?”

This feels awkward, Castiel realizes. “No, I just came here for the sale,” Castiel says.

“Yeah, me too,” Dean replies.

Terribly awkward.

Castiel says the first thing that comes to mind. “You don't look like you've been sleeping very well.”

“Nightmares,” Dean admits while he looks at the ground quickly and runs a hand through his hair. “If I knew I was gonna be seein’ you I would’ve at least shaved. Coulda faked it a little better. Not look like crap.”

“Don't misunderstand me. You look just as handsome as you always do. But Dean, you look _so sad_ ,” Castiel says quietly.

When Dean looks up to meet his eyes again, Castiel sees with horror that he looks like he's fighting back tears.

Suddenly he doesn't care that he's still mad. He doesn't care that he's jealous. He doesn't care that they're in the middle of the grocery store. All he cares about is that his boyfriend looks like he’s about to cry and he knows he isn't going to stand by and do nothing a second time.

He walks around the side of the cart and opens his arms for Dean, pulling him into his body and cradling his head on his chest. Then his lips are in his hair, kissing Dean’s head, and he can feel his own eyes starting to water. “It's okay,” he soothes automatically.

Dean’s arms are around him, holding him so tight he wonders if he’ll ever be able to get him off. He doesn't push him though. He just lets him hang on while Castiel focuses only on his senses: how Dean feels, how he smells, how he can hear his ragged breathing begin to calm. An undetermined amount of time passes and then Dean seems to come back to himself. He's sniffling, and so is Castiel, and when Dean pulls away Castiel can add bloodshot to the description of his eyes.

“Sorry,” Dean says, and Castiel can feel his pain like it's a part of him. “I didn't mean to…”

“You didn't do anything. I hugged you. You looked like you needed it,” Castiel says kindly.

Dean sniffles again. “Yeah. If we could meet here three times a day it might really help me out,” he says, trying to make a joke out of it.

Castiel tries to smile, but his lips just can't do it when he's seeing Dean like this.

“I was joking. I know… I know you're not ready. And I'm sorry if seein’ me like this made it harder or anything,” Dean says. “But I'm not really sorry for the hug. I felt human for the first time in days for a few seconds there.”

“Me too,” Castiel agrees.

“I miss you, Cas,” Dean says. He says it with so much feeling Castiel nearly feels the words seared into his skin.

Castiel knows that he shouldn't, but still, his hands go to Dean's face, trying to use his fingertips to smooth out the lines that he's sure weren't there only a few days ago. He sees the beginning of Dean’s beard and strokes his fingers through the rough bristles absentmindedly. He kisses the line of worry between his eyebrows, lingering longer than he should, before he finally finds the strength to drop his hands and step back. Dean catches his wrist before he gets further away, and brings his hand up to his mouth to kiss him right in the middle of his palm.

“I miss you, too,” Castiel hears himself say.

Dean’s eyes look alive for the first time since he’s seen him. He ducks his head and when Castiel follows his gaze he notices Dean dropped his basket on the ground at some point and he hadn't even noticed. He watches as Dean picks up the spilled items from his basket (cheese, milk, and coffee cream) with shaking hands, and Dean doesn't quite meet Castiel’s eyes when he stands. “Good thing I didn't need eggs,” Dean says, and Castiel hears himself laugh softly. _God I miss him,_ Castiel notices again. “So uh, same time tomorrow for our grocery store hug?” Dean jokes again.

“Not tomorrow, but hopefully soon. Thank you for indulging me,” Castiel says as kindly as he can.

“Anytime, Cas, and I mean that,” Dean says, giving him the saddest attempt at a real smile Castiel has ever seen.

“I know you do. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Dean nods, not meeting his eyes again.

Dean takes a few steps away before Castiel calls his name and he turns. “It was nice to see you,” Castiel says honestly.

Castiel gets a quick grin in response to his words, and something feels lighter inside of him just seeing it.

“You too, Cas,” Dean says with a wink that somehow manages to look a little sad.

Castiel turns back around and tries to remember what he's doing in this store.

Groceries.

Right.

Food.

He can do this.

He isn’t aware of the way he holds his shoulder’s a little straighter, or how his pace is just a tad quicker than it was when he started his groceries, but both things are true.

 

* * *

 

Dean can hardly make his mind work while he finishes his grocery shopping. He saw Cas! He saw Cas and Cas didn’t hate him. He didn’t ask him to leave, and he didn’t look at him like he was disgusting (even though he knows he looks terrible). He looked sad to see that Dean looked sad, and though Dean doesn’t want to see Cas look sad, it helps to know that he still cares.

 _And_ Cas hugged him. He hugged him and held him like Dean was important to him. Dean knows he clung a little hard, but fuck, part of him thought he might never be held like that again by Cas. But he was, and it was as perfect as he remembered. There’s no way Cas doesn’t feel what Dean feels when they’re together. He just doesn’t believe that.

It takes him longer than it should to throw some frozen dinners, bread, junk food, coffee, soda, and a six pack into his basket and pay, but he doesn’t give a shit. He’s feeling even more hopeful now than he was after having breakfast with Jo, and he decides to call her and tell her what happened once he gets back home.

He gets to the parking lot and scans it for Cas’s car, but doesn’t see it. He must’ve left already, he realizes, and he didn’t know was hoping for one more glance at him until he recognizes the sinking disappointment he’s feeling. That’s when his eyes fall on something sitting on the hood of his car. His immediate reaction is anger. Who the hell just leaves something on somebody’s car? But the closer he gets, the more the anger fades away. He basically throws his groceries in Baby’s trunk, but he still doesn’t quite believe it until he’s holding it in his hands.

Cas left his sweater on the hood of Dean’s car.

The sweater he was just wearing. He hears the crinkle of something stuffed into the kangaroo pocket, and pulls it out. It’s his grocery receipt with a message scrawled on the back: _Maybe this will help your bed smell like me. I hope it helps with the nightmares. Take care of my boyfriend._

 _Take care of my boyfriend_ , Dean reads again and again, a smile spreading on his face and that warmth he always associates with Cas is seeping back into him. He didn’t realize how cold he was until right now.

He doesn’t care that he’s in the middle of a parking lot or how corny he’s being, he buries his face in the sweater and is instantly surrounded by the scent of Cas. He pulls the sweater over his head, and feels a small weight lifted from his chest.

_God, he loves him._

He drives home and puts his groceries away, then sprawls out on the couch to text Cas.

 

 **DEAN:** For some reason I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy

 **CAS:** Hmmm. That doesn’t have anything to do with a smelly sweater I left on your car, does it? :)

 **DEAN:** Oh ya that too :)

 **CAS:** I got a smiley face! You MUST be happy!

 **DEAN:** I’m feeling better than I have since I left ur place. How r u feeling after seeing me?

 **CAS:** It was easier to see you for those few minutes than I thought it would be, but I’m struggling with knowing how upset you looked

 **DEAN:** I miss u man. I just wanna be with u

 **CAS:** I know, I feel the same way. I just need a little bit more time. I’m sorry :(

 **DEAN:** Take all the time u need. Btw you look good in a hat

 **CAS:** I doubt anything about my appearance this morning looked good, but I appreciate the compliment all the same :)

 **DEAN:** We looked like a couple of bums lol

 **CAS:** Especially with the scruff :)

 **DEAN:** I liked that too

 **CAS:** I usually shave often because whisker burn is a very real thing, but I knew I didn’t have to worry about that for a little while

 **DEAN:** I’ll have to take your word for it

 **CAS:** For now :)

 **DEAN:** I like the sounds of that

 **CAS:** Do you have plans for the rest of the day?

 **DEAN:** No I could barely talk myself into doing groceries. Had breakfast with Jo this morning though

 **CAS:** Oh? How was that?

 **DEAN:** Good. Felt better after talking with her

 **CAS:** I’m glad you have somebody to talk with and make you feel better :)

 

Dean hears a knock on his door before it swings open. He lifts his head to see his mom walking in. Shit.

 

 **DEAN:** I gotta go my mom is here

 **CAS:** Oh great :( Let me know how it goes

 

“Hey, ma,” Dean says.

“Hey, honey,” she says, walking over and making space for herself on the end of Dean’s couch. “You didn’t answer my last two text messages.”

Dean doesn’t look her in the face. “Oh yeah, sorry. I was out doin’ groceries.”

“And buying a new sweater?” she says, eyeing the one he’s wearing,

“Nah, this is Cas’s,” he answers. “Just borrowing it.”

“It’s not even cold outside,” she mentions, smiling knowingly. Dean shrugs. “When are you boys coming over for dinner so I can thank Castiel for the fruit basket?”

“I’m not sure yet, but soon,” Dean offers.

“How soon?” she prods.

“I dunno, mom. We’re kinda giving each other some space right now,” he says.

“Oh? That seems like a change from when you and I spoke about him last time.”

“Yeah, well, a lot has changed since then,” he says.

He feels her eyes take in his appearance a little closer. “I noticed you looked tired but I thought you boys were just keeping busy,” she says, making her meaning clear by her tone of voice.

Dean flushes and shakes his head. “I wish,” he murmurs.

“What happened?”

Dean sighs. “Ya know how you said at the bar that you knew what I got up to every weekend before Cas came along?”

Mary furrows her brows together, “Yes.”

“We just found out yesterday morning that one of those weekends I was, ya know, _with_ Cas’s sister Anna.”

Mary winces. “That’s not good.”

“Yeah, it’s been more than a little rough. Bad timing. I just figured out how much I like him and then he kicks me out,” Dean admits.

“Oh, Dean. I'm so sorry. That must have hard for you,” she says sadly. “It must have been hard for you _both_ ,” she adds.

“At first he said he didn't know if he could get past it, and I thought he broke up with me. But we’ve been talking a little, and I think it's gonna work out.”

Her smile is genuine. “I have faith in you two. I'm sure you’ll be fine eventually, but in the meantime, you need to take care of yourself, Dean.”

“Honestly, I'm more worried about him,” Dean says.

“Of course you are. Ever since you helped me with Sam when he was a baby you’ve thrown yourself into taking care of people. With Sam gone, you’re throwing yourself into taking care of Castiel. That's why I'm telling you to take care of yourself, too.”

“I'm fine,” he says, but he can tell by the look on his mom’s face that she doesn't believe him. “I'm just kinda having trouble sleeping.”

“I wouldn’t mind crashing on the couch for a few days,” she offers. “Or you could always come back and stay with me if you think it would help. You know I’d love the company. Especially since your brother always stays here instead of with me,” she says bitterly.

Dean gives her a small smile. “Thanks, but I'll be okay. Maybe if I'm still havin’ a hard time on the weekend I’ll take you up on it though.”

“Okay, sweetie. I hope I know how proud I am of you.”

Dean huffs, not believing he's done anything to earn that kind of praise. “For what?”

“For sticking with Castiel even though things are hard. You haven't known each other that long. The easier thing to do would have been to just walk away.”

Dean disagrees. “Nothin’ about walking away from him is easy. Trust me.”

“For him, too, though. He must really care about you if he’s trying to figure out how to work past you being with his sister.”

“Ya know, me and Cas both kinda thought you’d be pissed at him,” Dean tells her.

“For what?”

“I dunno. Kicking me out. Telling me he needed space. He even yelled at me a little,” he admits.

“And I’m sure you didn’t yell at all, being so even-tempered and everything,” she says sarcastically.

“I… may have raised my voice a time or two,” Dean admits, and Mary smiles.

“Was he mean to you? Did he curse at you? Name call or get physical in any way?” Mary checks.

“No, nothin’ like that.”

Mary shrugs. “Then couples get into arguments all the time, honey. I don't think any less of either of you, or of the two of you as a couple because of this. But,” she adds, “if he hurts you again, or crosses the line in any way, you let me know and I will hunt him down.”

Dean’s smile comes quickly. “There’s my bad-ass mom I was waitin’ for. I’m glad you’re not mad at him. He’ll be glad, too. His mom and dad don’t talk to him because he’s gay, so I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re the best mom in the world.”

Mary has a sad look on her face when she says, “And he’s not wrong. You’ll let him know I’m not upset with him, right?

“Yeah, he’s probably waiting for me to tell him right now,” Dean says.

“Well, go ahead and tell him then! While you’re doing that, what do you say I make you some soup to help you get through the next couple of days?”

“Yeah?” he says, perking up a little bit.

“Chicken noodle?”

“I don’t have any noodles,” he realizes.

“Why don’t you come on back home with me, I’ll make it, and you can have the leftovers?”

“Like I’m gonna say no to that,” Dean smiles. “Just gotta pee first,” he says, and ducks into the bathroom.

 

Dean doesn’t know that while he’s using the bathroom, his mom is unlocking his phone that he left on the coffee table and copying Castiel’s phone number into the contact list in her own phone.

 

Dean’s at his mom’s place watching her make his soup when he texts Cas to let him know she’s not mad.

 

 **DEAN:** Good news my mom still loves you lol

 **CAS:** Really?

 **DEAN:** yep. Said couples fight all the time and as long as u don’t call me names or beat me up she doesn’t care

 **CAS:** It’s more than I deserved. I feel like it’s important that I tell you that I don’t typically raise my voice like that during an argument.

 **DEAN:** I do lol I yell when I get mad

 **CAS:** I shut down

 **DEAN:** I think I’d rather the yelling

 **CAS:** Hopefully we don’t have anything to argue about for a while

 **DEAN:** I’m at my mom's still so Im gonna go but u can text me again before bed if u want

 **CAS:** That’s only a few hours from now, so we’ll see. If not, I will talk to you tomorrow :)

 

“Do you think Castiel would like some soup? Maybe if I doubled it you could swing by his place and deliver some?” Mary suggests.

“I dunno if he wants to see me right now, but I can definitely drop it off,” Dean says.

“Can you get into his apartment building without him buzzing you in?” she asks.

“No, but I can just wait until somebody lets me in,” he says quickly, having already thought of it before.

Mary nods and smiles to herself when she turns away.

 

It’s just after 9:00 when Dean leaves his mom’s house to bring a container of some soup by Cas’s place. He waits by the front door for ten minutes, and nobody comes in or out. Until Cas does. In his pajama pants and with some truly terrible hat head.

“Dean,” he sighs, eyes sad.

Dean’s heart is jackhammering in his chest. He absolutely did not expect Cas to come outside while he was down here.

“I’m sorry... I know this looks really bad but I swear I’m not stalking you or something -”

“Why didn’t you just buzz me and tell me you were here?” Cas asks gently.

Dean sighs. “I was just going to leave this by your door and then text you to tell you it was there. I know you don’t wanna see me, but my mom made this soup and asked me to bring it by for you.”

“How long were you going to stand out here waiting for somebody to let you in?” Cas asks, but Dean can tell by his face he isn’t mad.

Dean shrugs. “As long as it took.”

“You’re making it nearly impossible for me to stay upset with you,” Cas says quietly, and Dean feels hope bubble in his chest.

“Yeah?” he grins, really fucking happy to hear that.

There’s a distinct quirk of Cas’s lips before he says, “Don’t look so pleased with yourself.”

“Can’t help it,” he answers honestly, smiling even wider now.

“Are you going to give me my soup or what?” Cas says, clearly teasing him.

“I’ll trade it for another hug,” Dean tries.

Cas has a small smile on his face when he rolls his eyes. “Fine. Come here, then.”

Dean steps in anxiously, hooking his chin over Cas’s shoulder and wrapping his one arm around his waist while still holding the container of soup in his other hand. Cas’s arms are around his shoulders, and he feels one hand brush against the hair on the back of his head.

When they pull apart a minute later, Cas still has his hands on his shoulders, and he isn’t pulling further away. If Dean wasn’t so sure Cas is still mad at him, he’d be going in for a kiss right now. There’s that spark between them even now, and Dean knows there’s no way Cas isn’t feeling the same kinda pull he is.

His suspicions are confirmed when Cas’s eyes dip down to look at lips. Dean’s tongue comes out to wet them instinctively, and Cas’s eyes come back up to meet his again. Dean can read the question in them as easily as if he was looking words on a page. He gives an almost imperceptibly small nod giving Cas his permission, and then Cas starts moving forward slower than he’s ever moved towards Dean before.

Dean knows this is some kind of test, and the last thing he wants to do is fuck it up, so he just closes his eyes and waits for Cas’s lips to find his. He can feel Cas’s breath warm on his face for a split second before Cas captures Dean’s bottom lip between both of his gently. For a moment, the pressure is so feather light it’s almost as if this isn’t really happening, but then Cas presses his lips against his with a little bit more force, and Dean feels Cas’s hand on his cheek, pulling Dean towards him a little bit more. Dean waits for Cas’s lips to move against his before he kisses him back, and when he’s finally able to, he can’t control the soft little sound that comes from him.

That’s when Cas rips away from him and takes half a dozen steps back, looking like he just saw a ghost.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” Cas gasps, and he sounds so broken again, so _wrong_ , that it sends a shiver of fear down Dean’s back.

“Cas?” he asks, not knowing what’s going on.

“I’m sorry - I need to…” Cas says, turning away from him and walking back towards the door.

“Wait! Take the soup at least,” Dean shouts, and Cas barely turns back but Dean rushes forwards and pushes it into his hands anyway. “I’m sorry, Cas, I’m sorry -” Dean says, not even knowing why he’s apologizing but knowing they somehow just took a step backwards and wanting desperately to fix it anyway.

Cas’s eyes are wide and panicked, his face pale, but he says, “Thank you for the soup,” and takes off through the closed door and back up to his apartment.

Dean walks back to his car in a daze, and has to sit in the driver’s seat with the window down to get some air until the panic has cleared enough that he can make the short drive home. He fights back tears as he drives home, still not knowing what just happened, but knowing without a doubt that it means nothing good for him.

 

* * *

 

Castiel is in full-fledged panic mode by the time he reaches his apartment with the soup in his hands. He barely gets it in the fridge before he sinks to the kitchen floor.

 _Shit_. Shit, shit, shit.

He screwed up again.

It was getting better. _They_ were getting better. He felt _good_ about the two of them after they ran into each other at the grocery store this afternoon, and he felt even better knowing that Dean said his sweater was helping. Castiel felt like he was doing some good for once, and he was really pleased to see Dean wearing the sweater when he saw him outside.

When Mary had texted him to say that she made him soup and that Dean was on his way to deliver it, Castiel was even looking forward to seeing him. When he waited fifteen minutes and Dean still wasn’t there, that’s when he went to check outside and saw him waiting there. Again, Dean looked almost frightened to be in the same place as Castiel, and Castiel hates that particular reaction he’s been having to him more than anything so far.

Then he fucked it up again.

He was thinking about how cute Dean was once he realized Castiel wasn’t upset about seeing him, and he was thinking about how good it felt to hold on to him again, and then when he didn’t pull far enough away there was that _thing_ between them again. That magnetic pull he always feels when he’s close to Dean. And he wondered... how bad could it be? He was even foolish enough to think that a small kiss might make them both feel better, more _together_.

The kiss was okay for a second. It was _Dean_ , and God, it felt good to taste him again. But the moment Dean kissed him back and made that sound, he just remembered that Anna probably heard him make that exact same sound. That Anna had been kissed by those lips too, and that Anna already knows his boyfriend in ways that he doesn’t, and he couldn’t keep kissing him. He had to get away from him, to put space between them again so that he could think of something else. So that he could remember how good Dean can make him feel, and that it isn't just problems between them, and that it's something _really good_ too.

But all he managed to do is hurt Dean. Again.

He didn't mean to this time. He just needed to get away, but he saw the doubt, and the fear, and the sadness fall on to Dean’s face all over again and he knows it was all his fault for pushing too far too fast.

All he wanted to do was fix it, and he ended up breaking them more.

How was he ever going to kiss Dean without thinking about Anna kissing him first?

He doesn't know how to get past this, and it's breaking his heart.

He doesn't know if he should reach out to Dean again or if he should just leave him alone. He doesn't want to hurt him anymore than he already has, but he feels like he should at least try to explain.

He feels his phone buzz in his pocket and when he reads the incoming message is from Dean he knows he doesn't have to wonder about whether he should talk to him or not, because Dean’s taken that step for them.

 

 **DEAN:** I don't know what happened out there but I'm sorry if I did something wrong. I get it if u don't wanna talk right now I just wanted to check if ur okay

Castiel leans his head back against the fridge and fights back the tears that want to come again. Dean deserves so much better than him.

 **CASTIEL:** I should be asking you that. I’m the one who left you when you were upset again.

 **DEAN:** u were upset too I just don’t know why

 **CASTIEL:** It’s not going to help if I tell you

 **DEAN:** Tell me anyway

 **CASTIEL:** Kissing you was okay at first. But when you made that little sound, I had the intrusive thought that Anna heard you make the same sound. Then I remembered that you kissed her like you kissed me. I just had to get away from you.

 **DEAN:** I know u probably won’t believe me but I’ve never kissed anybody the way I kiss u

Castiel is still thinking over that message when another one comes in.

 **DEAN:** I never kissed Anna like that and I can promise u I never made a little whimpering sound like that with her or anybody else either

 **CASTIEL:** Really? You’re not just saying that to try to make me feel better?

 **DEAN:** Really. I make those stupid sounds with u because I can’t help it. I feel so much when u kiss me. I want u and care about u so much I can’t control it. I never felt like this with anybody before u

 **CASTIEL:** I feel the same way about you, too, but I’m worried I’m going to have these same thoughts every time we do anything together. When I touch you I’m going to think that she might have touched you in the same way. When you come, I’m going to think about how you… you know. For her.

 **DEAN:** this is gonna be long so wait ok?

Castiel does, his heart beating too fast, a sense of innate exhaustion just overwhelming him.

 **DEAN:** When I was with girls before u it was nothing like the way I am with u. It wasn’t soft kisses everywhere I could reach. It wasn’t touching each others bodies to learn them it was just to get off. I have never been with u just to get off. I’ve been with u because I couldn’t resist u the first time and then because I care about u and want to be close to u in every way I can. I have never had a random hook up and screamed her name when I cum like I do with u. Before it was never about the person I was with it was just about sex. Just to get off. It’s not like that with u. It’s all about u and the sex stuff is just extra.

Castiel feels relief flood his system. He feels silly because he feels like he should have already known this already, and maybe a part of him did, but he feels so much better hearing Dean tell him all of this. Castiel isn’t just another hook up for Dean - never has been - and he needs to do better to remember that.

 **CASTIEL:** I’m sorry I ever doubted that. You make it sound like being with me is unlike being with anybody else, and for some reason that’s really something I needed to hear.

 **DEAN:** I’ll tell u every day if u need me to. If it helps any I kind of think about the same thing as u when we’re together

 **CASTIEL:** I know you’re not saying you think about being with my sister when we’re together but that’s how it sounded...

 **DEAN:** Fuck no

 **DEAN:** I meant that I think about all the guys u were with before me and how they knew what they were doing and I don’t. How they know how to have sex with u and touch u and suck u off better than I’ll be able to

 **CASTIEL:** I didn’t know you were having those kinds of thoughts :(

 **DEAN:** It’s embarrassing

 **CASTIEL:** It shouldn’t be! I would never compare being with you to being with anybody else. I can’t even remember my name most of the time you touch me, I could never ever think of anybody else. What we have isn’t the same as what I had with other men.

 **DEAN:** exactly. That’s the same thing I’m trying to tell u about the other girls

That’s the moment Castiel has an epiphany with the way he’s been thinking about Dean and Anna. Castiel’s been a complete idiot to ever think Dean would compare the two of them, and he’s even more foolish for thinking what he and Dean do together would ever remind Dean of Anna. It’s absolutely juvenile to be jealous that Anna was with Dean first when he knows he will be with Dean in a way nobody else has ever been.

 **CASTIEL:** I’ve been such an idiot, Dean. I’m sorry. I’m SO sorry. I just realized how silly all of this has been, and I’m feeling better now than I’ve felt since it happened. You explained it all so well and put into such a different perspective for me that I don’t know how I didn’t think about it your way earlier.

 **DEAN:** So what r u saying

 **CASTIEL:** I’m saying I want to try again. For real. Can I see you tomorrow?

 **DEAN:** Yes!

 **CASTIEL:** Still start small, though. Maybe go for coffee? See if I can kiss you again without freaking out?

 **DEAN:** Whatever u want

 **DEAN:** We can practice as much as u need lol

 **CASTIEL:** ~~I love you so much~~

 **CASTIEL:** Thank you. Thank you for being patient with me and helping me through this. You don’t know how much I appreciate you <3

 **DEAN:** I told u I wasn’t going anywhere. And I have no idea what that thing is at the end of ur last message

Castiel laughs, and he feels some of the tension seep out of his body with the laughter.

 **CASTIEL:** It’s a sideways heart :)

 **DEAN:** Ok then <3 back at u I guess

 **CASTIEL:** Are we good?

 **DEAN:** I don’t know are we

 **CASTIEL:** I am :) Better than I’ve been since all this started.

 **DEAN:** If u are then I am too.

 **CASTIEL:** You’re not angry with me for running away from you?

 **DEAN:** We’re even with the running thing now

 **CASTIEL:** Okay :) I’m exhausted. I’m going to go to sleep now. I hope the sweater still helps you sleep better tonight :)

 **DEAN:** I know it will. Ill talk to u tomorrow angel

 **CASTIEL:** :) Goodnight Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being back and fourth, but I just don't believe it would really be as easy as I think we all want it to be. We're getting there, though :)


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel texts Dean on his lunch break the next day, and they make plans to meet at a local cafe at 7:00. Castiel doesn’t see Dean’s car when he parks his own, so he knows he isn’t there yet. He feels significantly more nervous tonight than he has ever felt about a date with him before. He wants this to work so badly, and he’s petrified that he won’t be able to get it together.

He goes inside and takes a seat at an empty table in a corner making sure he’s facing the door so he can see when Dean comes in. A waitress comes over almost immediately and he says he’ll just take a water until his date gets there.

Castiel is dressed in jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with a couple of buttons at the neck. He didn’t know what to wear, but he didn’t want to dress up for a coffee date. He feels good anyway, having showered and shaved this morning. He feels better. More like himself. And he hopes Dean does, too. He takes small sips of his water both to try and relax and just for something to do with all of the nervous energy he has.

It’s only a few minutes before Dean comes in through the door. Castiel notices his jeans and plain black t-shirt that hugs his muscles in just the right way and he’s glad he didn’t dress any differently. As Dean approaches the table, Castiel can see that while he still looks tired, he looks remarkably better. Castiel feels some of the nerves turn into happiness.

He stands when Dean gets close enough and pulls him into a hug. He feels much calmer as soon as he has Dean in his arms again, and can’t resist kissing him gently on the cheek. Dean looks happier as he sits down as well, and Castiel places his hand on top of the table in offering. Dean takes the hint and his hand, and they make eye contact for the first time.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, smiling softly.

“You look so much better,” Castiel responds, relief evident in his voice.

“A little hair gel and my boyfriend’s sweater’ll do that for me, apparently,” Dean explains.

“It really helped?”

Dean shrugs. “Probably a combination of the sweater and you sayin’ you wanted to see me again before bed last night.”

“Whatever it was, I’m just happy you look more like yourself,” Castiel says sincerely.

The waitress comes back over, and Castiel and Dean both order hot chocolate, and Castiel suggests they share a piece of pie.

Dean snorts. “Dude, I don’t _share_ pie.”

“Not even with me?” Castiel says, getting a small laugh from the waitress.

Dean shakes his head. “There are some things being a sexy son of a bitch can’t even get you,” Dean answers with a wink.

“Good to know,” Castiel says, sharing an amused look with the waitress.

“We have brownies, butter tarts, cookies, cinnamon buns, banana bread…” the waitress offers.

“I’ll take a cinnamon bun, thank you,” Castiel nods.

“I’ll be back with that in just a few minutes,” she promises, walking away. That’s when Castiel notices the man sitting behind Dean is giving them both an incredibly dirty look. Castiel decides not to mention it.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t share with me,” Castiel says.

“Winchester rule number one,” Dean smiles. “Dean Winchester doesn’t share pie.”

“Oh really? Are there others?”

“Other rules?” Dean clarifies. Castiel nods. “Hmmm. No dogs in my car. Driver picks the music.” He thinks. “There’s gotta be more but I can’t think of them right now.”

“I have a feeling they’ll come up sooner or later,” Castiel says. “How do you feel about cats in your car?”

“I wouldn't let just _any_ cat in my Baby, but I would make an exception for Albus. As long as he sits on your lap or in a cage _and_ he still likes me,” Dean stipulates.

Castiel’s amused. “I think it’s adorable that you worry if my cat likes you or not.”

“Don’t think I've forgotten that he's still my main competition,” Dean quips.

“I think it's safe to say it's not much of a competition anymore,” Castiel responds easily, squeezing his hand. “How was work today?”

“Long day. Kept lookin’ at the clock checkin’ to see if it was time to see you yet.”

“I did the same thing. Cam kept asking me if I had a hot date until I finally told him yes,” Castiel says.

“Does he know about us?”

“I haven’t mentioned it. I don’t know what the rules are for dating clients,” Castiel says.

“You won’t get fired or anything, will you?”

“No, I’m not worried about that. If anything, Cam might just suggest you use a different accountant. But I really don’t think it will be a problem,” Castiel assures him.

“Not work related, but I did get a phone call from the clinic today,” Dean says, eyebrows raised.

“And?”

“I’m all clear!” Dean exclaims. “Gotta say, I was kinda surprised.”

“You were?” Castiel asks.

“I always wrapped up, you know, but I still thought if anybody was gonna have something it’d be me.”

“I’m glad you don’t,” Castiel says honestly.  

“Yeah, you and me both! Did they uh, call about you?”

Castiel nods. “That’s who was on the phone when Anna came over.”

Dean’s jaw drops a little bit before he recovers. “Well that was shitty timing, wasn’t it?”

“Couldn’t have been worse,” Castiel agrees. “The good news was definitely eclipsed by the rest of the morning’s events.”

“It was good news though?” Dean checks.

“Yes, I’m clean, as well. I picked up the paper copy to show you in case you wanted to see it,” Castiel tells him.

“I trust you,” Dean says seriously. Then his eyes light up and his eyebrows wiggle. “So we’re both clean, huh?”

“It seems like it,” Castiel says, trying and failing to hide his own grin.

Dean’s face is a little bit more serious when he says, “I know we’re not jumpin’ into bed together anytime soon, but I still kinda feel like it’s Christmas morning.”

Castiel chuckles at him. “We still have to see if I can kiss you.”

“I’m right here, Cas,” Dean smirks.

Castiel scoots his chair over closer to Dean, and Dean’s face lights up. He leans in but stops half way between them and whispers, “Don’t look, but we have a bit of an audience behind us.”

Dean whispers back, “I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”

Castiel chuckles again and lowers his voice even further. “There’s a man sitting behind us who obviously has a problem with us being a gay couple.”

“I’m not _gay_ ,” Dean says at normal volume, which suddenly seems very loud inside the small cafe, and they both burst out laughing when they hear it all but echo off the walls.

The waitress brings their drinks and treats over and doesn’t even pretend she didn’t hear Dean. She stage whispers, “I think you better say that again in case the whole place didn’t hear you.”

Castiel starts laughing again and Dean’s smiling when he says, “Yeah, yeah, thanks a lot.” He eyes Castiel’s cinnamon bun and says, “That actually looks really good.”

“Lucky for you, I’m a kinder person than you are when it comes to sharing food,” Castiel says. Dean grins and Castiel continues, “ _but_ even I won’t share with you if you won’t share with me.”

“You tease,” Dean says, but he’s smiling, and Castiel realizes he’s having fun.

“I know I keep saying it, but I missed you. I missed this.”

“I missed you, too, man. How are you feeling so far?” Dean asks.

“I’m still a little nervous,” Castiel admits. Nervous he’s going to freak out again and mess it all up.

“About kissing me?” Dean checks, and Castiel nods. “Let’s do this then. Get it out of the way. Then if you… react badly, I can help talk you through it. In person this time.”

Castiel nods again, swallowing.

Dean grabs the front of Castiel’s shirt, and Castiel allows himself to be pulled towards Dean. Dean meets his eyes once more quickly, and then Castiel closes the rest of the distance between them and their lips meet. Castiel starts up an internal dialogue to help get him through this. _Think of Dean. Think about how his lips feel on yours. Think about the way he smells, and the way he makes you feel. Think about how warm his lips are, and the way he tastes._ Thinking about the way he tastes makes Castiel want to _really_ kiss him, but he doesn’t want to push too far too fast, so he pulls away and breaks their kiss.

Dean’s eyes search him quickly, and Castiel knows he’s looking to make sure he’s okay. In answer, he leans forward and pecks him on the lips once more.

“Okay?” Dean asks, but Castiel knows by the calm look on his face that Dean already knows he is.

“I might need to try that a few more times tonight just to be really sure,” Castiel says, smiling in a way that communicates he’s joking.

“You know I’m on board with that,” Dean grins. “Seriously, though, Cas. It's just me and you in that head of yours?”

Now that Castiel knows he can, he doesn’t want to stop kissing him. He leans in again and kisses him once more quickly. “Just you and me,” he promises Dean.

“You have no frickin’ clue how happy I am to hear that,” Dean tells him. “Now, can I eat my pie or do you wanna make out some more?”

Castiel huffs out a small laugh. “You won’t share, but you’ll postpone eating it altogether?”

“Pie keeps for days,” Dean says seriously and Castiel laughs again.

“Eat your pie, Dean,” Castiel insists, and Dean doesn’t waste any time digging in. Castiel is pleased when Dean scoots his chair over even closer and wraps an arm around the back of his chair. He feels his thumb brush back and forth over his shoulder and smiles at him.

They spend an hour together after that, talking, laughing, and eating. Castiel is the one who suggests they end their evening.

“This went much better than I imagined it would, but I think we should call it a night. Would you like to walk me back to my car?” Castiel suggests.

“Yeah, I can do that. I can be a gentleman,” Dean says, but the glint in his eye suggests something entirely different. That _something_ makes desire thrum through Castiel’s veins for the first time in days.

They each leave their own bills on the table, and Dean doesn't even mention it, which Castiel takes as a sign of just how delicate their relationship is right now. The thought bothers him, but he reminds himself that they're working on it and that he knows they’ll be arguing over who gets to pay again soon enough.

When they reach Castiel’s car, Castiel turns to face Dean. “Ready to try again?” Castiel asks shyly.

“You promise you’re not gonna run?” Dean asks. “I don't wanna kiss you if it's gonna end like last night,” he admits quietly.

“I promise,” he says, and he means it. He won't hurt Dean again.

When their lips come together again, Castiel does what he did last time. _Dean’s lips on my lips. Dean’s hands on my hips. Dean’s strong back under my hands. Mmm, Dean’s hands on my face. Dean’s hands feel so good in my hair._ Then he forgets that he needs to talk himself through it and just feels it. He feels heat in his stomach, and he parts his lips slightly to taste more of Dean.

“ _Cas,”_ Dean whispers against his lips, reminding Castiel he's thinking of him, that Dean wants him and only him.

Castiel opens his mouth, inviting Dean’s tongue inside, and it's Castiel who moans this time when their tongues slide together. The familiar taste and scent of Dean surrounds him, and he forgets to be worried, and he forgets to overthink it. All he can do is feel. And he feels _so much_. This is the first time they've really kissed since Castiel admitted to himself that he's in love with Dean, and the newness of his feelings sends excitement screaming through his body.

“Cas,” Dean murmurs, not completely pulling his lips away to keep talking. “I'm about to push you up against this car if we don't stop.”

_Anna. Car._

An image flashes through his mind and he feels like a bucket of cold water has been dumped on him.

He kisses Dean once more chastely to end the kiss properly, and then buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. He breathes in his boyfriend and tries to remember that he can deal with this.

“Talk to me,” Castiel says desperately, and Dean does. He babbles.

“I missed you so much, Cas. I missed the way I feel when I'm with you. I missed the way you can make me laugh. I really missed the way you look at me like I'm the only thing that matters. I missed touchin’ you, holding your hand, feelin’ up those hip bones of yours that always get me goin’,” he says, and Castiel can hear the little smile in his voice and it relaxes him. “I missed kissing you. Even when it's just for kissing and nothin’ more, I fuckin’ love kissing you. I never had that before you. Never felt like this before, angel. Only with you.”

Castiel nods, believing him. He feels like it's only them again. He places a soft kiss on Dean’s neck and then leans back to face him again. “Thank you,” he says quietly, and kisses him softly once more.

“I meant it when I said I'd tell you every day,” Dean says, eyes searching Castiel’s again. “You okay?”

“Yes, I'm better now,” Castiel tells him.

Dean lets out a breath. “I gotta ask so I know for next time. What set you off?”

“You mentioning the car. Anna told me… about you two in your car,” Castiel answers, his stomach twisting uncomfortably having to mention it.

Dean nods. “Well, I wish she didn't, but I get it. Makes sense why what I said would remind you of that.”

“You brought me back, though, easily. I believe you when you talk to me, and hearing you actually say those things instead of just reading them…” Castiel’s voice trails off. “I can't tell how much you make me feel.”

“You don't need to. I'm feelin’ it too, Cas.” Castiel’s heart is filling so rapidly it’s almost as if the last few minutes didn’t happen. But they did.

“Are you upset I ruined the evening?” Castiel asks.

“You didn't ruin the evening. We had fun tonight, didn't we?” Castiel nods in response. “I got to kiss you, what? Ten times inside? And about three times that out here. You got me all hot bothered for the first time in days, and then I got to hold you and tell you how crazy I am about you. What part of that was bad?”

“Ten seconds out of an hour and a half isn't so bad, when you put it that way,” Castiel smiles.

“You're good now?” He checks again.

“I’m good. I really did have a good time.”

“You still want to keep seeing me?” Dean asks.

“Absolutely,” Castiel answers quickly.

“Let me know when, okay?”

“Thank you. For everything. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Castiel promises.

Dean kisses him once more quickly, and gives a little wave over his shoulder while he walks to his car. Castiel notices how good those jeans look on him from behind as he walks away, and grins to himself as he thinks about it on the drive home.

 

The next day, Castiel gets a text message from Dean at lunch as usual.

 

 **DEAN:** Got a message from Cam today saying he wants to set up a meeting this week. I was thinking if I could get it close to lunchtime maybe we could grab lunch together while I’m near ur office?

 **CASTIEL:** That’s a great idea :) Just let me know when.

A few hours later, Castiel gets another text.

 **DEAN:** Meeting’s Thursday at 1:30. Can we do lunch before?

 **CASTIEL:** It’s a date :)

Castiel waits until Cam doesn’t seem to be too busy with a file, and walks into his office. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Castiel asks.

“Sure, take a seat,” Cam says. “What’s up?”

They often chat at Castiel’s desk when Cam walks by to get coffee or a file, but if Castiel approaches him in his office Cam knows it’s something he doesn’t want the entire office hearing.

“You have a meeting with Dean Winchester on Thursday?” Castiel begins.

“Yeah, I just made the appointment. Why?”

“This is kind of weird to talk about, but I’m dating him,” Castiel says.

“You’re dating Dean Winchester? I didn’t even know you knew each other,” Cam says.

“We didn’t. We met when he came here the first time,” Castiel explains.

Cam leans back in his chair, obviously thinking. “This is a first,” he says.

“I know. I didn’t know what the rules are when it comes to dating clients or even if there are any,” Castiel muses.

“There’s never been a need to have rules about this kind of thing,” Cam says. “Dean doesn’t mind that you have access to all of his financial information?”

“No. I told him that on our first date, but I also told him there’s no reason why I’d have to look at that. But he doesn’t care. He even wants me to help switch him over from QuickBooks to Simply.”

Cam nods. “That’ll make the file easier. As far as I can see, you two shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll just ask that you don’t do any of his bookkeeping on company time, and it would probably be smart to draft up a little letter saying anything you do for him on your own time is not related to Smith & Associates. Cover both our asses.

Castiel nods, “That’s a good idea. I’m sure he won’t have a problem with that.”

“You don’t touch the file while it’s here, either. We’ll get somebody else to deal with everything other than the phone calls just to keep it clean. And it should go without saying, but just to be clear: any time he’s in the office you remain completely professional.”

“Yes, absolutely. I understand.”

“Anything else?” Cam asks.

“No, I think that’s it,” Castiel says, getting to his feet.

“He seems like a nice guy,” Cam says, smiling.

“Thanks, I think so,” Castiel answers, smiling back at him.

“Was he the hot date you were excited about yesterday?” Cam asks, and Castiel knows he’s teasing him now, and they’re speaking as colleagues instead of boss to employee.

“Yes,” Castiel says, flushing slightly.

Cam nods his approval. “Good for you,” he says sincerely.

“Thanks,” Castiel says again, and walks back to his desk smiling and pink cheeked.

 

Castiel and Dean don’t see each other until lunch that Thursday. They talk on the phone, and they text, and Castiel feels better and better every time they talk. He still has the stupid flashes of Dean with his sister in his head a few times, but it isn’t all he can think about like it was before, and the pit in his stomach he now associates with those thoughts isn’t a constant thing anymore.

He’s optimistic that things will go well at lunch today, and then hopefully they can have another date this weekend. He doesn’t think he’s ready to be sexual with Dean yet, but he still really wants to spend the night with him. He’s been trying not to get his hopes up for it all week, but he knows if things go well today he’s going to suggest it.

“Not going for lunch today?” Cam asks just after twelve.

“I am, just a little late. I’m having lunch with Dean before your meeting this afternoon,” he says.

Cam nods, “Oh, that’s a good idea! Where are you going?”

“Just down the street to the Kabuki House.”

“Did you make a reservation? It fills up sometimes,” Cam tells him.

“I did, thanks,” Castiel answers.

“Well, have fun!”

Castiel smiles his response.

 **DEAN:** I’m downstairs when ur ready to go

 **CASTIEL:** I’ll be right down :)

Dean’s leaning against his car when Castiel steps outside, and he fights the pit in his stomach at the sight. He’s going to have a real problem with Dean’s Baby, he realizes. He waits on the sidewalk for Dean to approach him, and they kiss quickly in greeting.

“You look hot in your work clothes,” Dean says instead of hello.

Castiel shakes his head fondly as their fingers twine together. “You’re the only man I know who has a thing for dress pants and button ups.”

“Just makes me wanna take them off of you,” Dean admits, and Castiel looks at the sidewalk as they walk towards the restaurant. “Sorry. I probably shouldn’t say shit like that anymore, huh?”

Castiel squeezes his hand gently. “I don’t mind. I just don’t know when I’m going to be ready to do anything like that.”

Dean bumps his shoulder against Castiel’s. “I’ll wait,” he says simply. Castiel smiles and hears _I love you_ in his head, and lets go of Dean’s hand to wrap his arm around his hips instead, wanting him closer. “So what kinda food am I gonna eat at a Japanese restaurant?” Dean asks.

“You’ve never been to one before?” Castiel asks.

“Nope. Not exactly my kinda thing,” Dean says.

Castiel looks at him. “Why didn’t you say something? We could have gone somewhere else.”

Dean shrugs, “It’s a two minute walk from your office. I knew this is how I’d get to spend the most time with you. Plus, I figured it wouldn’t kill me to try somethin’ new. What do you get?”

“I’ll show you,” Castiel says as they approach the front door of the house that was converted into a restaurant.

Castiel tells them he has a reservation and they’re seated at a small table at the back of the restaurant. There’s three other tables for two in the room already full, and there’s a quiet but constant buzz of chatter in the air. The same hostess comes right over bringing glasses of water and menus, and she explains the special before she leaves, and says their waitress will be over shortly.

“That’s what I get,” Castiel tells Dean. “The Bento box.”

Dean makes a face. “That’s a little exotic for my tastes.” He scans the menu and then says, “There! Chicken teriyaki and fried rice. Sold.”

“My co-worker usually gets that. He says it’s very good,” Castiel comments.

“You come here with somebody you work with? A guy?” Dean asks.

Castiel shrugs. “Sometimes, yes.”

“Seems like a datey kind of place to me,” Dean murmurs.

“You’re the only date I’ve been here with,” Castiel corrects him. “It’s just convenient because of the location.”

“I’m not jealous or anything. I’m just sayin’,” Dean says, which leads Castiel to believe he is in fact a little jealous. He reaches across the table to hold his hand, and Dean smiles shyly.

Just then, Castiel notices the waitress come into the tiny room. She hesitates when her eyes fall on him and Dean, then smiles an obviously fake smile, and approaches their table. When Dean looks up at her, the usually charming smile on his face falls and is quickly replaced with a tight smile.

Castiel knows without having to ask that they’ve slept together.

Dean’s hand tightens on Castiel’s, and Castiel forces himself to breathe properly while he’s filled with worry and the uncertainty of what exactly is about to happen.

“Hey, Dean,” she greets him casually. Dean barely glances at her, he's so focused on Castiel. Castiel thinks her eyes are curious when she looks at their hands together, but she smiles at Castiel and says, “Hi, I’m Sherry, and I’ll be your waitress today. What can I get you guys?”

“I’ll have the uh, Chicken Donburi,” Dean says, finally looking up at her.

She smiles politely and looks at Castiel, “And you?”

“The Bento box please.”

“You guys want something else to drink or are you good with water?”

“I’m fine,” Castiel answers.

“Yeah, I’m okay, too. Thanks,” Dean says.

“Shouldn’t be too long,” she says, and walks away to check on the other tables in the room.

Dean doesn’t say anything until she’s left the small room. Then he says quietly, “So… on a scale of 1-10, how much did that bother you?”

Castiel appreciates the fact that he didn’t try to hide what just happened. It helps keep the number low. “Less than five,” he answers honestly.

“That’s not too bad, right?”

“I think it has a lot to do with how you both handled it. I likely would have been more jealous if she attempted to flirt with you,” Castiel admits.

“She could probably see the little hearts in my eyes when I look at you and knew she didn’t have a chance,” Dean smiles, and Castiel can’t help but smile back.

“I told Cam about us the other day,” Castiel says, ready to talk about something else.

“That’s good to know since I’m about to walk into a meeting with him,” Dean replies.

“He’ll probably tease me about us once you’re done with your meeting, just as a warning.”

“I don’t embarrass easily,” Dean says.

Castiel laughs. “You blush all the time when you’re with me.”

“I doubt my accountant is gonna tell me I’m beautiful or look at me like he wants to fuck my brains out,” Dean says quietly, and Castiel stifles a laugh.

“I should hope not. Only I get to do that,” Castiel answers.

“Damn right,” Dean agrees. “So he’s okay with me and you then?”

“Yes. He did suggest that I write a letter stipulating that any bookkeeping I do for you on my own time was done on my own time and has nothing to do with Smith & Associates. You’d have to sign it to make it official. Just helps protect both myself and my office in case anything goes wrong.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Dean nods. “I can do that.”

“He also made it clear that you and I are to remain professional while we’re in the office,” Castiel warns him.

“Ah well, there goes those fantasies I had about givin’ you a handie under your desk,” Dean jokes.

“You’re terrible,” Castiel chastises him.

“Oh come on. Who hasn’t had an office sex fantasy?”

“I don’t think I have. Until now,” Castiel adds, and Dean laughs loudly enough to turn heads.

Their lunch is brought out soon after that, and they dig in. Castiel convinces Dean to taste a bite of almost everything, although he absolutely refuses to try the crab, saying that food should not be served still wearing its house, which makes Castiel laugh some more.

When the waitress brings one bill without asking, Castiel lets go of any lingering animosity towards her. Castiel insists on paying, reminding Dean that he let him pay for his beer the last time they went out. Sherry is around for all of this, and she's smiling at the two of them while Castiel inserts his card and pays their bill.

“Thank you,” Castiel says to her after he’s paid.

“Thank you,” she replies. “I hope it's not too weird to say, but Dean? You look really happy, and I'm happy for you.”

Dean places his hand low on Castiel's back and says, “Yeah, I am. Thanks.”

They exit the restaurant and begin the quick walk back to Castiel’s office. “You must have made an impression,” Castiel muses.

“Everybody loves me, Cas, what can I say?”

Castiel understands that more than Dean knows.

He’s thinking about how badly he wants to kiss Dean goodbye and how he can't if they’re directly outside of his office when he decides to just go for it right now.

He pulls Dean off of the sidewalk and under a large tree. He doesn’t hesitate at all before he crowds Dean up against the tree, and presses his body against him. He captures his lips in a searing kiss, mouths opening to each other almost immediately, and tongues sliding together sinfully. Dean does that thing with his tongue that drives Castiel crazy, and Castiel knows he's doing on purpose, which somehow just turns him on more. Castiel nibbles on Dean’s bottom lip that's already slick with spit, and he answers Dean’s small whine with a desperate sound of his own, _knowing_ he's the only one who's ever made Dean respond like this. He can feel his building desire between his legs and knows that's going to be a problem walking back into his office, so he reluctantly pulls away to break their kiss. Dean’s hands are on his hips quickly, and he pulls Castiel back in so that Dean’s arousal is obvious against him.

“See what you do to me?” Dean breathes, his voice rough.

Castiel groans in frustration, hating how incredibly turned on he is and knowing he needs to get a grip on himself… both because of work and because no matter how much he wants Dean, he just doesn't think it's a good idea yet.

“I'm having the same problem,” Castiel responds, still breathing hard.

“ _F_ _uuuck_ ,” Dean curses. “Knowing you're hard just makes me harder!”

Castiel manages to put some space between them and takes a deep breath, trying to get himself back together.

“You know that picture you sent me?” Dean asks, and Castiel knows exactly which picture he's talking about without even having to ask, so he nods. “I know you said you're not ready to be with me just yet, so I'm just sayin’... a few more pictures like that could really help me out.”

Castiel feels a little shy talking about that right now, but he nods again and looks past Dean instead of at him when he says, “That can probably be arranged.”

“The last one you sent me’s definitely gotten some mileage this week,” Dean admits, and Castiel has to try exceptionally hard to think of _anything_ other than the mental image of his boyfriend jerking off to a picture of him covered in come.

“We can't talk about this right now. It's... doing things to me and I have to go to work in two minutes,” Castiel explains.

“Sorry,” Dean says, finally taking a step away from the tree, and not looking sorry whatsoever. “I meant it when I said I'd wait, but you're still fuckin’ hot and I'm still gonna be horny while I wait.”

“I know. I get it. We can even talk about it some more later if you want to, just not right now,” Castiel says, gesturing to his office across the street. “Do I look like I was just making out with my boyfriend?” Castiel asks.

Dean reaches across and straightens out Castiel’s collar. “Your cheeks are a little pink and I can still see your boner, but I'm assuming that’ll flag when we start walking back,” Dean says, eyes lit up with mirth.

Castiel sighs. “I'm never having lunch with you again.”

“Not my fault you can't keep your hands off of me,” Dean smirks, looking awfully pleased with himself.

“Whose fault is it then?” Castiel retorts.

Dean shrugs, takes Castiel's hand in his, and leads him back onto the sidewalk with a big smile on his face. “I wish you didn't have to go back to work,” Dean admits.

“Ugh, me too. I want to spend more time with you.”

“Tomorrow night?” Dean asks.

“Yes, I would love to see you tomorrow,” Castiel confirms.

“Your place after work?” Dean checks.

Castiel nods. He's nervous about what he wants to say next, but he forces the words out. “My bed doesn't smell like us anymore.”

Dean stops and looks down at Castiel. “Yeah?”

Castiel nods and pulls him to keep walking. “If you want to, I’d really like to fix that this weekend.”

“You want me to stay over?” Dean repeats.

“To sleep,” Castiel clarifies, “yes. I like sleeping with you,” he says quietly.

Dean kisses him on the cheek and says, “I’d loveto stay over, Cas. You have no idea.”

Castiel’s smile is huge by the time they reach the door to his office. “Okay,” he says. He gives Dean’s hand one final squeeze and they both let their hands come apart as they walk up the stairs to his office.

Castiel pokes his head around the corner once he gets to the top of the stairs and sees Cam sitting at his desk.

“Dean’s here when you're ready for him,” he says, cheeks suddenly flaming red.

“Send him in,” Cam says.

He nods and then turns to face Dean. “You can go in now.”

“Thank you,” Dean says, lowering his voice and pretending to be overly serious, which causes Castiel to hold in a laugh as he closes the door behind him.

Dean comes back out of Cam’s office with Cam behind him almost an hour later. Dean’s got a serious look on his face, listening carefully to something Cam’s telling him, and Castiel feels a burst of pride for Dean starting his own business.

“So once Castiel has you set up on Simply, finish up this month’s journal entries, bring in a back-up on a USB, and we’ll do a stub period return to the end of August so that the government knows you’re on your own now,” Cam says, obviously repeating something else he has already told him for Castiel’s benefit. “Got that, Castiel?”

Castiel nods. “I can probably do that this weekend.”

“The sooner the better for the backup,” Cam suggests, and Dean and Castiel both nod their understanding.

“Well, good to see you again, Dean,” Cam says as he shakes Dean’s hand.

“Yeah, you too. I figure we’ll probably see a lot of each other over the next little bit,” Dean says, smiling softly at Castiel.

When Cam’s eyes light up Castiel _knows_ something embarrassing is about to happen.

“Just remember you get my regular charge out rate until you put on a ring on it, and _then_ you can have the employee discount, okay?”

When Cam sees the look of horror on both of their faces he doesn’t hold in his laugh, and claps Dean on the shoulder before he turns and walks back to his office still chuckling to himself. Castiel can hear laughter coming from some of his colleagues from behind their cubicles and wishes he could sink through the floor.

Dean breaks the tension by leaning on Castiel’s desk and saying, “What kinda discount are we talkin’ here?” Castiel laughs and Dean winks at him.

“Have a good day, Dean,” Castiel says, the same way he says goodbye to all of their clients.

“See ya later, Cas,” Dean responds, and he takes off down the stairs as Castiel collapses frontwards onto his desk. That was a hell of an afternoon.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Even after Dean jacked off (twice) last night, he still couldn’t fall asleep. He’s feeling this weird mix of nervous and excited, and the worst part is he doesn’t _want_ to be excited in case it all goes to shit again. He’s not gonna stop trying even if it does, though, and he comforts himself with that, but it still doesn’t calm him down. So he texts Jo and asks if she’s working today. When she writes back saying that she is, he tells the guys at his shop that he’s taking a long lunch and goes to the Roadhouse.

She brings him his usual burger and fries with a soda only minutes after he walks in. “I guess there’s perks to your best friend workin’ at a restaurant,” he says as Jo slides in across from him.

“My mom even said she’d cover me for a half hour so we could talk. Since apparently that’s a thing we do now,” she adds, grinning.

“Shut up. I’ve got feelings and shit I need to talk about now ya know,” Dean responds, grinning back and then stuffing a few fries in his mouth.

“If you ask to braid my hair we’re done, Winchester,” she threatens, and he laughs at the idea.

“I think that’d be more up Samantha’s alley than mine. He’s the girl,” he says, smiling at his own joke.

“I think it’s hilarious that you’re the gay one and you _still_ make fun of your brother for being a girl.”

“Screw you. And I’m not _gay_. Why does everybody keep sayin’ that?” He says, making a face at his burger while he picks it up.

“Probably has something to do with your boyfriend, ya dummy,” she laughs.

“I still like girls though,” Dean points out.

“So you’re bi?” Jo checks.

Dean shrugs. “I dunno. I guess? Does it matter?”

“Not really, I was just kinda thrown off by the ‘I’m not gay’ comment,” Jo explains. “Anyway, I have a feeling you didn’t come down here to talk about what body parts you like to screw.” Dean smirks, face stuffed full of burger. “More trouble in paradise?”

“Nope. Opposite. I’m spending the night at Cas’s house tonight,” he tells her.

“Ooooh, finally back in the good books, hm?”

“That’s the thing. He’s kinda all over the place,” Dean confesses. “I saw him for an hour at lunch yesterday, and he went from telling me he’s not ready to jump into bed together, to pushing me up against a tree and almost making me blow my load in my pants,” Jo makes a disgusted look at this information, but Dean ignores her and keeps talking, “to inviting me over for the night but specifically saying ‘to sleep’ and nothing else.”

“Shit, and I thought bitches be crazy,” she says, and Dean bursts out laughing.

“You freaking loser,” he accuses her, and she can’t hold back her own laugh.

“Okay, so I’ve never said that before right now, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t pull it off!”

“Believe me, you can’t pull it off,” Dean tells her, taking another big bite of his burger.

“Whatever,” she brushes him off. “So this is gonna sound crazy to you, but why not just _ask_ Castiel about all this?”

“Because I get it.”

“You get what?” Jo asks.

“I know exactly what’s going on, I just don’t know what to do about it,” Dean explains.

Jo shakes her head. “Nope, I still need more. What’s going on?”

“He’s getting better, but he still has a hard time thinking about me being with Anna. And I get that. He wants to take things slow, you know, in the bedroom or whatever because he doesn’t want to go too fast and freak out with his pants around his ankles.”

Jo snorts. “Has anybody ever told you that you have a magical way with words?”

Dean shoves a few more fries in his mouth. “But the thing is, we have this crazy _thing_ between us. Cas calls it chemistry. I dunno what to call it, but we literally can’t keep our hands off of each other. It's like the second we start kissing we just lose our frickin’ minds and can’t stop.”

“Dude, you’re too much like my brother for me to talk about your sex life without making me wanna yack,” Jo complains.

“Shut up and let me talk about this!”

“Fine, but when I have to get drunk later it’s going to be all your fault,” Jo warns him. She sighs, running her hand through her long, blonde ponytail. “Okay, so the dilemma this week is that Castiel wants to take it slow but also can’t stay out of your pants.”

“He hasn’t technically been in my pants, but I’m about to beg for it soon,” Dean tells her.

Her eyes widen. “You’ve been together for three weeks and you haven’t done it yet? You would’ve had sex with five different girls by now usually,” she reminds him.  

“Well, we've done _stuff_ but we were waiting for STD tests to come back. Guess who’s wiener is as clean as a whistle, by the way?” Dean says, laughing at the look on Jo’s face.

“I hope both of yours are, but please don’t talk about your wiener anymore,” she begs, and Dean laughs again.

“We both got the all clear this week, and now I’m spending the night. I know you don’t wanna hear this, but I want him like I’ve never wanted anything in my life, and I’m so freaking in love with him that all I wanna do is show him and tell him, except he says he wants to go slow. And now I’m going to spend a whole night pressed up against him in bed and I’m scared I’m gonna fuck it all up.”

“You’re in love with him?” Jo says quietly.

“I - what?” Dean asks.

“You just said you’re so in love with him,” Jo repeats.

Dean takes a long drink from his glass of soda and looks down at his plate. He didn’t mean to say that out loud. “Yeah. So?” He says defensively.

When he finally looks up, he sees Jo’s eyes are as big as he’s ever seen them. “Really?” She asks again.

“Why is that so surprising?” Dean asks, still feeling defensive. “I told you last time we went out that I thought he was it for me.”

“Yeah, but I thought that was like, a ‘someday’ thing, not that you were feeling all this already.” She’s never been one to hold her tongue, and doesn’t start now. “You know it’s really fast, right?”

Dean shrugs. “Yeah, it’s fast. So what? Are you tryin’ to tell me I don’t feel what I feel?”

“No, I’m not. I’m just trying to make sure you know how crazy you sound.”

“You think I want to feel like this?” Dean scoffs. “I haven’t dated anybody since Lisa. Sure would’ve been nice to ease into it a little bit. But I can’t help it. He’s… everything I didn’t even know I wanted.”

“Aw, you should put that in a Hallmark card,” Jo teases.

“Bite me,” he says, taking another bite of his burger.

“Well, you know those three magic words are what guys say to get in chicks’ pants. It’d probably work for Castiel, too,” Jo says.

Dean feels his back go up. “I’m not going to tell him I love him just to get him into bed, Jo. What the hell’s the matter with you?”

She smirks. “I was testing you. You really do love him, don’t you?”

Dean finishes his burger by shoving the last two bites in all at once. “Dick move,” he says around the mouthful.

“What I would _really_ do is just play it by ear. See what happens. Maybe you’ll be able to behave yourself like a gentleman. And if not, just… I don’t know, man. If you really love him, be careful with him. Use your words like a big boy and make sure he wants to do whatever you end up doing. You’ve been around the block enough times that you’ve gotta have at least _some moves_ to make him forget about what happened with his sister,” Jo teases him.

“You’re an asshole, but I think you kinda helped. Some how.”

Jo’s smile is big when she answers, “What are besties for,” she jokes. “Also: It’s kind of disgusting how fast you ate that burger. Even for you.”

Dean pats his stomach. “Gotta keep up my manly figure, ya know.”

“How a nice guy like Castiel wound up with such a prize of a boyfriend, I will never understand.”

“I’m adorable and you know it,” Dean argues.

Jo rolls her eyes. “Well, some of us need to actually work for a living, so I’m gonna get back. You’ll call or text if you fuck up and it all goes to hell tonight, right?”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence,” he says sarcastically.

Jo sighs. “If you love him the way you say you do, neither of us have anything to worry about. You love people with your whole heart, Dean, and I know you won’t do anything to hurt him no matter what Little Dean has to say about it.”

“Believe me, there is nothing _little_ about my Dean,” he says, then makes a confused face at how weird that sounds.

“I’ll make sure to ask your boyfriend next time he’s in,” she laughs. She gives him a punch on the arm. “Go get him, tiger.”

Dean smirks, drops some bills on the table and goes back to work.

 

When he gets to Cas’s apartment after work and a shower at half past five, he’s got a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder and butterflies in his stomach.

When Cas opens the door, Dean’s eyes are drawn to his bright blue shirt with the words _Save The Bees_ and a honeycomb on the front of it. He’s got a pair of charcoal gray cargo pants on, and he looks like he’s been running his hands through his hair.

“Come on in,” Cas says, standing back to let Dean through. “Want to put your bag in my room?”

“First I wanna kiss you, though,” Dean says, and Cas smiles and leans in to meet him halfway. They linger over each other, not having to worry about any kind of audience, but still manage to keep it light and sweet.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Cas says.

“Gotta say, when I left last weekend I didn’t think I’d ever be back,” Dean confesses.

Cas’s eyes are sad when he says, “I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I have high hopes that by the time you leave here again you’ll know you’re always welcome.”

Dean goes and drops off his bag like Cas offered, and then they take a seat on the couch. Cas has a cider out, and Dean takes one when it’s offered. Cas tells him that he ordered pizza for dinner, and they sit and talk until it shows up. Once it’s delivered, they each get another cider, and eat right out of the box, which makes Dean thinks of all the times he’s done this with Sam. That also makes him think of all the gross shit Sam always puts on his pizza, and once they’re done eating Dean mentions that he thought Cas liked pineapple.

“Not that I have any complaints about meat lovers pizza, but I kinda thought you’d force pineapple on me,” Dean says, remembering the two of them talking about that early on.

Cas makes a face. “I don’t even like pineapple on my pizza. Fruit and pizza don’t mix,” he adds.

Dean purses his lips in confusion. “I swear I remember you saying that you did.”

“I remember it coming up, but I know I didn’t say I liked it because I don’t.”

Dean racks his brain, knowing there was something said about liking pineapple on pizza… Then it comes back to him. “Now I remember! I said you’d be the perfect boyfriend if you like pineapple on your pizza _or_ if you were rich, and you said one or the other wasn’t bad!”

Cas smiles and wipes his face with a napkin. “You’re smarter than that, Dean. I just told you I don’t like pineapple on my pizza.”

Dean’s eyes go wide when he realizes what Cas is telling him. “Dude! You’re loaded and you never told me?”

“I didn’t _not_ tell you. You just assumed incorrectly,” Cas tries. “How else did you think I’d afford a big apartment like this by myself?”

“I don’t know!” Dean says, thrown by the turn of events. “I never really thought about it, I guess. I don’t know how much money you make.”

“It doesn’t really matter how much money I have, does it?” Cas asks.

“Well, no, not really. I’m just surprised. You don’t act like you’re rich.”

“Rich is exaggerating, really. You’ll notice I don’t live in a mansion or drive an expensive car,” Cas reminds him.

“No, you drive a freakin’ Versa,” Dean says before he can stop himself.

Cas’s eyes narrow. “Do you have a problem with my car?”

“ _I_ would never drive a car made outta plastic, but whatever floats your boat I guess,” Dean says. “How’d you get so much money?”

“My grandparents. About ten years ago they found a whole bunch of antique paintings stored in the rafters of their attic, and a few of them ended up being worth a ton of money. One painting alone went for more than a million dollars. They spent a lot of the money themselves, and they shared with my parents, as well. Then they set it up so that when they passed away, myself and Anna would inherit whatever they had left. It was a lot, even split between the two of us.”

“Ballpark it for me,” Dean asks.

Cas shrugs. “I paid for my schooling and paid off some credit card debt with some of it, and what’s been left has been collecting interest. I probably have more than a half of a million dollars when everything is added up.”

Dean’s jaw drops. Dean’s got almost a hundred thousand squirrelled away for a rainy day himself, but to have five times that? “Shit, that’s impressive.”

“Sorry about the pineapple thing, though,” Cas teases, and Dean laughs.

“So how come you rent instead of living in your own house somewhere?” Dean asks.

“I told you about how I want a loft bedroom and a garden some day, but I never wanted those things by myself. One day, when I know the man I love wants to spend forever with me, I’ll be able to buy us a beautiful house and not send us into debt for the rest of our lives. That’s been worth saving for all these years.”

“I’ve been saving for a house, too,” Dean admits. “I don’t have as much as you do, obviously, and I’ve been saving for a long-ass time, but I’m getting there.”

Cas smiles, and Dean knows he isn’t placating him when he says, “That’s great, Dean. Do you want another cider?”

Dean nods and Cas goes to get them each other one. They decide to watch a movie, and they curl up together and decide on a sci-fi movie called Passengers. About half way through they pause to get another drink and discuss how even though it was coined as a sci-fi movie it seems like it’s actually turning into more of a rom-com, but they watch it anyway and both end up enjoying it.

Dean’s feeling positively giddy from a mixture of the alcohol, the romantic movie, and having Cas pressed against him on the couch, and he can tell by the pink tinge to Cas’s face that he’s feeling it, too.

“I love lazy nights like this with you,” Cas says as Dean combs his fingers through his hair.

“It’s nice to not always have to go out and do something,” Dean agrees. “Especially on Fridays. I’m always wiped from the week, and this one _blew_.” Then he groans. “I just remembered I have to work next Saturday.”

Cas laughs. “That's a week away, don’t start pouting about it already.” His sentence ends on a long yawn and Dean laughs.

“Am I putting you to sleep, angel?”

“No, I’m just used to going to bed around ten, remember?” Cas says. Dean looks up at the clock on the wall is shocked it’s that late already.

“How did it get so late?”

“I believe they say ‘time flies when you’re having fun’,” Cas answers.

“Smart ass,” Dean calls him. “Do you want to head to bed?”

“Do you mind?”

“Nah, it’s not too early,” Dean answers, but he’s starting to feel some of the nerves from earlier in the day getting to him. “Hey listen, can we talk about somethin’ first?”

“Is everything okay?” Cas asks.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. I’m just kinda nervous about sharing a bed,” Dean admits.

“Oh. I’m a little surprised to hear that,” Cas comments.

“It’s not because I don’t want to. It’s mostly because I know you said you want to take things slow, but I know we kinda get carried away sometimes, and I’m just sorta worried we’ll do something that will screw everything up again.”

Cas gives him a small smile. “I can’t guarantee anything, but up until right now, I haven’t thought about you with anybody else all night. I feel safer in here with just the two of us. Like this is our space - even though I know you don’t live here or anything. There’s no threats to us here,” Cas says quietly.

“Sooo what’re you sayin’ exactly?” Dean asks.

Cas’s voice is light and teasing when he answers. “I’m saying if we happen to start kissing,” Cas leans in and nips gently at his bottom lip, “when we get in my bed,” Cas runs his tongue across the seam of Dean’s lips, “and I don’t ask you to stop, you don’t need to.” Cas curls his tongue into Dean’s mouth and sucks on the tip of Dean’s tongue before pulling away and making his voice serious again. ”And I know if either of us want to stop, we will, and we’ll work it out. Right?”

“Yeah, ‘course I will,” Dean answers, his voice already deeper than usual. He forces himself to think with his brain for a minute and says, “You promise you won’t kick me out if you get upset? I don’t wanna lose you again,” Dean confesses.

“You won’t. I… I want to be with you, Dean,” Cas tells him.

“What the hell are we waiting for then?” Dean asks quickly, and Cas smiles. “Take me to bed, Cas.”

“I’ll lock up and meet you in there, okay?” Cas says, leaning over to kiss Dean once more.

Dean gets up and walks into Cas’s bedroom, and pulls the blankets down to the bottom of the bed. He turns on the tv and puts it to a music channel for a bit of background noise, and lays down to wait for his boyfriend to join him. His heart’s racing a mile a minute, and he’s already sporting a semi just knowing Cas is gonna come in here and maybe he can actually touch him skin to skin this time.

He’s going to do everything he possibly can to make this as good for Cas as he can. He’s going to be sweet, and he’s going to whisper all of the things Cas likes to hear the most against his skin while he covers him in kisses. When Cas walks in the room, Dean’s stomach clenches in anticipation, and he wonders if Cas is feeling the same way.

He seems calm enough as he climbs on to the bed beside Dean, bracing himself on one arm and looking down at him. “Are you nervous?” Dean asks Cas.

Cas nods. “Are you?”

“I can’t tell if I’m more nervous or more excited,” Dean confesses. “I want you, Cas. I’ve been thinking about you since the last time we were together, and I just want you… so bad,” Dean says quietly.

“You have me,” Cas promises, leaning in to bring their lips together. Dean wants to capture his lips and kiss him so hard he forgets his name, but Cas is being gentle, and maybe that’s what Cas needs right now. He can give him that. He lifts his hand to place it on Cas’s cheek, and traces his cheekbone with his thumb. He runs his hand up his jaw, and sinks it into Cas’s thick hair while their mouths move together. He lets his other hand rest on Cas’s lower back, and he has to fight the urge to cup that perfect ass in his hand.

Cas opens his mouth a little wider, and dives in a little deeper with his tongue, and Dean can feel his breath hitch. They’ve done this enough times now that Dean knows what he wants, and that’s Cas between his legs. He brings both hands down to Cas’s hips, and applies pressure, showing him where he wants him to move. Cas doesn’t fight him, and soon he has the substantial weight of his boyfriend on top of him, exactly where he likes him the most.

Cas’s lips trail down to Dean’s neck, and Dean gasps for air. “Love feelin’ you on top of me, Cas,” Dean tells him. “You’re makin’ me feel so good already.”

“I missed you,” Cas says against his skin. “I missed the way you taste.”

“Missed you so much, angel, you have no idea,” Dean tells him. His hands push up under his shirt, seeking as much of his skin as he can touch. “Can we get this off?” He asks, and Cas sits back on his heels, completely straddling Dean, and pulls his shirt up over his head. He rocks back a little bit while he does it, and Dean feels the pressure of his ass on his cock, and his jaw drops. Cas catches the expression on his face, and smiles before he rolls his hips back and forth, deliberately grinding his ass on Dean’s erection.

“You are so fucking hot,” Dean groans. He sits up and his mouth is even with Cas’s collarbone, so he kisses him there, hands roaming his back, pulling him closer to his mouth, and sucking and nibbling gently on every inch of skin he can reach. Dean kisses up his neck, and Cas lifts his face to the ceiling to let him kiss up under the sensitive skin below his jaw. “You're so perfect, Cas,” Dean whispers into his skin. Then Cas has his hands in Dean’s hair, and he feels Cas pushing him down towards his nipple, so he catches it between his teeth and pulls, eliciting a sharp gasp from Cas.

“Dean,” he says, in that low, sexy voice of his. His hips roll again and Dean groans. Cas’s fingers reach for Dean’s shirt and he lifts his arms to make it easier for him to pull it off. Cas pushes him back down on the bed and he lands with a bounce. Cas’s body is draped over his quickly, and Dean loves the feeling of Cas’s strong chest pressed against his while Cas's mouth explores Dean’s neck.

Dean and Cas are moving together, finding friction against each other’s bodies, and Dean doesn’t remember starting to move like that, but can’t imagine stopping either. He grabs a fistful of Cas’s hair and pulls back so that he can see Cas’s eyes. His pupils are blown wide with lust, and Dean smirks. “You good, Cas?”

“I want you,” Cas says in answer. “I want to touch you. Can I?”

“You can do anything,” Dean tells him. “As long as you’re with me.”

Cas leans in and kisses him long and deep. “Only you and me,” he promises once he pulls away, and Dean feels his mouth hot on his skin as he kisses his way down his chest. The next thing Dean knows, Cas is undoing his jeans and Dean lifts his hips so he can get them off. He’s surprised when his boxers get pulled down with them, and he whines when the cool air of the bedroom hits his hard cock.

“You too,” he breathes, and then Cas is naked in front of him and Dean is _finally_ allowed to really touch him. “God, I want to touch you, too, Cas.” Cas nods and Dean says, “Lay down with me.”

Cas lays down beside him, and Dean rolls so that they’re facing each other. If their bodies were even an inch closer together their cocks would be touching right now, and just thinking about it has Dean’s erection pulsing, but he wants to touch him even more than that.

Dean places a hand on Cas’s thigh, and runs it up his body slowly, feeling and seeing Cas’s skin break out in goosebumps. He stops just inches away from where he wants to touch and checks Cas’s face again. “Tell me it’s okay.”

“I want you to touch me,” Cas says, and Dean shivers from the rough timbre of his voice.

Dean reaches out and closes his hand around Cas’s cock, skin to skin, for the first time. He’s warm and hard, with skin still somehow soft, and Dean grips him tight, devouring the sound of pleasure Cas makes from across him. Cas’s hand closes around his cock and Dean gasps. They kiss each other between sighs and gasps as they explore one another, until Dean tears his lips away to look down at his hand on Cas. The sight of Cas’s cock in his hand is so fucking hot he whimpers a little. He sees a bead of precome escape the tip of Cas’s cock, and runs his thumb through it to spread it around. He’s hit with the realization that he wants to taste it - that he knows it's _safe_ to taste it - and he looks up at Cas while he brings his thumb to his lips and licks across it.

It tastes bitter and salty, which is exactly what he expected, and he smiles sinfully as he sucks the pad of his thumb into his mouth.

“Jesus Christ,” Cas groans. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

Dean smirks, because he does. “You taste pretty good, Cas. Never thought I’d like the taste of somebody’s spunk, but I kinda do.”

It looks like Cas is trying to say something but the words won’t quite come out. His eyes close and Dean feels panic start to set in. “Cas?” Dean checks.

“I’m okay,” Cas promises. “It’s just that I haven’t touched myself all week, and you’re incredibly arousing.”

Dean’s filled with relief. “I wanna make you feel so good. I wanna show you how good you make me feel.”

“Kiss me,” Cas begs, and Dean leans across to reach Cas’s lips again, pushing him onto his back and laying himself down on top of his boyfriend and trapping both of their cocks between their bodies. This kiss turns frantic, and hot, and desperate, and their bodies rock together, cocks slicked up by each other’s precome, sliding together on each other’s stomachs.

Dean loves the way it feels, but all he can think about is wanting to taste Cas for real. He wants to suck his dick, even though he doesn’t know how to do it well, he knows he wants to try. He trails his lips down the side of Cas’s face and to his neck, and then starts moving lower and lower. He kisses his collar bone again, sucking a mark, and making eye contact with Cas while he does it. “Mine,” he says, when he pulls his lips away.

“Yours,” Cas answers quickly.

The word buzzes through his veins. He starts a trail with his tongue right down the middle of his chest to his belly button. “I’m so fucking hard for you, Cas.”

Cas is writhing beneath him, trying to stay still as Dean nips and pulls at the loose skin on his belly and kisses his freckles.

“I want to make you feel good,” Dean says again. “I don’t know how, but I want to try.” He takes Cas’s cock in his hand and strokes him in long, smooth strokes. When he sees how wet he is the only thing he can think about is tasting him again. “Cas? Can I try?”

“If you want to,” Cas answers, his voice low. “You don’t have to.”

“I really fuckin’ want to,” Dean admits. “I wanna make you feel as good as I feel. I just want you to be ready. I want you to be thinking about me and only me, because I’m only thinking about you, angel.” He says, still stroking him. “I’ve only been able to think about you since the first time I saw those blue eyes of yours.”

“Dean, I… I care about you so much. I'm ready if you're ready. It's going to feel incredible because it's _you_.”

Dean nods. “You tell me if there's something I can do you like more, okay?”

Dean gets into position and slowly lowers his head to Cas’s cock. It looks so much bigger now that he's facing it straight on. He’s already tasted his precome, so he holds Cas at the base of his dick and licks across the tip of his cockhead quickly to taste him again. Cas fists his hands into the bed sheets and gasps out Dean’s name. Dean lets the taste roll around in his mouth and decides it's not altogether terrible. He licks across again, and then swirls his tongue around the tip to lick up any escaping drips. “Ah, that's so good, baby,” Cas tells him, and Dean feels an intense wave of desire hit him _knowing_ that he's pleasing Cas.

He wants to taste every inch of him, so he licks up and down his shaft, sometimes in long, wet strides, and sometimes in quick little kitten licks. He notices Cas starts making a lot of noise when he licks the underside of his cock, and he only gets louder the more pressure he adds there with his tongue.

Dean’s incredibly turned on from the sounds Cas is making, and he can feel his own cock starting to leak between his legs.

He leans down and closes his lips around the tip of Cas’s cock and sucks gently. Cas’s entire body _but_ his hips seems to jerk forwards, and Dean knows he's resisting fucking into his mouth. He moans at the thought with Cas’s dick still in his mouth and Cas curses above him.

“Fuck, Dean, your mouth feels so good on me,” he gasps. “Can - can you take more of me? Only if you can,” Cas adds. “It feels so good already, babe.”

Dean believes him. He sounds wrecked. He lowers his mouth on Cas’s cock, feeling his girth stretch his lips, and sinks down as far as he can. He only has about half of his cock in his mouth, but he'll work up to more, he hopes. He lifts his eyes to look up at his boyfriend through his eyelashes, and sees Cas up on his elbows watching him.

He knows exactly what he must look like to Cas, and judging by the hooded eyes and Cas’s heaving chest, he's enjoying the view. He pulls off all the way to the top, flicks his tongue across his slit again, and then sinks as far down as he can again. Cas’s head falls back with a broken groan and his fingers clench the sheets even tighter.

Dean pulls off and swallows the spit and precome in his mouth before he says, “Put your hands in my hair, Cas. Show me how you want me to move.”

Cas closes his eyes. “I’m riding the edge,” he warns him. “Your mouth is amazing. _You’re_ amazing. Doing this for me. It feels so unbelievably good, Dean.”

Dean’s heart is thumping wildly. Who ever would have thought somebody telling him he's good at sucking dick would have him wanting to confess his love? But it does, and he has to swallow the words. “Show me how to make it better. And warn me before you come, okay?” He says, not sure he wants to swallow.

“I will,” Cas promises.

Dean lowers his head again, and looks up through his lashes until Cas puts his hands on his head. He sinks down, and waits for Cas’s direction. He feels a slight tug and follows the pressure of Cas’s hands up to the tip of his cock, where he swirls his tongue again, earning a whimper from Cas, then feels himself pushed back down. Cas keeps pulling him up and down until Dean’s picked up a rhythm of bobbing his head up and down.

“Oh my God, Dean, that's so good. So perfect, baby. Fuck,” Cas curses. “You look so good with my cock in your mouth. Those fucking lips look amazing wrapped around me.”

Dean moans, and he rearranges his body so he can lean on his elbow and take his own rock hard dick into his hand. He strokes himself hard and fast and knows he isn't going to need much to send himself over the edge. Every sound coming from Cas and every time he feels his cock twitch in his mouth already has him so fucking close.

Cas adds a little more pressure and shoves his head down his dick further and Dean feels his gag reflex kick in and pulls away quickly. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, shit,” Cas curses. “The back of your throat feels so fucking good but I didn't mean to push you,” he explains.

Dean knows exactly how good that feels and even if it's going to make him gag, he wants to do that for Cas. So he pulls off to get a good breath, and then forces Cas’s cock as deep into his mouth as he can, hearing Cas call out even as he gags, and then hands are in his hair pulling him off roughly, and Dean watches as Cas’s hand flies to his cock, stroking himself once, twice, before Cas comes all over his hand and his stomach. Dean sits back and jerks himself off with his eyes glued to his boyfriend’s cock as it twitches and pulses, forcing strip after strip of come from the tip, and Dean comes hard with a cry of Cas’s name, leaning forwards to add his come to Cas’s, painting his stomach white and dragging another moan from his mouth as he watches their come mix together.

He has just enough sense to grab somebody’s t-shirt and drop it between them before he completely collapses onto Cas’s chest.

Immediately, he feels Cas’s lips in his hair, hands on his back, pulling him closer.

“Oh, Dean,” he breathes. “That was amazing. You were amazing, baby. You _are_ amazing.”

“You're so fucking hot, Cas,” Dean answers, still trying to catch his breath. “Barely even had to touch myself ‘cause watchin’ you was gonna make me come.”

A few seconds pass before Cas speaks again, and his voice is remarkably softer, Dean notices. “Dean,” Cas begins. “I'm so sorry for the last week. I was so stupid. I was jealous and insecure and I thought I would never be able to make you feel as good as anybody else -”

“You're better,” Dean interrupts, meaning it with everything he has. “So much better it's not even a comparison, Cas. That was the best orgasm I've ever had in my entire life because of _you_. Because of how crazy I am about you and how much I lo-ove being with you,” he says, barely catching himself in time.

Cas pulls him up further and crashes their mouths together. Cas moans softly and Dean wonders if he can taste himself and kisses him harder thinking about it. “I never want to lose you again,” Cas says quietly, like it's a confession of some sort.

“Never again, angel. This is where I wanna be. Every night. I'm not going anywhere.”

Cas kisses him again and again, and Dean wonders if he just told Cas forever, and realizes even if he did he's strangely okay with it.

Finally they break apart, Cas’s hands cupping his face. “You have come to mean so much to me, Dean Winchester. I've never felt so much so fast, and it scares the shit out of me. I'd never risk all of this with anybody but you.”

Dean feels his eyes prickling with tears and kisses him once more passionately. “It's only ever been you, Cas,” he admits quietly before he buries his face in the crook of his neck, knowing he's a moment away from confessing his true feelings.

They lay there quietly for a long time holding each other. Eventually, they clean up and pull on their boxers to brush their teeth together. Dean’s heart melts when he sees that Cas kept his toothbrush through everything that happened this week, and he kisses him with a mouthful of toothpaste, making Cas scrunch his nose adorably.

When they climb into bed together for the night, Dean knows without a doubt that his heart belongs to the man he has in his arms, and that he doesn't think he’s ever going to want it back.


	14. Chapter 14

Castiel wakes up Saturday morning with Dean’s lips on his neck and his erection pressed against his ass. He loves him, but he’s still tired and this is _so_ not happening right now.

Castiel lets out an angry grunt, and hopes that’s enough to get Dean off of him.

“Aw, c’mon Cas, I want you,” Dean coos against his skin, pulling his earlobe between his teeth.

Castiel feels his heart stutter a little bit but it’s still a no.

“Get off,” he grumbles, and Dean laughs.

“That’s what I’m tryin’ to do,” Dean says, thrusting against him.

Cas makes another irritated sound in his throat and shrugs Dean’s hands of off him, scooting away further. He feels one more kiss on his neck and then Dean rolls away.

“Fiiine. I’m makin’ pancakes, and I’m comin’ back to wake you up when they’re ready if you want them or not,” Dean warns.

“Coffee,” Castiel grunts, rolling over onto his stomach now that Dean isn’t there holding him on his side. He falls back asleep quickly, and the next time he wakes up it’s to the smell of coffee. That’s more like it.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean says from beside him. He lifts his head and sees Dean standing beside the bed with a mug of coffee in his hand. “That bed head is really somethin’ else,” Dean teases, and Cas scowls at him, causing Dean to chuckle. If Dean’s going to wake up this happy every morning, they’re really not going to get along, Cas realizes. “I put a shitload of cream and sugar in here for you, so hopefully it’s enough.” Castiel sits up and reaches for the mug but Dean says, “Nuh-uh. Gotta kiss me first.”

Castiel does his best to let his glare show _screw you_ without actually having to make words, but Dean just smiles bigger and leans in to press his lips against Castiel's quickly. Dean quirks a brow when Castiel reaches for the coffee, but gives it to him. “You owe me one,” Dean says, as Castiel takes a drink from the cup. He sits on the edge of the bed, sipping the coffee quietly while Dean just stands there looking at him with this little smile on his face.

By the time half the mug is drained, he’s beginning to be able to appreciate just how good Dean looks in just a pair of Castiel’s pajama pants and no shirt on. His hair is more messed up than it usually is when they wake up, and Castiel knows it’s because he had his hands in it when Dean’s mouth was on him last night. The memory brings a smile to his face, and when Dean moves in for another kiss, Castiel kisses him back gently.

“There’s my boyfriend,” Dean smiles at him.

“You’re extremely annoying first thing in the morning,” Castiel says honestly before going back to his coffee, and Dean just laughs at him.

“Lucky for you I happen to think Grumpy Cas is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Dean tells him. Castiel grunts in response. “I made you pancakes,” Dean reminds him.

Castiel stands up and walks past Dean to the kitchen. He goes to the cupboard where Albus’s food is but Dean stops him. “I already fed him,” he says, looking at him over his shoulder from in front of the stove.

Castiel straightens up. “You fed my cat?”

Dean looks uncomfortable for a moment, like he might have misstepped. “He looked all sad and hungry, and he was meowing at me and shit. _And_ once I fed him, he came over and rubbed up against my leg, so I think I’m winning him over,” Dean says, and he looks so excited by the time he’s explained that to him, Castiel can’t even pretend to be annoyed with him.

He takes the few steps towards him and wraps his arms around him from behind, and presses several kisses up and down the curve of his neck, nuzzling into his skin, feeling so much for this man that he’s afraid he’s going to burst with it.

“We can eat these pancakes later, ya know,” Dean offers, pushing his ass back towards Castiel invitingly.

“Pancakes. More coffee. Shower sex,” Castiel suggests and Dean lets his head roll back onto his shoulder.

“That sounds pretty freakin’ perfect, Cas,” Dean agrees.

Castiel releases him only to spin him around so he can kiss him gently. “Thank you for making me breakfast and bringing me coffee,” he says afterwards.

“After-coffee Cas is _much_ nicer than before-coffee Cas,” Dean comments.

“Yes, he is,” Castiel agrees, moving away to grab a couple of plates to pass to Dean. He grabs the pancake syrup from the cupboard and some margarine from the fridge and places them both on the breakfast nook.

They make up their pancakes in silence, though Castiel definitely gives Dean the eye for the river of syrup he adds to his. Dean smiles unapologetically and manages to sop it all up with his pancakes by the time he’s done and looks a little proud of himself for it, too.

Castiel is still working on his second cup of coffee when Dean says, “How are you feeling about last night?”

Castiel takes a minute to run through exactly what happened in his mind.

He was nervous before Dean showed up, not knowing how he was going to react to having him in his home again after knowing how the last time turned out. But once Dean got there and asked for a kiss, his nerves slipped away and was quickly replaced by the warm, fuzzy feeling he gets when he’s with Dean. That’s how he felt all night curled up with him on the couch, too. It was back to being easy, and fun, and _right_ , and if Dean hadn’t brought up wanting to be with him intimately again, Castiel knows he would have. Because when you feel as much for a person as he does for Dean, you want to be close to them in every way possible.

Having Dean in his arms again was even better than he remembered. In his darkest moments he had told himself it was all just chemical between them, that Dean touched dozens of other people the same ways he touched Castiel, and that Castiel meant nothing more to him than every other romp in the hay he’d had. But there was no misinterpreting the soft touches, the looks Dean was giving Castiel, and the way he worshiped his body. That’s not the way somebody acts with a random hook up, and every endearment, and every promise Dean whispered just made Castiel fall deeper and deeper in love with him.

And the purely physical aspect of what they had done was mind blowing, as well. Dean taking him into his mouth for the first time was unbelievable. Castiel feels slightly embarrassed knowing that it was _that much_ hotter just because Dean had never done it before, but there’s no denying it’s true. Dean was tentative and sweet, and obviously a little nervous, but Castiel knew how much he wanted to try it and was more than willing to sit back and let him figure it out. When he took Castiel as far into his mouth as he did - the second time when he actually volunteered to do it - Castiel just about lost his mind. The _only_ thing that helped him remember to pull Dean off before he came down his throat was concern for Dean, not wanting to push him into anything he didn’t want to do. Of course, the pleasure from his orgasm was elongated from the pleasure he got from watching Dean touch himself. _That_ surely isn’t anything he’s going to forget anytime soon.

Afterwards, he was almost immediately swamped with regret over how he had handled the last week. Even now, he still hates the thought of his sister with his boyfriend, but it wasn’t worth everything he put them through. If he could apologize a million times for the way he reacted, he would. Hearing Dean tell him how crazy he is about him, and the little catch in his voice when he said he loved spending time with him made Castiel feel _so much_ for him he could barely suppress his true thoughts.

All he could think about was how he never wanted to spend another day without Dean, and when that thought slipped out and Dean responded by telling told him he wanted to spend every night with him… well, Castiel’s fairly certain that was the best moment of his life so far. Because even though it’s crazy, and it’s fast, he’s in love with Dean and if he keeps feeling like this, then he wants to be with him for as long as Dean will have him. Castiel slept better in Dean’s arms than he has in a week, and if Dean offers, he wants to spend tonight with him again.

“Cas?” Dean asks, and Castiel realizes he zoned out there for a minute while thinking everything through.

“Sorry,” he smiles sheepishly, “I was thinking about everything that happened and got lost in my thoughts.” He reaches over to cup Dean’s face and smiles at him gently. “Everything that happened last night from the moment you walked into my home to the moment we fell asleep together was absolutely perfect.”

“Yeah?” Dean asks, looking relieved.

“Were you worried?”

“I dunno. Kinda, I guess. Seemed good in the moment and when we fell asleep, but I guess I kinda worked myself up thinkin’ you might wake up this morning and regret it or think we moved too fast or somethin’.”

Castiel smiles sadly. “And then when you tried to touch me this morning I pushed you away.”

Dean shrugs, but Castiel can tell by the look he’s trying to hide on his face that it did bother him at least a little bit. “You warned me before that you weren’t a morning person.”

 _And then gave in the next day and let you touch me anyway,_ Castiel remembers. “Dean, I’m sorry. I know I’ve given you mixed signals the last little while, but I promise you it hasn’t been intentional. I feel like I’m going back and forth between wanting to take it easy and not rush things too much, and diving into everything head first because it all just feels so _right._ ”

“Feels right to me too,” Dean agrees.

“Just to be clear… I care about you very much. I am 100% in this. I want to spend as much time with you as you’ll let me, and whenever I feel insecure, I’ll tell you. You don’t need to worry about how I feel, because I promise you I’m going to let you know whenever it’s important.” _Except when it comes to telling you that I love you… because I don’t want you to scare you into thinking we’re moving too fast,_ Castiel adds in his head.

Dean has a big smile on his face when he says, “I’m in this, too. For as long as you’ll have me. And I’m pretty sure I’m not gettin’ sick of ya anytime soon so make sure you tell me if I start smotherin’ you,” Dean says. “I’m glad we mostly got shit back on track. I like feelin’ like we’re solid again.”

“Me, too. It’s the way it should be,” Castiel smiles.

“So we’re all good? Nothing’s freakin’ you out or worrying you at all?” Dean checks.

Castiel hesitates, but ultimately decides to tell the truth. “There’s a few things I’m still worried about.”

Dean frowns but nods, “Okay. You wanna tell me?”

“Well the first one I don’t think will be a surprise at all. I still don’t know how I’ll feel about seeing you and Anna in the same room, or spending any time with the two of you together.”

“That makes sense. I’d probably feel the same way if I saw you and somebody you used to be with together,” Dean responds. Castiel feels some of his anxiety ease. “Do you think the three of us being together is somethin’ that’s gonna happen often?”

“I’m not sure. I see her a few times a month for dinner, and we usually spend holidays together since there’s just the two of us,” Castiel explains.

“Like Thanksgiving, and Christmas and stuff?”

“And birthdays,” Castiel adds.

“We’ve got a few months until we have to worry about that, then. Maybe we can work up to it or somethin’. Have me come over just as she’s leaving so you can see us in the same room for a second but not for a long period of time, and then I can be there to remind you that I only care about you once she’s gone,” Dean says.

Castiel smiles. “That’s actually a really good idea.”

“We can also do the Roadhouse thing. Next time we get everybody together we can invite her along, too, and she’ll be there but it won’t be so focused on just the three of us. Kind of like she’s in the background, ya know?”

“Has anybody told you how smart you are?” Castiel beams at him.

Dean snorts. “No, nobody ever tells me that. I’ve been told how hot I am about a zillion times though.”

“They’re not wrong,” Castiel admits, “but you’re much more than just a pretty face, Dean.”

“I like knowin’ you think that,” Dean says. “What’s the other things? You said there were a few.”

“Only one more, and it’s probably more of an immediate issue.”

“Whatever it is, we can work through it,” Dean promises.

“I don’t think I can go in your car,” Castiel says evenly.

Dean’s face drops, but only for a second before it rearranges itself. “Ever?”

Castiel feels that pit in his stomach again just thinking about it. “I don’t know.”

“I’m not gonna lie to ya Cas, that’s a blow for me,” Dean says. “I love that car.”

“I know you do,” Castiel says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry, okay?” Dean says, standing and positioning himself between Castiel’s legs as he stays sitting on his stool. Dean puts his arms around Castiel’s neck, and his fingers slide into the short hairs at the base of his hairline. “You feel how you feel, and I get why you feel that way. It’s just not an easy fix.”

“Maybe the longer we’re together - assuming we stay together,” Castiel adds, not wanting to be too presumptuous, “it will get easier. But I’m not sure. For now, we can just drive separately.”

Dean sighs, overly loud and drawn out. “I can’t believe you’re gonna get me behind the wheel of a fuckin’ Versa,” he grumbles, and Castiel smiles.

“You’d drive in my car?”

“I don’t do passenger real well, so as long as you let me drive, I’d probably make an exception for you,” Dean says, still not sounding overly thrilled about the idea. “But you can’t _ever_ tell my dad or Bobby. And definitely not anybody at the shop, Jesus,” Dean cringes.

“You know it’s not that big of a city. People are going to see you,” Castiel warns him.

Dean shushes him. “Can you just let me live in my little bubble of denial for like, five minutes?” he asks, and Castiel laughs and pulls him down to his mouth to kiss him.

“Nobody will ever see you driving my car. And nobody will notice the absence of your Baby when we arrive places together, either. It will be like it’s not even happening,” Castiel says, completely sarcastically.

Dean grins at him anyway. “I hope you’re always this terrible at lying to me, angel.”

“I am,” Castiel laughs. “Cam always says you can see exactly what I’m thinking because it’s written all over my face.”

“Hmmm,” Dean says, bending to brush his lips gently against Castiel’s again. “What's the word for the way your eyes light up and your face goes all soft when you’re lookin’ at me, then?”

Castiel feels his heart thumping in his chest and wonders for a split second if he should just tell him. He decides to go with, “I'm still working on coming to terms with that one.”

Something in Dean’s eyes flash, but he hides it just as quickly as it showed. “I can't wait to hear it when you do,” Dean says gently. He smiles a little and says, “My mom said you’re the first person she's seen look at me the way I deserve to be looked at.”

“Your mom is a very astute woman, and I'm sure she just wants somebody to care about you. Like you deserve," Castiel agrees, wondering not for the first time if Mary Winchester can see how much he loves her son. “You know she's been texting me the last few days?”

Judging by the way Dean jumps back, he did _not_ know that. “She has!? Why didn't you say anythin’?”

“I assumed you gave her my phone number,” Castiel explains. “You didn't?”

Dean squints his eyes. “Maybe Sam?”

“Maybe? I thought I'd hear from Sam but I haven't,” Castiel admits.

“That's kinda weird, too. He's usually a nosy bitch,” he says, smiling. “What, uh, has my mom been texting you about? If I can ask?”

“You can ask. She’s the one who told me you were probably waiting to get in when you brought me the soup,” Castiel tells him.

“Huh,” Dean supplies.

“Then I thanked her for it, and she asked me how I was doing. We had mostly made up at that point, so I told her I was doing well.  She seemed really happy about that. I think she texted me once more asking me to take care of you for her, and reminded me I have an outstanding dinner invitation,” Castiel smiles.

“She’s really not gonna let up on that. I think she likes you, man,” Dean grins.

“I get that feeling as well. It's… nice. I haven't had anybody to check in on my well-being for a very long time.”

“I'll share her with you as long as she keeps tellin’ me I'm her favourite,” Dean offers.

“I’ll take it,” Castiel grins, feeling light and happy again.

“Now,” Dean says seriously, “I believe I was promised some shower action.” He wiggles his eyebrows and Castiel laughs.

“You're insatiable,” he accuses.

“I was startin’ to get a little too comfortable with my hand, Cas. We got some time to make up for,” Dean teases.

“Too bad we’re not younger. I'd love to see how many times I can make you come,” Castiel says, getting a look of surprise from Dean.

“Speak for yourself, old man,” Dean jokes. “I can still go all day.”

“We’ll see what you have to say about that when I'm done with you in the shower,” Castiel promises, grinning wickedly.

“It's on,” Dean goads him.

Castiel stands and takes him by the hand. “Come on then, I’ll show you where the towels are.”

Castiel leads him down the hall and pulls out towels for both of them from the closet beside the bathroom. They walk into the bathroom together and Castiel turns on the shower water to heat up before he looks at Dean and drops his boxers. Dean’s eyes drop to between his legs and then look away quickly and Castiel has to fight the urge to laugh.

“You can look, you know,” he tells him gently. "You're my boyfriend."

“Shit,” Dean says, clearly embarrassed. “My whole life I’ve been tryin’ not to look. Reflex.”

Castiel’s heart softens for Dean. He kisses him gently and climbs into the shower, leaving the sliding door open just a tad so Dean knows he’s still welcome. He stands under one of the two shower heads, and lets the hot water run over his body. The shower door opens and Dean steps in.

“Two showerheads? I’m movin’ in,” Dean jokes and Castiel wonders if he’s only doing it because he’s nervous.

“I got the option of a walk-in shower like this or a regular one with a bathtub. I went with this,” Castiel explains.

“Good choice,” Dean says, tipping his head back into the water. Castiel washes his own hair and then passes the shampoo to Dean to do the same.

Castiel watches the water mixed with the soap cascade down Dean’s body and wonders for the hundredth time what a man that looks _like this_ is doing with him. Once his hair is clean, he steps out from under the water from his shower head and crowds into Dean’s space, surprising him since he had his eyes closed.

“Hello there,” Castiel teases, and Dean grins at him.

“You look good wet,” Dean says to Castiel.

Castiel lets his hands run up and down Dean’s back, “Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

Dean’s hands rest on Castiel’s chest and he leans in to press their lips together. Moving that little bit closer has their quickly hardening cocks brushing together, and Dean thrusts forwards, searching for more.

Castiel laughs against his lips. “Not so shy now, I see.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Dean says, lifting his hands to Castiel’s face and holding him in place while he shoves his tongue into Castiel’s mouth. Castiel’s always liked it a little rough, and having Dean show just a little bit of dominance turns him on even more. Castiel drops his hands to Dean’s ass, and grabs a handful of each cheek and pulls him in so that they’re pressed together. They groan simultaneously when they start moving together, and Castiel pulls his mouth away to suck across Dean’s warm skin. Dean’s hand drops between them and wraps around both of their cocks, stroking them together. Castiel sinks his teeth into Dean’s pectoral muscle, and Dean gasps.

Castiel’s beginning to be distracted by Dean’s hand stuttering on their cocks, and Castiel takes a step away to grab the body wash he uses.

“This will help,” he says, taking Dean’s hand and squirting some into his palm.

“Callin’ me dirty, Cas?” Dean asks.

Castiel takes Dean’s hand and pushes it down between their bodies again. Once his hand glides easily over their erections pressed together, his jaw drops in a silent moan.

“Oh,” he manages. “Yeah, that’s definitely better.”

“You keep doing that,” Castiel suggests, “while I clean you up.” He gets some soap on his hands, and runs them over Dean’s shoulders, and then spins him. “Don’t come,” he tells him, voice low.

Castiel takes his time washing Dean’s muscular back. Dean’s muscles ripple when his hand works his cock, and Castiel can almost literally feel his mouth watering at the sight. He trails his hands down to his ass, and thoroughly washes his cheeks.

“Have I mentioned how incredibly sexy your ass is?” Castiel asks him.

“No,” Dean says, and Castiel is surprised that his voice stutters.

Castiel slips a finger between Dean's ass cheeks, and Dean gasps and tenses when his finger brushes over his hole. "It's okay, baby, I'm just cleaning you."

"Mmmmf," Dean groans, and Castiel has to fight himself not to do more. Castiel has his doubts that Dean has ever had anything up his ass, and though he's obviously very sensitive, he needs to ask before they do anything else like this. When his finger slides over his hole again, Dean's breath catches loudly.

“You’re not going to come without me, are you, Dean?”

Dean’s hand stops. “You keep touchin’ me,” he whines, and Castiel laughs.

“I can’t decide what to do with you,” he tells him. “I really want to do this,” he says, and steps so that his hard cock slips between the cleft of Dean’s ass cheeks. He thrusts against the soapy skin, and nudges Dean’s balls with the head of his cock. “Because it’s almost like I’m fucking you from behind,” he says quietly, and Dean lets his head fall back onto Castiel’s shoulder with a loud moan. “You like thinking about that?” Castiel asks.

“Y-yeah,” Dean answers, his entire body tensing, “But I’m not -”

“Shhh,” Castiel says, kissing his neck, and reaching around to take Dean’s cock in his hand. “Our first time is not going to be a quick fuck in the shower, Dean.”

“Yeah, okay,” he replies, relaxing again.

“But it feels good, doesn’t it?” Castiel keeps thrusting, finding the heat and the slickness of Dean’s skin absolutely perfect.

“Really fucking good,” Dean agrees.

“I could come like this so easily,” Castiel confesses.

“If you keep jacking me I’m gonna beat you to the punch, man,” Dean warns him, and Castiel lets his hand fall away.

“I’m dirty,” he says, spinning Dean back around and finding a grin on his face. “I think you need to wash me like I washed you.”

“Oh hell yeah,” Dean agrees, reaching for more body wash. “Love your body, Cas. Love touchin’ you.”

“I love it when you touch me,” Castiel replies.

Dean runs his hands up and down Castiel’s chest, running over his nipples much more frequently than is strictly necessary, and causing Castiel’s breath to hitch with each little touch. Dean leans in to kiss him, shoving his tongue into his mouth quickly, and eliciting another groan from Castiel. Dean’s teeth bite down on Castiel’s bottom lip quick and hard, and Castiel responds with a thrust of his hips towards his boyfriend.

“Like it a little rough, huh, angel?”

“Sometimes,” Castiel answers easily.

“Mmm hmm. We can do that sometime,” Dean promises. “I can show you how fuckin’ hot you make me without having to worry about being careful.”

A shiver runs through Castiel’s body and he whines in response. “Sometime,” he agrees, his voice a little rough.

“Gotta get you all cleaned up now, though,” Dean says seriously, and Castiel feels his hands turn him around, and then his big hands on his back, lathering him up. Those hands drop quickly to his ass, and Castiel moans unabashedly when they do. He’s so used to ass play that it automatically increases his arousal just to have Dean’s hands there. “Nicest ass I’ve ever seen,” Dean tells him. “The amount of times I’ve checked out this ass in jeans still didn’t prepare me for how fucking hot you look just standin’ there with my hands on you.”

Castiel’s hand moves over to begin to stroke himself.

“You like it when I play with your ass, don’t you?” Dean asks.

“I like just about anything you could do with my ass, Dean,” Castiel tells him, unashamed of it after all these years.

Dean steps forwards and slips his cock between Castiel’s cheeks the same way Castiel did to him earlier, and Castiel pushes back against him greedily. Dean thrusts forwards, and they fall into a rhythm of thrusting together, Castiel also fucking forwards into his fist.

“Does kinda feel like we’re fucking,” Dean agrees, voice rough, and Castiel can only let out a small sound of pleasure. Dean increases his pace, and because he thrusts a little bit harder, his cock catches on the rim of Castiel's asshole. Castiel moans, and Dean lets out a little squeak behind him and steps away.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to -”

Castiel turns to face him and pulls him in close to soothe him. “It’s okay. I like ass play,” he reminds him, and kisses his mouth, which is hanging open almost comically. “But what I’ve really been thinking about since last night is how much I want to return the favour.” Castiel moves out of the water of his showerhead so the water hits Dean’s cock. “Let’s get that soap off first,” he explains, and runs his hand over his erection to get it all away.

Castiel drops to his knees carefully on the very hard floor, and curses himself for not buying a rubber mat in here yet. He looks up at Dean, sees his chest heaving, and his hands curled into fists. “May I?” He asks, just to cover his bases.

Dean only seems to be able to nod.

Castiel smiles before assessing the cock in front of his face. “You have a beautiful cock, Dean. Nice and thick.” He flattens his tongue and runs it from the base of his cock to the tip, and then back down again. “That's going to stretch me open really nice one of these days,” he says quietly.

“Fuck,” Dean groans.

Castiel can see Dean’s cockhead glistening with precome, though most of it has already been washed away. “Looks like you’re leaking for me already.” Castiel’s cock is very interested in what’s about to happen, and he palms himself roughly, trying to keep himself in check. He darts his tongue out to lick across the head, _finally_ tasting his boyfriend. He makes eye contact with Dean again, and says, “One day soon, I’m going to take you apart with my mouth and give you the best blow job you’ve ever had. But we’ve been teasing each other for a while now, and I’m probably as close to coming already as you are. So this is going to be quick and dirty,” he warns. “As long as that’s okay,” he adds with a smile.

Dean clears his throat and says, “You keep talkin’ to me with that voice of yours and it’s gonna be quicker than either of us want.”

Without any further warning, Castiel grips Dean tight at the base of his cock - not wanting him to come immediately, after all - and takes almost the entire six inches into his mouth in one shot. He bobs back up to the top, sucking hard, and then does it again, remembering to relax his throat this time, and managing to take him all in. He's missed the heavy weight of a big cock on his tongue.

Dean’s cursing up a storm above him, some unintelligible mixture of sounds and syllables that lets Castiel know he’s definitely enjoying himself. Castiel is incredibly turned on by just how vocal he is, and his hand speeds up, twisting on the upstroke, and causing himself to hum his arousal against Dean’s cock.

“Oh fuck,” Dean gasps.

Castiel pulls off and waits for Dean’s eyes to meet his. “I want to taste you, okay? I want you to come in my mouth.”

“Son of a bitch,” Dean groans.

“Okay?” Castiel asks again.

“Really fucking okay,” Dean answers, and Castiel kisses the tip of his cock chastely with a smile on his lips, before he sucks him between his lips. He sucks hard, groaning when he can taste more of Dean’s bitter prerelease, and then pushes his mouth all the way down to the base of Dean’s dick again, working his throat muscles to swallow around him.

Dean lets out a high-pitched whine and his hands finally find purchase in Castiel’s hair. Castiel comes back up to the tip and sucks again, laving his tongue across his sensitive slit, teasing Dean, and wondering how long it will take him to push him back down. He lingers, and licks, and sucks, even presses his tongue to his frenulum and gets a low moan from him, but Dean still doesn’t push him down.

Finally he pulls away and waits for Dean’s eyes to meet his again before reminding him, “I like it a little rough, Dean.” Dean’s eyes are glazed over and Castiel doubts he’s absorbing anything he’s saying. He stops stroking himself long enough to place his hand on top of Dean’s, and pushes him towards his dick. “Pull my hair a little,” he adds, and Dean nods, words seemingly making sense to him now.

When Castiel wraps his lips around Dean this time, Dean’s hands shove him down roughly and hold him there so that Castiel _has_ to swallow around him. He makes a loud sound of pleasure, purposely letting Dean know that’s what he wants, before his hair is tugged upwards and the sound that slips out is completely genuine this time.

Dean’s cock pulses in his mouth and Castiel knows he’s going to come. He reaches down again to start jacking himself again, so close to the edge now he can feel the heat gathering in his stomach.

“Ohhhh _fuck_ ,” Dean moans. “Cas, shit, uh, Cas, I’m gonna come.”

Dean guides Castiel to bob his head once more, and when Castiel swallows around him this time, Dean’s blunt fingernails bite into his skin and he shouts out as the first warm spurt of come hits the back of Castiel’s throat with incredible force. Castiel feels his own orgasm rip through him, thrown over the edge by swallowing Dean’s come and the way his fingernails are digging into his scalp.

Dean has his cock far enough into Castiel’s throat that he chokes on the next spurt of come, and has to pull away a little bit, but still manages to swallow it down. He pulls off further and sucks gently on the tip of Dean’s cock, and hears Dean suck in a breath before he lets him fall from his lips completely. A few more strokes of Castiel’s hand, and he’s milked himself dry.

Dean reaches down to help him get to his feet, and pulls Castiel in for a dirty kiss, thrusting his tongue into Castiel’s mouth hard. This is the closest Dean’s ever gotten to tasting come, and Castiel feels his stomach twist with a new wave of desire thinking about it.

“Holy fuck,” Dean says, lips still against his.

“Mmmhmmm,” Castiel agrees, kissing him once more.

Dean rests his forehead against Castiel’s and they work to catch their breath. “I just tasted my own come in your mouth and I fucking liked it,” Dean admits in a whisper.

Castiel huffs out a small laugh. “You can taste mine next if you want,” Castiel suggests, and Dean lets out a huff of air.

“I’m so much gayer than I thought I was,” he says.

“I’m really happy to hear that,” Castiel jokes, and Dean laughs.

“Your turn, huh?” He says, and looks down at Castiel’s quickly flagging cock.

“That's not necessary. I came when you did,” Castiel explains.

Dean pouts. “I wanted to see. Watching is really, really hot,” he confesses.

“Next time,” Castiel promises, and Dean grins.

“I swear I’m not just sayin’ this, but that was _easily_ the best blow job I’ve ever had,” Dean tells him.

Castiel’s grin comes quickly. “I would’ve been insulted if you had said otherwise.”

“I don’t even know how I’m still standing,” Dean tells him.

“I’m trying not to take offence to that,” Castiel jokes.

“Guess you’ll just hafta try harder next time,” Dean answers, and Castiel gives him a little shove.

“The water’s starting to cool. Let’s get out before we freeze,” Castiel says, kissing him once more.

He turns off the water and reaches for their towels. Castiel wraps Dean up in the one in his hands, and Dean does the same to Castiel. Castiel leans in to kiss him again before he runs the towel through his own hair, scrubbing and drying it the best he can, and then steps on to the mat to dry his feet. They brush their teeth side by side, something Castiel is really beginning to enjoy for some strange reason, and then they walk into his bedroom and they get dressed in silence.

Once Castiel has his hair as orderly as it ever gets, he sits on the edge of the bed and waits for Dean to join him.

“That was fun,” Dean grins.

“Hell of a way to start a Saturday,” Castiel agrees.

“Pancakes, coffee, and shower sex was all we decided on for the day. Now what are we gonna do?”

“You’re not going home?” Castiel asks.

Dean’s eyes widen. “Oh! Uh, do you want me to go home?”

“Not unless you want to. As far as I’m concerned, you can stay until Monday morning for work and I’d be okay with it,” Castiel tells him.

“I wanna stay, too,” Dean smiles. “Tonight, anyway. I may have packed enough clothes for two days.”

“I like the way you think,” Castiel says, returning his smile.

“Wanna see if my mom’s free tonight? We can go there and have her cook for us, and get that invitation out of the way,” Dean suggests.

“I’d like that,” Castiel answers honestly.

“My phone’s in the living room. Let’s go watch tv or whatever while I give her a call.”

Castiel follows him out to his living room, completely happy with the way his Saturday is shaping up.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean is pretty positive he’s never spent a day with somebody as easily as he does with Cas. Saturday flies by quickly, though they don't do much other than watch tv and talk, and soon enough it’s time to take off to his mom’s place for dinner.

“Should we pick up wine or flowers?” Cas asks him on the way down to his car.

“What?” Dean asks.

“For dinner. It would be rude to show up empty-handed.”

“You’re not empty-handed. You have that Tupperware you’re bringin’ back,” Dean jokes, and Cas only rolls his eyes at him. “Seriously, you don’t need to bring anything else.”

“I refuse to go without something,” Cas insists.

“Well if you're gonna be stubborn about it... mom’s not big on wine, so I guess I’d go with flowers, then.”

Cas nods. “There’s a little place just around the corner. That’s where my best friend works, actually.”

“Will he be there?” Dean asks.

“She. And I guess we’ll see when we get there,” Cas responds.

“I’m kinda nervous. I haven’t really met anybody you know yet,” Dean confesses.

“You met my sister,” Cas grins, and Dean can hardly believe he’s making a joke about that, but his laugh comes easily anyway.

“Yeah, and that worked out really fucking well, didn’t it?”

“I can guarantee meeting Charlie won't be as traumatic as officially meeting Anna,” Cas tells him.

“Is Charlie the gay friend?” Dean asks, remembering Cas mentioning something about that before.

“Yep, that’s her! She’s… eccentric. But I think you’ll like her.”

They reach the small shower shop and Cas holds the door open for Dean, which is kinda weird, but sweet all the same. He’s never had anybody treat him like he was anything more than sex.

“Oh hey, it’s the dude that _used to be_ my best friend!” A redhead says from behind the counter.

Guess that answers that question. She’s cute, in a girl next door, adorable kind of way. She’s tiny, and her red hair is short and bright with some curl to it. She’s wearing a Hogwarts t-shirt and a bunch of bracelets up both of her arms.

“Hello, Charlie,” Cas answers, placing his hand on Dean’s lower back and guiding him towards the counter.

Dean doesn’t miss Charlie’s eyes light up like Christmas morning when she sees Cas touch him. She checks him out obviously, and Dean smiles one of his most dazzling smiles at her.

“He’s _pretty_ ,” Charlie coos, flashing a mischievous smile at Cas.

“Yes, he is,” Cas agrees. “This is my boyfriend, Dean.”

Dean feels his stomach flip-flop hearing Cas introduce him so easily as his boyfriend. He likes that a lot.

“Boyfriend?” She goggles. “The radio silence suddenly makes sense! What happened to chicks before dicks, huh, Novak?” She asks, crossing her arms.

Cas frowns while Dean laughs. “I’m fairly positive I’ve never uttered or agreed to those words in my life.” That only makes Dean laugh harder, because Cas would never talk like that. “And don’t make me remind you what happened the last time _you_ started dating somebody.”

Charlie makes a sound that Dean can only describe as a hiss. She even holds up her hand in a cat-like way. _Definitely eccentric_ , he thinks, agreeing with Cas’s earlier description.

“It’s nice to meet ch’ya. Sorry for stealing him away from you, but he’s kinda pretty too, ya know?” Dean says to Charlie.

Charlie's eyes narrow at him. “Where did this one come from, Castiel? I’d remember a face like that if I saw it as a match for you online,” Charlie says, appraising Dean again.

Dean looks at Cas. “You were signed up for online dating?”

Cas flushes slightly but answers, “It isn’t easy to find openly gay men in this city.”

“Plus, I set up his profile and had him set up for his first date before I even told him he was on there,” Charlie grins. Cas seems to glare at her mentioning that. “I’m kinda pushy.”

“That’s an understatement,” Cas murmurs. “Unfortunately we aren’t able to stay and chat tonight. I need some flowers to take to Dean’s mother’s house this evening.”

“Ooooh meeting the parents?” Charlie exclaims excitedly.

“No, we’ve already met,” Cas says.

“My mom’s in love with him,” Dean explains.

Charlie grins again and says, “We’ll see if you end up being as smart as your mom, then, huh?” Dean knows his face is a violent shade of red and he tries to look interested in the flowers all around him instead of looking at either Cas or Charlie.

“Charlie,” Cas groans and she laughs.

“He’s so easy to mess with! All serious all the time," she tells Dean. “What kind of flowers does your mom like?”

“Got me,” Dean answers honestly.

“I was thinking that something for the centre of the dinner table might be nice,” Cas suggests.

“I’m on it like a rat on a Cheeto,” Charlie says, grabbing a basket and filling it with flowers. Dean doesn't miss the confused look Cas gives her, and has to stifle a laugh. How these two would be best friends is beyond him.

Dean turns to face Cas again. “The basket's a good idea. Just how many times have you wooed your boyfriend’s parents?”

“This is only the second time,” Cas answers easily.

Dean frowns, “That guy who moved away?”

Cas nods. “Yes.”

Charlie makes that hissing sound again, and Dean looks over at her.

“We don’t like him,” Charlie explains.

“I’m on board with that,” Dean says, bumping into Cas gently. “I don’t like him on principal. But why didn’t you like him?”

“Let me count the ways,” she says darkly and Cas shakes his head at her.

“You like me, though, right?” Dean says, flashing another grin at her.

She glances at him. “What’s your favourite Harry Potter?”

“Book or movie?” He asks.

“Both.”

“Prisoner of Azkaban for the movie, Order of the Phoenix for the book," he answers quickly.

“Yep, you pass the initial screening test,” she says, smiling wide.

He smiles happily at Cas and Charlie. “What’d the other dude say?”

Charlie looks at Cas with an expectant look on her face. “He hadn’t read them,” Cas answers.

“What he actually said was, ‘I was under the impression those were children’s books,’” she sneers.

Dean makes a face of disgust and looks at Cas for confirmation. He gets it in the form of a shrug. “Dude,” Dean scoffs. “I get being horny or whatever, but _standards_.”

“Yes, well, thankfully my taste in men has improved tenfold since last year,” he says smoothly, making Dean smile shyly.

“Aw, you guys are cute.”

“Please. I am tough and manly. I am not cute,” Dean disagrees, though he's mostly joking. He knows he's adorable.

Charlie laughs outright at this. “You’re gonna have to work on those little cartoon hearts you have floating around your heard when you look at Novak if you want me to believe that.”

Dean blushes again and Cas wraps a protective arm around him while Dean grumbles, “I’m gonna have to start wearin’ sunglasses around you or somethin'.”

“Okay lover boys, with the family discount, you’re lookin’ at $46.50,” Charlie tells them.

Dean makes a choking sound. “Dude, you are _not_ spending fifty dollars on fuckin’ flowers.”

Charlie clears her throat menacingly and then bats her eyelashes at Dean.

Dean backtracks. “I mean, not that they’re not… really nice flowers… but, c'mon! That’s a lot of money for somethin' that's just gonna die anyway.”

"Wow, he's a romantic," Charlie mutters sarcastically.

“I assure you it’s fine,” Cas tells him, pulling some bills from his wallet and passing them to Charlie.

“I’m keeping the change to buy myself coffee since you haven’t brought me one in _three weeks_ ,” she says, pocketing the change.

“That’s more than fair. I promise it won’t be so long before I stop in again,” Cas tells her.

“Get over here,” she says begrudgingly, and Cas walks around the counter to pull her into a hug. He tucks her head under his chin and runs a hand down her hair. Dean can see that she whispers something to him and Cas says something back, but he doesn’t mention it.

“Well, have fun at dinner, and _after_ dinner,” she says with a dramatic wink at the two of them.

“Oh yeah, nothin’ gets me in the mood like dinner with Ma,” Dean quips and Charlie and Cas both laugh. “It was nice meeting you,” he says honestly.

“May the force be with you,” she says dramatically and Dean cracks up.

He holds the door open for Cas since he’s got an arm full of a big ass basket of flowers now. They reach the parking lot and Dean glances wistfully at his car, but doesn’t say anything.

“Need your keys,” he tells Cas.

“Front pocket,” Cas tells him.

“Ooooh,” Dean says in fake excitement, and digs into Cas’s pocket to get them out. He may linger longer than is strictly necessary, but Cas doesn’t complain. He opens the car door for Cas so he can get in, and closes it behind him carefully before climbing in behind the wheel of the plastic car.

He adjusts the rearview mirror a tiny bit, but otherwise he fits pretty well behind the wheel. “It’s more roomy in here than it looks, I’ll give you that,” Dean assesses. When he starts the car, the unmistakable sound of Bruno Mars fills the car. “Uptown Funk? Seriously?”

“It’s a popular song!” Cas defends. “What do you have against Bruno Mars?”

“Dude can sing, just not my kinda music.”

“Well, it is from this decade,” Cas snarks and Dean laughs.

“Yeah well, not that I would, but I’m pretty sure you can’t get a cassette of Bruno Mars,” Dean defends. When he puts the car in reverse he notices the sticker on Cas's windshield says he was due for an oil change a month ago. "Dude, you're dating a mechanic and you haven't gotten your oil changed on time?"

Cas shrugs. "I've been busy. I'm sure it's not terribly important anyway."

"Oh. My. God," Dean deadpans. "We're doin' it tomorrow."

Cas doesn't argue, and it's only a few minutes before Dean pulls Cas’s car in behind his mom’s in her driveway.

“You ready?” He asks Cas.

“I’m ready. I’m not really nervous,” Cas says.

“Good, ‘cause I kinda am,” Dean confesses.

“Really? How come?”

“I’ve never done this before. Brought somebody home,” Dean explains.

“And after three weeks, your mom already convinced you to bring me,” Cas sighs. “I’m sorry if she pushed you into this. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than dinner with your mom.”

“She didn’t push me into it. Well, she did, but I would have suggested it either way. And it’s not just dinner. This is me showing my mom what you mean to me, and she knows that.”

“Dean,” Cas says, giving him that soft look again.

Dean’s stomach flip flops again and he cracks a joke to cover it up. “I am kinda worried about letting the person who knows me better than anybody talk to the guy I want to impress."

Cas smiles. “She’s not going to tell me anything to make me stop liking you, and you are well past the needing to impress me stage, believe me.”

“Alright, let’s do this, then,” Dean says. He goes around to open the door for Cas again, and leads him into his mom’s house.

He throws the door open without knocking like he always does, and kicks off his shoes, waiting for Cas to do the same.

“Mom, I’m ho-ome!” He calls through the house, the same way he’s done it a thousand times in the past.

Dean hears footsteps as Mary makes her way to the front of the house. “Hi honey! I didn’t hear your car pull in,” she comments.

“We were already out so we have Cas’s car,” Dean lies smoothly.

“Hi Castiel,” Mary says, looking around Dean to Cas.

“Mary,” Cas smiles warmly and holds the basket of flowers out to her. “These are for you. Thank you for inviting me into your home.”

Dean wants to kiss Cas when he sees the way his mom’s face lights up. “Oh Castiel! These are absolutely beautiful! You didn’t have to do that,” she admonishes.

“I wanted to. It’s been ages since I had a home cooked meal,” he explains.

“Well aren’t you the sweetest thing. Come follow me into the kitchen, boys, everything is almost ready to be served.”

“It smells fantastic in here,” Cas says.

“Brown noser,” Dean whispers to him, making Cas blush.

“I made roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans,” Mary says, replacing the centrepiece on the table with the basket of flowers the way Cas was hoping she would.

“You had me until you mentioned the beans,” Dean says, reaching the table and motioning to Cas to take a seat with him.

“You’ll eat them or you'll get no dessert,” she says to Dean over her shoulder, making both Dean and Cas grin.

“Can I help with anything?” Cas asks.

“Oh, no, sweetie. You’re our guest tonight. Dean can get the plates down for us though,” Mary says. “We can use the fancy plates,” she winks.

“Ooooh the fancy plates! The flowers must’ve really buttered her up, angel,” Dean says, wincing when the endearment slips out. Mary doesn’t mention it though, and Cas just smiles at him softly.

“You shush,” Mary says, but she’s smiling at him when she turns around from the stove. “Didn’t anybody teach you it isn’t nice to tease people?”

Dean laughs. “Nope. I was taught teasing is love,” he answers, and then he just about drops the plates when he realizes the implications of what he just said. Again, nobody seems to react to the slip, so he just sets the table like it never happened.

Mary places a small basket with steaming rolls on the table, and Dean grabs for one immediately, tossing it from hand to hand since it’s so hot. Mary just gives him a look and then turns to Castiel, “You have no idea how many times I’ve seen him do that exact thing.”

“Dean is many things, but patient isn’t one of them,” Cas says, smiling at Dean's mom.

“You’ve got that right,” Mary answers, giggling a little.

“Hello! Right here,” Dean reminds them.

“Were you under the impression that you’re particularly patient?” Cas asked Dean.

“I can be patient,” Dean insists, biting off half of the roll in a single bite.

Mary makes a knowing sound, “It’s true. It’s rare, but it can happen. Just not when it comes to hot food.”

“I lived with Sam. If I didn’t eat fast, I didn’t get to eat,” Dean defends, mouth still full.

“Oh Dean, that’s a lie! You always put away as much as your brother did, regardless of the fact that he’s bigger than you.”

“ _Taller_ than me, not bigger. And barely,” Dean adds.

Cas attempts to cover up his laughter by clearing his throat, but fails. Dean gives him a significant look and Cas says, “You know I think you’re perfect the way you are.”

“Oh, please,” Dean grimaces.

“Sorry honey, you’re in a room of people who think you’re perfect. You’re going to have to deal,” Mary says. “Castiel, those should be cool enough now that you can take one properly. I apologize for my son’s table manners.”

“I’m used to it,” Cas answers. “Though I’m curious about how they got to be so poor when you’re obviously a very attentive mother.”

“Oh. Well, unfortunately I wasn’t around much for meals. I tried to cook as much as I could and stored meals in the fridge or freezer so Dean just had to heat them up, but I was working a lot - sometimes several jobs at once - and I wasn’t around for as many meals as I wanted to be,” Mary explains, sounding sad.

“It sounds as though you were doing what had to be done to take care of your family. I apologize if you thought I meant you didn’t do a good job raising both Sam and Dean. I don’t know Sam well, of course, but Dean is the kindest, brightest, best man I know. You must be very proud of him,” Cas says, and Dean can hardly believe the words out of his mouth. Kindest and brightest? Cas thinks he's smart?

Mary sets two serving dishes on the table, and smiles warmly at Cas. “I think so, too,” she says, sending a wink Dean’s way. “And I’m incredibly proud of him. I didn’t think you meant any harm in the question, either. I blame Bobby for his table manners,” she explains.

“Bobby was awesome to have around when mom couldn’t be here,” Dean says. “He taught us to shoot at the shop, you know,” Dean tells Cas.

“Shoot? Shoot _guns_?” Cas realizes.

“Yeah! It was awesome, man. I’m still a better shot than Bobby and Sam,” Dean brags.

“The shooting thing was kept as a secret for many years,” Mary explains, setting down two final serving bowls.

"And mom just about tore a strip out of him when Sammy let it slip," Dean says, smiling at the memory.

"He's lucky I didn't do more than that," Mary says. “Is milk okay to drink Castiel or would you prefer water?”

“Milk is fine, thank you,” Cas answers.

“Oh shoot, I forgot to get glasses,” Mary comments, turning to get them.

“I got them, ma,” Dean says, standing and grabbing some from the cupboard.

“Okay boys, dig in. There’s plenty of everything, and whatever you don’t eat is going home with both of you anyway, so fill up - but make sure to leave some room for peach cobbler.”

Dean groans appreciatively. “God I love you,” he says with feeling.

“90% of Dean’s love declarations are because of baked goods,” Mary says to Cas, and Cas’s face goes a little pink, Dean notices. "It’s been awhile since we had company for dinner, Castiel. It’s really very kind of you to humour me and join me, especially on a Saturday night. I know you kids have better things to do than hang out with an old lady,” Mary says.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t come sooner. And I’m truly happy to be here. Having a beautiful woman cook for me was a dream I gave up on many years ago,” Cas jokes.

 _Damn, he’s smooth_ , Dean thinks. “A joke and a complement all in one, huh, Cas? Good thing you didn’t try to sweep me off my feet like that. I woulda been done for,” Dean admits.

“Like you aren’t already,” Mary comments, and Dean and Cas both laugh nervously. “I always said Dean was too charming for his own good, and now it looks like he’s met his match,” Mary says, raising her glass of milk to Castiel.

“Oh yeah, Cas is a real smooth talker. You should tell her about the first time we met,” Dean says, laughing at the memory.

“It could have happened to anybody!” Cas insists, but he launches into the tale, and Dean joins in to add how he tripped over his own feet since Cas obviously wasn’t going to mention it, and Mary laughs in all the right places without laughing at Cas, which they both appreciate.

The conversation flows easily, and laughter comes just as well. Dean can’t stop smiling seeing his mom and his boyfriend getting along so well, and he and Cas devour second helpings of everything. It’s amusing and somewhat disconcerting how many times his mom and Cas gang up on him to tease him, but he can’t be upset about it when he sees them both so happy. What wouldn’t he do to make Cas laugh like that? Dean thought he had heard Cas's laugh, but he had never seen the absolutely _adorable_ way his gums show and his nose crinkles when he laughs when Mary brings out the old photo albums of Dean (and Sam). Dean does a terrible job at acting like he’s not liking the attention, and he’s totally beaming when Cas takes out his cell phone and takes a picture of a photo of Dean dressed as Han Solo for Halloween when he was 6. He can’t remember ever feeling this happy.

 

* * *

 

  
Castiel is falling more in love with every second that passes. Seeing baby pictures of Dean, and then watching him grow up through snapshots of his life isn’t anything he thought he needed to see, but now he can’t stop smiling.

The peach cobbler and ice cream Mary serves is just as delicious as the rest of the meal had been, and he isn’t being insincere when he tells her as much.

“I know it sounds like I’m just pouring it on really thick, but I really can’t express how nice it is to have a meal like this.” He pauses for a moment before he decides to admit what he’s really feeling, “I apologize to both of you if this is too forward, but you’ve truly managed to give me a sense of what I always imagined it might feel like to share a meal with family as an adult. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt like I fit in anywhere so easily, and I’m very thankful. Thank you for inviting me into your home and to your dinner table.”

“Cas,” Dean says softly, covering his hand and squeezing it gently.

“You are always welcome here, Castiel, and I mean that,” Mary tells him. “I enjoy your company, and even if you and Dean end up as just friends somewhere down the road, I hope you’ll still come by from time to time.”

“I will,” he promises.

“Not to go full chick flick moment or anythin’, but the only thing that could've made this night better for me was if Sammy was here, too,” Dean says.

“You know I always enjoy my one-on-one time with both you and your brother, but there won’t be anything like having all my boys together under one roof some day," Mary answers. For a second Castiel thinks she might have meant to include him in that, but he dismisses the thought. That’s silly. She barely knows him, and just because he’s quickly coming to see her as a surrogate mother, that doesn’t mean she feels the same way about him.

Dean breaks the silence with a joke, as Castiel has noticed he does when he’s nervous, “Would’ve smelled way worse with Sam here, though.”

Mary groans. “Dean Michael, that is no way to speak at the dinner table _or_ in front of a guest. And just for that, you can take the garbage out back for me before you leave, please and thank you.”

“Aw, man,” Dean whines, but he drops a kiss on Mary’s head as he walks by to take the bag of overflowing garbage from the garbage can. “I’ll be back in a minute as long as I don’t get attacked by a bear,” Dean says to Castiel, and Castiel smiles.

“A big tough man like you could probably fight it off barehanded anyway,” Castiel teases.

“See why I like him so much?” Dean says to Mary, and Mary nods as Dean walks out of the kitchen and down the hall. Castiel’s eyes follow him automatically, and a smile lingers on his face from what Dean just said.

When he catches himself staring at nothing he turns to find Mary looking at him, eyes soft and a smile on her face. In a way, it reminds him of the way Dean looks at him sometimes. It comforts him and manages to make him feel a little selfconscious at the same time.

“So, how long have you been in love with my son?” Mary asks, completely catching Castiel off guard.

“I- I’m sorry. What?”

“I thought that _maybe_ you loved him when I saw the way you looked at him at The Roadhouse, but I told myself I was just projecting since I love Dean so much myself. But I’m sure now. You’re in love with him.” Castiel can’t find his voice, and he doesn’t know if he would lie to her even if he could. Mary seems to take that as confirmation and says, “Does he know?”

Castiel can only shake his head. He swallows and says, “It’s so fast, and things have been difficult between us this week. I don’t want to frighten him.”

Mary seems unable to hold back a choked laugh. “Oh honey,” she says, surprising Castiel by taking his hand. “You boys are something else, you know that?”

“I think I missed the punchline,” Castiel admits.

“I won’t speak for Dean, but I will say you are the first person Dean has brought home to get to know me, and the only one I’ve ever seen him look at the way he looks at you. Take that how you will,” Mary says kindly. Castiel is still absorbing what she just said when she catches him off guard again. "Can I tell you something and ask that you keep it between us for now?”

“That depends on what you’re going to tell me,” Castiel says carefully. “It’s been a hard week already.”

Mary nods knowingly. “Perhaps you’re right. How about this?” She seems to settle on. “When you think you and Dean both might be ready to hear something that has brought me an incredible amount of comfort when I see things progressing so quickly between the two of you… ask Dean what I used to tell him before bed at night when he was little.”

Castiel squints his eyes in confusion. “Something you used to tell Dean as a boy has to do with me?”

Mary reaches out and pats his face sweetly and says, “Yes, I like to think so.”

Castiel nods. “I will, then. Thank you. And thank you… for not telling him.”

“That’s your gift to give, honey,” she smiles. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dean as happy as he is with you. It brings me a lot of joy to see the two of you together. I hope you won’t mind if I invite you over often?”

“You two talkin’ about me in here?” Dean asks, entering the room again.

“We were, but I’m not sure you want me to embarrass you further by repeating what I’ve told Castiel so far,” Mary says.

“No, I wanna know. Can’t defend myself against what I don’t know,’ Dean says, standing behind Castiel’s chair and resting his hands on his shoulders.

“I was just telling Castiel that I have never seen you as happy as you are with him, and that I hope you’ll both indulge me by coming over a few times a month so I can see you smile like this more often,” Mary says, smiling at Dean’s obvious embarrassment.

Castiel doesn’t have to look up to know that Dean’s likely a fantastic shade of red.

"Jeez, ma. It’s not like I was miserable before he came along,” Dean says, but his hands rub Castiel's shoulders.

“Being comfortable and content is not the same as being happy. This boy makes you happy, and don't you dare insult any of us by denying it,” she tells him.

“Yeah, yeah, Cas is the best, I know,” Dean says and Castiel laughs at his tone of voice. “You ready to get outta here before she offers you my dowry?”

“I was under the impression that Sam was the princess of the family?” Castiel says, and Dean and Mary both laugh.

“Man, now I really wish he was here,” Dean says. “That was freakin’ perfect!”

“Boys,” Mary says, shaking her head and chastising them both. 

Castiel gets to his feet, and accepts the leftovers she passes to him. When they get to the front door and he and Dean both slip into their shoes, she pulls Dean into a hug and kisses his cheek, and then surprises Castiel by doing the same thing to him.

“Don’t be strangers now, okay?” She asks.

“Yes ma’am,” Dean answers.

“Thank you again for a wonderful dinner, Mary,” Castiel says.

“It was my pleasure. Dean, I just need a moment alone with you before you go. I hope you don't mind, Castiel.”

“Not at all,” he says honestly. “I'll be in the car. Take your time.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cas walks out the door and Mary puts her hands on either side of Dean’s face and says, “You look so much better, honey.”

Dean smiles. “I got him back. Of course I look happier.”

“Have you told him how you feel about him yet?”

Dean looks at the floor. “It's too fast,” he answers.

“Hmmm,” Mary says, her eyes dancing. “You’ll know when the time is right, I suppose. In my experience, it slips out if you try to hold it in. Like earlier with the dishes,” she reminds him.

“Thought you missed that,” Dean admits.

“Please. I'm a dog with a bone when it comes to my boys’ happiness. Just think about it, and make it a nice moment for him if you can. I get the feeling he hasn't had a lot of nice in his life so far.”

“Yeah, I get that too,” Dean agrees. “Thanks mom. For everything.”

“I love you honey. Take care of each other,” she tells him.

“Everything okay?” Cas checks once Dean climbs into the car.

“All good, angel. She just wanted to tell me how much better I look since the last time she saw me. Wanted to check in,” he explains.

Though it’s only just after 9:00 when they get home, they both walk to the bedroom and change into pajama pants without discussing it. Dean’s actually starting to like wearing them. They switch the television on and climb into bed. They’re quiet for a little while, just enjoying holding each other, but Dean eventually asks the question that’s been on his mind since his mom mentioned it.

“Was it lame to hang out with my mom on a Saturday night?” Dean asks.

Cas chuckles. “Not any more lame than the way I usually spend my Saturday nights. Reading with Albus on my lap.”

“You don’t really get out much, hm?”

“I’m a homebody. I would usually go out a few times a month with either Anna or Charlie, and Charlie has set me up on a number of blind dates. But honestly, I’m happier just being at home most of the time,” Cas tells him. “I’m sure it’s harder for you to get used to than it is for me.”

“‘Cause I used to go out all the time?” Dean asks, and Cas nods. “That was just for sex,” Dean says. “If I could’ve had it just come to my door without payin' for it I would have,” he laughs.

“There are some things you don't have to tell me, you know,” Cas comments, and Dean kisses his forehead.

“I do like hanging out with Jo and Kevin every now and then, and Sam whenever he’s here. But I’m happy bein’ here with you. Just ask my mom, apparently,” Dean adds.

“I'm happy that I make you happy. You make me happier than I ever remember being, as well. In case I haven't told you.”

“You might’ve mentioned it a time or two, but it's nice to hear anyway,” Dean replies. He pushes himself up to his elbow and flashes a cheesy smile. “Wanna make out?”

“Like I could say no to you,” Castiel replies. Dean smiles and brushes their lips together. He didn't really get to kiss Cas when he was at his mom’s and though it was only a few hours, it felt like days. Days of holding himself back and not being free to touch Cas however and wherever he wanted.

“You said no the last time we were in this bed, in case you've already forgotten,” Dean reminds him.

“Okay, I can't say no to you after coffee,” Cas amends smiling, and Dean leans in to kiss him again.

“I'll take what I can get.”

Their kisses quickly turn into more, and it’s extremely convenient that they’re both already down to just their pajama pants, though those disappear quickly anyway. Dean retraces the marks he’s already sucked into Cas’s skin with his tongue, still revelling in the feel of the hard planes of Cas’s body under his hands and lips. Considering all the times he’s been turned on by a pair of jiggling breasts, he never would have thought he’d find the flat muscle of Cas’s chest just as attractive, but he does.

When Cas’s strong hands flip Dean over so that he’s on his back, Dean feels his cock harden further. With an arm around his waist, Cas pulls him up the bed so that he’s leaning against the headboard, and quickly mouths his way down to his cock and swallows him whole.

“ _Holy fuck_ ,” Dean pants. “I’m never gonna get used to that.”

Cas makes a sound of amusement with his mouth still full of cock, and Dean can hardly believe this is his life now. As he watches Cas work his cock like a fucking porn star, it occurs to him that he hasn’t had a lot of blow jobs in his life, probably because not a lot of girls are willing to go down on a guy they’re only going to sleep with once. Somehow he knows that even if he’d had as much oral sex as regular sex, Cas would still be the best he’s ever had. He can’t imagine anything feeling better than this.

Cas’s mouth trails down further, and Dean freezes a bit. Surely he’s not going to…?

Oh. _Oh_. Cas has sucked one of his testicles into his mouth, and he’s getting it wet with his tongue while he jerks his cock, eliciting a dirty moan from Dean.

“Fuck,” Dean curses again. Cas is absolutely covering him in saliva, and it feels unbelievable. Cas’s mouth moves lower again, and Dean makes a surprised sound of pleasure when he feels Cas’s tongue move over the sensitive skin between his ass and his balls.

Next thing he knows, Cas’s mouth has been replaced with his fingers, and his fingers brush lightly over Dean’s asshole. He clenches automatically and his eyes fly open to meet Cas’s, who is looking at him questioningly.

“We are quickly reaching uncharted territory here,” Dean barely manages to squeak out, extremely nervous and just as turned on.

“You’ve never fingered yourself?” Cas asks, like it’s a normal question people ask all the time.

“No!” Dean exclaims.

“May I?” Cas asks. Dean is breathing hard and his heart is pounding much faster than is strictly normal. “I really think you’ll like it,” Cas adds.

Dean’s thought about this a hundred times. He’s thought about doing it himself, and way back in his high school days, he even thought about asking a few girls to try it. But he always chickened out... and fuck it, he wants this. Dean’s voice is almost a whisper when he says, “We can try.”

Cas reaches over and pulls open the drawer to his nightstand, and rifles through it for a moment before he pulls out a bottle of lube. He kisses Dean gently and promises, “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Dean just nods. He doesn’t trust himself to make words right now. He loses even that train of thought when Cas licks his way from the base of Dean’s cock to the tip.

Apparently his nerves made him soften a little bit, but he’s quickly being brought back to life by Cas’s experienced tongue. When he loses all coherent thought as his cock is fully enveloped by the wet heat of Cas’s mouth, Cas glides a lubricated finger across his hole. He jumps again, but Cas sucks hard on the tip of his cock and he groans despite his nerves. He relaxes once he realizes Cas isn’t pushing into him right now, just circling his hole with his wet finger, and teasing his rim.

Dean’s overwhelmed with how good Cas's finger feels circling him. It's unlike anything he’s ever felt, and thinking that it’s wrong and that he shouldn’t like it just makes it hotter.

Cas’s mouth is replaced by a hand and Cas asks, “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Really good,” Dean gasps.

Cas applies some pressure against his hole, still not entering him, but just pressing a finger against him. “Do you want more?”

Dean doesn’t answer. He’s still somewhat afraid to admit that he wants this, but he really does. Cas presses a little bit harder and Dean can’t hold in his moan. It feels so fucking good. “ _Yes_ , fuck, please,” Dean begs, any lingering pride gone out the window.

When Cas’s finger breaches his hole for the first time, it’s… anticlimactic. Dean was expecting more, but really, it just feels weird. He isn’t in very far, it feels like just the tip of his finger, but it feels odd.

“It gets better,” Cas promises him softly, continuing to stroke him with his hand. “I’m just loosening you up.”

Cas’s finger circles his entrance, dipping in just the tiniest little bit every now and then, stretching him open, and when Cas lowers his mouth to Dean’s cock again, he loses himself in the blow job and forgets to be nervous.

Cas moans around him when his finger slides in easily to the first knuckle. He pulls off long enough to say, “You’re doing so well, baby. Opening up so nicely for me, You feel amazing already.”

“Still just feels weird,” Dean admits.

“I know,” Cas says, meeting his eyes and flicking his tongue across the slit of his cockhead. “That’s why you get this, too.”

“ _That_ feels amazing. Your fucking mouth, Cas, I swear to God,” Dean tells him.

Cas smiles wickedly before he sinks down and takes him all the way into the back of his throat. Dean throws his head back, hitting the headboard, and curses even as pleasure hits him. He gasps when he feels Cas’s middle finger slip the rest of the way inside of him, and even if he still only feels weird and strangely full from a single finger, he knows Cas is loving it by the humming around his cock. Cas bobs his head up and down expertly a few times, getting another groan from Dean, and then his finger slides out and pushes back in slowly.

And that… well, _that_ feels a little different. Good different. When Cas does it again, Dean’s breath hitches a little, and the third time his finger thrusts into him, Dean makes a small sound of pleasure. It feels nice. _Really_ nice. The more he relaxes into the touch, the better it feels.

Cas moans around him again before he pulls away licking his swollen, already glistening lips. Cas’s voice is rough when he says, “You feel unbelieveable. Squeezing so tight and hot around my finger.”

“Feels good,” Dean confesses, and Cas smiles before his eyes drift down to his finger sliding in and out of Dean, and he lets out a soft little whine. Dean can only imagine what it looks like, but the thought alone has a jolt of pleasure running through him.

“I’m close, Cas,” Dean warns him.

“So am I,” Cas answers, and Dean’s surprised considering he hasn’t even been touched. “Thinking about how tight you are and how good you feel…” Cas explains, and Dean feels a shudder run through him. “Tell me if you like this,” Cas says, and he seems to search around for a second or two before he brushes something inside of Dean that makes him yelp.

“Ah! Too much,” Dean says quickly, and Cas tries again, but the pressure is less this time, softer, and Dean feels like an electric current runs straight to his dick. “Ah, holy - _fuck_ ,” Dean pants.

“You are so unbelievably gorgeous,” Cas tells him, planting soft kisses all up and down his thighs.

Cas strokes that spot inside of him again and Dean calls out. “ _Ah_! I’m gonna come, Cas. Fuck.”

Cas slides his finger out of Dean, causing Dean to wince slightly, and then Cas crawls up to straddle his lap. He adds some lube to his hand, and slicks them both up, aligns their cocks together, and starts thrusting against him.

Cas crushes their lips together, and Dean can taste the bitter flavour of what he knows is himself in Cas’s mouth, and just like this morning in the shower, he fucking _loves_ it.

“You are incredible,” Cas tells him. “Beautiful. Sexy. So unbelievably sexy,” Cas tells him against his lips. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

Dean’s hands are on Cas’s hips, and he can’t believe the sensual way he can roll them. He can almost feel his eyes rolling back in his head.

“How the fuck did you learn to move like this?" Dean groans, “Jesus Christ.”

“I want to see you come, baby. Want to feel you hot against me.”

“I’m so fucking close. You're - _ah_! - You're so fuckin’ hot, Cas,” Dean babbles.

Cas rolls his hips one more time, and when Dean’s cockhead brushes against his stomach, he loses it. His hands grip Cas’s hips hard enough to bruise when he comes between them with a silent scream of pleasure. When Dean feels Cas’s hands tighten on his shoulders, he opens his eyes to see Cas with his head thrown back in ecstasy, and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. His cheeks are flushed, his hair is crazy, and his eyes are squeezed shut tightly. He looks like a fucking sex God.

Dean groans again and looks down between them in time to see Cas’s cum shoot like a fucking rocket up his stomach, some even landing on his chest while Cas calls his name. Dean pulls him down to his lips and captures his mouth greedily, swallowing down Cas’s moans and holding him close as they both come down from their orgasms.

Cas’s head winds up pillowed on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean strokes through his hair lazily. It isn’t long before they’re both uncomfortable with the sticky mess between them, and when Cas suggests a quick shower, Dean agrees.

It doesn’t end up being all that quick. Dean can’t keep his hands off of Cas, and while he’s touching now only because he loves him and not to arouse him, they end up in the shower a lot longer than they thought they would trading lazy touches and sloppy kisses.

When they finally crawl into bed together, and Cas is tucked into his arms with Cas’s back to his front the way he always should be, Dean can’t imagine being any happier. Cas kisses Dean’s hand that’s curled up to his chest and that’s it. He has to tell him.

Dean kisses the curve of his neck a few times, working up the courage to say what he wants to say. He nuzzles into the sweet spot behind Cas’s ear and breathes the next words so quietly Cas might not even hear him, “I think… I think I’m falling in love with you, Cas.”

Cas pulls Dean's arm around his body tighter and shifts so that Dean can see the big smile on his face. Cas's voice is as soft as the look in his eyes when he responds, “I’m falling in love with you, too.”

Dean pushes himself up a little bit more so he can kiss Cas. It’s awkward because of the angle but Dean still falls asleep that night thinking it was the best kiss he’s ever had.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I don't get a dozen comments saying, "AWWWW!" I will be massively disappointed ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe read this chapter in private... *fans self*

This is a dream.

It _has_ to be a dream.

Castiel wakes up Sunday morning still wrapped in Dean’s arms, and even though it’s morning and he knows without opening his eyes it’s not time to wake up yet, he wakes nonetheless with a tiny smile on his face.

Dean’s falling in love with him. Dean feels the same way that he does. Dean forgives him for being a jerk the last week, and is falling in love with him despite his insecurities, and the fact that he’s a grumpy asshole in the morning. Dean’s falling in love with him anyway.

Dean’s also squirming behind him, which is likely what woke him up, and he rolls over to face him and buries his face in his chest. He smells like Castiel’s body wash, but underneath there’s still the unique smell of Dean there, and Castiel feels his heart fill even more when he inhales it. Dean’s arms circle him and pull him close and Castiel makes a little sound of happiness.

“Cas, I gotta get up, man,” Dean says, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Stay,” Castiel grunts, squeezing him tighter and nuzzling against his chest.

“Angel, if you squeeze me any tighter you’re gonna be a part of my one and only golden shower,” Dean says quickly.

Castiel scrunches his nose up in disgust and rolls back over without another word. So much for indulging in early morning snuggling with the man he loves.

Castiel hasn’t fallen back asleep yet when Dean comes back a few minutes later and pulls him until he’s right back on Dean’s chest where he was. It’s with another happy little sigh and Dean’s hand rubbing his back that he falls back asleep.

When he wakes up the next time a few hours later, Dean’s already awake, but just laying there holding him. Like he knew Castiel wanted that. He blinks his eyes open and turns his face up to squint at Dean. It's really not fair that he wakes up looking this good. Dean places a quick kiss to his forehead and says, “Let’s go out for breakfast.”

“Coffee,” Castiel says.

“Shower, restaurant, then coffee?” Dean suggests.

Castiel grunts, but rolls out of bed and pads towards the bathroom. Dean’s smart enough to give him a few minutes to relieve himself before he follows him in. They brush their teeth side by side, Dean grinning at him in the mirror with a mouthful of toothpaste, and Castiel refusing to smile back.

Castiel bats Dean’s hands away a few times in the shower, but ultimately allows him to wash his back when Dean pouts at him. Even he can’t deny those pouty lips, first thing in the morning or not. He bats his hands away a third time when he tires to slide them past his waist. He has to fight a smile when Dean makes his hair into a mohawk, and he doesn’t push him away when Dean kisses him after he makes his hair fluffy with the towel and bursts out laughing afterwards. He doesn’t push him away, but he doesn’t kiss back. Not without coffee.

Through a series of questions from Dean and grunts from Castiel, they decide to get Castiel’s oil changed at Dean’s after breakfast, so they each drive themselves to the diner. Castiel starts talking after his first cup of coffee, but doesn’t completely warm up until his second. Dean doesn’t stop grinning at him or trying to touch him all morning, even though Castiel keeps pushing him away until he’s woken up.

Dean’s falling in love with him.

After breakfast, they go to Dean’s. Dean makes Castiel another cup of coffee, and it isn’t until Castiel remembers Dean takes his coffee black but has coffee cream in his fridge that Castiel realizes the cream Dean bought at the grocery store last weekend - last weekend when they were _on a break_ \- was bought for _him_. Bought for him on the completely optimistic chance that Castiel would be back at Dean’s house and want coffee. He falls further in love with him in that moment. They lose a little time making out in Dean’s kitchen after that, to Dean’s complete bewilderment, and then Dean somehow manages to make himself even _more_ adorable when he asks Castiel to wear his sweater to make it smell like him again before he leaves.

Then Dean and Castiel go to Dean’s office to start the process of Castiel setting up Winchester Auto on Simply Accounting. Dean puts in his passwords and then basically tells Castiel to do his thing, and he goes to get started on his car. Castiel only gets distracted by the sight of his boyfriend bending over the hood of his car in those coveralls through the little window a dozen times. The first hour.

They break for lunch, which is grilled cheese sandwiches with potato chips and soda, and Castiel gets back to work on Dean’s bookkeeping while Dean does laundry. Once Simply is all set up, Castiel walks Dean through the program, and helps him make a few journal entries so he can see how to do it himself. Dean’s more excited with the ease of the program than Castiel has ever seen him. They both have to do groceries, so they go together in Castiel’s car, and when they get back to Dean’s place around dinner time, Castiel uses some of the food he bought to make them chicken stir fry. Dean barely even complains about the vegetables.

Dean puts old reruns of Friends on Netflix, and they lose themselves to the show for a few hours. As the dark descends, they somehow they end up in Dean’s bed curled together.

“I wish you could stay,” Dean whispers, pulling Castiel even closer to him.

“Me, too. Today… the whole weekend,” Castiel amends quickly, “has been perfect.”

“Because _you're_ perfect,” Dean says, kissing his neck and making him smile (even if he is a little cheesy).

“If it wasn't for Albus, I would stay. I'd just leave earlier in the morning and go home to get ready for work. But I already wasn't home to feed him dinner and I don't want…”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts him. “I want you to stay, believe me, I do, but I don't want that little fur ball to go hungry anymore than you do. I get it.”

Castiel sighs, resigned to leaving and not at all happy about it. He indulges himself for five more minutes, then asks Dean if he’ll walk him out. Castiel ends up pushed against Dean’s door while he ravishes his mouth, and he climbs behind the wheel of his car with echoes of Dean’s quietly whispered confession of, “I’m gonna miss you tonight,” bouncing around in his head.

This is what he’s been waiting his whole life for.

 

* * *

 

 

**MONDAY MORNING:**

 

 **DEAN:** How did u sleep last night

 **CAS:** Terrible :( I couldn’t fall asleep.

 **DEAN:** Me too. We don’t even sleep in my bed. It makes no sense that it would feel too big but it did

 **CAS:** We’re pretty pathetic :)

 **DEAN:** Believe me I noticed. Don't tell anybody

 **CAS:** Your secret is safe with me :) I have to get ready for work. Have a good day  <3

 **DEAN:** Ya you too

 

Monday afternoon, Dean gets called into the office for a phone call.

 

“Winchester Auto, this is Dean. How can I help you?” Dean answers, the same way he does every time he has to take a phone call.

“Wow, listen to you. Winchester Auto,” Sam says on the other end of the line.

“Sammy! What’s up man? I thought you dropped off the face of the earth,” Dean says.

“Me? You’re the one who hasn’t answered a text message in a week!”

Dean frowns. “What’re you talkin’ about? I was textin’ Cas this morning.”

“Okay, answered _my_ texts in a week, then,” Sam corrects. “Thanks for rubbing it in.”

“The fuck you talkin’ about?”

“I keep texting you and you don’t answer me! Are you seriously so obsessed with your new boyfriend that you can’t take two freakin’ minutes to answer me?” Sam asks. “And Cas is just as bad! He hasn’t answered me either!”

“Dude, there’s somethin’ wrong with your phone. I texted you a few times after you left and every day last week and _you_ never answer me,” Dean tells him. “Plus, Cas told me the other day that he hasn’t heard from you either.”

“Ya know, I’m looking at my phone right now and I haven’t received a single text since I got back to school. I don’t know how I didn’t notice that,” Sam says.

“Yeah, Sam, thought you were the smart one,” Dean says dryly.

“Oh shut up, you know I hate when you say that,” Sam bitches.

“Man, I dunno why, but I miss your bitchin’ when you’re not around.”

“Obviously so much you weren’t concerned when you didn’t hear from me for two weeks,” Sam shoots back.

“It’s been a busy few weeks,” Dean replies. “Plus, mom was tellin’ me about you when I saw her so it didn’t seem that weird. But get your phone checked out.”

Sam laughs on the other end. “Yeah, I’m definitely doin’ that between classes.” There’s a short pause and then Sam says, “So you were texting Cas this morning, huh?”

“Yep,” Dean answers, knowing no details will drive his nosy brother crazy.

“You guys exclusive now?” Sam asks.

“Yep,” Dean answers again.

“First thing I’m doing when I get my phone fixed is texting Cas. He’ll tell me more than you.”

Dean’s holding in his laughter when he says, “Yep.”

“Fuck you, Dean. I’ll talk to you later,” Sam complains, and Dean bursts out laughing.

“Later, bitch!”

 

* * *

 

 **SAM:** Hey, Cas! Sorry it took so long for me to text. I was having problems with my phone and didn’t know! How’s it going?

 **CASTIEL:** Hi, Sam! It’s nice to hear from you :) I was wondering why you hadn’t been in touch. I’m doing well, how about yourself?

 **SAM:** Good! Keeping busy with classes already. Law school is no joke! How are things with you and Dean? Is he being nice to you or do I need to sic mom on him? :D

 **CASTIEL:** He’s being very nice to me :) Things are going extremely well. I care about him a great deal.

 **SAM:** He sounded happy when I talked to him this morning. I think you probably have a lot to do with that… so thank you. I think you might be good for him.

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t know that I can take all the credit, but I will take the compliment :) Thank you.

 **SAM:** Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I wasn’t ignoring you, and you really can (and should!) tell me if Dean starts acting like a dick. I am fluent in Dean Winchester.

 **CASTIEL:** I would like to think I am getting there, as well :) Thank you, Sam. I appreciate you reaching out. Don’t work too hard in class!

 **SAM:** I’ll talk to you later, man.

  


“Hey, Cas, what’s up?” Dean asks, answering the phone Monday night after dinner.

“Just calling to see how your day was,” Castiel answers.

“Uh huh. So you miss me, huh?” Dean teases.

“That depends,” Castiel replies.

“Yeah? On what?”

“On if you miss me back,” Castiel answers quickly.

“Come on, Cas, I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t miss my boyfriend after less than 24 hours apart. How pathetic would _that_ be?” Dean says in a tone that makes Castiel know that he does in fact miss him back.

“As long as I’m not the only pathetic one, I’m okay with that.”

“I admit nothing,” Dean replies, and Castiel laughs. “My day was good. Thought about you every time I used my computer and didn’t want to smash my face into the screen.”

Castiel laughs again. “Such high praise.”

“You know me, I’m a big sweet talker.”

“With compliments like that, it’s no wonder I went out and bought you something on my lunch today,” Castiel says.

“You bought me somethin’?” Dean repeats.

“I did,” Castiel answers.

“But… why?”

“Because I like you?” Castiel answers. “I just thought of something that I wanted to get you, so I went out and bought it.”

“I dunno if anybody’s ever bought me something not for my birthday or Christmas,” Dean tells him. “Now I feel like I gotta go get you something.”

Castiel laughs. “No, it’s not like that. I did it for a reason. You’ll see when I give it to you.”

“When’s that gonna be?”

“Whenever you want,” Castiel replies. “I’m hoping you’ll come over one night this week. You can spend the night if you want to, though I know you’ll have to wake up a little earlier to get to work that way.”

“Well if I sleep as shitty as I did last night I’ll still probably end up getting more sleep at your place. Can I come over tomorrow?”

Castiel’s smile is huge when he answers, “I was hoping you’d say that.”

“How about I pick up some ground beef on the way over and make you my famous burgers for dinner?”

“I’d say that sounds pretty perfect to me,” Castiel answers.

“It’s a date, then.”

“In that case, I had better let you go. I have some laundry to do and my sheets could use a good wash,” Castiel says.

“Might as well wait until tomorrow. I plan to dirty them up again for ya,” Dean tells him.

“Good thing I have more than one set,” Castiel answers, and Dean laughs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, angel,” Dean says, his voice a little softer.

“See you tomorrow, Dean.”

Castiel ends the call, puts a load of laundry in the washing machine, and starts getting the ingredients together to bake his boyfriend a pie for dessert tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

When Cas opens the door Tuesday night, Dean is immediately hit with the scent of apple pie. His eyes light up and his smile is huge when he says, “You made me a pie!?”

Cas’s mouth drops. “I baked it last night. How can you possibly know that?”

Dean walks through the open door and and crushes their lips together in a needy kiss. Dean can feel Cas melt into it and he lets it carry on several minutes longer than is strictly necessary for a hello kiss. When they finally break away, they’re both grinning like fools, and Dean answers the question.

“I have a sixth sense when it comes to pie.”

“Thanks for ruining my surprise,” Cas teases, taking the grocery bag out of Dean’s hands.

Dean shrugs, grinning. “I’m just excited about pie.”

They both turn when they hear the jingle of Albus’s bell and see him trotting across the living room to greet Dean at the door. Dean stays still, knowing that Albus can spook easily, and it’s impossible to tell who’s smiling wider when Albus rubs against his leg.

Dean bends over and scoops him up the way Cas usually does, and Albus closes his eyes when Dean strokes the top of his head. “Can I give him a treat?” Dean asks Cas.

“It seems like your bribes are paying off,” Cas tells him. “Go ahead.”

“You’re a smart little guy, aren’t you? You know sucking up to me will get you treats. I admire that in a cat, you know. Yes, I do,” Dean coos to the fluffy little guy. He sets him on the counter, ignoring Cas’s irritated sigh, and grabs the bag of treats. He places three of them on the counter and Albus eats them one by one as Dean puts the bag back in the cupboard.

Albus sniffs around for more once they’re all gone, and then focuses on Dean again. He hops up onto his back legs, putting his front legs on Dean’s chest, and butts his head against Dean’s chin. When Dean’s eyes meet Cas’s, they’re crinkly around the corners and Dean can’t help but smile at him.

“I believe you’ve won over the competition,” Cas says.

“Almost! The day this little fucker purrs for me I’m going to throw myself a party,” Dean retorts. “I’m so close I can taste it!”

Cas laughs as Albus hops off the counter and scampers away again. “Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?”

“Nope. I’m doin’ all the work. You just have to watch,” Dean tells him.

“That’s a shame, considering the way you fill out those jeans,” Cas says, making Dean raise his eyebrows.

“Are you objectifying your boyfriend, Mr. Novak?”

Cas grins. “I believe I am.”

“I’ve been a terrible influence on you, and I’ve never been more proud,” Dean teases, washing his hands at the sink.

Cas takes a seat at the breakfast nook and says, “In that case, I have a confession to make.”

“I’m listenin’,” Dean encourages him.

“I would have been done with your bookkeeping much faster on the weekend if I wasn’t continually distracted by you bending over my car. I might have developed a bit of a mechanic kink. Those coveralls were really doing it for me,” Cas says, his eyes lit up with laughter.

Dean laughs. “I hate to break it to you, angel, but they’re dirty and smell like oil and gasoline.”

“Which is exactly what you smelled like when you took them off. I had no complaints,” Cas explains. “I actually found it pretty hot. Very manly.”

Cas calling him hot and manly is officially Dean’s new favourite thing. “Well, I get off at four on Saturday if you wanna come meet me before I shower all that manly hotness away,” Dean offers.

“Will you wear the coveralls?” Cas asks, very obviously checking Dean out, and Dean has to actively work on remembering what he was doing.

“You keep lookin’ at me like that and we’re not gonna make it to those freshly washed sheets of yours,” Dean warns him.

Cas has a sheepish little smile on his face that Dean really wants to kiss away. “My apologies. I don’t usually have a sex drive this high,” Cas says. “You seem to bring it out of me.”

Dean snorts. “It’s been almost three days. If you didn’t want me by now I’d be insulted.”

“Then there’s no need for you to be insulted. My mind’s been wandering all day.”

Dean glances at him over his shoulder as he mixes the ground beef into a large bowl. “I’m gonna regret asking this when I pop a boner making burgers, but what were you thinking about?”

“Hmmm,” Cas answers, “I’ve been thinking a lot about how nicely you opened up for me. How I touched you in a way nobody else has, and how arousing it was to see how much you liked it.”

Dean can feel the blush work its way across his cheeks and up the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinkin’ about that, too,” he answers, his voice a little gruff.

“You're not opposed to exploring more of the unchartered territory, then?” Cas asks, with a hint of a joke in his voice.

“No,” Dean answers honestly. He purposely doesn’t look at Cas when he asks, “Do you like, ya know, the same thing?”

“I do. I like it very much,” Cas answers. Dean wonders if he’ll ever be able to talk about what they’re talking about as easily as it seems to be for Cas.

“So if I wanted to try that with you…?”

“I could walk you through it, if you’d like,” Cas offers. “Though I’m fairly confident you would figure it out on your own if you just took the same steps I did with you.”

Dean nods. There’s been a question burning in his mind ever since Saturday night that he needs to ask but is afraid and embarrassed to bring it up. “Can I ask you something potentially embarrassing and then we can pretend it never happened afterwards?”

“Depending on the question, yes,” Cas answers hesitantly.

“I’m not looking at you for a good ten minutes after I say this, by the way,” Dean warns him, and Cas laughs.

“Well, as long as you can be mature about it, that’s really all that’s important,” he teases.

“Shut up,” Dean responds, blushing harder by the second. “Sometimes… doing things like you did on Saturday…”

“Anal play?” Cas asks and Dean nods and clears his throat.

“Yeah, that. Doesn’t it, you know, get… dirty sometimes? Isn’t that really gross?”

“Sometimes. Generally speaking, if we both take good care of our hygiene, it shouldn’t be a problem. As we get to know each other better, it will get easier to know when we should stay away from each other in that way in order to keep things as clean as possible,” Cas answers.

“How? How will it get easier to know?” Dean asks, still not facing him.

Cas clears his throat and Dean knows this is going to be bad. “We will eventually come to know each other’s bathroom habits.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” Dean says, and Cas laughs nervously.

“I know it’s awkward, and I’m actually really impressed you’re attempting to discuss this with me, even if you won’t look at me afterwards,” Cas adds, jokingly. “I do want to be inside of you eventually, in every way possible, and I hope you want that. I know I can make it extremely enjoyable for us both. But no matter how good the sex is, the fact of the matter is… an asshole is still an asshole and its initial purpose is not for sex. But you get used to it. And if not, we don’t have to have penetrative sex.”

“We don’t?” Dean asks, surprised by the last sentence the most.

“Not all gay couples do.”

“But you have a dildo,” Dean blurts.

Cas laughs again. “I do. And I could use it on my own and still be satisfied with our sex life and relationship.”

Dean nods. “Okay. I do wanna try it though, some day. Both ways.” He has to stop to take in some extra air, because it’s suddenly about a zillion degrees in this damn kitchen. “I was just wondering if I was supposed to… do something to make it better for you. Cleaner.”

“Just take extra care in cleaning yourself in the shower, as I will, and we should be good,” Cas explains.

“Okay,” Dean says lamely.

“Do you have any other questions while you’re already more embarrassed than I’ve ever seen you?” Cas asks, and his voice is kind.

“Maybe one more,” Dean hedges.

“Go ahead,” Cas says, and Dean can tell he’s smiling even if he refuses to look at him.

“The stuff we’ve done so far… I’m, ya know, doing okay at it or whatever?”

“Dean,” Cas says, his voice a little soft. Dean can hear him walking across the kitchen towards him before he steps into his space, standing patiently waiting for Dean to look at him. Dean doesn’t. “Dean,” Cas says again, placing a hand on his lower back. Dean flicks his eyes to Cas quickly but drops his eyes back to the mixture of meat, spices, eggs, and crackers he’s currently working with. “If I’ve given you any reason to doubt that this is the most satisfying relationship I have ever been in in my entire life - sexually and otherwise - then I’m sorry.”

Dean can still feel Cas’s eyes boring into the side of his head. “I mean, obviously I know you get off, I just wanted to make sure it was as good for you as it has been for me.”

Cas wraps his arms around Dean from behind and squeezes him a little before he kisses the side of his neck. “Everything we have done together, from our first kiss and dry humping on the couch the first day I met you, to phone sex, and blow jobs has been _incredible_. I have never had such a strong emotional connection _and_ sexual attraction to somebody at the same time, so please believe me when I say you are completely blowing my mind in the best way possible.” Cas kisses his neck again a few times and says, “At the risk of sounding cliched, you are the best _everything_ I’ve ever had.”

Dean is really fucking happy and extremely nervous at the same time. Maybe that’s why the next words come out as awkwardly as they do, “Me, too. I was thinkin’ the other day the only thing better was the night I lost my virginity.”

Cas laughs and backs away, but it sounds a little forced to Dean. “I guess we’ll see if I can top that some day. No pun intended,” Cas says. “What was your first time like?”

“It was with Lisa. Um, in my car,” Dean says reluctantly.

Cas sighs. “What is _with you_ and that car?”

Dean turns around to look at him but he doesn’t look mad, just a little exasperated. “I’m a hot guy with a leather jacket and a sports car. Girls just can’t say no, Cas,” he teases, hoping that’s the right avenue to take in this circumstance. “There was nothin’ special about it or even who it was with. It was as fumbling and awkward as you’d expect, but I still remember sliding home the first time and how good it felt.”

“Yes, my first time was similar,” Cas replies. “But Dean? Just so you know… one of these days, _I’m_ going to fuck _you_ in the backseat of that car.” Cas’s voice is low and sexy, and Dean couldn’t resist turning to look at him even if he wanted to. He sees what must be jealousy on his face, but something else, too, and Dean’s cock twitches in his pants just looking at it. “I’m going to fuck you so good that you’re going to scream _my_ name as you paint the leather with your cum, and you’ll never be able to get behind the wheel again without thinking about me and how _I_ was the best you’ve ever had. In the car or out of it.”

They’re both breathing heavily, and the air between them is crackling with sexual energy. If Dean’s hands weren’t covered in raw meat, he’d throw himself at him right now. It takes several seconds for Dean to be able to concentrate on anything other than the mental picture Cas just drew for him. Finally he says, “We can go right now if you want.”

Cas’s smile spreads slowly, and when Dean sees it, he smiles back and they both start laughing. “I’m sorry. I was feeling a little jealous and possessive,” Cas says, shaking his head at himself.

“Gee Cas, I couldn’t tell,” Dean says sarcastically.

“That was inappropriate and incredibly unattractive on my part,” Cas says seriously.

“I’m gonna have to disagree. Maybe it’s fucked up, but that was _hot_ , and we are totally doing that one day if you can ever stand to get in my car,” Dean reminds him.

“Maybe a little motivation is all I needed,” Cas jokes, and Dean laughs back before he turns back to the burgers.

“I gotta say, that was the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had while making dinner.”

“That will teach you to ask awkward questions,” Cas jokes again, and Dean marvels at the way he’s able to make things feel normal between them so quickly.

Dean finishes cooking, and they eat their dinner. Cas is extremely complimentary over Dean’s burgers, and Dean’s feeling awfully proud of himself. After they’ve digested a bit, Cas brings out the pie. Dean takes one bite, rolls his eyes in ecstasy, and blurts, “Marry me.”

Cas’s eyes light up with laughter and even if his cheeks go a little pink, he replies, “I knew you only wanted me for my cooking.”

“And the sex,” Dean reminds him, thankful Cas didn’t make that any weirder than it needed to be.

“Good thing that’s what’s next on the docket, then,” Cas quips.

True to Cas’s word, they watch a single episode of Suits before he latches onto a sensitive spot on Dean’s neck and has him going from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. “Bedroom,” Dean groans.

“No,” Cas argues, palming Dean’s growing erection through the front of his jeans. “Right here. Want you now.”

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean gasps. He pushes against Cas’s hand needily, forgetting for a minute or two why they need to move. “There’s things we need in your nightstand,” he says suggestively.

Cas pulls away like a spell has been broken. “Bedroom,” Cas says seriously, and Dean laughs as he’s pulled to his feet.

For some reason, this time is different. This time, it isn’t all caresses and gentle kisses. This is pure passion and unrestrained need radiating from Cas, and Dean is on board quickly and absolutely. He’s really into it when Cas pushes him against his bedroom wall, and he’s even more into it when Cas drops to his knees in front of him and buries his nose in Dean’s pubic hair as he takes him into his mouth all the way to the root. Dean doesn’t need permission to grab him by the hair this time; he’s holding on for dear life.

When Cas's hands squeeze his ass and pull his cock into his mouth further a few times in a rhythm, Dean gets the hint and thrusts into his mouth, shallowly at first, but harder and faster when Cas encourages him with the sounds he makes.

He almost loses his head and comes right down Cas’s throat, but he stops - barely - in time. “Wait,” Dean gasps, pulling Cas’s head away roughly. He drags Cas’s mouth back up to his, and moans when the now-familiar taste of himself hits his system. “You’re really fucking good at that,” Dean pants.

“I want you,” Cas tells him, his voice rough from Dean’s cock shoving into his throat.

“At least take my clothes off first,” Dean teases, nibbling on his bottom lip and pushing him back towards the bed. Dean steps out of the pants around his ankles as he goes, and undoes Cas’s jeans and shoves his hand down the front of his pants. Cas’s cock is rock hard and damp with his arousal, and Dean grips him in his hand firmly, causing a moan to rip from Cas’s throat. He strokes him only a few times before he pushes Cas’s jeans and boxers down his hips. Dean’s eyes are trained on Cas’s bobbing erection and he has to fight the urge to sink to his knees to taste him. Cas kicks off his pants even as he pulls Dean’s shirt up over his head. Cas’s shirt is next to go, and then Dean’s got Cas flat on his back on the bed. They both move up so they’re more centred, and Dean lines up their erections as he dives into Cas’s mouth with his tongue and begins to move against him.

Cas’s hands are everywhere. First in his hair, then guiding his head to tilt slightly so he can push his tongue into his mouth further. They move down to his back, roughly pulling him closer with every pass of his palms, and then finally they’ve got a tight grip on his ass cheeks. Cas caresses them at first, and then it’s with a guttural moan that Dean is rolled over and Cas is on top of him.

“On your stomach,” Cas says. There’s no question in the words. It comes out almost like a command, and Dean obeys without even knowing why. An arm pulls around his middle so that he’s braced on his knees, face down on the bed, ass up in the air. He’s never felt more vulnerable.

“Cas?” He chokes out, fear and excitement thrumming through his body.

“It’s okay, Dean. I got you,” Cas says gently as he kisses his way down Dean’s back and to his tailbone, and Dean relaxes slightly. He knows Cas isn’t going to do anything they haven’t talked about. Cas’s hands are on his ass again, and he _loves_ it. Right until he feels Cas pull his asscheeks apart.

“Cas?” He asks again, his voice a little higher pitched this time.

“You are so beautiful,” Cas says, voice reverent.

“Wh-what are you doin’?” Dean asks.

Dean jumps a little when Cas leaves an opened-mouth kiss on one of his ass cheeks, and then the other. “I’m just going to open you up,” Cas coos at him. Dean feels a puff of warm air against his asshole and he puts two and two together just as he feels the first wet lick of Cas’s tongue across his sensitive rim. Dean doesn't know what to do or how to feel.

Cas does it once more, nice and slow, probably letting Dean get used to the sensation. Part of Dean is internally screaming, _Ew, gross, stop!_ But the other part of him is burning with desire and almost literally begging for more.

Cas’s tongue circles his hole, and Dean can’t hold in a groan. The skin there is just so unbelievably sensitive, and his nerves are singing under Cas’s tongue.

“Is this okay?” Cas asks, a little late perhaps… but maybe he knew Dean would say no to the idea until he felt it.

“Yeah,” Dean grunts, embarrassed.

Apparently Cas was holding back, because he really goes to work then. He spreads his asscheeks apart further, and circles his hole again and again, applying a little bit more pressure each time his tongue makes the circle. Dean can literally feel himself softening under Cas’s tongue. That tongue licks across his hole again, causing Dean to arch his back with pleasure.

“Caaas,” he groans.

Cas spears his tongue into Dean, and Dean calls out loudly. The pressure, the heat of his tongue, and the wetness entering him and surrounding him is all overwhelming in the best possible way, and he completely loses himself in the sensations. His eyes are squeezed together tightly, concentrating only on how _fucking good_ this feels. His hands are fisted in the bedsheets, and he’s pushing his ass back against Cas’s face without inhibition just wanting more, more, _more_.

Cas gives it to him, and he realizes he’s been asking for it out loud. A single finger teases at his hole next, pulling on his rim gently but enough to get another loud moan from Dean. As Cas’s tongue joins the finger, making it nice and wet, Dean notices he’s still making a moaning noise in his throat. He can't seem to stop the noises coming from him because he’s drowning in pleasure.

Cas’s finger slides into him easily, sending heat straight to Dean’s groin, and he starts gasping and panting. He’s never felt so much pleasure without any friction on his dick in his entire life. He feels like he’s going to explode without even being touched, the pleasure is _that_ intense.

Cas’s finger thrusts in and out of him, and Dean fucks back on to it instinctively, driving Cas in deeper. Cas grabs one of Dean’s hands and makes him hold his ass cheek in place, and Dean opens his eyes to see Cas slack-jawed and jacking himself off as he watches his finger slide in and out of Dean. It’s easily the single most erotic thing he’s ever seen.

When Cas brushes over Dean’s prostate gently, Dean surprises himself with how loud he shouts out.

“Oh, oh, _fuck_ ,” Cas is chanting behind him, and his voice is absolutely wrecked. Dean can feel his pleasure building but he knows he needs more.

“Cas, please,” Dean begs.

“What do you want?” He rasps. “Anything you want.”

“ _More_ , Cas. Need more, please,” Dean moans.

Dean can hear Cas’s gasp from behind him. “I’m going to come all over your pretty little hole, Dean. You’re so fucking hot. I want to...” Cas’s voice trails off and Dean watches him bite his bottom lip.

Dean whines. He whines loudly and he’s not even ashamed because the look on Cas’s face tells him exactly what Cas was going to say and _fuck_ he wants it, too.

“I’m going to come on you, and then I’m going to flip you over and you’re going to fuck my face until you come down my throat. Okay?”

“ _Please,_ Cas!” Dean begs, fucking himself back onto Cas’s finger again, making him hit his prostate hard.

He can hear the wet sound of Cas fucking his fist, and and he can hear Cas groan as he gets closer and closer, and then Cas starts chanting his name, “Dean, Dean, _Dean_ , fuck, Dean, your pink little hole. _Fuck_ , I’m gonna come all over you, baby. Make you mine. Nnng, _Dean!_ ” Dean feels Cas’s hot come splash all over his ass and the back of his legs and he groans his appreciation as he feels like his body has been set on fire with unprecedented _want_. He wishes he could see himself but even without the visual it feels _amazing_.

Cas’s finger pulls out of his ass and he’s flipped onto his back like promised. Cas spreads Dean’s legs, slides his finger right back in, strokes his prostate gently, and leans over to take Dean into his mouth.

Dean’s hands go straight to Cas’s hair, and he can only keep it together for two thrusts into the wet heat of Cas’s mouth before he feels tears gathering in his eyes and he comes harder than he’s ever come in his life straight into his boyfriend’s mouth. He can’t even describe the noise he makes; some choked out mix of a scream and groan that he hears echo through Cas’s bedroom as his vision whites out.

His hips keep thrusting gently, riding out his orgasm until it’s too much, and then he slips out of Cas’s mouth gently and he has his arms full of Cas in the next second. Cas has completely collapsed on top of him, and if Dean thought he’d be able to breathe without Cas on top of him, he would ask him to move. But he figures he’s probably having a heart attack anyway, so what’s the point.

An undetermined amount of time passes while they both seem to get their breath back slowly.

“You’re heavy as shit,” is what comes out of Dean’s mouth first, and there’s a small huff before Cas rolls away. Dean instantly rolls towards him, chasing the warmth of his body and the feel of his skin against his. Now Cas's arms are around him, and Dean’s head is on Cas’s chest. Cas kisses the top of his head, and Dean smiles.

“Dude,” he breathes. “There aren’t even words. I think you fried my brain.”

“I can relate to the feeling,” Cas says. His voice is still rough, and Dean realizes he now associates that tone of his voice with sex.

“Fuck my first time. That was hands down the best orgasm I've ever had. I thought I was going to come without being touched. I probably could have if you kept going,” Dean says, thinking out loud.

“That's part of what I was thinking about,” Cas says.

“The other part was fucking me,” Dean says easily.

“I'm sorry. I know I almost said it and I knew you were going to know what I meant even after I stopped but I couldn't help it,” Cas says, and he sounds upset with himself.

“I don't mind. I want you to.” When Cas makes a choking sound - choking on his own spit? - Dean laughs. “Not _right now_ ,” he explains. “I’m new at this, but even I know your dick is a lot bigger than a finger. I'm guessing I’m gonna need to work my way up.”

“There's no rush, truly. I find the thought enticing, especially when I’m in the middle of feeling just how tight you are, but that doesn't mean we have to jump into it.”

“I want you to,” Dean says again.

Cas sighs. “We really ruined these sheets.”

Dean laughs. “I told you!”

“We can wipe down with these ones and shower in the morning. I’ll get the spare sheet set from the dryer but I _really_ need to brush my teeth first,” Cas says.

“I wasn't gonna say anything but your breath smells like ass,” Dean quips and Cas gives him a little love tap on his back.

“ _Your_ ass,” Cas reminds him. “And you weren't complaining then.”

“Not complaining now either. Small price to pay for something that feels that frickin’ good,” Dean says honestly. Seriously. Who knew? “Gimme the sheets and I’ll get the bed ready while you brush your teeth.”

They do just that, and soon they're curled up together again in bed.

Cas sighs, “This is so much better than sleeping alone.”

“No competition,” Dean answers honestly. “I missed holding you.” He kisses the back of Cas’s neck like he always does before bed and says, “Goodnight, angel.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”


	17. Chapter 17

When the alarm goes off Wednesday morning, it’s impossible to say whether Cas or Dean wants to get up least. Cas rolls over to face Dean and buries his face in his chest, making Dean’s heart feel like it’s going to burst. What did he ever do in his life to deserve this much happiness? He literally never dreamed he would have something like this, and thinking that he finally has it makes it a million times harder to let Cas go this morning. Dean lays there just holding him and stroking his back until the alarm blares again, and then he says, “C’mon angel, we gotta shower.”

The first thing Cas does is stumble to the kitchen to the coffee maker, and starts the coffee before they brush their teeth and then shower together. This morning, Cas is uncharacteristically touchy in the shower. Though he doesn’t talk, and still only grunts whenever Dean tries to get anything out of him, Cas lets his body language and the soft kisses he plants all over Dean’s body do the talking for him. He and Cas stroke each other to completion with slow and soapy handjobs, and Dean can’t think of a better way to start the morning.

By the time they’re both dressed, Dean in ratty jeans and a too-tight t-shirt which Cas seems unable to tear his eyes away from, and Cas in black dress pants and a bright blue button down shirt with black pinstripes on it that Dean can’t tear _his_ eyes away from, the coffee is ready and Cas gulps it down greedily. Cas eats a yogurt, a banana and a handful of grapes for breakfast, and Dean makes himself some toast and eats some grapes, too, just because they’re in front of him.

Cas makes his first contribution to the morning conversation with actual words when he asks, “Did you sleep better last night?”

Dean is startled by the sound of his voice after the ten minutes of comfortable silence between them, and Cas is smiling at him when Dean looks up with his eyes wide. “Scared the shit outta me,” Dean says first, and then answers, “Yeah. Slept like a rock. You?”

“I always seem to sleep well when you’re here,” Cas says.

“Careful, Cas, you’re gonna make me think I’ve got an open invitation to sleep here whenever I want,” Dean teases.

Cas’s head tilts to the side in confusion. “You do. Was that not already clear?”

Dean searches Cas’s eyes for a hint of a joke but doesn’t see any. “Seriously? I can just come sleep here whenever I want?”

“At the risk of sounding too needy, you could sleep here as often as you’d like and I would be happy with that. I like sleeping with you and waking up with you, even if I don’t particularly show the last part very well,” Cas tells him.

“So I could come back tonight?” Dean asks, still surprised by the turn of events.

Cas’s face falls a little. “Well, actually, I have dinner plans with Anna tonight. But tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that works.” He waits a beat and then adds, “Do you think hanging out with Anna tonight’s gonna make things bad again?”

Cas reaches out to take Dean’s hand and says, “No, I don’t think that at all. You have nothing to worry about.”

Dean wonders if the worry was written all over his face that obviously or if Cas just knows him that well. “Can you just let me know afterwards anyway? I believe you, but I’m still a little nervous about it.”

“Of course,” Cas answers, squeezing his hand a little. “I’ve got to take off now since I stop and get coffee on the way to work. You’re fine to stay and lock up when you go if you aren’t ready to go yet,” Cas offers.

“Nah, I’ll follow you out,” Dean decides.

Once they get to the parking lot, Dean notices the way Cas’s eyes go cold when he takes in the sight of his Baby, but he doesn’t mention it. Instead, Dean cups his face and turns it towards him gently and kisses him the same way. Their arms are around each other and they both seem reluctant to let go.

“Thanks for the best work day morning I’ve had in… forever,” Cas seems to realize as he says it.

“Thanks for lettin’ me kiss you this morning, even before coffee,” Dean replies, grin spreading at the memory. “I like waking up with you.”

Cas leans up to kiss him once more, and Dean hears those three little words run through his head for the hundredth time. _I love you_.

“I’ll talk to you tonight,” Cas promises, and then climbs into his car. Dean gives the top of it a little pat and then gets behind the wheel of his Baby and drives to work.

 

* * *

 

Castiel is in a daze of happiness all day long. He can’t wipe the smile off of his face, even after everybody in his office teases him about it. He’s in love, and he’s happy, and he can’t bring himself to pretend otherwise when he doesn’t need to.

He stays in his work clothes and meets Anna at her favourite restaurant at 6:30. It’s a little fancier than where Castiel would choose to eat, but it makes her happy, so he goes. She’s already there when he arrives, and he sits in the seat across from her with a small smile on his face.

“Part of me didn’t think you would come,” Anna says in lieu of hello.

Castiel raises his eyebrows. “Have I ever stood you up before?”

“No, but things are different between us now, aren’t they?” she follows up with.

“Not to me,” Castiel says honestly. “Are they to you?”

“Jury’s still out on that,” she says, but she smiles warmly for the first time.

“How’ve you been?” Castiel asks, wanting to get away from what they both know Anna is alluding to.

She laughs. “Don’t you try that with me! You know I want to know what’s going on with you and Dean! Has he moved on to the next conquest?”

Castiel tries not to see red. He takes a deep breath and responds, “Maybe we can wait until the main course to talk about this.”

“Oh, fine, make me wait! See if I care!”

 _Clearly you do_ , Castiel thinks to himself.

While they wait for their food to arrive, Anna tells him about work, and Castiel tells her about the same. He mentions running into Charlie, but doesn’t say exactly why. The conversation feels stunted somehow on his end, and Castiel quickly realizes it’s because he’s trying not to mention Dean. Somehow, Dean has integrated into his life quickly but so completely that there isn’t much he can talk about without mentioning him in some way.

It’s Anna who brings him up again. “My dessert is about to arrive and you still haven’t told me what happened with Dean.”

“There isn’t much to tell,” Castiel tries. “We’re back together and things are better than ever.”

Anna leans in a little closer. “Back together? You still maintain you’re in a relationship with Dean Winchester?”

Castiel shakes his head in disbelief. “I maintain it because it’s true. We spend a lot of time together, and we’re very happy.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be unkind. I really don’t. It’s just so strange to think of him as my brother’s boyfriend after seeing him at the bar so many times picking up random women. I never even saw him glance at a man!”

“You must have spent a significant amount of time watching him if you know that,” Castiel comments.

For a moment it looks as though she’s been caught in a lie. “I wanted him,” Anna says then, and there’s a tone of confession about her words. “I’m sure you can understand that,” she teases, and Castiel gives her a small smile. “I wanted him to notice me, but he never did. Then I finally approached him, we had sex, and I thought that would be it. Got him out of my system, right? I never let it bother me because he never noticed _anybody_ so what difference did it make? But then he noticed you, and now he’s _with_ you. And it’s strange to wrap my head around.”

Castiel squints at her. “Are you… jealous?”

“Jealous is the wrong word. Jealous implies that I want what you have, and I don't.” She reaches over to take his hand. “I truly don’t, and I hope you believe that. I may be a little envious from the outside looking in. You’re happy, Castiel, and I’m not. It shows, you know. You’re basically glowing with it,” she smiles at him. “And you got it with Dean Winchester of all people. It’s not even fair,” she says, laughing gently.

“Well, you know what they say,” Castiel says seriously, and Anna raises her eyebrows in question. “All the good ones are either gay or taken.”

“And you made Dean Winchester both,” she laughs.

“Stop calling him by his last name. You’re making him sound like he’s famous or something,” Castiel complains, though it’s kind of humorous.

“Sorry! Everybody calls him by both names around the Roadhouse,” Anna explains. “So you two are good, then? For real?”

“There are a few lingering problems, but I have faith that we’ll work them out,” Castiel says honestly.

“Anything I can help with?”

“Maybe. I’m kind of nervous about having you two in the same room at the same time,” Castiel explains.

“Why would we ever be in the same room?”

“Well... because he’s my boyfriend and I hope he keeps being my boyfriend. Which means eventually we’d like to spend holidays and birthdays together,” Castiel says.

“Are you serious?”

Castiel is lost. “Of course I’m serious.”

“No, you’re _serious_ about Dean? You think this is going somewhere?” Anna asks.

“Yes, I do,” he says confidently.

“Woooow,” Anna marvels. “So Thanksgiving dinner this year is going to be at your place with you and the guy I screwed in the backseat of his car. That’s gonna be fun,” she says sarcastically.

“Awkward for everybody involved, yes. But it’s important to me that I don’t have to choose between you. I want to be able to spend time with the two most important people in my life at the same time,” Castiel says. “Do you think we can ever get there?”

Anna lets out a breath. “I’m sure we can. If Dean is everything you told me he is, I’m sure we’ll both be on our best behaviour to make it as easy as it can be on all of us, but especially on you.”

“It would make me extremely happy to be able to put what happened between you two behind us all for good,” Castiel confesses.

“Then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll just act like I don’t know him at all,” Anna offers.

“Which you really don’t,” Castiel reminds her. “You know almost nothing about him, other than what he looks like and the fact that he used to sleep around.”

Anna nods her head, “That’s true. I don't know anything about his family or his job or anything like that, and I am genuinely interested in getting to know the man who finally put the hearts in my big brother’s eyes,” she teases.

“Everybody keeps saying that about us,” Castiel muses.

“Like who? Have you met his friends?”

Castiel nods. “Yes. Many of them. His family as well.”

“You met his family?” She asks, clearly surprised.

“We had dinner at his mom’s house last weekend. Homemade roast beef and gravy,” he says, rubbing it in a little.

“You jerk!” She laughs.

“It was surreal,” Castiel confesses, knowing that Anna of all people will get it. “His mom kept calling me sweetie and honey and she even held my hand once or twice. She hugged me before I left and asked me to come back to see her with or without Dean. It was the first time in my entire life that I understood just what we missed out on growing up with the parents we had.”

“We didn’t have it that bad, but I agree that our parents were nothing like Dean’s mom sounds,” Anna says.

“It’s no wonder Dean is such a good man with a woman like that raising him,” Castiel comments.

Anna’s smile is still a little skeptical, but Castiel lets it go. She’ll see.

“The next time Dean gets a couple of his friends together, I was thinking of inviting both you and Charlie. We could maybe all get to know each other better without the pressure of a holiday or a special occasion looming over us. What do you think?” Castiel asks.

“You know I love Charlie, and I know this is important to you. So I’m open to giving it a shot. This weekend?”

“No, Dean works Saturday and I have something in mind anyway. Next weekend?”

“I don’t have any plans yet, so just let me know next week and we’ll go from there,” Anna says.

Castiel leaves the restaurant a little while later feeling strangely optimistic about having his sister and his boyfriend in the same room and putting all of this behind them once and for all.

 

Dean’s voice comes out sounding like a sigh of relief when he answers the phone, “Hey, Cas.”

“Were you really that worried?” Castiel asks, concerned.

“I was a little worried,” Dean responds.

“You shouldn’t have been. Knowing what it feels like to lose you is still fresh in my mind. I’ll do everything I can to avoid going through that again,” Castiel promises. “I won’t give up on you so quickly a second time.”

“Feels really good to hear you say that,” Dean admits. “Did you guys talk about me?”

“We talked about you and I, not just you,” Castiel clarifies. “All good things on my end, I promise.”

“And on her end?” Dean grunts.

“She remains skeptical that you’re everything I insist that you are, but she’s willing to put the past behind her and get to know you, and I quote, ‘As the man who put hearts in her big brother’s eyes’,” Castiel tells Dean, hoping that will ease his mind.

“Shit, people just keep sayin’ that about us, don’t they?”

“That’s what I said!” Castiel laughs.

“So you think this is gonna work?”

“You and Anna?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah.”

“Honestly, I think she’s a little jealous that you wanted to get to know me and not her, but I think she’s going to respect us both and do whatever she can to make me happy. And after tonight she knows that’s being with you,” Castiel explains.

“I make you happy?” Dean repeats.

“Exceptionally happy. So happy I could barely stop smiling all day long,” Castiel laughs. “It’s kind of ridiculous, actually.”

Dean laughs along. “If you knew how much shit I’ve been getting from the guys at work…” Dean says. “Apparently I was a grouchy asshole before you came along.”

“I don’t believe that. You wake up far too chipper in the morning to be grouchy any other time.”

“You said chipper but I heard annoying. You know that, right?”

Castiel laughs again. “I was thinking annoying, so that works out well.”

“You know you’re an asshole in the morning,” Dean answers.

“And you’re annoying on purpose because you think it’s funny that I’m an asshole,” Castiel responds.

“And you still think I’m adorable even when I do!” Dean accuses him.

Castiel laughs. “You got me. I hate you, but I still think you’re adorable.”

Dean’s laughter is loud, and it fills Castiel up in a way only Dean can.

“Know what was weird?” Castiel asks.

“What?”

“When I was talking to Anna, at first I was trying not to mention you because I didn’t want it to get all weird between us. But it didn’t take long to realize I didn’t have much to say that didn’t have something to do with you,” Castiel tells him.

“Is that bad?”

“No! Not to me, anyway. I feel like all of this happened so quickly. It’s been a very long time since I had somebody _this_ into my life, you know? I like it. I like being with you and feeling like I’m falling a little bit more in love with you every time.”

“I, uh, like hearin’ you say that,” Dean says quietly, and even without seeing him he knows Dean’s cheeks are pink. “And I like bein’ with you, too. It’s a lot better to do nothing with somebody else than it is to do it alone all the time.”

Castiel smiles. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“Still on for tomorrow?” Dean checks.

“I can’t wait,” Castiel answers honestly.

“Yeah, me, too. See you tomorrow, Cas.”

“Bye, Dean.”

 

* * *

 

Nothing extraordinary happens when Dean goes to Cas’s place on Thursday. Cas cooks them dinner, they watch television, and when they're in bed that night, Cas maneuvers them into the sixty-nine position for the first time. Neither of them lasts very long, but Dean swallows Cas’s cum for the first time and finds he doesn’t mind it nearly as much as he thought he would. He falls asleep wrapped around the man he loves, and he wakes up the same way Friday morning. They shower, they eat, and they kiss each other goodbye in the parking lot before they go to work.

Nothing extraordinary happens on Friday at work. Castiel comes to Dean’s house that night after he swings by his place to feed Albus, and Dean makes sure not to shower the mechanic smell away until he gets there. Cas seems to like that a lot. After their shower and two satisfying orgasms, they order in Chinese food and eat it in front of the television. They make out while they’re supposed to be watching a movie, and Dean has to actively work to not ask Cas to stay with him that night. He feels profoundly lonely climbing into his bed alone Friday night.

Nothing extraordinary happens Saturday at work. It’s the longest Saturday he can ever remember working, and though he’s under car after car all day long, he hates that he’s at work instead of doing nothing with Cas. When he makes next month’s schedule, he doesn’t make himself work on the weekend. He feels bad about it, but he’s the owner and if they aren’t short staffed, he should get to work when he wants, he reasons.

Saturday night, something extraordinary happens.

He doesn’t even see it coming.

Cas makes them tacos for dinner, and Dean gorges himself, much to Castiel’s amusement. It’s starting to get dark out a few hours later when Cas suggests they go for ice cream. It’s an unusually warm day for the beginning of September (plus… ice cream) so Dean says why not.

“Remember how I said I bought you something?” Cas asks once they're seated in his car.

“I can’t believe I forgot about that!” Dean exclaims.

Cas opens the glove box and hands Dean a CD.

 _“_ Led Zeppelin’s Greatest Hits?” Dean asks, confused.

“I know you don’t like my kind of music. And it’s bad enough I’m asking you not to drive your car. Plus, I specifically remember being told a Winchester rule was ‘driver picks the music’. So I thought you could keep this in my car for whenever we drive somewhere together.”

Dean’s smile grows larger and larger the more Cas talks. It’s a small thing, but the gesture is huge and meaningful, and Dean’s actually touched. Maybe for the first time in his life.

“Shit,” he replies. “You’re amazing. You know that?”

Cas blushes and says, “It’s just a cd.”

“Don’t do that,” Dean insists. “You know I love my music and that I miss my Baby, and you did what you could to make it better for me. So even if I’m stuck driving your plastic car, I’ve got the best band in the world to listen to because you were sweet enough to think of me.” He leans over to kiss his boyfriend, his amazingly thoughtful, super sweet, incredible boyfriend, and says, “Thanks, angel.”

Cas directs Dean to a little ice cream place about twenty minutes away telling him that it’s the only place that has Gold Medal Ribbon ice cream in town, and on their way back Cas suggests pulling over.

“I drive by this place all the time when I come for ice cream and think how nice the lake probably looks from here, but I’ve never actually stopped because I’m always alone,” Cas says. “There’s a couple of picnic tables set up just up here as a scenic lookout.”

“Do you want to?” Dean asks.

Cas shrugs. “It’s a nice night.”

“Let’s stop. We don’t have to stay long if you don’t wanna,” Dean offers.

Once they pull over, they climb out and walk over to the picnic tables. They sit on the table top looking over the water, and rest their feet on the seat part.

“Holy shit, look at that,” Dean muses. The sun is setting, and it’s painting the sky all kinds of colours. Cas leans back onto his hands and tilts his head up to the sky. “The stars are starting to come out, too,” he says.

Dean looks up, and sure enough, you can see the lights beginning to twinkle. “I can’t believe there aren’t a bunch of high school kids parked out here. This is like, romantic shit. Should be makeout city,” Dean says.

“It’s nicer than I thought it would be,” Cas agrees.

They sit in a comfortable silence, watching the sun disappear. The stars start shining brighter, and Dean lays flat on his back to watch them above him, and then pulls Cas so that he’s cradled in the crook of his arm. He knows it’ll be numb in about twenty minutes, but like he said, it’s romantic and shit, and totally worth it.

“Speaking of high school,” Cas says out of nowhere, “did you know we met four weeks ago yesterday?”

Nope, Dean definitely didn’t know that. “Huh. Seems weird.”

“What’s that?” Cas asks.

“Four weeks doesn’t sound like that much time, but I feel like I’ve known you a lot longer. In a good way,” Dean adds, in case Cas didn’t hear it the way he meant it.

“I know what you mean. I’ve had milk in my refrigerator longer than I’ve known you, but… this feels really good, doesn’t it?” Cas checks.

Dean turns his head away from the stars to kiss Cas on the temple. “The best feeling in the world,” Dean agrees. “A part of me never thought I’d get to have this.”

“A boyfriend?”

“That, too. But I meant you and me. Bein’ happy together. Getting to know each other. Wanting to spend as much time together as we can. Getting serious, you know?” Dean tries to explain.

“I’m glad I got to be the person who showed you that you could have all of that.”

“It wouldn’t have happened with anybody else,” Dean confesses. "It's just you, Cas."

“I love you,” Cas breathes.

Dean whips his face to the side to look at Cas. Did he hear him right? Did Cas really just say that? Cas turns towards him slowly and green locks on to blue. Even in the dark, those blue eyes shine, and the answer lies within them.

“I love you, too,” Dean breathes back, and the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen flashes in front of him. “I love you, too, Cas,” he repeats.

He rolls his body towards Cas so that he can really look at him, so that he can finally show him just how much he loves him without being worried about showing too much. He cups Cas’s jaw with his hand and rubs his thumb across his bottom lip. “I love you so fucking much,” Dean whispers, and leans over to meet Cas halfway as Cas leans into him.

They’ve kissed hundreds of times by now. Some were quick, some were nervous, some were shy. Some were needy, some were chaste, and some were through laughter.

But this kiss is different.

This kiss is everything.

This kiss is extraordinary.

Dean feels the beauty of kissing somebody he truly loves for the first time in his life at twenty-six years old, and he doesn’t know how he ever survived without it for so long now that he knows what he was missing.

Their lips and tongues slide together in a familiar dance, but there’s nothing about this kiss that isn’t something _more_.

When their lips finally part, they’re both breathing hard, and their foreheads rest against each other’s. When Dean meets Cas’s eyes again, he’s startled to see that they’re wet at the corners.

“Hey,” he says softly.

Cas huffs out a breath and shakes his head at himself briefly while he wipes away the gathering tears. “Sorry,” he says, voice shaky. “Something you didn’t know about me: I’m a bit of a crier when it comes to expressing emotions.”

“These are good tears?” Dean checks.

“Happy tears,” Cas corrects. “I didn’t even mean to say it like that, it just slipped out, and I had no idea how you were going to react.”

Dean kisses him again. “It’s impossible not to love you. I tried, remember?”

Cas lets out a watery laugh. “It’s not too soon? Too fast?”

“I started falling in love with you weeks ago,” Dean admits.

Cas’s smile is bigger when he answers, “So did I.”

“I wanted to say it a thousand times,” Dean whispers. “Every night I fell asleep holding you, and every morning I woke up with you in my arms. It was all I could think about.” Dean presses their lips together once more and says it again because he can. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Cas answers, and they both smile at each other like the idiots they are. “Let’s go home so you can take me to bed,” Cas suggests.

“Have I mentioned that I love you?” Dean jokes, sitting up and pulling Cas with him. He takes one last look out at the lake and says, “This is gonna be a good memory. We should come out here every now and then. Remember how this felt.”

“I don’t think I’ll be forgetting anytime soon,” Cas answers, “but I like the idea of coming out here sometimes.”

Dean stands, and they walk the few steps back to the car holding hands. They let go to get in, but don’t let go again the whole ride home. Zeppelin's blaring, and they’re in love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some "fluffy" smut coming at you next.
> 
> I debated adding it, but I really wanted them exchanging I love yous to be the focus of this chapter. I hope you liked it <3


	18. Chapter 18

Twenty minutes is much too long to resist kissing the man you just confessed your love to. That’s Castiel’s reasoning for pulling Dean towards him and capturing his lips in a searing kiss right outside the door to his apartment building. It takes much longer than it should for Castiel to figure out how to get the key inserted into the lock, but that might have something to do with Dean’s lips on his neck and his dick pressed up against his ass.

They make out in the elevator on the way up to Castiel’s apartment, and again, Castiel struggles with getting his front door open because Dean’s hands are already under his shirt. Trying to squirm away from Dean while also wanting to move closer _and_ trying to unlock his door has them both dissolving into laughter when they finally burst through the door.

The laughter doesn’t completely stop even as their clothes start hitting the floor on the way to Castiel’s bedroom.

They’re both down to their boxers when they step into the bedroom and close the door behind them, completely ignoring the meows coming from Albus. Dean pushes Castiel on to the bed, and covers his body with his own. The familiar weight of Dean’s body on top of him kicks his arousal further into gear, and he thrusts against him needily.

“Fuck yes,” Dean agrees, meeting him thrust for thrust. Castiel feasts on the naked skin of Dean’s throat, neck, and shoulders, following Dean’s cues anytime he leans into it or makes a sound of approval.

“Get these off,” Dean commands, backing away enough to slip Castiel’s boxers off and shucking his own off immediately after.

Dean’s lips trail the dips and lines of Castiel’s chest, kissing declarations of love against his skin the entire time. Castiel hears Dean say over and over how much he loves Castiel’s body, how much he loves _him_. Castiel feels like he’s glowing from the inside out, and has to fight away the happy tears again.

Castiel decides to reach into the nightstand to pull out the Astroglide and passes it to Dean. Dean’s eyes go a little wide with a combination of shock and nerves. “I want you to make love to me,” Castiel confesses. “If you want to.”

Dean exhales in rush. “Are - are you sure?” he asks.

“Very sure. If you're ready?” Castiel checks.

Dean nods, “I want you.” He spreads some lube on his fingers.

“More,” Castiel instructs. “‘No such thing as too much,” he says, smiling to try to ease Dean’s mind.

Dean is breathing hard, and Castiel just wants to help him feel better. “It's okay,” he soothes him. “We don't have to do this.”

“I want to,” Dean insists, “Just worried I'm gonna hurt you.”

“You won't. This isn't my first time. I’m not going to break. I trust you,” Castiel reminds him.

Dean keeps staring at him, and Castiel knows how much more intense this can be face to face. Maybe too much for somebody who’s never done this before. It's easier if he's on his stomach anyway, so he rolls over for Dean, presenting him with his ass.

“Please,” Castiel breathes. “I want you, Dean. I want you inside of me so badly.”

Those must have been the magic words, because Castiel feels a slick finger run between his asscheeks and he lets out a small gasp of surprise. He knows Dean needs encouragement, so he makes sure he lets out every little sound and every word of praise that comes to mind.

“You tell me if I hurt you or if I'm doing something wrong,” Dean insists, and Castiel smiles.

“I’ll tell you,” Castiel promises.

Castiel feels Dean’s finger slide over his hole, and he lets out a small groan. “Yeah,” he encourages him. Dean presses against his rim, and he feels his finger circle his hole the way Castiel always does to Dean. It’s been so long since somebody touched him like this, the sound that slips from his lips is entirely genuine. He lets Dean circle him a few times before he moans, “More, Dean.”

Dean takes his suggestion, and a single digit pushes its way into Castiel.

“Jesus Christ that’s tight,” Dean says from behind him, voice low and broken.

“It feels so good,” Castiel tells him. Dean knows enough to give him a moment to get used to the feeling before he starts shallowly thrusting his finger and out of him.

Castiel hears a groan from Dean and turns his head to see him flushed and panting, eyes glued to the sight of his finger inside of Castiel.

“You like it?” Castiel asks Dean. Dean nods his head, still not taking his eyes away from Castiel’s ass. Castiel grins and pushes his ass towards Dean. “Faster,” he asks.

Castiel turns away again and presses his face to the mattress when Dean starts fucking him with a single digit. “Ugh, yes,” Castiel tells him, “I missed this. Feels so good, Dean.”

A few minutes pass before Castiel asks for more. “A second finger, _please_.”

While Dean pulls out to add a second digit, Castiel faces him again to confirm that Dean is still hard, and isn't disappointed to see his cock still standing at attention.

Castiel lets a low moan out when he feels the stretch of two fingers entering him.

“That okay?” Dean asks him.

“So good,” Castiel answers honestly. He loses himself in the sensation of being filled, of being fucked on Dean’s fingers for the first time, and he calls out when Dean brushes his prostate.

“Aha,” Dean says, and he sounds proud of himself. Castiel would laugh if he wasn’t trying to catch his breath. Dean brushes the same spot again and Castiel calls his name. “Fuck, angel, you're so hot like this. So needy. Taking my fingers so fucking good.”

“Scissors,” Castiel pants. “Open your fingers. I want three.”

“Shit,” Dean gasps, but again, he follows his directions, and Castiel arches his back at the delicious feeling of being stretched open. Dean keeps prodding his prostate, not often enough to make Castiel feel like he's going to lose it, but just enough to make his body jolt every time he finds it.

Castiel can't take it anymore and reaches down to take his cock into his hand and moans loudly when he strokes himself.

“Don't you come,” Dean warns him. “You come on my cock for the first time.”

Castiel moans again. He loves it when Dean takes control.

“More,” Castiel begs. “I can take another finger. Please, Dean.” Castiel feels the drag of a third finger before it’s all the way in and gasps in surprise. “More lube.”

“Shit, sorry,” Dean says, quickly removing his fingers and adding more.

“It’s okay,” Castiel soothes him. “Didn't hurt. Just a little burn.”

“You want me to keep going?” Dean checks.

“ _Yes_.”

Three fingers push their way inside, and this time it's pure pleasure. There's still a slight burn, but it's the good kind of burn, and Castiel moans his pleasure loudly for Dean. He strokes himself again, needing to take a little bit of the edge off. He's surprised when he feels Dean's lips on his back, kissing up and down his spine even as his fingers fuck into him.

“ _Dean,”_ he sighs.

“Love you, Cas.”

Castiel needs to kiss him. To touch him again.

He knocks Dean’s hand away gently, and rolls over onto his back again and pulls Dean down on top of him. Their lips meet for the first time in what feels like ages, and Castiel roams his hands along Dean’s back. The only thing missing is that _full_ feeling inside of him.

He pulls away from Dean and waits for their eyes to meet. “Make love to me, Dean.” Dean releases a shaky breath and Castiel kisses him softly. “I want to share this with you.”

“Been thinkin’ about it for the last half hour,” Dean admits with a small smile, and kisses him again. “This is different. It’s never been like this for me before, Cas. Only you,” he confesses. They kiss desperately, both ready to take it further but not wanting to end the connection.

Castiel fumbles blindly on the bed for the bottle of lube and when he finds it, he pushes Dean so that he can sit up. He squirts some onto his hand and takes Dean’s cock in his hand to spread it all over him. Dean lets out a low groan and braces his head against Castiel’s. Castiel smirks. He loves knowing he can make Dean feel like this.

Castiel leans back on the bed again, and with his grip still on his boyfriend’s cock, Dean has little choice but to follow him back down. Castiel lines him up at his entrance and feels Dean’s cockhead pressed against his hole.

Dean’s breathing raggedly and Castiel places his hands on his hips. “Okay?” He checks.

“I feel like a fuckin’ virgin. I'm afraid I'm gonna go off the second I'm in you,” Dean confesses.

Castiel chuckles and kisses him gently. “I'd still love you,” he promises. “But please don’t.”

Dean smiles softly, and with his forehead resting against Castiel’s, he pushes past the tight ring of muscle and into Castiel for the first time.

They make simultaneous sounds of pleasure and Castiel tightens his fingers on Dean’s hips to hold him still as he gets used to the burn and the feeling of a cock inside of him again.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean gasps and Castiel laughs softly before he kisses him again.

“So romantic,” he teases and Dean lets out a shaky breath.

“Sorry, angel. This feels amazing. Holy shit. I love you so much,” Dean whispers, kissing him again.

Castiel smiles against his lips. “I love you, too, Dean. So much. It feels so good having you inside of me,” he says, crushing their lips together again and loving the way Dean moans into his mouth. “You can move now. Slowly at first,” he advises.

Dean hardly moves at all to begin with, but slowly, he starts up a rhythm of moving in and out of Castiel.

Castiel hitches his legs up, letting Dean in deeper, and he gasps when Dean hits his prostate.

“Like that,” he tells Dean.

“I got that,” Dean says with a strangled voice, making Castiel laugh again.

“You okay?”

“So fucking good, Cas,” he admits, catching his lips again. “I feel… so much,” he gasps into Castiel’s mouth, still managing to hit that spot inside of him again and again as he kisses Castiel sweetly.

Castiel moves his hands up to caress Dean’s back and buttox, kissing him as often as he can. Soon, they're merely breathing each other’s air as their mouths fall open in constant overwhelming pleasure. Dean’s face has that soft look to it again, and Castiel can tell with every kiss and every touch that Dean really does love him back.

“You feel so good, Cas. I'm close,” Dean warns.

“Touch me,” Castiel begs. “I want to come for you.”

“Mmmmf,” Dean says, bracing himself on one arm as he slides his hand between them to wrap his hand around Castiel’s neglected cock.

The very first touch has Castiel calling out, “ _Ah_! Dean!”

“Can I come inside of you?” Dean gasps.

“ _Yes_ ,” Castiel moans. “I want to feel you fill me up with your cum,” Castiel admits.

“Jesus Christ, Cas,” Dean groans, stroking him faster and faster, hips thrusting into him erratically. “I’ve never done that before. I'm gonna cum so hard for you baby.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Castiel moans, feeling his orgasm building now. “I'm getting close, Dean. A little bit harder, please.” He yelps when Dean snaps his hips against him and nails his prostate with thrust after thrust. “Yes!” he calls out.

“Wanna see you, Cas. Come for me, angel,” Dean begs. Castiel can feel his balls tightening, and when Dean twists his wrist on the upstroke and nails his prostate one final time, Dean gets his wish. Castiel comes between them with a shout, and Dean’s hips stutter as Castiel feels the first shot of Dean’s cum deep inside of him.

Dean lets go of Cas and falls onto the mess on his stomach. He buries his face in Castiel’s neck and their hands tangle together with linked fingers as Dean rides out his orgasm in slow thrusts, Castiel’s erection dragging between them and milking out the rest of his own orgasm. Castiel kisses every spot he can reach, and whispers endearments in between his kisses.

“So beautiful,” he tells Dean. “You’re perfect. Everything to me, Dean. You mean everything.”

“Cas,” Dean whines, rolling off of him so that they’re face to face, and slipping out of him in the process. “I don’t even know what to say. That was perfect.” Dean kisses him, both of them melting into it even now. “I didn’t know it could be like that.”

Castiel smiles happily. “It’s never been like this for me either. I’m so in love with you.”

They lay there together with their limbs tangled, trading kisses and sweet nothings between them until they finally clean up with Castiel’s discarded t-shirt.

They brush their teeth, and Castiel takes some time to use the bathroom and clean up a little more with a cloth, and then he crawls into bed and Dean’s arms.

Dean squeezes him tighter than usual, and breathes deeply.

“Everything okay?” Castiel checks.

Dean’s quiet for a moment. “You ever get somethin’ really, really good, and the first thing you think about is how much it would suck to lose it?”

Castiel frowns. “No, I don’t think I really think that way.”

“Must be nice,” Dean says sadly.

“Are you talking about me?” He feels Dean nod behind him. “You’re not going to lose me.”

“I already did once, and it almost broke me, Cas,” Dean says quietly. “And that was before all this. Before I knew you felt the same way as I do. I don’t wanna go through that again.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Castiel promises.

Dean presses a kiss to the bend of Castiel’s shoulder and exhales a shaky breath. “This is scary as shit.”

“We’ve already worked through so much. Can you think of something that would make you not want to be with me anymore?” Castiel asks.

“If you cheated on me,” Dean says quickly.

Castiel pulls Dean’s arm around him more tightly. “Which I would _never_ do.”

“Lied to me about something important,” Dean adds.

“Still won’t happen,” Castiel promises.

“Well… what if how we feel just goes away? What if you stop loving me?”

Castiel wants to laugh at the thought, but he can’t, not really. “That is scary to think about,” he admits. “We’ve only known each other a month. No matter how much I want to ease your mind, I can’t possibly say that how I feel will never change.”

“It’s stupid that I’m even worried about that,” Dean grumbles.

“It’s not,” Castiel disagrees. “I don’t want to lose you, either. All I can promise is that I’ll be open and honest with you if my feelings start to change.”

“Sorry to get all clingy or whatever,” Dean says.

“You’re not clingy,” Castiel argues. “Or if you are, I don’t mind. Can I ask you something?”

“Well we’re having a chick flick moment anyway, so you might as well,” Dean jokes.

“Hypothetically speaking… do you want to get married some day? Not to me,” Castiel adds quickly as his face flushes with colour. “Just in general.”

“Yeah, this isn’t awkward at all,” Dean quips, and Castiel smiles. “I dunno, man. Up until a month ago I didn’t even want to date anybody. Then you came along and kinda shot that all to shit.”

“That’s understandable,” Castiel replies, though he’s disappointed without a real answer.

“I’ve, uh, thought about what it might be like to wake up with you every day instead of every now and then,” Dean admits. “That it might be nice to kiss you every morning before I go to work and to come home to you and Albus at the end of the day.”

Castiel feels the smile spreading across his face, “I’ve thought about that, too.”

Another kiss is pressed to the back of his neck. “Do you wanna get married and all that stuff?” Dean asks.

“Yes,” Castiel answers honestly. “I don’t care if I have a wedding, but I want to pledge myself to somebody forever someday, yes.”

“Kids?”

“I’ve never wanted children. I think once I realized I was gay I just assumed I’d never have them, so I’ve never really thought that much about it.”

“I never thought about it either,” Dean agrees. “Well, actually, I kinda thought the only way I’d ever have one is if a condom didn’t work,” he laughs.

“Not something you have to worry about anymore,” Castiel reminds him.

“No, and lemme tell you, it felt _amazing_ to go barebacked for the first time,” Dean says.

“Worth the testing then?”

“Hell yes! I’m never wearing a condom again!” Dean exclaims.

“Being with a man has its advantages,” Castiel reminds him.

“It was really good, Cas. Really, _really_ good,” Dean emphasizes.

“For me, too,” Castiel replies.

“You ready for bed?”

“Yes, I think so,” Castiel answers. “You?”

“Looking forward to actually sleeping again,” Dean says. “I can’t sleep for shit alone anymore.”

“You don’t have to,” Castiel replies quietly. He turns to face Dean and they kiss quickly before he turns back over and gets comfortable again.

“‘Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight,” Castiel echoes.

“I love you,” Dean whispers.

“I love you, too,” Castiel whispers back, and he’s so happy, it takes him a little while to fall asleep at first because he just can’t stop smiling.

 

* * *

 

The week flies by in a whirl of love and happiness. Dean stays at Cas’s house every other night, and a few of his possessions end up carrying over to Castiel’s house with him. When they do groceries together that weekend, Dean ends up buying body wash, deodorant, and a phone charger to leave at Cas’s so he doesn’t have to bring them back and forth. Cas buys Pop Tarts and frozen waffles when Dean says he likes to eat them for breakfast, even though Cas would never eat them himself. They discuss what they want for dinner that week, and Cas buys enough to make twice as much of everything. Somehow a pair of jeans and a pair of boxers get left behind at Cas’s that weekend, too, and neither of them say anything about it when Cas just adds Dean’s stuff to his dresser drawers.

Dean discovers Cas’s daily routines. He always sets his alarm five minutes earlier than he actually wants to wake up because he needs a few minutes before he can hop out of bed or he feels sick that day. (Which is weird, but whatever.) He almost never wants to have shower sex, and no matter how hard Dean tries, he can't get more than one word answers out of him before his first cup of coffee. He realizes Cas never packs a lunch for work and Cas tells him he buys his lunch every day, as well as coffee on the way there. Cas likes to put pajamas on as soon as he gets home, and then sits down and does nothing but play with Albus for the first half hour when he gets home every day, and Dean finds him like that almost every time he comes over. Dean sits in the kitchen and they talk about their days while Cas cooks for them, and then Dean does clean up duty while Cas reads in the living room. They either watch television after dinner or go for a walk, and they fool around almost every night Dean’s there before they fall asleep.

They're happy.

They make plans with their friends and Anna to meet at the Roadhouse on Saturday night, and they both pretend not to be nervous about it, but Dean thinks he does the worst job.

They walk over together, and before they walk in, Cas stops him. “You know no matter how badly this could possibly go tonight, I'm still not going anywhere, right?”

Dean feels relief wash through him, but tries to play it off. “I feel like you're just tempting fate by sayin’ that.”  

Cas smiles but he isn't letting him off the hook that easily. “I'm serious. You're still coming back home - to my place, I mean - after this. No matter what. Okay?”

Dean smiles at the slip up. Dean’s said the same things a few times this week himself. “Yeah, Cas. I got it.”

“I love you,” Cas reminds him.

Dean glances around quickly to make sure nobody’s near by. “Yah, yah. I love you, too. Let’s go get drunk,” he jokes, and Cas rolls his eyes at him, making Dean smile.

They walk in holding hands, and they see their table set up at the back with Kevin and Jo already sitting there.

“Well, well, well, if it isn't my favourite gay couple,” Jo says as they approach the table.

“I'm not gay!” Dean says for the hundredth time, and everybody laughs. Cas and Dean slide into a couple of seats at the table.

“How many times have you heard him say that?” Jo asks Cas.

“Probably a lot more than you,” Cas responds.

“Have you seen Anna yet?” Dean asks, looking around.

Jo’s jaw drops. “She's coming to this?”

“Yeah. Are you ready to be the buffer when shit gets awkward?” Dean asks.

Jo laughs. “I'm a bartender. Buffering is what I do.” She frowns. “Is that a word?”

“You never got a buffering bar online?” Kevin asks.

“Not all of us watch porn, Kev,” Jo teases.

“Holy shit. I don't know the last time I watched porn,” Dean realizes in horror.

“You're welcome,” Cas deadpans and Jo and Kevin both burst out laughing.

Dean’s still thinking about it. He's jerked off a time or two in the shower, but other than that, Cas has kept his sex drive almost completely satisfied.

“Busty Asian Beauties,” Dean whines.

“I’ll buy you a magazine on the way home if it’ll make you feel better,” Cas jokes.

“You’d buy me porn?” Dean asks, surprised.

“Why not?” Cas asks. “Everybody, except Jo, apparently, likes porn.”

“Ooooh we’re talking about porn already?” A voice asks excitedly from behind them.

“Hello, Charlie,” Cas says, standing to wrap her in a hug. “Yes. Dean was talking about Beautiful Asian Beauties.”

“Busty Asian Beauties,” Charlie and Dean both correct.

Cas puts his head in his hands. “The first thing my boyfriend and my best friend have in common is that they like the same kind of porn,” Cas groans quietly, and Dean and Charlie both crack up.

“I think we need to get him a drink,” Dean says. “Beer, Cas?”

“Several,” he jokes, and Dean kisses him on the cheek because Cas is adorable. “I'll go get you one. You want something, Charlie?”

“I’ll come with,” she offers, so the two of them walk over to the bar together.

“What’re you drinkin’?” Dean asks.

“Something girly. Tequila Sunrise, I think. You want one?” She grins.

“Uh no, I think I’ll stick with beer.”

“Too manly for that, Winchester?” She asks.

Dean frowns. “How do you know my last name?”

Charlie laughs. “What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t run a background check on my best friend’s new boyfriend?”

“A background check? I thought you were a florist?” Dean asks, completely lost now.

Charlie snorts. “Yeah, sure. I sell flowers to support myself.”

Dean is still so fucking lost. “So what? You're like an undercover cop or something?”

Charlie laughs outright. “Don’t tell anybody, but I work for the FBI.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “Holy shit, really?”

She shrugs. “Hack into their systems, and suddenly I had myself a job.”

“Do you have a badge?” Dean asks.

“Uh huh! I don’t have it here though.”

“That’s badass,” he tells her.

“I know, right? You pass my screening by the way. You’re freakishly clean, actually. If it wasn’t for all the gossip about you I would’ve thought you were as big of a loser as Cas is.”

“Hey, Cas is cool,” Dean defends automatically.

“Aaaand you pass test number two,” she says, eyes glittering.

The waitress finally appears behind the bar, “Sorry, Dean. The usual?” Jess asks.

“Yeah, and Frisky Pete’s for Cas, and a Tequila Sunrise for Charlie, please,” he adds.

Jess smiles at Charlie. “Hi, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. One of Castiel’s friends?”

“BFF,” Charlie answers.

“Cool,” Jess says, sliding Dean and Cas’s beers towards them.

Dean feels a tap on his shoulder and spins to see an attractive brunette beside him. He can’t help but notice the low cut top she’s wearing and the strip of midriff it exposes.  

“Hey, Dean,” she says, dragging her eyes up and down him hungrily.

Dean’s done this a thousand times, but he isn’t doing it tonight.

“Hey back,” he responds. “Do we know each other?

“Not yet,” she says, taking a step closer into his space. “If you buy me a drink we can change that, though.”

He can’t help but grin. She’s hot, and apparently, he’s still got it! “I’m flattered, really, but I’m here with somebody,” he tells her, taking a drink from his beer.

She eyes Charlie beside him and shrugs her shoulder. “I can work with that,” she says with a wink.

He damn near chokes on his drink.

Charlie pats his back and steps closer to the woman. “I don’t swing that way,” she says, gesturing to Dean. “But you? You’re gorgeous.”

The girl tosses her long dark hair behind her. “Maybe another time,” she offers. She turns back to Dean and runs a hand down his arm slowly and says, “Come find me if you change your mind.”

“I won’t,” he calls after her, watching the sway of her hips as she goes.

“Damn,” Charlie says, and Dean turns to see her taking in the same view he is.

“You got that right,” Dean replies.

“Castiel’s gonna be spitting nails,” Charlie says. Sure enough, Dean turns and sees Cas’s eyes locked on to the retreating form of the brunette. If looks could kill…

“Well, shit,” Dean mutters.

“Good luck with that,” she laughs, scooping up the drink Jess just placed in front of her.

“Oh come on! You’re gonna leave me hangin’? You saw me turn her down, you should be on my team!”

Charlie laughs. “Just go over there and kiss him. Let him know you want everybody to see that you’re with him, and he should loosen up.”

“I love you,” he mutters as they approach the table.

Dean passes Cas his beer and sits in the seat next to him.

“Here ya go, Cas,” he says.

Cas scowls at the glass. “Not even gone five minutes and somebody else was all over you.”

Dean slides his arm around the back of Cas’s chair and kisses his temple. “Everybody in the bar could hit on me and I’d still only wanna be with you,” he reminds him. He places a hand on Cas’s cheek and turns his head towards him so he can lean in to meet his lips. Cas responds a little bit more eagerly than he expected, but fuck it, it’s a bar, and he can make out with his boyfriend here if he wants to. So he kisses him back the way Cas obviously wants him to, and ignores whatever Jo’s saying in the background. When they pull apart, Dean looks into Cas’s eyes, which are significantly darker than they were a minute ago. He smirks knowingly and asks, “Better?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you planned that on purpose,” a voice says from behind them.

Dean and Cas both turn to see Anna standing there. Cas gets to his feet as Dean’s heart starts beating frantically.

“Hello, Anna. Thanks for coming,” Castiel says.

Dean flicks his eyes up to her and manages a, “Hey.”

“Would you like to go get a drink?” Cas asks.

“Oh I think so,” Anna says, and Cas and Anna laugh.

Cas places his hand on Dean’s shoulder and says, “We’ll be right back.”

Dean watches them go and then exchanges a significant look with Jo. “Warning would’ve been nice.”

Jo huffs indignantly. “I was trying to get your attention but you were too busy with your tongue down your boyfriend’s throat!”

“I know I’m missing something,” Charlie says from beside Dean.

“Dean boned Castiel’s sister,” Jo whispers and Dean drops his head before he remembers he has beer. Perking up, he chugs some down.

“Oh. Em. Gee! That’s so deliciously awkward!” Charlie exclaims. “Castiel knows, right?”

“‘Course he knows,” Dean grumbles.

“They almost broke up about it,” Jo tells Charlie.

“What the hell, Jo? Don’t you gossip enough behind the bar?”

“Everybody else knows!” Jo defends.

“I didn’t,” Kevin offers.

“Well ya do now,” Dean says, and everybody laughs.

“What’s she doing here if it’s all incestual between you?” Charlie asks.

“Ew, stop it. It’s not like that. She’s here because Cas was worried he’d never be able to have us in the same room without freaking out. So me and Anna are tryin’ to show him we can handle it.”

“Can you?” Charlie asks. “Doesn’t really look like it.”

Dean looks at Jo again.

“He’s scared Cas is gonna break up with him if it doesn’t work,” Jo explains, and Dean just drinks more beer.

“Aw, you big softie!” Charlie coos at him, singing an arm around his shoulders. “I love Anna, but I’m totally on Team Destiel.”

“Team what?” Dean asks.

“Destiel. It’s your couple name,” she explains.

Jo cracks up. “Like Brangelina!”

“Exactly!”

“Destiel,” Dean repeats, shaking his head. “I’m not gay enough for this shit.”

“Oh, I think you are,” Charlie argues.

Dean turns to check out Cas and Anna at the bar and Cas catches his eye from across the room. Dean holds up his beer bottle and Cas nods his head. He’ll bring him another one. Thank God.

“Is Ash not coming? What about Garth?” Dean asks Jo.

“Nope, neither of them could make it. Just us tonight,” Kevin answers for her.

“Should I move back there with you guys?” Dean asks.

“No, leave that seat for Anna. Then you can still be close enough to reassure Cas you’re here and she can sit across from him but beside Jo,” Charlie says.

“Not sure that’s the greatest idea,” Dean says.

“Got a problem, Winchester?” Jo challenges him.

“Are you gonna be nice?”

Jo shrugs. “We’ll see. I still haven’t forgotten what she said about you.”

“What’d she say?” Charlie asks eagerly.

“Can we not? Jesus Christ,” Dean breathes. “This was supposed to be easier with you guys, not worse!”

“Okay, okay,” Jo says, holding up her hands. “I’ll be nice. As long as she is.” She lowers her voice and says, “Here they come.”

A minute later, Cas sits back down beside Dean, passing him his second beer, and placed his arm around Dean’s seat. Anna slides in across from Cas like Charlie said she would, and Cas says, “Everybody, this is my sister, Anna. Anna, this is Jo and Kevin, and you already know Charlie and Dean.”

Anna’s looking at Jo curiously. “You look familiar.”

Jo smiles, “Probably because I’m the one that makes your cosmos every month.”

Recognition dawns on Anna’s eyes. “Of course! You work here, right?”

“You bet. My mom owns this place,” she answers.

“Obviously it’s one of my favourites,” Anna replies.

“Yeah, I’ve seen you get around.” Dean kicks her under the table. “Around, I mean. I’ve seen you around.”

“Right,” Anna says somewhat awkwardly. “How do you and Castiel know each other?”

“I basically grew up with Dean,” Jo says. “When they had their first date here, Dean introduced me. We’ve seen each other a few times since then, since the two of them are basically attached at the hip.”

“Are they?” Anna asks, looking at Dean for the first time.

“I told you we’ve been spending a lot of time together,” Cas answers for him.

“So what’s it like to be in a relationship for the first time in a long time?” Anna asks, again, looking at Dean.

“Better than I thought it would be,” Dean answers easily, placing a hand on Cas’s leg under the table.

“You look happy,” Anna comments.

Seems a little weird for her to say that, since as far as he knows they’ve only ever seen each other twice, but whatever. “That’s ‘cause I am,” he says.

“The last time Castiel and I had dinner I realized I don’t know anything about you,” Anna offers. “Where do you work?”

“I own my own garage,” Dean answers.

“You’re a mechanic?” Anna questions.

“The best mechanic in town,” Jo answers.

Anna laughs gently. “Not that you’d be impartial,” she teases.

“Ask around. Anybody local will tell you to go see Dean,” Jo defends.

“His online reviews are pretty bangin’,” Charlie offers. “Though about half of them talk about how dreamy he is in his coveralls.”

“See, I told you!” Cas exclaims.

“Shut up, it does not say that on the internet,” Dean argues.

Charlie laughs gleefully. “It really does.”

“What the hell!” Dean says loudly. “Can you get rid of those for me?”

“Why would you want to do that? It’s good for business!” Charlie tells him.

“It’s embarrassing! I don’t want people comin’ to my shop ogling me,” Dean protests.

“Why not? I never got the impression like you minded any attention you were given,” Anna says.

Dean’s still confused why she keeps talking about him like she knows him.

“Dean’s not above using his pretty face to his advantage, but he’s more than that. If people want to come his shop, it should be because he’s good at what he does, not because of what he looks like. He’s an excellent mechanic. He doesn’t need to use his looks to get business,” Cas answers.

“I think he’s ugly as fuck and I still let him fix my car,” Jo quips.

“Oh fuck off, you know you daydream about me coming in here in just my coveralls and nothing underneath, Joanna Beth,” Dean teases her.

Jo snorts, “Just because I wanna see you get your teeny weeny stuck in the zipper.”

There’s laughter all around the table, including Dean. He’ll give it to her, that was funny.

“We can probably poll the bar and get a definitive answer about that for ya, ya know,” Dean reminds her.

“We could poll the table,” Charlie says under her breath and Dean shoots her a look, which makes her crack up. She raises her voice and says, “No more talk of male body parts, please! Everything male below the belt gives me nightmares, and I still wanna try my luck with that babe who hit on Dean earlier.”

“Don’t remind me,” Cas says darkly.

“You just want an excuse to make out again,” Jo says to him.

Cas smiles. “That was rather enjoyable.”

Dean leans over to press a chaste kiss on his lips.

Jo turns to Anna. “They’re always like that. They’re pretty disgusting together.”

“I just can’t believe somebody finally ticked off everything on Castiel’s list,” Anna says. “I’ve been trying to set him up for ages!”

“You and me both!” Charlie exclaims.

“Looks like he didn’t need your help after all. He just needed me to walk into his life and ask him out,” Dean says, happy with himself.

“You asked him out?” Anna asks.

“Yep,” Dean answers easily. “All it took was seein’ him trip over his own feet and I was sold.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “Are you ever going to get tired of telling that story?”

“I haven’t heard it! Tell me!” Charlie exclaims. “I _love_ Clumsy Castiel stories!”

“I haven’t heard it either,” Anna adds. “I’d love to hear how this happened.”

So Dean tells them. He really doesn’t get tired of telling the story. It helps that he always gets a loud chorus of laughter every time he tells it. _What can I do with you?_ will always be classic.

“That’s a cute story, but I still don’t really get it. You’re around people every day, and pick up girls every weekend, and you didn’t want to date any of them. Then you see my brother and all of the sudden ask him out?” Anna asks.

Dean shrugs. “I dunno. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to see if I could keep makin’ his cheeks turn all pink, and if he’d keep mixin’ up his words.”

“So you took him the Roadhouse?” Anna smirks.

“What, good enough for you but not good enough for your brother?” Jo asks.

“I’d never come on a date here!” Anna argues. “Not that it isn’t a nice place,” she tries to backtrack. “But it’s not exactly appropriate for a first date.”

“It was the best date I’ve ever been on,” Cas says, looking at Dean with those hearts in his eyes.

“Had nothin’ to do with where we were though,” Dean smiles back at him. He knows Cas knows he means it’s because it was with him.

“Told ya they’re disgusting,” Jo stage whispers to Anna.

“I am beginning to see that,” Anna stage whispers back.

“Shut up, I’m happy,” Dean responds.

“We know,” Kevin and Jo say in unison, and Dean just grins.

“Do you say that a lot?” Anna asks him.

Dean shrugs. “Apparently,” he laughs.

“Well, I’m happy for you, Castiel,” Anna says. “I never thought that I’d say this, but you two are cute together.”

Dean smirks. “Look at this face,” he says taking Cas’s chin between his forefinger and thumb, “how could we not be cute when half of us looks like this?”

“I think he’s drunk,” Cas says, his face still being held by Dean, and Dean laughs before he kisses him

“Drunk on love,” Dean says, knowing that Cas will think he’s funny. He’s rewarded with his laugh.

“Holy shit you told him!” Jo shouts, banging the table. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“We’ve been busy,” Dean quips, grinning and earning an elbow from Cas.

“Hello! Stop leaving out pieces of the conversation!” Charlie complains.

“Dean told Castiel he looooooves him,” Jo says teasingly.

Charlie slaps Dean on the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“Ow!” Dean complains. “Why didn’t you hit Cas? He’s your BFF or whatever the fuck you said before, not me!”

Charlie's face falls. “We’re not BFFs?”

Dean looks at Cas for help and Cas just laughs. “It means best friends forever. And you’re right Charlie, I should’ve told you.”

“I call best man!” Charlie answers and Dean’s eyes go wide.

“Oh my God, look at Dean’s face!” Jo laughs.

Even Cas laughs beside him, and Dean turns to glare at him. “Traitor.”

Cas kisses him gently. “You’re adorable. And since everybody knows already, I love you,” Cas says quietly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Dean says, but he kisses him back and he knows Cas doesn’t mind.

“Well, it was nice meeting everybody, but I have other plans after this I need to get to,” Anna says, drawing attention back to her.

“You do?” Cas asks.

“It’s Saturday night,” Anna responds.

“She’s gotta try and find a new town bicycle to ride since she’s not allowed to stare at Dean anymore,” Jo quips, and Dean kicks her again.

Anna turns to her. “Excuse me?”

Jo laughs like she was making a joke. “What? Everybody knows you came here every weekend for months trying to get Dean to notice you, right? You were _super_ obvious about it. But don’t worry, you’re one of many, and we’re all family here. We don’t judge.”

“I don’t even like dudes and I just about accepted a threesome with him at the bar earlier,” Charlie adds, and Dean wants to hide under the table.

“Okay then!” Anna says awkwardly. “I’ll talk to you later, Castiel. Thank you for inviting me. It was nice meeting the rest of you. And Dean, I’m sure I’ll see you again soon,” she says, getting to her feet and walking out of the bar.

“You catty bitch,” Dean says to Jo, but he raises his glass to her and her and Kevin both burst out laughing.

“What was with the bicycle comment?” Charlie asks.

“Anna called Dean the town bicycle, after she was _desperate_ to take him for a ride,” Jo answers.

“Can we not?” Dean says.

“I told you I thought she might have been jealous that you chose me instead of her. I think that can be confirmed now if what Jo says is true,” Cas says to Dean.

“It was true. And Castiel, I’m sorry for, ya know, not being overly polite to your sister,” Jo says.

“No you’re not,” Cas says with a small laugh. “And don’t worry about it. I wasn’t any happier about what she said about Dean than you were. I think she had a taste of her own medicine though, courtesy of Jo.”

“I do that,” Jo grins.

“I’ll make sure to remember that,” Cas says seriously.

“Okay, seriously,” Dean says to the table at large. “Her being here wasn’t that weird, right?”

“Other than her walking in to see you two sucking face, I think it felt pretty normal,” Charlie says.

“I didn’t feel weird,” Kevin adds.

“Listen, I’m gonna be honest. I never liked her, and I still don’t. But I don’t think it felt weird,” Jo says.

“Cas?” Dean asks.

“I was okay with it. I think it might be different if it was just the three of us, but that doesn’t have to happen anytime soon. I feel okay,” he says again, this time to Dean in particular.

“Yeah?” Dean checks again.

“Promise,” Cas replies.

Dean drops his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Thank God,” he mutters.

“I told you we’d be fine either way,” Cas reminds him.

“I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to choose,” Dean explains.

“I love you,” Cas says quietly.

“Okay, we need some more drinks over here if I’m gonna have to listen to more of this,” Jo says, but she has a smile on her face, and Dean knows she’s joking.

Dean feels a load of stress he didn’t even know he was carrying fall of his shoulders, and the rest of the night passes in a blur of too much beer, fantastic friends, and lots of kissing his boyfriend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also: HOLY SHIT. We broke 100k with this chapter! THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME
> 
> I'd love to connect with you guys! Find me on Twitter! My handle is tricia_16_ and I often talk about what I'm writing there!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE see the end of the chapter for a brief spoiler of what's coming this chapter. It isn't pretty.

Dean and Castiel have been together for two months when Castiel comes down with a terrible stomach flu that lasts four days on and off. Dean stays over all of those four days to be there for him, and he ends up with Castiel’s spare key to let himself in and out of the apartment so Castiel doesn’t have to keep getting up to let him in. Neither of them mention the fact that Dean only ever stays at home once or twice a week after that, and that more and more of his belongings end up at Castiel’s place. Dean doesn’t give back the key, either.

Halloween is spent handing out candy at Castiel’s apartment and watching Hocus Pocus, Castiel’s favourite Halloween movie. Thanksgiving is spent there as well, and includes Mary, Sam, Charlie, and Anna. Castiel's thrilled to have a reason to buy and actually use a dining room table, and Dean thinks he’s a weirdo, but helps him pick one out, anyway.

The day after Thanksgiving, Castiel agrees to get in Dean’s Baby for a short drive, and every time he starts feeling nervous about it, Dean tells him how much he loves him, and how happy he makes him, and that being back in his car with the man he loves beside him is the best feeling the world, and Castiel can’t even imagine taking that away from him. So he endures it, and after a few weeks, he forgets that he’s supposed to feel weird about it.

In the bedroom, things are as mind blowing as they’ve always been. Dean still hasn’t bottomed, and as much as Castiel can tell he wants to, Dean never mentions it. Castiel has brought it up a few times, asking if Dean had any questions, and Dean just says he wants to try it someday, but never gives any indication that someday is coming anytime soon. Castiel stops bringing it up, not wanting to make Dean feel like he’s being pressured into anything. They’re both extremely satisfied sexually (and otherwise) so if he never gets to have that with Dean, then he’s more than okay with it. Things are good.

Everything’s perfect.

Christmas Eve is spent at Mary’s house. Castiel has never had a Christmas season like this in his entire life. Last year, the only Christmas gifts he bought were for Anna, Charlie, and Albus. This year he has to buy for them plus Dean, of course, as well as Mary, Sam, and Jo, who he’s become very close with. Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and Anna are all invited for Christmas Eve, and they make homemade pizzas and play board games.

Castiel is surprised when Mary hands Dean a guitar, and he starts playing Christmas carols and singing along with his brother. It shouldn’t surprise Castiel that Dean has never mentioned that he can play the guitar (and sing!) because Castiel knows how uncomfortable he is with any kind of praise, but at the same time, he can’t believe that it never came up. Apparently, it’s a Winchester tradition for Dean and Sam to add as many dirty and inappropriate words as they can into each Christmas song, and they soon have Castiel and Jo dissolved into tears. That may have something to do with the spiked eggnog they’ve been drinking all night, but hey, they’re among friends. Anna heads to Castiel’s house to stay the night with Albus, and will join them again for Christmas dinner.

Dean and Castiel wake up Christmas morning tangled together in Dean’s childhood room on a bed far too small for two grown men, but neither of them complained or minded in the least.

Dean hops out of bed and races downstairs, and comes back a short time later with a mug full of coffee for Castiel.

“Come on, Cas! It’s Christmas!” Dean exclaims. “There’s presents waiting for us! Drink your coffee so you can be excited with me!”

Castiel’s amused by Dean acting like a child, and he drinks his coffee quickly so that he can be  a part of the morning properly. Dean grabs his cup to refill it for them as they walk downstairs to join the rest of the family. Castiel is greeted with warm hugs and greetings of Merry Christmas from both Sam and Mary, and returns them happily before he takes a spot on the floor beside the Christmas tree.

Dean comes back with his second cup of coffee and one for himself, and takes a seat beside him.

“Did you boys sleep okay in that tiny bed?” Mary asks.

“Sure did,” Dean answers easily.

“They probably snuggle all night anyway,” Sam says to Mary, and Castiel hides his smile in his mug.

“Why don’t you boys start with your stockings?” Mary asks.

Dean reaches over to grab his and Castiel is distracted by the sight of it. It’s a brown teddy bear with red pants and red suspenders. Dean’s name is embroidered on the front of the bear’s pants, and Castiel laughs when he sees candy and other things stuffed into the bear’s pants. He’s never seen a stocking like this before. He can tell it’s old, and realizes Sam and Dean have probably had these since they were children.

Which is why his mouth drops when Dean passes a matching one to him with his name embroidered in the front.

“This is part of your Christmas present,” Dean tells him. “Charlie helped me find one online, and mom embroidered your name on it like mine and Sammy’s. Wanted you to feel like you were part of the family,” Dean explains.

Castiel looks up at Mary to see her eyes watering, and Castiel’s quickly fill as well.

“Told ya he was gonna do that,” Dean says to Mary, and she laughs while she wipes her tears away.

“I consider you one of my boys now, Castiel, and we all wanted to make sure you knew that,” Mary explains.

“You’re family,” Sam adds.

“Thank you,” Castiel says with as much feeling as he can muster. He takes a breath to calm himself and then says, “I’m afraid the gifts I bought all of you are already not going to live up to this stocking.”

They all laugh and Castiel feels Dean’s hand rub his lower back for a moment before they dig into their stockings. Castiel gets everything from new blades for his razor, to deodorant, to candy, chocolate, cat toys and treats for Albus, to a brand new bottle of Astroglide, which Castiel notices Dean is also holding in his hand when he makes a small choking sound beside him.

“Those are from me,” Sam says, trying to hide his laughter and getting a swat from Mary sitting beside him.

“Best Christmas ever,” Castiel mutters, and that makes Dean laugh at least instead of looking like he wants to die.

“I usually get condoms, but not this year,” Dean says quietly, and Castiel laughs.

“All of this is perfect,” Castiel says to Mary.

“Dean helped me out with making sure I got the brands you like, so I can’t take full credit,” Mary says kindly.

“It was your idea to get him the stuff for his own stocking though,” Dean says.

“Well, thank you both, then. I can’t even remember the last time I had a stocking Christmas morning,” Castiel wonders aloud.

“After all the work that went into this one, you better believe it’ll be here until it falls apart,” Dean says, and Castiel’s heart fills when he hears Dean alluding to the two of them having Christmas morning together forever.

“Can we do presents now?” Dean asks excitedly, and Mary gives her permission.

“I’ll just put the casserole in the oven and then we can start,” Mary says.

“Casserole for breakfast?” Castiel asks Dean quietly.

“Cinnamon bun casserole,” Dean explains.

“It’s amazing,” Sam adds from across the room. “Enough sugar to do you the rest of the year, but amazing.”

“You can always have the rabbit food you usually eat for breakfast. I’ll make sure your portion doesn’t go to waste,” Dean offers Sam.

“You wish,” Sam retorts.

Mary comes back a minute later and Dean hands out gifts. They open the gifts one at a time, going in a circle, and Castiel enjoys watching everybody unwrap the gifts he brought for them. He knit everybody a pair of mittens and a hat, and he also knit Mary a matching shawl.

“Castiel, these are beautiful! I didn’t know you knit!”

“That’s all he’s been doin’,” Dean grumbles.

“Dean’s just irritated that he doesn’t get my full attention while I’m knitting,” Castiel explains and Sam laughs. “It used to be that Albus would be the one getting in my way, but this year it was Dean.”

“Good thing Albus was around or I would’ve felt neglected,” Dean responds.

“Sounds like you did anyway,” Sam says, and Castiel nods his agreement.

“He never did share well,” Mary adds, and Dean sticks his tongue out at her, making her laugh.

Castiel is pleased with the gifts he opens from Sam and Mary. He gets new books to read, and a gift card for a nice restaurant (“So you and Dean can eat something other than burgers for a change,” Sam explains), but his favourite gift is a small box with handwritten recipe cards from Mary.

“You’re the one cooking for Dean now, so I wanted to pass on some of his favourites,” Mary explains.

“You put that meatloaf in here?” Dean asks, peering over Castiel’s shoulder.

“Of course I did,” Mary answers easily.

“This is... “ Castiel can’t find the words. This is akin to a family heirloom being passed down to Castiel, and he has no idea what he did to deserve something like this from a woman like Mary. “This is incredibly thoughtful of you, Mary. I don’t have the words to thank you enough, truly.”

“Okay, open mine next so Sammy has some more ammo to make fun of me with,” Dean says, passing a small gift to Castiel.

Castiel smiles and tears it open. There’s a cassette tape in his hands. _Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Trax_ is written on the front of it in capital letters. “You made me a mixed tape?” Castiel asks, smiling.

“Yeah,” Dean says, obviously embarrassed. “I know you don’t love all the same music I do, but I noticed there’s a few songs you like all from different tapes. And since we’ve been drivin’ around in my Baby a lot, I thought we could have a tape that you liked listenin’ to, too, ya know?”

Castiel smiles at him. “What happened to ‘driver picks the music’?” he teases.

Dean shrugs. “Technically, I still picked it. I just picked the ones you like.”

“This is very sweet, Dean, thank you,” Castiel says honestly.

“There’s two more, hold your horses,” Dean says, passing him another gift, this time in a box.

Castiel unwraps two matching wooden picture frames. One frame has the photo Jo took of their first kiss, and the other has the photo of the two of them in the booth making heart eyes at each other. On their first date. The date 08.17.17 is carved into it. Castiel knows it’s both the day they met and the day of their first date.

“These are beautiful, Dean. Where did you find them?”

“Made ‘em,” Dean answers.

Castiel looks down at them again. “You _made_ these? When on earth did you have time to do this?”

“Lunches,” Dean shrugs.

“I didn’t know you could do this kind of thing. They’re really nice, Dean. And very sweet.”

Dean shrugs again. “Thought we could put them on either side of the bed.”

“That would be perfect. Thank you,” he says, leaning over to kiss him softly.

“Awwwww,” Sam says from across the room.

“Oh Sam, leave them alone,” Mary says. “What's the last thing?”

“It's at home. In the spare bedroom. It was too big to bring over here just to bring back,” Dean explains.

“How did you get it in without me knowing then?” Castiel asks.

“Lunchtime,” Dean answers again, smirking.

“You’re sneakier than I thought you were,” Castiel tells him, making Dean smile.

“What’d you get me?” Dean asks excitedly.

“Manners,” Mary reminds him from the couch.

Dean rolls his eyes. “What’d you get me… please?” he tries, making Castiel laugh.

“I think you should probably open it in private,” Castiel says.

Dean lowers his voice dramatically, “Is it something to do with sex?”

“No!” Castiel replies, laughing at where Dean’s mind went.

“Then I don’t care,” Dean decides.

Castiel shrugs and pulls the box out from the tree. “Don’t say I didn't warn you.”

Dean rips into the paper with abandon and takes the lid off of the box. His eyes scan the paper work inside and then he looks up and meets Castiel’s eyes. Castiel can feel his heart beating a mile a minute.

“What is this?” Dean asks, breathless.

“A lease agreement. The lease on my apartment renews January first. I asked the landlord to add you on because I want you to move in, officially. I want to live with you.” Dean doesn’t say anything, just looks down at the paperwork. “We don’t have to live in the same apartment if you don’t want to. We can look around for something we both like. We can move into your place if you want. I don’t care. I just want to live with you.”

Dean looks back up at him and grins, “Where do I sign?”

Castiel can’t help the smile that breaks across his face. “Really?”

“I love your apartment. I love you. I wanna live with you, Cas,” Dean says.

Castiel surges forward and wraps his arms around him. Dean pulls back far enough to crush their lips together, but Castiel can’t kiss him properly because he can’t stop smiling.

“This would have been incredibly awkward if you said no,” Castiel breathes, and everybody laughs.

Mary and Sam are both on their feet waiting for their hugs, so Castiel and Dean stand up and accept them.

“I’m so happy for you both!” Mary says, hugging Dean. Then when she hugs Castiel, she whispers to him, “You’re exactly who I would have picked for him.”

Castiel squeezes her tighter and for the hundredth time he thinks of her as the mom he no longer has. He takes a chance and whispers, “I love you.”

“Oh Castiel, I love you, too, sweetie,” she responds, kissing him on the cheek and making him blush.

When she finally lets him go, he hugs Sam, and Sam claps him on the back and says, “Told ya you were family.”

Sam and Mary disappear into the kitchen after that, and then Dean’s hands are on Castiel’s hips, pulling him in and kissing him again. This time, Castiel lets himself have this, and returns the kiss eagerly.

“We’re movin’ in together,” Dean says, smiling.

“We were already basically living together anyway,” Castiel laughs.

“But now I don’t have to leave. I don’t have to pretend like I can sleep without you. I can actually stay there every night and kiss you every morning. Every day, Cas,” Dean reminds him, giving a little shake out of excitement. “I can stop wondering which house my clothes are at!”

Castiel laughs again. “I was worried you’d be mad because I didn’t technically buy you anything.”

“I didn’t buy you anything either,” Dean realizes. “Guess it’s fair.”

“This is still the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” Castiel confesses.

“Me, too, Cas. Easily.”

That feeling continues throughout the day as Jo, Bobby, Ellen, and Anna come by for Christmas dinner. Castiel helps Mary in the kitchen, and between the two of them, they create what was dubbed, “The best Christmas dinner _ever_!” by everybody who was there.

When Dean and Castiel get back to their apartment late that evening, Dean leads Castiel straight to the spare bedroom for his final gift.

“To be fair, it’s not _just_ for you,” Dean says, grinning, as he opens the door.

“A cat tree!” Castiel exclaims. “Did you make this?”

“Yep. Used wood Bobby had laying around his place and carpet ends and shit from the shop. Pretty cool, huh?” Dean asks, and Castiel notices he seems pretty proud of this.

“It’s perfect! Albus is going to love this! I’ve been thinking of getting one since I got him but I could never find one I really liked. This is great, Dean! Thank you!”

“Let’s bring it out to the living room for him,” he suggests.

The two of them drag it out, and in no time, Albus is hopping all over it and batting at the cat toys hanging from it. “Looks like we have a winner,” Castiel says for Dean’s benefit. Castiel’s never seen Dean look so proud.

The very next day, Dean goes to the apartment attached to the garage and packs up the rest of his stuff and brings it to Castiel’s place. They find room for almost everything, but the big stuff like the furniture stays behind. Dean says he’ll keep it there for Sam so that he can have his own space whenever he visits, and Castiel thinks that’s a great idea.

Dean is all moved in on December 26, but it isn’t until January 1st when his name is added to the list when they celebrate together and call it official.

It’s one of the happiest days of both of their lives.

 

* * *

 

When Dean looks back, he thinks he probably should’ve seen this coming.

The first few weeks living with Cas are perfect. It’s really no different than it was before he had his name on the lease, but for some reason it just _feels_ better. More solid. More committed. Dean’s living with somebody for the first time in his life, and he’s _happy_. Really fucking happy, actually.

His birthday’s coming up on the 24th, and he’s decided he’s finally going to ask Cas to have sex with him. He’s wanted to since they first got together, but he can’t bring himself to actually ask for it. Cas has opened him up with his fingers dozens of times, and every single time Dean was ready to say yes if Cas asked him to go further… but Cas never asks. Dean told Cas that he wants to try it the few times Cas has brought it up, but Cas has never made the move.

It was a conversation with Charlie that made Dean realize that he and Cas weren’t communicating on this particular issue very well. Charlie pointed out that Cas would never ask that of Dean, not wanting to push him if he wasn’t ready, and then Dean realized that if he’ll never man up and _ask_ for it, then it’ll never happen. And fuck, does he ever want it to happen! So he’s decided that’s the birthday gift he’s asking for this year, and he’s literally counting down the days.

Until January 19th when Dean gets a phone call that turns his life upside down.

“Winchester Auto, Dean speaking,” he says, picking up the phone.

“Dean, honey, it’s mom.”

His mom never calls when he’s at work.

“Hey ma, what’s up?”

“I’m really sorry to bother you at work, but I’m not feeling very well, and I was hoping you’d be able to come take me to the hospital.”

Dean’s heart drops. “Course I can. What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been fighting a headache all day, and I’ve been feeling a little dizzy. My eyes just started going fuzzy and I think I need to go to a doctor.”

“I’ll be right there, okay?” Dean promises. He drops his coveralls where he stands and takes off in his Baby to go pick up his mom.

When he bursts through the front door, she’s sitting there on the floor with her hands on her head. “Mom? Mom, are you okay?” he asks, rushing to her side.

“Dean? What are you doing here?”

Dean feels his insides freeze.

“You called me, remember? Come on, we need to go to the hospital.” He takes her by the arm and pulls her to her feet, but she doesn’t seem to be able to stand on her own.

“I’m dizzy,” she says, and Dean scoops her up and carries her to the car. It’s a bit of work to get the door open with her in his arms, but he manages it and gets her in the passenger seat.

He drives way faster than is legal to get her there, the silence in the car only interrupted by hiccups coming from his mom, and slams on the brakes when he gets to the emergency entrance. He leaves the keys in and the door open, and carries his mom into the hospital quickly.

“Take a seat right here, and I’ll be right back, okay?” he says to his mom.

“Thank you, Dean,” she says quietly. Dean kisses her head before he leaves her in the waiting room chair and runs to the front desk.

“How can I help you?” a nurse asks.

“There’s something wrong with my mom,” Dean says, gesturing to her in the seat.

“Symptoms?” she asks.

“Dizziness, headache, loss of vision, disorientation, uh, hiccups?” he adds, not knowing if that counts.

The nurse's eyes go wide and she says, “Bring her back immediately.” She runs through the doors behind her and comes back again with a doctor before Dean even has his mom at the desk.

The doctor has a stretcher, and Dean lays her on it, and her eyes go wide in surprise and confusion.

“It's okay, mom. You're gonna be okay. I'm right here, okay?” He promises her.

“I love you, baby,” she says quietly, smiling at him even though her eyes are vacant.

“I love you, too. You're gonna be okay,” he repeats. Dean has to fight back tears as she’s rolled down the hallway away from him. He tries to follow behind her but he’s stopped by the nurse.

“We need you to wait here, sir,” she says firmly.

“That’s my mom! She needs me! She doesn't even know where the hell she is!” He yells angrily.

“Your mom is having classic symptoms of a stroke,” she says calmly but firmly. “Is there somebody who I can call to wait with you while we treat her?”

“A _stroke_?” Dean repeats. “No! That’s impossible. She’s healthy. She doesn’t smoke or anything.”

“A stroke can happen to anybody, anytime. I’m sorry, sir. Can I call somebody to sit with you while you wait?” she asks again.

“I’ll call my boyfriend,” he says.

“I’ll show you the inpatient waiting room. Just let us know when he gets here and we’ll let him in to sit with you, okay?”

He follows the nurse in a daze, and once he’s sitting down, he calls Cas at work.

“Good afternoon, Smith & Associates,” Cas’s voice answers.

“Cas,” Dean says, his voice cracking on the single syllable.

“Dean? What’s wrong?” Cas asks quickly.

“It’s mom. We’re at the hospital. Can - can you come?” he chokes out.

“I’ll be right there,” Cas promises. “I’ll be right there, okay?”

Dean nods before he realizes Cas can’t hear him. “K,” he answers, and the line goes dead.

Less than ten minutes later Cas comes rushing into the room. Dean stands and just hangs on to Cas for a minute when his arms come around him. He’s fighting back tears, somehow feeling so much more vulnerable now that Cas is with him and he doesn’t have to do this on his own anymore. When he finally relaxes, Cas sits down beside him and says, “What happened?”

Dean relays the story, and when he gets to the part where he tells Cas about his mom not knowing why he was there Cas gasps. “Mary had a stroke?”

Dean nods, tears filling his eyes. “I didn't even know,” he whispers, shame spreading through him.

“You got her here fast though, Dean. Faster than an ambulance would have been able to get to her. You came when she called you, and you got right to her. You did everything you could,” Cas comforts him.

“I feel so useless, Cas. And I’m so fucking scared,” he confesses, more tears spilling over.

“Me, too,” Cas says, and Dean turns to look at Cas and sees he’s pale and his eyes are glistening. Dean reaches over and takes his hand, squeezing it tight.

“Don’t go, okay?” Dean says quietly.

Cas kisses the back of his hand. “Never,” he promises.

Twenty minutes later, a nurse comes into the room. “Dean Winchester?” she asks.

Dean stands to his feet, Cas by his side.

“Mary is in surgery. She had a hemorrhagic stroke, and we’re trying to drain the blood that has gathered inside of her brain,” she explains.

“ _What_?” Dean gasps, barely feeling Cas’s arms come around him to hold him up.

“She’s in good hands, but it will be several hours before we can come back out with any kind of update,” the nurse explains.

“She’s gonna be okay, right? I got her here in time?” Dean asks.

“I don’t have the answers to that right now, but I do know we’re taking very good care of her,” she offers.

“What’s the success rate of these kinds of surgeries?” Cas asks from beside Dean.

“It varies. Mary is healthy though, and her body is strong. I know this is overwhelming but she’s in the best hands possible,” she says again. “Myself or somebody else will come back as soon as we can.”

Dean collapses into a chair. “Oh my God, Cas. She has… she has blood in her _brain_ ,” Dean says in horror.

“I know. I know, baby. I’m so sorry,” Cas says, pulling him close and wrapping his arm around him. “But she said your mom is strong, and she is. She’s the strongest woman I know.”

“She could… Cas,” Dean breathes. “She could die,” he says, his voice breaking and fresh tears falling.

“Don’t think about that,” Cas says softly. “She could come out of this fine.”

Dean tries to nod but he can’t. “Should I call Sam?”

“I don’t know,” Cas answers. “Would you want him to call you?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, and that’s answer enough for him, so he pulls out his phone.

“I could call him for you?” Cas offers.

Dean debates for half a second and then shakes his head. “I need to do it.”

A few minutes later, Dean hangs up the phone.

“He’s coming?” Cas checks, and Dean nods.

“Says he wants to be here to help take care of her when she’s better,” Dean responds. Cas just nods his head.

Hours pass, and nobody comes in to tell them anything. Dean’s pacing back and forth in the tiny room, and he knows he’s minutes away from losing it.

“You should eat something,” Cas says.

“No,” Dean refuses. “I’m not leaving.”

“I can bring you something. Anything you want,” Cas offers.

“I can't. I can't eat right now.”

“I know. I feel the same way. But when your mom comes out of surgery she's going to need you, and you're not going to be able to help her if you have no energy because you can't eat,” Cas tells him. “What about a smoothie? Healthy and easy to get down. We can sip on them for hours if we need to.”

Dean nods. He's right. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“I'll be right back, okay? Text or call if anything changes.”

Dean nods.

He's still sitting in exactly the same spot when Cas comes back with two smoothies. It tastes like chalk in his mouth, but Cas got it for him, and he knows this is Cas’s way of doing what he can to help, so he drinks it anyway. The minutes drag by.

“We’ve been here four hours, Cas. Why aren't they coming back?” Dean asks.

“I don't know. I'm sorry. I wish I did,” Cas answers. “It can't be much longer now.”

The next person through the waiting room doors is Sam.

“Sam!” Dean gasps, running over to pull him in for a tight hug.

“Anything?” Sam asks, and Dean just shakes his head. “God dammit,” Sam curses.

“How’d you get here so fast?” Dean asks. It's been 4 hours and 30 minutes.

“You think you're the only one who can drive like a maniac?” Sam says, and Dean would laugh if he wasn't still so scared.

“Did you eat anything?” Cas asks, coming up behind them.

“I had some protein bars in the car,” Sam says.

Dean’s head snaps up. “Holy shit! I left Baby by the front door!”

“I moved it,” Cas says. “I’m sorry I forgot to tell you.”

Dean sighs with relief. What would he do without Cas? “You mighta had somethin’ else on your mind,” he murmurs.

“You okay, Cas?” Sam asks.

Dean realizes he hasn't even asked Cas that. “I’m fine. I’m more worried about you two,” Cas says.

“You love her, too, Cas. We get it. You know she thinks of you as another son,” Sam reminds him.

Cas’s voice is thick when he answers, “Thank you. But really, I’m fine. I just want to be here for you guys.”

The door swings open again and there’s a doctor standing there.

“Dean Winchester?” he asks.

Dean points to himself, unable to find words. The doctor’s eyes scan to Sam and Cas. “I’m sorry, but only immediate family is allowed to be in the waiting room.”

“I’ll go,” Cas says, walking towards the door.

“No,” Dean disagrees. He takes him by the hand and twines their fingers together. He looks the doctor in the face. “He’s my partner, and this is my brother. Mom?” he asks desperately.

He searches the man’s eyes and knows the answer before he says anything, but even still, the words hit him like a physical blow. “I’m sorry to inform you your mother didn’t make it through the surgery. She went into respiratory arrest from the stroke and we couldn’t revive her. I’m so sorry. A nurse will be in shortly to show you to your mother. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

The doctor has barely left the room when Dean crumples to the ground. The world is spinning, and he pulls Cas down with him when he goes. Cas pulls him onto his lap right there on the floor and wraps his arms around him, and Dean clings to him like a lifeline as he starts sobbing.

His mom is gone.

His mom is dead.

He feels Sam’s hand on his shoulder and he reaches up to grip his arm, not able to offer anything more than that right now.

His mom is dead.

He’ll never see her smile again, or hear her laugh. She’ll never give him trouble for cursing, or slap him upside the head when he deserves it. She’ll never be there to talk him through his problems again. She won’t be there for his birthday in four days, and he’ll never have another Christmas with her. He’ll never see her alive again.

He clings tighter to Cas, and grips Sam’s arm harder. They’re all he has now.

“I’m so sorry,” Cas gasps against him, running his hand through the back of Dean’s hair and kissing the side of his head. But Dean can’t respond.

How can he talk when his mom is dead?

The next thing he knows, there’s an unfamiliar woman crouched down next to him. “Dean Winchester?” she asks quietly.

Dean just nods his head and wipes his tears away.

“We can take you in to see your mom now if you’d like to say goodbye,” she says softly.

He climbs to his feet with a helpful hand from Sam, and Cas does the same.

He nods his head.

The three of them follow the nurse down the hallway in silence. She stops outside the door. “Her head is bandaged from the incision from the surgery, and we had to cut her shirt away when we tried to revive her with the paddles. We put a hospital gown on her, but I didn’t want you to be alarmed by her appearance.”

Dean feels fresh tears falling down his face, but again, all he can do is nod.

“Whenever you’re ready,” she says, leaving them alone.

“You two go ahead,” Cas says from beside Dean. Dean’s never heard Cas sound so broken before, and he instinctively wants to help but knows he can’t. “I’ll be right here when you need me.”

Dean looks at Sam desperately for approval. Sam nods his head.

“No, Cas, I need you,” Dean chokes out.

“I don’t want to intrude,” Cas says again. “She’s not my mother. Not really.”

“She was,” Sam disagrees, and Dean nods his agreement.

“Please,” Dean whispers, and Cas wipes away his tears and nods.

Dean takes a deep breath and pushes open the door.

He almost laughs in relief when he sees the tiny body on the bed. That isn’t his mom! His mom’s never been this small. Not since he’s known her. There’s no way this tiny, frail looking person with blonde hair is his mom. His mom’s so much bigger than this in every way.

But Sam keeps walking towards her, and Dean sees him take her hand, and Dean can hear him say, “Mom? Mom! God, mom. I love you so much. I still need you so much. What am I going to do without you?” And then sobs come from his brother in a way Dean has never heard before, and Dean knows it’s her.

“I can’t do this,” he breathes.

“You can,” Cas disagrees, and Dean feels his hand on his back move to wrap around his shoulders.

“That doesn’t even look like her!” he argues.

“Come on,” Cas urges, and he walks Dean forwards. The closer he gets, the more he wants to run away and never acknowledge this moment. Because now he can see the curl to her hair, and the shape of her face, and he knows it’s really her. And he doesn’t want it to be.

“Mom?” He says softly, approaching the bed and taking her other hand.

He gasps when he touches it, because her hand is already cooler than it should be. He looks for Cas desperately and realizes he’s still right beside him with his arm around him even though he can’t feel him touching him anymore.

“I’m here,” Cas reminds him, like he knew Dean needed it.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Dean says.

“Just say goodbye,” Cas offers.

“I can’t. How do you say goodbye to your mom? She taught me everything I know. Everything I am is because of her. How do I say goodbye to that?” Dean says, starting to sob again. He bends over and paces a kiss to the back of her hand. “God, mom. How’m I supposed to be me without you?”

Dean feels Cas’s arm leave his back and he turns to grab for him. “I just need a moment,” Cas tells him, gesturing to his mom.

Dean should look away. He should look away, but he doesn’t. He watches as Cas leans in slowly and kisses Mary’s cheek gently. He watches as the tears drip down his face, and he hears him say, “Thank you, Mary. Thank you for raising the best man I know. Thank you for helping me keep him. Thank you for giving me a family again. And thank you for being the mom I never had.” Sobs wrack his body before he chokes out, “I loved you, and you will be missed every day.”

When Cas steps away, Dean closes the distance between them and hugs him tight. He doesn’t know if he’s giving comfort or seeking it, but it’s better than nothing. Once Cas seems to be able to catch his breath, Dean realizes his brother needs him, too. Sam’s alone, and Dean’s been so worried about himself that he hasn’t comforted him at all.

“I’m sorry, little brother,” he breathes as he pulls Sam into his arms.

“I’m going to miss her so much,” Sam sobs, and Dean just holds him tighter.

“I know,” he answers, because he does. “I know, Sammy. I’m sorry, man.”

“You need to try and say goodbye, Dean,” Sam insists.

Dean nods and takes a step towards the body of his mom for the last time. “I love you, ma,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I didn’t come by every day just to hug you and tell you that I love you. I should have. I should’ve come around more, and I’m so damn sorry that I didn’t. Remember when I told you you’d always be my number one girl?” He says, almost laughing at the memory. “You will be. Forever. I love you so much, and I’m gonna think about you and talk about you every single day so you’re never really gone. You’ll never really be gone, ma. I promise.” He takes a deep, shaky breath, and kisses her cheek the way Cas did. “Thanks for always knowing exactly what I needed,” he whispers, thinking of Cas. “I love you.”

They linger for a few more minutes, none of them wanting to leave her side, knowing that they’ll never see her even like this again.

Eventually the nurse comes back in, and asks if they’re ready to go. She takes down Dean’s contact information, and tells him they’ll be in touch regarding what he wants done with her body, and Dean nods, not knowing what else he’s supposed to do.

Cas offers to drive them all back their place in Dean’s car, knowing Dean won’t want to leave it there, and insists Sam stay with them in their guest room.

Dean just sits at the breakfast bar when they get home, and hears Cas as he shows Sam where everything is. He gets him a spare toothbrush, shows him where the towels are, and tells him to help himself to anything in the fridge or cupboards and makes him promise to come wake them if he needs anything at all during the night.

It’s early, before 9:00, but they all retire to their bedrooms after that. Cas helps Dean strip off his clothes, makes him take something with a glass of water to help him sleep, and gets him into a pair of pajama pants before he guides him towards their bed.

For tonight, Dean’s the one who gets wrapped in Cas’s arms in bed. He lets Cas hold him, and press kisses to his head and his face, and he hears Cas when he tells him that he loves him, and that he’s here for him and he isn’t going anywhere. He murmurs a promise to wake Cas if he needs him, and then he lays there, waiting for sleep to come to him.

He’s tangled together with Cas the way he always is at bedtime, but all Dean can think about is how cold he is inside. He realizes he’s missing that warm fuzzy feeling he always gets from Cas. He doesn’t feel anything at all.

This is what it must feel like to be broken.

When Dean finally succumbs to exhaustion and the sleeping pills, he’s convinced himself that he’ll never feel anything ever again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** WARNING for supporting character death ***
> 
> I'm sorry. 
> 
> *backs away slowly*
> 
> (Also, I know nothing about American hospitals or how things work there. I also know nothing about strokes other than what I Googled. Please look past any medical inaccuracies and know I didn't make them with any ill intent.)


	20. Chapter 20

Castiel wakes up the next morning alone. He's so used to sleeping with Dean’s arms wrapped around him that he must not have noticed the absence of Dean in his arms. For the first time in a long time, he hops out of bed and searches for Dean. He finds him sitting at the kitchen table with Sam beside him. They both have coffee in their hands, but Castiel can see both mugs are still full, but not steaming.

“You should’ve woken me up,” Castiel says.

“No point in all of us being tired and miserable,” Dean says.

“Can I make you guys some breakfast?” Castiel asks.

“We had cereal,” Dean responds.

“But thanks,” Sam adds, looking at his brother.

Castiel feels like something is missing when he doesn't get a good morning kiss or even a smile from his boyfriend, but he gets himself a cup of coffee, reminding himself that Dean is grieving and of course he’s going to be a bit off right now. Castiel sits beside Dean and rests a hand on his knee.

Dean hops up quickly and says, “I’m gonna grab a shower.”

Castiel tries to act like it’s no big deal, but Dean has literally never showered without him in the apartment. Not even once. He drinks his coffee in silence, lost in his own thoughts.

“Hey, Cas?” Sam says from beside him.

“Sorry, Sam, lost in my own thoughts,” Castiel explains.

“No, that’s okay. It’s just… that was off to you, right?” Sam says, gesturing down the hall where Dean disappeared.

“He’s grieving,” Castiel answers.

“Yeah, maybe. But Cas… when Dean gets upset or scared…”

“He runs,” Castiel answers for him.

Sam nods and runs his hands through his hair. “You’re not gonna let him run though, are you? You saw how he was yesterday. He needs you.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Your brother promised me a long time ago that even if he ran, he just needs his space, and unless he tells me otherwise, he’ll be back. If he needs time to himself to handle this, then I’ll give it to him.”

Sam nods. “Are you gonna be okay, though? You loved her too.”

“I’ll be fine,” Castiel lies. “Don't worry about me.”

Sam nods. “Do you mind if I keep staying here? Dean said I could go to his old place at the shop, but I’d feel better having you guys around,” Sam says.

“Not at all. You’re welcome to stay here indefinitely as far as I’m concerned,” Castiel tells him honestly.

“I don’t really want to think about it, but I have to get back to school. I know mom wouldn’t have wanted me to miss too much,” Sam says, voice quieter.

“I think you’re right. But the offer stands regardless,” Castiel repeats.

“Me and Dean are gonna go down to the funeral parlour this morning. We agreed we’d get her cremated, so we’re going to go look into that. Dean, um, mentioned earlier that just the two of us would go. Just as a warning,” Sam says kindly.

Castiel nods, feeling cold. “That’s okay. You two are family, you should handle this together. I’m glad he has you,” he says seriously.

Castiel gets up to pour himself a bowl of cereal and gets another mug of coffee.

Dean comes back out, dressed for the day, and without even looking at Castiel, he says to Sam, “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, just gotta use the bathroom real quick and then we can go,” Sam answers, standing and making his way down the hall.

“Where are you off to?” Castiel asks, wanting to know how much Dean’s going to talk to him.

“Got stuff to do,” Dean answers.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, we got it,” Dean says.

Castiel stands up and goes to Dean to kiss him gently. Dean doesn’t return the kiss, and Castiel smiles at him like it doesn’t bother him.

“I know you’re grieving, and if you need time to yourself to deal with it, I understand.” Castiel places his hands on Dean’s shoulders, though he knows he doesn’t want him to touch him. He can’t help wanting to comfort him. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going anywhere while you work it out. Whenever you want to talk, or need me for anything, I’ll be here. I love you. If you want to talk to me one day and don’t the next day, that’s fine, too. I’ll be here for whatever you need, no questions asked. Okay?”

Castiel thinks he can feel Dean’s shoulders relax a tiny little bit, and Dean nods. He doesn’t meet Castiel’s eyes, but he says, “Love you. Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel goes back to sit down, and pretends his heart hasn’t cracked a little from the man he loves not returning any physical contact. He can handle this.

When Dean returns from the funeral parlour and says he needs to check in at work, Castiel lets him go without a word. When Dean doesn't come back until long after the shop has closed, Castiel doesn't say anything. If it wasn't for Sam telling him they had an appointment with a lawyer to go over Mary’s will, he wouldn't even know where Dean was or if he was okay. He pretends he doesn't care that Dean doesn't tell him anything, but inside he’s hurting from being shut out.

Castiel pretends he’s fine a lot over the next few days, particularly in front of Dean. Thankfully, Dean continues to avoid him as much as he can, and Castiel has a lot of time to deal with his grief by himself. Dean leaves him completely out of the planning of Mary’s funeral, which is planned for the day before Dean’s birthday. Castiel offers to help both him and Sam, but Dean tells him no. That they’ve got it. Castiel offers to help make phone calls to loved ones, but again, is denied. He feels helpless, and alone, and he considers going back to work since Dean doesn't want him around anyway. Maybe then it wouldn't be as obvious that Dean’s doing everything he can to stay away from him.

The only thing keeping Castiel together is how different Dean is at night behind closed doors. Dean still climbs into bed with Castiel every night, and wraps him in his arms. He still presses a single soft kiss to the back of his neck, and tells him that he’s sorry, and that he loves him every night, and he lets Castiel turn to hold him when he starts to cry himself to sleep.

Then they wake up the next morning and Dean acts like he doesn’t exist until bed that night. It’s still more than Castiel hoped for, so he takes it. Thankfully, Sam is there to help them fill the silences. With Mary’s body cremated, and Dean and Sam not religious in any way, they accept Ellen’s offer of throwing a “celebration of life” for Mary at the Roadhouse. They close up the place, and only family and friends are welcome.

The atmosphere is subdued for the Roadhouse, but it perks up quickly when the beer starts flowing and stories about Mary start being shared. Castiel wants to weep with relief when Dean places his hand on Castiel’s knee under the table. It's been two full days of Dean acting distant and Castiel didn't realize how starved he was for affection until right now. He covers Dean’s hand with his own, and perks up further when Dean links their fingers together. Castiel feels a lick of  warmth for the first time in days. Dean might not need him right now, but Castiel needs Dean, and it’s been hell not having him.

“Most of you guys know my mom was badass,” Dean says, instantly having everybody’s attention. “But not a lot of you knew how sweet she could be. How sweet she was with the people she loved most. She was always tellin’ me and Sam, and the last few months, Cas, too, how much she loved us. I never heard as many ‘sweeties’, ‘honies’ and ‘babies’ as I did when I was around my mom, and that’s somethin’ comin’ from me,” he jokes. “When I pulled her aside and told her I was going out with a guy for the first time in my life, she didn’t even blink. Just grilled me the same as she would have if it was a chick.” Dean smiles at the memory. “She loved me, and Sam, and Cas, unconditionally, and there wasn’t a second I didn’t know that.” Dean takes a drink of his beer and finishes, “I got more love from my mom in 26 years than most people get in a lifetime, and I’m damn proud to be her son. Since she’s not here to slap me for it, I'm gonna end this by saying: to Mary Fucking Winchester,” Dean smirks, raising his beer.

Sam starts talking next. “Mom worked so hard. I remember that she wasn’t around much when I was little, but I always knew it was because she was doing what she had to do to put a roof over our head. Even if I only got ten minutes with her a day, she made sure those ten minutes were spent telling me that she loved me, and really listening to anything I had to say, no matter how lame it was. More recently, she listened to me talk for hours about cases I was studying at school, and even when she had no idea what I was talkin’ about, she just listened. She was always there, ya know? I know she was proud of me, and I know she was proud of Dean, and that she loved all three of her boys with her whole heart, and even if I didn’t get as much of her as I wanted, I’m glad she was my mine. To Mom,” Sam says, a little shaky, holding up his bottle.

There’s a small silence before Dean nudges Castiel. “Cas. you wanna say somethin’?”

Castiel nods, taking strength from Dean’s hand on his. “I probably knew Mary the least out of all of you, only having met her six months ago. But I loved her so much,” Cas reveals. “My own mother chose not to love me because of who I am, and Mary became a mother to me when she chose the opposite. She was incredibly kind, and she made me feel like I was welcome in a family again for the first time in years. That’s the kind of woman she was.” Castiel pauses to take a breath, then smiles as he says, “She knew the first time she saw me look at Dean that I was a goner, and just last month, she told me I’m exactly who she would have picked for her son.” He smiles again at the memory, and at the few little “awwws” he hears from people around him. “Figures, I’d find the woman who would have made the perfect mother-in-law, and never get the chance to make that happen,” he jokes, sadly. “She was the best woman I know, and I know I will feel her absence in our lives daily. But my life is better for having known her, for having her as the person who raised the man I fell in love with, and for the recipes she wrote down for us before she passed,” he says, making a few people laugh. “To Mary Winchester, the mother I chose.”

“Let’s get a round of shots goin’, huh, Jo?” Ellen says. Castiel takes a moment to fight back the tears that are threatening again. This is supposed to be a happy occasion, not a sad one.

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean says quietly.

Dean, Sam, and Castiel drink far too much alcohol. Thankfully, none of them get weepy with it. Instead, Castiel hears story after story about Sam and Dean’s childhood, and all the times Mary caught them acting out and how she dealt with them. They laugh over how she called them both her favourite son time and time again, and how they didn’t know until they were adults that she was only kidding.

It’s late when the three of them walk back to Castiel’s. Dean hasn’t let go of Castiel’s hand all night, and Castiel kept seeing Sam smiling at the two of them.

When they climb into bed that night, Dean turns Castiel towards him. “Did mom really say that to you?”

“Say what?” Castiel asks.

“She said she would have picked you for me?”

Castiel nods, and smiles at the memory. “She did. Right after you agreed to move in with me.”

Dean nods. “She said somethin’ like that to me, too. She said you’d be the one who took me away from her,” Dean says. He smiles sadly. “Really wish she was around long enough to be right.”

Castiel touches his face hesitantly, but Dean leans into it. “May I kiss you?” Castiel asks.

Dean frowns. “Was gonna say you don’t have to ask, but I guess I’ve been pretty cold.”

“I told you I’d wait,” Castiel reminds him.  

Dean leans in and kisses Castiel, sweet and slow, and Castiel feels something come back together inside of him.

“I love you,” Dean whispers. “I'm sorry I've been shit at dealing with this.”

Castiel shakes his head. “You're doing just fine. Everybody grieves differently. I've missed you, though,” Castiel admits. “I missed the comfort I could have gotten from you. I’ve been… I’ve been lonely without you, Dean.”

Dean avoids Castiel’s eyes for a few seconds, and then says quietly, “I kept thinkin’... I shouldn't get to be happy anymore. I shouldn’t get to have you to help me feel okay when mom’s gone. I should feel like shit and shouldn’t even want to feel better. My mom _died_. I shouldn’t get this with you when she’s ashes, you know?”

“Dean,” Castiel says sadly.

“But it was like I could almost hear her in my head givin’ me shit. Every time I avoided you instead of coming to you like I wanted to, I could see that damn look in her eyes,” Dean says, voice cracking. “I know she'd be pissed if I messed this up because of her. She might actually haunt my ass for that.”

“She would understand,” Castiel disagrees. “She knew you better than anybody. And she knew me well enough to know I’d let you do whatever you needed to do, as long as you came back to me eventually.”

“I already miss her so much,” Dean whispers. “I don’t know how to stop feeling so broken.”

Castiel pulls him closer, stroking his hand down his back. “I know, baby. I feel it too, and she was so much more to you. I think it’ll just take time,” Castiel offers. What else can he say?

“She loved you, Cas. She really did. I could see it when she looked at you. She looked at you just the same as me and Sammy,” Dean comforts him.

“The feeling was mutual,” Castiel says honestly. “I liked her as soon as I met her, you know, but once you told me she was responsible for you opening up about how much you liked me and that she was the one who encouraged you to talk to me about it, she quickly became one of my favourite people.”

“And then you won her over with that damn fruit basket,” Dean remembers, smiling at the memory.

“Do you remember the first time we had dinner there? You left to take the garbage out and she took one look at me and asked me how long I had been in love with you. She knew before I even told you,” Castiel confesses.

Dean surprises Castiel by pulling away to look him in the face with laughter in his eyes. “The first night we went there for dinner? When you brought her those flowers?”

“Yes,” Castiel replies.

Dean chuckles, shaking his head. “Do you remember how she asked to talk to me alone? She told me to tell you that I loved you.”

“That same night?” Castiel asks. Dean’s nodding and smiling but tears are streaming down his face again. “Dean, are you okay?”

“Happy tears,” Dean explains, wiping them away. “My mom was trying to set us up, Cas. From the beginning. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before. Her telling me to go get you and to stop being so scared. Making the soup when we were broken up and asking me to bring it by your place.”

“Then texting me to tell me that you were coming over with it,” Castiel remembers, smiling.

“Encouraging me to tell you that I was in love with you, and doing the same thing to you. She was sneaky,” Dean says, still smiling. “Even giving you that recipe box and embroidering your stocking. I didn't think too much about it then because I was so happy, but that's not shit she'd do for just anybody. She knew. She knew you were it for me before I did.”

Castiel can feel his heart pounding. Dean’s never said anything like that to him before.

Dean shakes his head again. “When this is all over? When I've got my head back on straight again, we’re gonna talk about this some more, okay?” Dean asks.

Castiel nods, trying to find his voice. “I understand you're emotional and vulnerable right now, and that we’ve both had more than our share to drink, so I would appreciate hearing all of that again when you're more yourself.”

Dean smirks. “You like what I'm sayin’, angel?”

“Dream come true,” he admits. “I just won't take it to heart until we’re both in a better place.”

“I love you,” Dean says again. “We’re gonna be okay, Cas. Promise. I’m gonna do better.”

Castiel smiles genuinely for the first time in four days. “I love you, too. Take all the time you need. Just come back to me.”

“Always,” Dean promises, kissing him once more, and then rolling him back over so he can hold onto him properly. For the first time since Mary passed, Dean doesn't cry himself to sleep that night.

 

* * *

 

When Dean wakes up the next morning, his immediate thought is to roll away from Cas and deny himself the comfort he gets from holding him. But he fights it, remembering their talk last night. Cas needs him, and Dean needs him back. It’s okay to seek comfort from the man he loves. He nuzzles in closer and realizes he woke up hard for the first time in days, and Cas is pressed so nicely against him, it only makes it worse… or better, depending on how you look at it.

He knows he’s been a dick the last few days, but he needs this. He needs Cas.

And, he remembers belatedly, it’s his birthday.

He does what he always does, and presses soft kisses to the curve of Cas’s neck, nibbling his way up to his ear and pulling the lobe between his teeth. He slides his hands down Cas’s chest and dips one under the elastic band of his pajama pants. Cas is already on the way to being fully hard, and he’s not even awake yet. Dean takes him in his hand, and has only stroked him a few times before Cas wakes with his name on his lips.

“Dean?” he breathes.

“Better not be anybody else,” Dean replies, kissing his neck again.

Cas groans when Dean continues stroking him.

“It’s my birthday,” Dean reminds him, in case Cas was thinking about not doing this.

“Guess I can’t say no, then,” Cas grumbles, and Dean smiles against his skin.

“I need you, Cas. Need you to make me feel,” Dean confesses.

Cas gasps when Dean twists his wrist on the upstroke. He wiggles out of his pants, and Dean releases him to help pull them down for him. Cas turns and latches on to Dean’s neck, drawing a needy sound from Dean’s throat. Dean reaches for the lube from the nightstand beside them and places it on the bed so they can grab it later.

Cas kisses his way down Dean’s chest and takes one of his nipples into his mouth as his hands run all over him. It's been four days and Dean already somehow forgot how Cas’s hands can set him on fire.

Cas palms Dean's bulge through the thin layer of his pajama pants, and Dean presses up into his hand already wanting more. Cas’s lips keep moving down, and Dean lifts his hips when Cas reaches the waistband of his pajamas. Cas follows his lead and pulls them off, then kisses his way back up Dean’s thighs and into the wiry hair between his legs.

“Turn over,” Cas tells him, and Dean rolls with anticipation curling in his stomach, keeping his ass in the air like he knows he needs to.

Cas gets on his knees behind Dean and curls his body over Dean’s. Dean feels his lips trail down his spine, and then Cas’s hands are on his ass, and he’s already breathing hard from knowing what's coming next.

Cas’s hands spread Dean’s asscheeks, and he dives in with his tongue, making Dean call out. Cas is usually soft and gentle, teasing him and dragging this out, but not today. Today, Cas opens him up quickly. The warm slide of his tongue is heavenly, and he pants and whines when it dips inside of him. He pushes his ass against Cas’s face without shame, wanting so much more.

He doesn't hear Cas open the lube, but when he feels a single slick finger slide into him, he knows he used it.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean murmurs. No matter how many times they do this, Dean will never get over how good it feels to have a finger and Cas’s tongue on him at the same time. “More,” Dean begs, wanting the familiar burn.

Cas pulls his finger out only long enough to add a second, making Dean let out a long groan when he feels the burning sensation he craves. “Just like that, angel. So good for me,” Dean praises him. Dean jolts when Cas brushes against his prostate. “ _Fuck_ ,” he gasps, as Cas brushes it again and again. He fists his fingers in the bed sheets, needing something to hold on to. “I want you. Want you to fuck me, Cas.”

Cas freezes for a moment, and Dean whines when Cas pulls his fingers out of him and pushes him to roll over again. Before Dean knows what’s happening, Cas has his spit slicked lips wrapped around the tip of his cock and is sucking hard.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean moans. Cas starts bobbing his head, taking in more and more of him every time he lowers his head, making Dean feel like he's going to lose his mind.

Dean reaches up to Cas and taps his shoulder, gesturing with his head for him to turn around. Cas moans around Dean’s cock, and never lets it fall from between his lips as he maneuvers himself on top of Dean and into the sixty-nine position.

Dean opens his mouth for Cas’s flushed cock eagerly, getting off on the familiar heavy weight against his tongue. He takes the advantage of the angle he’s at to gently drag his teeth against Cas’s frenulum and is rewarded with the vibration of Cas’s pleasure on his cock.

Dean thrusts up into Cas’s mouth when he feels Cas’s fingers slide into his hole again, and Cas has to fuck into Dean’s mouth when his jaw goes slack with pleasure. Dean tries to hold his mouth open as Cas keeps thrusting into him, but he's completely lost in the sensation of a wet mouth on him and fingers up his ass. When Cas brushes his prostate again Dean makes a desperate sound that he knows Cas will interpret as the warning it is.

Somewhere in his mind, he's thinking that he asked Cas to fuck him and he’s blowing him instead, but he can't find it in him to care right this second. When Cas pushes his head down further and swallows around Dean, he loses it, and comes hard into his mouth. It's only another few thrusts before Dean hears Cas’s breath hitch and warm, salty fluid fills his mouth as Cas comes above him. Dean swallows it down as they work each other through the aftershocks of their orgasms, and he winces when Cas pulls his fingers out his ass.

Cas collapses onto the bed beside Dean, and Dean turns to wrap around him.

“Happy birthday,” Cas says dryly, and Dean laughs before he kisses him on the back of his neck.

“You didn't exactly give me what I asked for,” Dean reminds him.

“I've been waiting six months to make love to you, Dean. I wasn't going to do it when you’ve been distant while grieving the loss of your mother. I can wait,” Cas says, his voice soft.

“I was gonna ask you for sex as my birthday present all along,” Dean admits, but he’s beginning to feel like he was just rejected. “This had nothing to do with everything else.”

“It's not that I don't believe you,” Cas says gently. “I just want the timing to be right. I don't want you to regret it.”

Dean shifts, rolling away and onto his back to sit up and walk away. “Sounds like you don't want me at all.”

Before he can fully get out of bed, Cas has his fingers clamped around his arm. Cas scooches so that he’s wrapped around Dean from behind. His lips are soft against his neck in contrast to the grip he has around his waist.

Cas’s voice is pleading with Dean when he starts talking. “Please don't do this. You know I've wanted you since the beginning, but I won't take that step with the way things have been between us lately. I love you, and desire you in every possible way, and I know you know that.”

Dean sighs and feels himself soften slightly. “You never even asked for it,” he says quietly.

“I would never ask you for such a thing. I didn't want you to feel like I was pressuring you into it, or that I would love you any less if you never wanted to take that step,” Cas explains. “I've thought about it. About being inside of you. About being the only one ever inside of you. I’ve fantasized about it a hundred times. You can't even begin to understand how much I desire you, Dean. But not today. Not like this. Not until I know we’re back to the way it was,” Cas explains.

Dean feels panic spread inside of him when Cas says that. “What if we don't get there? What if... “ He swallows down the lump in his throat. “What if I'm broken and how it's been the last few days is all I can ever give you?”

Cas kisses him behind his ear. “I don't believe that for a second. You shouldn't either. You're not broken. You're grieving, and you’re doing it alone to torture yourself.” Dean can hear the change in Cas’s voice, and he knows he's upset. He doesn't expect to feel the hot tears dripping onto his shoulder. “Let me help you. Please, let me be here for you today. Let yourself need me. Let me in, Dean,” he begs, kissing his shoulders over and over. “Let me bake you a pie and show you how much I love you _exactly_ the way you are, and how happy I am that you're in my life. _Please_ ,” Cas begs again.

Dean leans back into his boyfriend, letting the words and the emotions he feels because of them wash over him. Last night was better. Talking with Cas, and even holding his hand at the Roadhouse was better than when he kept pushing away from him. He thinks about his mom again. About how she’d be raising her eyebrows at him with her arms crossed right now if she were here. He can almost hear her say, “Needing Castiel doesn’t make you weak, honey. You love him. Let him help you. Let him spoil you on your birthday the way he wants to.”

He takes a deep breath and nods. “You had me at pie,” he says, his voice rough. He feels Cas sigh behind him and turns to smile at him softly. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry I asked you that today, and I'm sorry I've been… ya know. I'm gonna do better. I love you so much, Cas. You have no idea.”

“I love you, birthday boy,” Cas teases, some joy in his voice again. “Waffles and bacon for breakfast?” he asks.

“You're the best,” Dean replies, and when they slip into sweatpants and leave their bedroom to brush their teeth, they're holding hands again, and Dean thinks he just might be able to handle this today after all, as long as Cas is with him.

They find Sam in the kitchen, and Albus comes trotting over to say good morning. Dean bends over to scoop him up, and accepts the head butt he gets from him. “Good morning to you, too,” Dean says to the cat.

“I already fed him, so don’t let him fool you,” Sam says, smiling at the sight of Cas’s hands wrapped around Dean from behind. Cas has his chin hooked over Dean’s shoulder, watching him pet his cat. “I’d say happy birthday, but from the sounds coming from your bedroom a few minutes ago, I’d say you probably already got an enthusiastic birthday greeting this morning.”

“ _And_ I’m about to get waffles and bacon,” Dean adds, not at all apologetic for having sex in his own house.

“Sorry, Sam,” Cas says for him, but Dean can hear the grin in his voice and knows he isn’t sorry at all.

Sam laughs and shakes his head. “Honestly, I didn’t even care. Just happy to know you guys are being disgusting again.”

“Well then, I’m happy to help,” Cas quips, and Sam and Dean both grin. “Would you like a waffle, Sam?”

“I had a yogurt, but even I won’t turn down waffles,” Sam answers.

“I’ll get your coffee ready while you cook,” Dean offers, and Cas has a crinkly-eyed smile on his face when he turns to look at him. He feels like shit knowing that he’s only this happy because Dean’s acknowledging him again, and silently promises himself he’ll never push Cas away like that again.

When Dean sits down with his own mug of coffee, Sam says, “So I was thinking that I’d go back to school tomorrow.”

“Already?” Dean asks.

Sam nods. “That way I can get the work I’ve missed from my professors and catch up over the weekend. I know it’s fast, and I wish I could be here with you both, but…”

“Mom would want you to go back to school,” Dean finishes for him. “I get it. I just don’t like the idea of you there by yourself.”

“I was always there by myself,” Sam reminds him.

“You know what I mean,” Dean replies.

“I’ll call. We’ll Skype if you want. I promise I’ll reach out if I need to,” Sam tells him. “Honestly, I think school will help. I could use the distraction instead of just sitting here all day every day thinking about her.”

Dean nods, because he gets it. He’s been thinking the same thing. “I get it,” Dean says.

“I know we still gotta go to mom’s and pack up her stuff, but I didn’t know if you’d want to do that today or not,” Sam says carefully.

“Not today,” Cas insists from the kitchen. “If you can’t go tomorrow before you leave, then I can go with him. Please don’t ask him to do that today, Sam,” Cas repeats.

“You’re right, we shouldn’t do it today,” Sam agrees. “We can all go over tomorrow morning before I take off.”

“Forgive me for asking, but what’s happening with your mom’s house?” Cas asks.

“It’s all paid off, so we’re just going to box up her stuff and clear it out, and when Sammy’s finished with school he’s gonna move in,” Dean answers.

“You didn’t want to live there?” Cas asks.

Dean shakes his head. “Nah. Not the house you and me talked about,” Dean reminds him.

Cas’s face goes soft. “We could live there, Dean. I’d be happy there with you.”

Dean shakes his head again. “You and me are set to buy our own place whenever we’re ready, especially after what mom had put away for us both. Sammy’s still gotta find a job after school, and if he moves into mom’s then he won’t have to worry about paying rent somewhere.”

“That makes sense,” Cas nods.

“Enough about that for today,” Sam says. “What did you have planned for Dean’s birthday before, ya know, mom,” he finishes somewhat lamely.

“It’s a work day, so we were both supposed to be working all day. I talked to Mary, actually, and the three of us and Jo were going to go to the Golden Corral for dinner.”

“I _love_ that place!” Dean exclaims, and Cas chuckles.

“I was going to make a pie instead of cake for dessert, and then I thought we would just spend the rest of the night in,” Cas says, and Dean can’t even hide his grin, knowing exactly what that means.

“I say we still do all that… and I’ll just put headphones on when we get back,” Sam adds at the end, making Dean and Cas both laugh. “It’s barely even ten though. What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Sam asks.

“Whatever you want,” Cas says to Dean.

“I wanna stay here with you guys in our sweat pants and have a Star Wars marathon,” Dean decides.

Sam laughs, “Of course you do.”

“Works for me,” Cas says, and he comes over to set a plate of waffles and bacon in front of him. “I still have to make your pie though. What kind do you want? Cherry?”

Dean nods. “That's my favourite.”

Cas smiles, “I know. That's why there’s cherries already hiding in the back of the fridge.”

Dean feels warmth creep into him. “I love you,” he says, not even caring that Sam’s sitting right there.

“I know,” Cas smiles, and kisses him softly before going back into the kitchen to cook up some more waffles. He knows if his mom was here now, she'd be smiling, and it's thoughts like that, plus the company of his brother, his boyfriend, and his best friend that help him get through his first birthday without his mom in one piece.


	21. Chapter 21

Sam, Dean, and Castiel clean out the majority of Mary’s belongings from her house the day after Dean’s birthday. There are many tears shed from all three of them, but at the end of the day they feel a sense of accomplishment seeing how much can be donated to local charities, and knowing that Sam has somewhere to come home to in six months. As hard as the day is, Castiel knows Dean comforts himself with knowing it won’t be any harder for Sam to come back here than it has to be.

More tears are shed when Sam drives away and goes back to school. Castiel promises to take care of Dean, and Dean promises to actually talk to Castiel when he needs him, and Sam promises to check in with Dean. All three promises are made through tears, and they trade long, tight hugs before Sam eventually drives away.

Dean clings to Castiel when Sam leaves, and Castiel is happy to stand there and hold Dean for as long as he needs. Finally, Dean breaks away and says, “I dunno how I would’ve handled this without you.”

“You won’t ever have to worry about that,” Castiel promises.

“I don’t know how one person being gone for less than a week can already make me so lonely. But I just miss her so much,” Dean says, tears falling down his face.

The next few days are hard. Dean goes back and forth from acting like he’s handling everything fine, to being cold and distant, and then apologetic and loving again. At night in the dark, Dean explains that some days he can’t feel a thing through the shock of remembering that he’ll never get to talk to his mom again, and some days he’s just pissed at the whole fucking world for taking her away from him. But through it all, Dean sleeps in their bed and tells Castiel he loves him every night, even if he didn’t touch him that day. They both go back to work the following week, needing the distraction, but Dean is still on and off for the next week or so.

As the weeks pass by, things seem to settle back into normal. Every day, Dean is more and more like the way he was before Mary passed, but at the same time, there is an innate sadness that he seems to carry with him. Dean always had such a relaxed and happy disposition about him, but that’s changed now, and Castiel yearns for the happy-go-lucky man he fell in love with. He doesn’t love this version of Dean any less, but he misses the laughter that used to fill the apartment. It’s so rare now.

February turns to March, and Castiel stresses about how much he’s going to have to work during tax season, and how Dean’s going to react with him having to work longer hours and on the weekends.

To his complete and utter surprise, Dean picks up the slack around the house like he’s been doing it all along. Castiel comes home after Dean now, and more often than not, he comes home to Dean cooking dinner for them. Dean can only make a few dishes really well, so they end up eating a lot more take out than usual, but Castiel appreciates having somebody here to take care of him during the busiest time of the year. He’s never had a relationship withstand tax season because in general, people don’t get it until they live it. But Castiel realizes Dean does better when he has somebody to care of, and he lets Dean dote on him as much as he wants to, even if it isn’t strictly necessary.

When tax season is over and Castiel takes a long weekend off to spend with Dean, he realizes Dean is more relaxed than he has been recently. He’s smiling, and he’s teasing Castiel again, and Castiel can see the light that was missing from Dean’s eyes start to come back. For the first time, Castiel thinks he might get his Dean back after all.

Sam makes the trip back for Easter, and the three of them have an epic egg hunt set up by Jo. The four days Sam spends with them brings back the Dean Castiel fell in love with completely, and he finally breathes a breath of relief when Sam goes back to school and everything feels right again.

When the weather warms up again in May, Castiel isn’t surprised when Dean suggests they go back to their special place at the lake one night. They spent some time there sipping hot chocolate and wrapped up in blankets on Valentine's Day, and it was one of the best days they had together in those first few weeks. Castiel’s excited to feel that again.

They wait until dusk, and sit on the picnic tables watching the sun set over the water, hands clasped between them. When the stars start coming out, they lay back just like they did the last two times they came out here, and watch as they appear before their eyes.

“Do you ever think about Heaven, Cas?” Dean asks suddenly.

“Not often,” Castiel answers honestly. “But I believe in it.”

“I've been thinking about it more. Ya know, with mom,” Dean says. “We weren't raised to be religious or anything, but I think our whole family believes in Heaven. You think she's up there?”

“If there is a Heaven where the good people go to rest, then there is no doubt in mind that Mary would be up there with the best of them,” Castiel says honestly.

“Remember the Lion King? The stars are the kings from the past looking over us? Guess that's what made me think of it,” Dean says, laughing a little. “Ya know, it's funny. Mom wasn't religious or anything, but she always had this thing for angels.”

Castiel smiles at the thought. “Did she? I thought it was weird that she knew I was named after an angel.”

“It is kinda weird, but I remember when she used to tuck me in at night when I was little, she’d kiss me on the forehead and say, ‘Angels are watching over you.’ Always made me feel safe.”

A long forgotten conversation slams into Castiel with force. “Dean,” Castiel gasps.

“What?” Dean asks, turning to face him.

“You remember that night your mom asked me how long I've been in love with you? Remember I told you about that?” Castiel asks, and Dean nods. “She wanted to tell me something. She wanted to keep it between just me and her, and since you and I had been having a rough week previously I asked her not to. And Dean,” Castiel says, his voice getting thick now with unshed tears. “She said, ‘When you're ready, ask Dean what I used to tell him at bedtime when he was a boy.’ She said it's something that brought her comfort when she saw how quickly you and I were falling for each other. I think she thought…” Castiel lets his voice trail off, not knowing if he should put those words in her mouth. Tears are dripping down his face though, somehow knowing exactly what she meant even if he doesn't want to say it out loud.

“You’re my angel. The angel watching over me,” Dean finishes, and Castiel nods.

“I was confused without knowing what she used to tell you, and asked if she thought something she used to say to you as a boy had something to do with you and I now, and she said, ‘I like to think so.’”

“No wonder she loved you so much,” Dean says, wiping the tears away for Castiel. “I told you she knew you were the one for me.”

Dean hasn't repeated those words since the last time he said them, and they make Castiel smile through his tears.

“I told you we’d talk about this again once I was feeling better. It uh, took a lot longer than I thought it would, but I do finally feel like me again. I mean, it's a me who has had the carpet pulled out from under me, and a me who knows what it feels like to lose somebody, so I guess I'm never gonna be exactly the same. But I feel like the new me is the real me, if that makes any sense,” Dean chuckles, laughing at himself.

“I know what you mean. I feel like losing her has changed me as well,” Castiel agrees.

“It brought us closer together,” Dean expresses. “Other than my mom and Sam, I never let myself need anybody else before. I was too scared they'd leave, like my dad did,” Dean says quietly. “But I feel like I know now. You're not gonna leave. If you can stick with me through these last few months, I know you're gonna stick with me through anything.”

“The last few months have been hard, but I never stopped loving you. I can't imagine ever stopping,” Castiel realizes, looking up at the stars again.

“I think mom would’ve been really happy that she managed to bring us closer together after all. That's obviously what she was tryin’ to do all along. She knew you were the one for me before I ever did. But I know it now,” Dean says, and Castiel feels his heart fill hearing those words. “I know you're the only person I’ll ever love. I know I’m never gonna want to be with anybody else, and I know I'm never going to stop lovin’ you. I wanna buy a house with a big yard and loft bedroom with you, Cas, like we talked about on our first date. I wanna fall asleep every night for the rest of my life with you in my arms. I want you to be my family. I let you in, angel, and now I never wanna be without you.”

Castiel's heart is pounding in his chest, and tears are prickling behind his eyes. Dean lifts his hand up in the air between them, and Castiel can the stars shining through the centre of the silver band Dean has in his fingers.

“Marry me, Cas,” Dean breathes.

The tears fall. “Yes,” Castiel whispers, hardly able to catch his breath. Laughter bubbles out of him and he repeats, “Yes! Yes, Dean, I’ll marry you!” They turn to face each other on the picnic tables and Dean slips the ring on to Castiel’s ring finger.

“A little big,” Dean notices, “but we can get it sized.”

“It's perfect. I love it. I love _you_ ,” Castiel says, lurching forwards to kiss him gently, new tears rolling down his face. He breaks away to sniffle, and Dean’s smiling so big it only makes him cry harder. “I was not expecting this,” Castiel says finally, laughing at himself.

Dean grins. “I know. I've been thinking about it for a while, since the last time we talked about it, but I knew you wouldn't say yes until I felt better. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Mission accomplished,” Castiel breathes, looking at his hand again. “I didn't think you'd want this.”

“I want you forever. I don't really want the whole wedding shindig, but I’ll do it if you really want to,” Dean admits.

“The courthouse works for me,” Castiel says quickly and Dean smiles.

“Knew you were the one,” Dean smiles.

They stay there on the picnic table for a long time, talking about their plans for the future, and basking in their love for one another, and neither of them feels anything but pure happiness for the first time in a very long time.

When they get home, they go straight to the bedroom, and Dean knows without having to ask that he’s about to get what he’s wanted for the better part of the last year.

Cas absolutely worships his body with his mouth and his fingers. He uses the knowledge he’s been gathering for the last nine months against Dean in the best possible way, and Dean is putty in his hands.

Dean is ass up on the bed again, with two fingers buried inside of him stretching him open. He’s panting and writhing, and he’s already begged for Cas to fuck him more than once.

“I need you nice and open so I don’t hurt you,” Cas keeps repeating.

“I can take another finger, Cas. Goddamit, I’ve been doin’ it for months. _More_ ,” Dean insists, not for the the first time.

Cas presses another kiss onto his spine and finally pulls out and adds more lube and a third finger. Dean relishes the fullness, and fucks himself back against Cas’s fingers roughly. He keeps thinking about being stretched open by Cas’s big cock and he’s absolutely desperate for it.

“I want you, Cas. Want you so fucking bad,” Dean growls.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, baby,” Cas promises, teeth nipping at Dean’s skin, making Dean gasp again. Cas’s fingers are stretching and twisting inside of him in a way Cas has never stretched him before, and Dean realizes this is the difference between prep and fingering. It still feels good though, and Cas grazes over his prostate frequently enough that Dean feels like any friction on his cock would set him off.

Finally, Cas’s fingers slow, and he feels Cas’s body curve over his. Cas’s lips are on the back of his neck, kissing a trail, and Dean can feel his rock hard cock brushing against his hole. “It’s easier to be on your stomach at first, but it would be a shame not to be able to kiss you while I slip inside of you for the first time,” Cas says, and Dean feels a shudder roll through his body. This is really happening.

“I wanna be able to see you,” Dean agrees.

Cas's lips trail over his neck again. “You’re so perfect,” he praises him. Dean feels his weight lift away, and Cas grabs a pillow from the head of the bed. “Roll over for me, Dean.”

Dean does, feeling the blood rush back to his legs. Cas motions for him to lift his hips and places the pillow underneath his lower back. His body covers Dean’s, and Dean lets out a quiet needy sound. He’s been under Cas like this so many times, but never _knowing_ that he’s about to be fucked for the first time. He captures Cas’s lips desperately, pouring every ounce of passion and arousal he has into it, letting Cas know just how badly he wants this. He feels Cas’s cock nudging against him and he pushes down on it, trying to get Cas to get a fucking move on.

Cas laughs quietly into his mouth before he pulls away. “You’re so anxious,” he teases, nipping his bottom list.

“I want you. I’ve wanted you for so fucking long, Cas,” he growls.

“You tell me if you feel absolutely any pain.” Dean nods his head eagerly.

Dean watches hungrily when Cas covers his flushed cock with lube, and his heart starts beating impossibly faster when he realizes this is it.

Cas lines himself up at Dean’s entrance, and presses both of Dean’s hands into the mattress, holding him down and causing Dean to gasp with arousal, before he interlaces their fingers. Cas kisses him softly and says, “You have no idea how much this moment means to me.”

Dean is about to answer when he feels Cas begin to push into him. Dean’s eyes go wide with shock, because yeah, Cas is a hell of a lot bigger than three fingers, and the burn is real.

Cas stops, and pulls out slowly, only to push in again a little bit further.

“Okay?” Cas asks, and Dean nods.

Cas kisses under his chin, and along the line of his jaw.

“More,” Dean whispers, and Cas pushes in further, and slips in the rest of the way easily, eliciting a low moan from Dean and a choked out curse from Cas.

“Dean,” he growls, voice lower than Dean has ever heard it. “You are exquisite,” he murmurs, kissing his way up to his lips. “Absolutely perfect.”

“I feel really fucking full. Really weird,” Dean admits.

Cas nods, kissing him again. “Normal,” he promises. “Try to relax.” Dean nods, but he knows damn well he can’t relax with a huge fucking cock stuffed inside of him. Cas pushes himself up to one elbow and reaches between them to take Dean’s cock into his hand. His hand is already slick from the lube, and it glides over Dean’s flagging cock, quickly bringing it back to life. Cas bites and sucks at Dean’s neck, his collarbone, and every other little spot he knows that gets Dean going, and slowly, Dean begins to relax.

Cas groans and kisses him again. “That’s it, baby,” he praises him. “I want it to feel so good for you. Do you want me to move now?”

Dean releases a breath. “Slow,” he asks. “You’re really fucking big.”

Cas chuckles. “You’re very good for my ego,” he teases, and Dean smiles, and relaxes further. Cas is gonna take good care of him. He knows he is. He needs to relax and let Cas take care of him.

When Cas pulls out of him a little bit and pushes back in, Dean feels a breath pushed out of him from a small wave of pleasure.

“Any pain?” Cas asks.

“No, no that felt good,” he admits.

“Good,” Cas breathes. “You feel so good, Dean. There aren’t words. You’re so unbelievably tight. Jesus Christ.”

Dean feels heat run through his veins when he hears the way his body is affecting Cas. He suddenly realizes he can touch him, and lifts his hands to run them up Cas’s back. Cas thrusts into him, still gently, and Dean moans.

“Startin’ to feel real good, Cas,” Dean tells him. Cas picks up the pace a little bit more, and pulls out further before he pushes back in. They both groan together, and then finally, _finally_ Dean is being fucked for the first time in his life.

Cas raises himself up on his arms a little bit, and on the next thrust, Cas nails his prostate, causing Dean to call out. “Too hard,” Dean gasps. He and Cas have discovered that it’s more pleasurable for Dean if his prostate is barely grazed, and Dean knows that’s going to be hard for Cas to do with his dick.

“Lift,” Cas tells him, patting his hips. Dean listens, and Cas repositions the pillow under him, pushing it up further under his back.

When Cas thrusts in again, it’s almost the perfect amount of pressure against his prostate and Dean breathes, “ _Yes, fuck!”_

Cas starts a rhythm of thrusting into him, and every single thrust sends wave after wave of pleasure into him, building up to what Dean knows is going to be a mindblowing orgasm. Cas is in charge like this, and his cock feels fucking huge, and he feels so strong on top of him - all things that Dean has discovered turns him on. He can hear the sound of skin slapping against skin, hears Cas breathing hard, and loses himself more and more in the pleasure of every thrust.

“You feel so good, Dean. So perfect. I love you so much, baby. Only you,” Cas kisses against his skin.

“Only you,” Dean echoes. “Only ever you. You’re fucking me so good, Cas, _fuck_ ,” he moans on another sharp thrust from Cas. “Harder,” he asks. Cas moans quietly but keeps his pace. “Come on, fuck me,” Dean urges. “Wanna feel you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Cas grits out.

“I need it harder,” Dean whines.

Suddenly, Cas’s arms come around his waist, and he rolls them both over so that Dean is sitting on top of him. Cas’s cock slipped out of him in the process, but Cas grips himself at the base, and Dean lowers himself back down onto him, almost coming from the sight of his ass taking in a cock that big.

As much as he loved having Cas on top of him, he’s in control this way, and he drops his full weight down onto Cas, impaling himself on his thick cock hard the way he wanted to. Cas’s hands are on Dean’s hips, gripping tight enough to hurt, but it just adds an extra layer of arousal for Dean, knowing Cas is losing it because of him.

“You are so fucking gorgeous,” Cas breathes. “I can hardly even look at you on top of me without feeling like I’m going to come.”

Dean shoots him a cocky smirk and leans down to kiss him softly. “Watch me ride your cock, Cas,” he drawls, and Cas completely disobeys and squeezes his eyes closed tight as Dean starts to rock on top of him. He plants his hands on Cas’s chest, and with better balance, he’s able to move faster. Cas’s hands urge him up instead of back and forth, and when he lifts a little bit, Cas thrusts up into him and they both call out.

“ _Fuck_ that’s good,” Dean groans, and Cas nods his head. Cas finally opens his eyes again, and his face is slack jawed when he takes in the sight of Dean on top of him.

“Fuck, Dean,” Cas whines. “You are the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen and you are _mine_.”

“All yours, angel,” Dean pants, quickly running out of breath.

Cas thrusts up into him again, and nudges his prostate, and Dean shouts out.

“Look how hard you are for me,” Cas pants, looking at his cock. “So hard for my cock. You’re so beautiful. Everything about you. You’re everything, Dean.”

Dean moans. He feels like he’s really close, but he can’t quite get there. “Cas, are you close?”

Cas laughs softly. “Been close since we started.”

“I’m so close. I wanna come on your cock, Cas. I just need… I need…” he groans, not knowing exactly, but knowing he needs something else.

Cas reaches up with his hands and rolls Dean’s nipples between his fingers. “ _Ah!_ Yes, Cas! _Fuck_ , keep doing that,” he pants, rolling his hips harder against him.

“Dean, I’m gonna come, baby. I’m gonna come inside of you,” he warns him, fucking up into him harder and more frantically.

“Don’t stop,” Dean begs, closing his eyes and focusing entirely on the pleasure rolling through him. “I’m so close, please, don’t stop. I need you. I love you, Cas. Fuck, I love you so much.”

Cas’s fingers pinch his nipples once more, and Dean cries out again. He can feel the need to come overwhelming him, and when Cas tenses underneath him, and he tugs hard on Dean’s nipples, Dean feels the first hot spurt of come inside of him and he loses it.

He comes on a broken sob of Cas’s name, feeling his body tremble as he comes all over Cas beneath him over and over, thicker and harder than he ever has in his life. Cas’s hand flies to Dean’s cock to stroke him through it, eyes glued to the come erupting from his cock and rocking his hips up gently into Dean. When Dean reaches for Cas’s other hand to grip with his, Dean’s surprised when he feels Cas’s hands shaking as well.

He leans forward to kiss Cas, to tell him how perfect this was, and how much he loves him, but he’s sidetracked by the absolutely disgusting feeling of Cas slipping out of him and his come sliding out with him.

“That’s _disgusting_ ,” Dean says vehemently, making Cas laugh.

“It is rather unpleasant, yes,” Cas agrees. He reaches over and grabs a t-shirt, offering it to Dean. Dean forgets all sense of humility and basically wipes his ass on the tshirt, getting most of that disgusting feeling away from him. He folds the shirt over, and uses the other side to wipe up Cas’s chest, before he lays down face to face with Cas.

“Did I hurt you?” Cas checks, his palm on Dean’s cheek.

Dean shakes his head and leans in to kiss him. “No, not at all. I’m sore, but I’m not hurting. You were perfect. It was perfect, Cas.”

“You were worth waiting for,” Cas says sweetly, making Dean blush, which he covers up by leaning in to kiss him again. “I will never forget the sight of you on top of me like that. I am an extremely lucky man.”

“This ass is all yours, baby,” Dean jokes, snuggling up to his boyfriend - fiance. “Holy shit! You’re my _fiance_ ,” he blurts once the word comes to him.

Cas kisses the side of his head. “I like the sounds of that.”

“I kinda hated boyfriend,” Dean admits. “Made me feel like I was a teenager or something. Fiance sounds much better.”

“What about husband?” Cas asks.

“Sounds even better,” he smiles.

“I love you,” Cas breathes. “I can’t believe I get to have this, have you, every day for the rest of my life.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Dean agrees.

 

* * *

 

Dean and Cas get married at the courthouse on October 6, 2018. Without a big wedding to plan, they struggle to find a reason to wait, and ultimately decide not to put it off any longer. They wear matching heathered button-down shirts - Castiel’s is bright blue to match his eyes, and Dean’s is a mossy green to match his - and black dress pants. Sam stands beside Dean, and Charlie stands beside Castiel, with Anna and Jo standing for them as well. The only other people invited were Bobby, Ellen, Kevin, Castiel’s boss and a single co-worker. It’s simple and sweet, and nobody watching them exchange rings could ever begin to deny the love they have for one another.

They have a huge party at the Roadhouse afterwards, filled with everybody they love, and they fall into bed later that night extremely drunk and happier than they ever thought they could be.

After house hunting for more than a year, they decide to have their own place built, and two years later, they move into their dream home with Albus, into a house with a big back yard, a loft bedroom, and a double garage for the Versa and Dean’s baby.

Dean makes every dream Castiel has ever had come true, and Castiel helped Dean realize dreams he never thought he would have.

They’re best friends, they’re lovers, and they’re family, and both of them happily choose each other over and over every day for the rest of their lives.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what a ride!
> 
> I will eventually be back with the Impala sex scene between these two, but this wraps up the main story.
> 
> Thank you all so much for staying with me as I wrote this, and for all of the comments that encouraged me to keep going!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/tricia_16_ for more story updates!
> 
> So much love to you guys, really <3
> 
> Lastly, I am participating in the DCBB this year for the first time and my preview just went up! Check it out!!!: http://deancasbigbang.tumblr.com/post/165121580401/title-back-to-december-author-tricia16-artist


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